Author Topic: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education  (Read 3605 times)

justjenn

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Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« on: November 08, 2016, 10:33:09 AM »
Hey everyone,

So hereʻs the situation. Iʻm 27 and DH is 36. Heʻs been working on his AA for awhile now and will be finishing up this semester. He wants to go on to get his BA in education and I have the following concerns:

- the cost! Especially since we already both have student loans which I would like to pay off within the next 5 years
- right now his gross income is $38k, and he wonʻt be making much more than that once he gets out of school
- we live in a state that has consistently ranked as one of the worst states to be a teacher in for many reasons, but mainly the low pay
- his job right now has great benefits. He works at a grocery store so we get discounts on groceries. Plus the longer he works, the more vacation time, free additions to health insurance, etc.  he gets.
- thereʻs only one state school near where we live and they are very nontraditional student unfriendly. They have a limited class schedule so it would take him a very long time to finish his degree. Him stopping working to go to school is not feasible.

My main question is how do I talk to him about this without coming off as a dream crusher? Iʻve spoken to him before about maybe choosing another major, like computer science or something, that would yield a salary that would be worth the investment. However, he hasnʻt been very receptive to it. But now that heʻs getting his AA the time has come to really have a serious conversation about it. I know I tend to come off as cold when I talk about things like this, and heʻs more emotional, so I just wanted some help on how to frame my concerns when I speak to him.

Thanks in advance for any help!

Mother Fussbudget

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2016, 10:36:39 AM »
Consider completing the BA via a cheaper on-line non-profit alternative such as WGU - Western Governors University.

galliver

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2016, 10:42:37 AM »
Do you have to stay in your state? You haven't mentioned what you do or what your (plural) goals/drama for the future are.

Going to college for something one is not interested in, no matter how high-paying or prestigious, is a waste of money.

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justjenn

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2016, 10:54:26 AM »
Consider completing the BA via a cheaper on-line non-profit alternative such as WGU - Western Governors University.

thanks! Iʻll check this out.

justjenn

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2016, 10:59:30 AM »
Do you have to stay in your state? You haven't mentioned what you do or what your (plural) goals/drama for the future are.

Going to college for something one is not interested in, no matter how high-paying or prestigious, is a waste of money.

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Yeah we have to stay in my state for at least the next few years.

Our basic goals are to get debt free (which weʻve been doing pretty good on), have kids in a few years, and eventually reach FI. Which is why Iʻm worried about taking out more debt.

Heʻs interested in technology, which is why Iʻve suggested computer science, but he said he doesnʻt want to work in it. Iʻm still not 100% sure why.

onlykelsey

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2016, 11:03:09 AM »
Do you have to stay in your state? You haven't mentioned what you do or what your (plural) goals/drama for the future are.

Going to college for something one is not interested in, no matter how high-paying or prestigious, is a waste of money.

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Yeah we have to stay in my state for at least the next few years.

Our basic goals are to get debt free (which weʻve been doing pretty good on), have kids in a few years, and eventually reach FI. Which is why Iʻm worried about taking out more debt.

Heʻs interested in technology, which is why Iʻve suggested computer science, but he said he doesnʻt want to work in it. Iʻm still not 100% sure why.

Could you have him talk to current teachers in the area?  They may give him realistic feedback.  Maybe he will decide against teaching.  Maybe he'll want to focus on a comp sci or IT or math degree, which he can use both to teach AND for other jobs.  That seems like the best choice to me.

therethere

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2016, 11:06:34 AM »
Computer science and teaching sound like completely different work environments. Maybe he knows he's not compatible with plugging away at a computer in a cubicle all day every day? I wish I had thought about work environment before hand. Just to put some perspective on it.

Cranky

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2016, 04:13:15 PM »
Can you move closer to a state school where he could go part time more easily?

Also, keep in mind that many, if not most, men in education go into administration, which does have a higher pay scale than classroom teaching (though it takes a lotta time.)

marty998

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2016, 12:04:09 AM »
Teach computing at school and do tutoring on the side? 2 birds with one stone... he does what he loves and brings in extra income too?

Malum Prohibitum

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2016, 08:05:28 AM »
My main question is how do I talk to him about this without coming off as a dream crusher? Iʻve spoken to him before about maybe choosing another major, like computer science or something, that would yield a salary that would be worth the investment. However, he hasnʻt been very receptive to it.
  Jenn, men do not respond well to hints. You need to be plain and just tell him - you want him to get a degree that will give him the opportunity to earn more money as a provider for your household.

Do not push this too hard, though, or it could harm your relationship (marriage). 

So, my advice is twofold - be blunt, and, once the information is out there, do not keep harping on it.

Mother Fussbudget

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2016, 08:48:20 AM »
With this said... there are two teachers now traveling the world in their early retirement who retired after 10 years as teachers, AND only took on the early-retirement mantra 5 years ago.  Their answer was 1) live below their means, and 2) invest in real-estate to generate long-term capital gains, and a passive income stream.  http://www.madfientist.com/adventuring-along-interview/

You might have read something by one of them - our own 'ARebelSpy' - now traveling the world (in Chiang Mai last I heard) and experiencing life as nomadic new parents.  Not a bad example to follow.... IMHO

Mel70

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2016, 08:54:07 AM »
You are both young, and it could be detrimental for the well-being of your DH to think of himself as someone with the potential to achieve a goal but who got stuck in a job that he obviously doesn't enjoy. Life is not just paying bills and being comfortable. It seems like he needs to pursue the degree to feel better with himself and do a job he finds more meaningful.

I agree that he could pursue the BA via non-traditional schools. I hope both of you find a satisfactory resolution.

ChpBstrd

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2016, 09:56:40 AM »
I second the motion to major in something cross-marketable. I also second justjenn's communication advice.

My wife got a masters' in nursing education. Much of the content was theoretical, academic, and not applicable. Buyer beware - before diving into a major, drop $50-75 on some obsolete textbooks (read: 2-5 years old) to gauge interest. Also, examine job ads and local stats to confirm your assumptions about employability.

Finally, ask if the school's student counseling office can help a prospective student. A personality test can reveal surprising insights. If not, your insurance will likely cover a private counselor. The copay could be the bargain of a lifetime.

FIFoFum

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Re: Need help on how to talk to DH about getting education
« Reply #13 on: November 10, 2016, 10:59:10 AM »
Sounds like you need to listen more than talk to him.

Teaching is a calling. People don't choose it for the money. If this is important to him, then you aren't going to convince him with a financial plan.

Sounds like you need to work together to figure out how he can pursue this in a financially sound way - e.g., get credentials to teach in STEM, talk to teachers in markets he would apply for jobs, etc.