my situation, advice pls

[The Hamster]

Hi Fred,

I've read your story with great interest and applaud you on the changes you are making.  I was particularly interested in hearing you had retired previously and agree with what you said re the economy as a whole having such an impact on the quality of retirement.  My parents both had what they thought would be more than enough money to provide a very healthy pension stream when they retired however with interest rates at all time lows + the GFC that income has dwindled significantly and they are now on the government pension.  Despite this, my dad is able to save more than enough money as he is the absolute king of frugal.

Re your daughter - I honestly do feel that tough love would be the best way forward here.  She is old enough to learn to stand on her own two feet and in the future when she realises the value of money, I think she will thank you for it.  I see too many parents molly coddle their children and try to protect them with cotton wool against the harsh realities of life but it does no one any good. 

I look forward to hearing how everything goes for you.

[Cinder]

Doing great! Keep up the good work!  Echoing the idea that it's great to see how receptive you are to advice, it can be a tough pill to swallow.

[SJS]

We have a wedding anniversary coming up.  I wonder what are some good Mustachian ways to celebrate on a budget?

Well, quite honestly, we don't buy anything just to buy it (for any occasion).  Sometimes the best gift is the gift of your time - spend the day together doing something enjoyable.  We like to hike/bike.  Usually we'll stop for a frugal lunch (Subway!).  At the end of the day, we are both really happy to have spent the time together reconnecting! 

Keep up the good work, Fred - stay focused.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!  And as for your daughter..... Shame on her!!  She is totally taking advantage of you.  You need to stick to your guys as far as the deal you had with hert.  Sell the car.  Let her figure it out - my gosh, she's a 24 year old adult!  Tell her to act like one!! 

[rmendpara]

Thank you, Mustachians, for the thoughtful replies, sympathy, and advice over the past 24 hours.

This afternoon I had a heart-to-heart with wife about the secret department store cards.  Yes, there was more than one.  There were two.  She had bought gifts for the kids during the holidays.  She is very contrite and we are paying one off in 30 days from our 'miscellaneous nonsense' budget category, and doing a balance transfer on the other to 0% interest — not as good as paying off I know, punch me in the face, Mustachians — but that's what we did this afternoon.

I forgot to mention one more bit of good news: I sold most gold last month and paid down some debt with that.

Ok, back to business.  next step is to talk with daughter.  I will convey your sense of conscience, rocksinmyhead.  How can she sleep living off her parents retirement money?

Agree, lots of work to be done.   Thank you, senior Mustachians.

I saw in an earlier post, $180k invested plus some land, and in your early 60s. Rough future. First thing is to pay off the credit card debt. It's a guaranteed return (interest savings). I would sell any assets you have (non-pre-tax) and pay against the cc debt.

You make a solid income, so investing won't be a problem for the next 10 years or so once you're out of debt.

You also need to get your wife/daughter on the same page. Have you shown them your budget/financial situation? They need to know how important this is, and how rapidly things need to change. I'm assuming you shielded them from some of the seriousness of your situation over the past 10-20 years?

I hate to say it, but at your age, you may not have too many working years left? Not sure what kind of work you do, but health can get in the way at any moment.

Good to hear you have already made some changes. Admitting you have a problem is step 1. Actually making some changes is a HUGE step forward.

I would cut the cable TV and landline, and switch your phone(s) to Republic/Aio wireless/other prepaid plans. That will save around $200 from those areas.

At this point, the most important thing is honesty. No more sugar coating your situation to the family.

[happy]

I'm enjoying this thread, and hats off to you Fred123 for your progress.

My only comment is to remember that as far as your wife and daughter are concerned, that you've got all excited and got mustachian… but they obviously haven't.  So you've basically changed the rules on them.  Stand firm, but remember it might take them some time to adjust.  They both need you to take the lead, to avoid financial disaster since they have limited insight…so keep going, but expect some slip-ups, they're only human.   I have a spendy 19 year old and have had to set some boundaries: he knows how to press my buttons to extract funding for various worthy projects, but I finally decided enough was enough.  He kept trying for a while but seems to have got the message. It was hard at first: I identified with all his wants, but it had to stop.

[frugaliknowit]

1.  Sell the gold and vacant land. 
2.  Out:  Cable, one car, restaurants, vacations, toys/junk/gifts, clothes/shoes (you work at home), nails (it's called a nail clipper...), land line (assuming cell reception is reliable in your home), child activities (do free stuff), charitable donations (for now), .
3.  Cut via research:  Cell phones.
4.  Monitor your spending on-going.  Ask yourself how you got here and don't let it happen again.  Make sure your family is on-board with you (you can't fix it alone).

[mm1970]

It's great that you have made progress.  I'd make suggestions on how to cut cable, your food bill, etc., but the really big ones are the daughter's car and the hidden shopping from your wife.

Does your wife work?

For the daughter: she is long past age where she should be contributing.  When I was in college, I worked every summer (sometimes two jobs).  I worked 5/8 semesters.  I joined ROTC.  I DID NOT OWN A CAR until I graduated. Or maybe the week before.  I did have to borrow $2k from my mom for the car down payment, but I paid her back as soon as I got a loan from USAA.  (And fr the record, I'm female!)

If she does not get a job, sell the truck.  Stop dawdling.

Everyone once in awhile one of my friends with older children will mention how hard it is to find a job these days, and their kids moved back home, and I just say "last time I checked, 1-800-USA-NAVY" is still hiring.