Thanks everybody; there's lots of helpful advice here.
Zamboni\: that's a wise caution to not swing the pendulum too far toward austerity into an unsustainable budget. That's part of the problem now; what I imagine our budget to be doesn't always match the needs that come up. And I think that happens because I'm trying to *create* a balanced budget, because it feels like it should theoretically be possible. But I do secretly know that we have too much on our plate for the budget we have.
The good news is that there is (I'm sure) fat that could be trimmed that wouldn't feel like austerity, and even though it's $100 here and there, every little bit helps. For instance, we just paid off a 0% interest Home Dept purchase that I was putting $120/month on. If I could use YNAB to put those small savings safely away, it would add up.
The other good news is that I will earn more this year overall. We are actually in the middle of working toward a new living situation, too, which would leave us almost mortgage-free! Woot! BUT, it will be a couple of years before we get there, and in the short term it means spending more money on this house to get it ready for sale.
Crestlin012 We've done a lot of those things over the years, but recently it hasn't seemed worth it. We're not carrying much debt at a time, our interest rates aren't bad, and we're paying them off within a few months. HOWEVER! I think it may be time to take another look at this option. Maybe it's time to consolidate a few debts into a few thousand dollars on one card with a low rate, so that we CAN take a break and amass that EFund, then turn our attention back to the debts.
SomedayStache: Thank you so much for those suggestions and for your story--that's exactly the kind of real-life example that makes me feel better! In the long term, we have many things working in our favour. But you're exactly right that we're close enough to see the crest of the wave, but frustratingly *just* behind the curve. My DH's exact words last year when he broke his tooth were, "We were JUST about to get ahead!" And he's the one whose worried about the cost of his being away, too, for that same reason.
You're also bang on about this:
If you are using YNAB - keep using it! Handling the events you described is no more complicated then handling a normal budget month. What really happened was that you didn't want to see reality in big red numbers on your screen so you ostriched your head into the sand with the lame excuse that it was too complicated to deal with in YNAB.
Hahaha! I was actually JUST thinking this before I read your post. It's partly going into the red, and partly that I found it confusing because I wanted to keep some debt floating, but YNAB seemed to "pressure" any money from the next month toward the negative balance (to pay it off as soon as possible?). That's my fuzzy memory, anyway. Maybe I should have another look, or sign up for a webinar?
SomedayStache and Sibley, thanks for the vote that we are making progress despite the way it feels. You are correct! Each time this happens, the cc's are clear, and we then use them for the emergency. We're not adding to a pile of debt already there. Last year, we had a stash we used up; it's just that it was a stash put aside for something else. But we're repaying ourselves, not a lender. The long term picture still looks good.
And
Sibley, thanks SO much for the vote on being realistic about what we can afford, even in these difficult times. I think DH is doing that and I'm the one who wants to throw caution to the wind and be there no matter the cost. Truthfully, my Mom even offered us her travel points, but I'd been thinking, "no, we can still swallow it; things aren't THAT bad." And at the moment, MIL's prognosis is reasonable; it may be a bit of an overreaction on my part (cause, you know, BRAIN TUMOUR!) to want to be there to hold everyone's hands indefinitely. Maybe instead DH comes home once she's stable and we plan another visit far enough away to get a decent price on tickets and use my Mom's points. Or something.
All of you are also reminding me that there is money out there that I just need some motivation to get off my ass and pursue. There are some medical receipts to send in for reimbursement. We pay too much for our life insurance. etc. If I'm feeling the pinch, then it's time to hunt down the accounts receivable!