Hey All,
I have a problem DH and I are really struggling with.
My father in law has always been terrible with money. He can’t hold a job, and when he does work he consistently spends more than he makes and runs into trouble with creditors. He has been this way his whole life, claiming bankruptcy as soon as he is able. DH dropped out of college to support him financially. We have tried numerous times to sit down and help him work out a budget. While he is initially on board, he never sticks to them. He always has an excuse for why he needs something extra (a daily Mt. Dew from 711, a new dining room table, a Roku box, etc.) He will blow his earned money on toys, then ask us for money for “food and gas”.
He has been on disability for the last year (hurt ankle), before which he was a CNA for a year, before which he was unemployed for 2 years. He only got the CNA job because he had exhausted every possible unemployment extension.
This month, his disability was denied and he no longer has an income. He was supposed to get re-certified at his doctor, but he didn’t. We have been giving him money here and there while he was on disability because he didn’t bring in much ( “food and gas money”, he also uses our truck for his transportation, we pay the insurance). He asked us to pay his space rent this month, which we did ($305), and gave him more gas money.
My dilemma is this: he needs to either get a job or apply for Social Security disability, but I know he views us as a safety net. I don’t think he feels particularly motivated to do what he needs to do to get an income and keep expenses down while we are subsidizing him (he could donate plasma, he could take the bus, he could stop eating fast food every day, etc.)
The last time he asked for money, it wasn’t like he was asking – he was telling. It felt like a teenager asking his dad for mall money. There was an expectation that we owed him money because he doesn’t have an income (we ended up giving him $10 and a month bus pass. hint hint.) I really resent the position we’re in, being asked for money by someone who refuses to drink plain water because he “has to have flavor” (as one example). At the same time, though, it’s hard to cut off family in their time of greatest need. We do well financially. I wish we did well enough I could just bankroll him, but we don’t make that much. We could help him out with $200-$300 a month, but that isn’t enough for him to live on, and he would just blow through it and ask for more. He’s not *trying* to mooch, he just doesn’t like working.
We have been tossing around the idea of paying 3 more months of his rent, and then cutting him off so that he would have ample time to find work or get re-certified for disability. DH wants to just cut him off now, but I don't think it would "stick". I think he would cave if his dad came back and asked for more, hence the three month rent send off.
Any thoughts or advice? My head says "stop enabling his laziness, he is reaping what he sowed" but my heart says "he's family and shouldn't have to live at the mission." Living with us is 100% out of the question (he would never leave, among other reasons.) I don't know what the right thing to do is.