Author Topic: my wife is driving me crazy  (Read 8593 times)

econberkeley

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my wife is driving me crazy
« on: May 05, 2014, 07:46:55 PM »
I definitely made progress changing my wife's way of thinking, but some of the small stuff is not changing because of long time habits. These are few that drives me crazy:

-We have slot in our mailbox to mail out letters. She instead drives about half a mile (opposite direction to work) to the nearest post office to mail something.
-She turns on the SUV about a minute before she is ready to go.
-She drives her SUV to dollar tree to get a greeting card (just one!). I told her to plan beforehand buy bunch of them for birthdays and other occasions. It is hard to changer her. By the way, she used to buy them from Target (face punch!!).
-She used to by gifts, package them and mail it out to friends, relatives and so on. I finally convinced her to buy from internet and ship to them for free. I understand that sometimes you see something that one of her friends would like so she has to buy it. However, it does not make sense to me to do it this way.

I see some of these things in other people too. She is definitely not an outlier. People definitely don't care about how much they spend on gasoline. They are just so
care-free about it. I regularly see people in a running car waiting for someone for a while in a perfect weather so the car was definitely not running because of A/C.

Should I stop worrying about these small stuff? What do you guys think? Did you guys have similar experiences?




Stacheintraining

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2014, 07:52:04 PM »
I'm not married...but if those are the most 'frustrating' things... I'd say count yourself blessed!

CarDude

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2014, 07:52:33 PM »
If you guys are meeting your savings goals and have a happy marriage besides this stuff, I'd work on letting it go. Big picture, bro.

oldtoyota

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2014, 07:54:50 PM »
You are probably driving her crazy too.

I agree with CarSafetyGuy: "Big picture, bro."

Right now, you're coming off as micro-managing her.

Wesmon

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2014, 08:00:07 PM »
I agree, chill out.  Those are pretty minor things.  Maybe she likes getting away from you one in a while!

brewer12345

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2014, 08:03:46 PM »
You sound like a delightful husband.

wtjbatman

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2014, 09:01:54 PM »
For punishment to be effective, it must be swift and certain. The next time your wife attempts to start her SUV a minute before she is ready to go, you need to deliver punishment. I imagine it won't be long before her actions begin to change to something much more tolerable to you.

I leave the form of punishment up to you, but I'll give you a little hint. Google the origin of "rule of thumb" ;)

samburger

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2014, 09:30:25 PM »
I would like to follow you around all day, stepping on the heels of your shoes. All day. Nonstop.

deborah

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2014, 09:32:28 PM »
What do you want - a wife or a divorce? If costs for all these things are within the budget you both have agreed (not that you have imposed), does it matter how the result is achieved?

wtjbatman - have you ever heard of an urban myth?

wtjbatman

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2014, 09:35:27 PM »
wtjbatman - have you ever heard of an urban myth?

I don't believe in myths, only truths.

homeymomma

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2014, 09:39:34 PM »
Holy cow dude, lighten up. Unless you are literally going to be on the streets starving to death in your golden years because your entire savings rate is being eaten up by greeting cards, in which case, trade in the SUV. Actually so much of your frustration us centered on things she is doing for other people (cards, presents), you come sounding especially douchey here. I'm sure you're a nice guy, but cut her some slack. She might feel some social pressure to keep these things up, or she may just be a nice person!

ch12

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2014, 09:41:22 PM »
You are probably driving her crazy too.

I agree with CarSafetyGuy: "Big picture, bro."

Right now, you're coming off as micro-managing her.

If you are so upset about her driving her SUV, then just convince her to buy a nice, smaller car. That you're environmentally conscious and even own your SUV is weird.
« Last Edit: May 05, 2014, 09:45:36 PM by ch12 »

EscapeVelocity2020

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2014, 09:42:36 PM »
What costs more, you putting up with these annoyances, or a divorce?  Let it go.  My wife likes orchids, talk about antimustachian.  I have learned to like their overpriced beauty, and their underpriced fact that they take a shitload of effort.  I think your life will also get to this plateau of acceptance, and focus on the fact that you 'definitely made progress on changing my wife's way of thinking', I think that's the first time I've heard a guy say that.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2014, 09:26:31 PM by EscapeVelocity2020 »

iris lily

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2014, 09:46:09 PM »
My family doesn't buy greeting cards. DH OTOH is well trained by his mother to send cards to his 4 siblings and parents on their birthday, Christmas, sometimes the minor holidays such as Easter or Valentine's day.

He is very mustachean but this habit lingers. Fortunately, he can't stand to spend more than 99 cents on a card. But still, it adds up.

And it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things. I think it is silly, but it's not skin off me if he does it.

brewer12345

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2014, 09:46:42 PM »
For punishment to be effective, it must be swift and certain. The next time your wife attempts to start her SUV a minute before she is ready to go, you need to deliver punishment. I imagine it won't be long before her actions begin to change to something much more tolerable to you.

I leave the form of punishment up to you, but I'll give you a little hint. Google the origin of "rule of thumb" ;)

This may be helpful: http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/

BFGirl

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2014, 09:54:40 PM »
On the upside:  she may give in to you to get you off her back and you will be saving more money.  On the downside:  she will probably divorce you and you will get to enjoy your 1/2 of the savings alone.

I agree with other posters, please look at the big picture.

econberkeley

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2014, 05:44:39 AM »
Thank you for the great comments. I agree with you guys. I think i should lighten up a little bit. We get along great. We don't have any fights about anything major so I guess i am trying to have these little fights to make it feel more like a real marriage:-). I definitely count myself as very lucky guy. I will lighten up starting today.

dragoncar

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2014, 05:54:27 AM »
Thank you for the great comments. I agree with you guys. I think i should lighten up a little bit. We get along great. We don't have any fights about anything major so I guess i am trying to have these little fights to make it feel more like a real marriage:-). I definitely count myself as very lucky guy. I will lighten up starting today.

LOL, I agree with the other comments and I'm sure you do too.  But this is a place to vent things that maybe other people wouldn't "get" (like most of the stuff on Antimustachian wall of shame and Share your badassity).  So I can see why those things would annoy you... not worth going crazy over, but it's kinda funny that if you had instead posted in the "Overheard at work" thread that a coworker was doing those things, the readers would probably pounce!

fallstoclimb

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2014, 07:27:41 AM »
So I definitely think you need to let some of this go, although driving to the post office to mail a letter would frustrate me in my spouse, not because of the waste of gas (although, maybe you could walk/bike with her there sometimes?), but because I do not like not understanding my spouse's actions.  Has she told you why she does this rather than just put it in your mailbox? 

And the greeting card thing seems to have a pretty simple answer to me, just go out and buy a nice pack of stationary for her to use.  Present it like you are making her life easier.

If you resent that she has an SUV, that seems to be a pretty distinct difference in values, so I don't know what to tell you there. 

Thegoblinchief

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2014, 07:31:16 AM »
You sound like a delightful husband.

Lol, +1

If it helps, quantify it: what you described is probably AT MOST $50/month.

Kaminoge

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #20 on: May 06, 2014, 07:40:56 AM »
This may be helpful: http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/

Just when I thought the internet couldn't get any weirder.

NeverWasACornflakeGirl

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #21 on: May 06, 2014, 08:16:05 AM »
Thank you for the great comments. I agree with you guys. I think i should lighten up a little bit. We get along great. We don't have any fights about anything major so I guess i am trying to have these little fights to make it feel more like a real marriage:-). I definitely count myself as very lucky guy. I will lighten up starting today.

Just wanted to say I really liked your response.  It can be hard to respond well to criticism, and you showed a great deal of humor and humility!!  ;-)

I've been with my spouse for 23 years, and I totally get where you're coming from.  Little things can drive me CRAZY if I let them. 

brewer12345

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #22 on: May 06, 2014, 09:06:53 AM »
This may be helpful: http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/

Just when I thought the internet couldn't get any weirder.

Heheh.  They are out there if you look.  Usually it is better not to look.

CommonCents

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #23 on: May 06, 2014, 09:13:10 AM »
-We have slot in our mailbox to mail out letters. She instead drives about half a mile (opposite direction to work) to the nearest post office to mail something.

Solution: Offer to mail for her and drop it in the slot.  Be sure you know if there is a deadline, and encourage her to mail sooner if so.

-She turns on the SUV about a minute before she is ready to go.

Solution: Let it go.  Or sell the SUV and buy something not as gas guzzling.

-She drives her SUV to dollar tree to get a greeting card (just one!). I told her to plan beforehand buy bunch of them for birthdays and other occasions. It is hard to changer her. By the way, she used to buy them from Target (face punch!!).

Solution: Go with her, with a list of upcoming birthdays/occasions for the next 2-3 months.  Pick out cards for the other times and suggest you get them to her for XYZ occasions.  Pick out a handful of emergency cards too.

-She used to by gifts, package them and mail it out to friends, relatives and so on. I finally convinced her to buy from internet and ship to them for free. I understand that sometimes you see something that one of her friends would like so she has to buy it. However, it does not make sense to me to do it this way.

Solution: You've already solved this one.

Carrie

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #24 on: May 06, 2014, 10:42:33 AM »
I've got a ton of little complaints too.

Mind if I share?

It annoys me when the teenager squirts three pumps of liquid dish soap onto the sponge instead of one drop.  She does this for each.and.every.pot.  She then leaves the sponge sitting in water, or doesn't squeeze it out, which means that it gets yucky faster.  Just squeeze the damn sponge already.  Lately she's taken to not pre-rinsing dishes before putting them in our dishwasher.  This means that the starchy food sticks and I end up having to hand wash after the dishwasher is done with it.

Certain people in our house like to keep the thermostat at a low(er) temp than I want.  Then put blankets on their laps because "it's kind of chilly" in here. Grr. Same deal with winter temps "it's kind of chilly, bump up the heat"  ---- where are those damn blankets that you had on your lap in the summer time?

Those little things can certainly be annoying and make one bitter.  Thankfully I am able to channel all (or most) of my frustrations to the teenager, who will be leaving home in a few months.  DH gets a break, helps keep our marriage perfect.  Not sure how it's going to work when he's the only one left to nit-pick at.  Or, maybe I should work on myself and try to be a more pleasant person. 

bearman

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #25 on: May 06, 2014, 11:21:50 AM »
For punishment to be effective, it must be swift and certain. The next time your wife attempts to start her SUV a minute before she is ready to go, you need to deliver punishment. I imagine it won't be long before her actions begin to change to something much more tolerable to you.

Excellent work on the deadpan, sir. Excellent work.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2014, 11:45:22 AM by bearman »

Erica/NWEdible

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Re: my wife is driving me crazy
« Reply #26 on: May 06, 2014, 11:26:37 AM »
If you guys are meeting your savings goals and have a happy marriage besides this stuff, I'd work on letting it go. Big picture, bro.
+1