Hello everyone,
Thank you very much for everyone for taking the time to read this post. I am looking for some unbiased, outside advice and input as to my financial relationship with my BF.
BF is 51, I am 40. BF is less than 2 years away from retiring with a full pension. BF owns his own home, but, aside from his mortgage, does not have any debt and has significant savings. I own a condo and have significant student loan debt, a mortgage, and a car loan. My residential cost of living is lower than his and I do not carry any credit card debt. I live 30 minutes/25 miles away from my BF and we usually spend every night together, either at his residence or mine. Neither of us contribute to the other's household bills.
The problem is that we both think the other is cheap and unreasonable. One most recent example -- My BF offered to purchase earrings for me that I had admired online. The earrings were $20 with $1 tax. I put the purchase on my credit card with the understanding that my BF would pay me back. When I told him that the total was $21 (no shipping) he told me that he would only give me $20 as I should not expect him to pay the tax because he was kind enough to buy me a gift. I told him that he was being unreasonable, that the tax is part of the gift, and that I did not expect him to pay shipping or tax on a substantial item I had just purchased for his birthday. He told me that I was cheap and "just don't get it." He always likes to tell me that, "It's just a dollar." When I told him the same, he told me I was "stupid".
One other example -- BF tells me that when he makes the trip to visit me at my residence I need to provide both food and beverage for him, since he is going out of his way to visit me. For the past 4 years, I have provided food and beverage for him with only a $20 contribution about 3 years ago. My BF does not cook and does not have any food or beverage at his house for me. I used to purchase groceries and cook at his residence, but stopped doing that when he never gave me any money towards the groceries. One time I mentioned to him that it was a financial burden to feed and provide beverages for him when he did not reciptocate at his residence. He offered to keep beverages for me at his residence. That happened about a year ago and he still has not followed through.
A couple of days ago, I noticed that a local store had Pepsi for sale. My BF drinks Pepsi, I do not. I told him about the sale and said I would pick up soda if he could reimburse me for the soda, as I have purchased food and drink for him for 4 years. Initially, BF agreed. A few minutes later, he said he would not reimburse me because he drives "all this way" to see me (Never mind that he often has use of a company vehicle) and that I should buy him soda in exchange for his hardship in coming to see me. He said that he would just drink water at my residence "unless I started charging him for that too."
I could write a book with all the other examples of BF's behavior. BF is a very kind person who is very generous to his friends, but this does not extend to me. He told me that he is not generous to me because I am "cheap" and admits that he was much kinder to his ex-wife (He paid off her credit card debt both before and after she cheated on him.) I have never been married and am used to managing my own money and have no desire to be married. However, BF's behavior frustrates and irritates me. I want to be a kind, generous partner but I cannot afford to pay all the time for things. Is his behavior normal? Am I the cheap person? I would appreciate any input from all the wise Mustachians out there! :-)