Author Topic: my situation, advice pls  (Read 22436 times)

Fred123

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my situation, advice pls
« on: January 22, 2014, 09:51:18 PM »
Discovered MrMoneyMustache two days ago and haven't stopped reading since.

My situation (Mustachian advice, criticism sought):  Wife and I are early 60's, live in small town.  Household income is $80k.  Expenses match :-(.  Work from home office.  Saved $180k in self-directed retirement plan, and have 5 acres land. $12k in gold. Two cars, paid for, but $51k in credit cards.  We rent for $19k/year.  That's it.

Oh, one more thing: college student offspring moved back in, costing us an extra $10k a year. and we borrowed $10k and bought her a car.  Pmts $267/mo.

It is sad and sobering to read MrMoneyMustache and reflect on where we took wrong turns in earlier years.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 09:34:00 PM by Fred123 »

Frankies Girl

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2014, 09:55:44 PM »
If you'd like some advice, it would be best to post your actual budget - amounts you spend on insurance, utilities, food, eating out, extras and the like and your debts with the interest rates. That way we can try to help trim the fat out of your spending - because 2 people living on 80K (even with an adult kid moving back in) have a whole lot of fat to cut...


meteor

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2014, 10:04:47 PM »
While this all sounds overwhelming I'm sure from your perspective, the good thing is you have a high income for a small town.  That's a great base to work from.

olivia

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2014, 10:05:39 PM »
If you'd like some advice, it would be best to post your actual budget - amounts you spend on insurance, utilities, food, eating out, extras and the like and your debts with the interest rates. That way we can try to help trim the fat out of your spending - because 2 people living on 80K (even with an adult kid moving back in) have a whole lot of fat to cut...

Ditto-post your actual expenses and you'll get great advice.  And it's never too late to make big changes and increase your savings rate quickly to put yourself in a great position for retirement.

SunshineGirl

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2014, 10:20:02 AM »
We'll help you, we'll help you!

Just be willing to consider everything. Be open to change.

I would absolutely make 2014 the year you get completely out of debt. You can do it.

I agree, please post your expenses and income, and let us know how you got that much into CC debt. Was there extended unemployment? A health issue? Or nothing beyond spending? If you list your debts, monthly payments and the interest rate on all of them, that will help us to help you.

Eric

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2014, 10:23:26 AM »
So you have 3 cars for 3 people?!?  And you work from home?  Sell two of those cars, plus the gold, and put it all towards that CC debt.  Without even knowing your interest rates, I already know that the CC debt is KILLING you.

acroy

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2014, 10:38:23 AM »
Welcome on board Fred!
Initial responses are going to be 'the hell are you doing!?' but don't' let that turn you off - we're here to help & support as well!
My mean response - Kick the bum out or put her to work! Or... hey can I move in with you too? I have a cheery disposition. :)

mpbaker22

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2014, 09:40:57 PM »
Discovered MrMoneyMustache two days ago and haven't stopped reading since.

My situation (Mustachian advice, criticism sought):  Wife and I are 62, live in small town.  Household income is $80k.  Expenses match :-(.  Work from home office.  Saved $180k in self-directed retirement plan, and have 5 acres land. $12k in gold. Two cars, paid for, but $51k in credit cards.  We rent for $19k/year.  That's it.

Oh, one more thing: college student offspring moved back in, costing us an extra $10k a year. and we borrowed $10k and bought her a car.  Pmts $267/mo.

It is sad and sobering to read MrMoneyMustache and reflect on where we took wrong turns in earlier years.

Ditto to needing the full budget but to the bolded part -  I'm assuming the payments are on top of the 10K/year, so 13,204 per year?  Is she working?  What is her degree in?  Is she looking for jobs?  I'm 24 and I understand it can be difficult graduating college and not having a job.  I was nearly there; got an offer just a few weeks before graduation.  But there should be a clear understanding that she needs to at least be searching for jobs, and there's no way in hell I'd let her spend 10,000 per year!

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2014, 06:35:26 PM »
All of you Senior Mustachians answering make us feel sooo good and supported.  OMG, thank you.

Here's our budget per month following the MrMoneyMustache classifications from his 2013 budget:

Income                   $7,800

Expenses:   
Mortgage Interest   0
Property Taxes          10
Rent                      1,600
Car payments            0
Truck payment         267
auto fleet gas         200
auto fleet insurance, maintenance   185
home maint, water, trash   15
shopping, misc        425
Groceries                   550
beer and wine               25
restaurant                     50
work lunches                0
gym membership    0
housekeeper           0
lawn service           0
child activities             35
business subscriptions   160
business payments   380
charitable donations   220
toys, junk, gifts   20
clothes, shoes   50
outdoor sports gear   0
haircuts, nails          60
club membership            0
computer products   0
music and movies   0
Electricity                150
Heating/Cooling           0
3 cell phones         216
Cable TV+landline+net     265
Books, magazine     0
Vacations               100
IRS pmt reserve       300
medical insurance   130
prescriptions, doctors   200
   
Monthly Total Expenses   5,608
   
Annual Total Expense       67,296
   
Gross Monthly Income        7,800
Credit card repayments        1,800
retirement loan repayment   220

Maigahane, thanks for the comment about the rent. As you can see above we have -0- for lawn and garden, gym membership, club membership, home repair and maintenance, water, trash, carpet cleaning, since all those are included in the rent.

Fireman

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2014, 07:17:02 PM »
Welcome, Fred...we're glad you're here!

Fortunately, there are some easy changes you can make that will provide more money for your debt.  The question you need to ask yourself (and discuss with Mrs. Fred) is this:  "Do we NEED it and is it worth the amount of money I will no longer have."

- As Maigahane pointed out, you can get 12k by cashing in the gold.  I'll be honest, I don't know a thing about precious metal investments.
- I know you haven't answered in reference to your daughter working/job hunting but to add on, is there any chance of her contributing to the overall good (truck payment, utilities, groceries, etc).  Side note, i'm not a parent but I can imagine it might be difficult to broach that subject.
- Since you work from home, you could get rid of the truck and let your daughter use your car and it also saves on gas, insurance, and maintenance.
     http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/04/22/curing-your-clown-like-car-habit/
     http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/11/28/new-cars-and-auto-financing-stupid-or-sensible/
- Not sure what's in the shopping/misc category but you should look at reducing it significantly.
- Grocery category seems a little high, a little more planning may help in that department.
     https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/help-with-weekly-meal-planning/
- Beer/wine is low but is it necessary right now?  That's $300/year.
- Stop eating out.  I repeat, no restaurants.
- I'm not sure what child activities refers to but IIRC, you have one child who is an adult.  She should pay for her own activities.
- Are the business subscriptions and payments necessary?  Can you change or reduce them?
- Unless you're getting a significant tax reduction with your charitable donation, cut it.
- No more toys/junk/gifts.
- Clothes and shoes can be purchased second hand if needed at all.
- No need to get nails done and haircuts can be given to each other.
     https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/just-cut-my-own-hair/
- Electricity use isn't too bad.
     https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/why-do-you-use-so-much-electricity!!/
- Cell phone use is expensive.  There are many less expensive alternatives to the big three.
     https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/share-your-badassity/communications-tech-isps-voip-cell/
- Ditch the cable, ditch the landline, and get a standalone internet package.
- Skip the vacations.
- Is IRS payment reserve making payments on your presumed taxes?  Can you put this money in a high yield savings account each month so you're earning interest instead of the IRS?

I tried to hit line by line and when applicable, there's a link to another section of the forum.  Like acroy pointed out, you'll get some face punches at first, but after a few months, you'll be back to repost how you've cut your spending in half, paid down a third of your debt, gotten rid of a car, and (most importantly) how you've never felt better!  I wish you, the Mrs., and your daughter the best of luck.  We'll be here if you need us!


TomTX

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2014, 06:04:54 AM »
It's time for your college-graduate child to start acting like an adult. They need to start paying their way, or at least a significant contribution to the household. The $500/mo mentioned earlier sounds like a good start (Rent, car, food, utilities, fancy-pants cell phone etc)

There is NO misc category. At least it shouldn't be more than maybe $50 per month. MAX.

Why do you have a land line, plus 3 cell phones?

mpbaker22

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2014, 07:15:50 AM »
Keep the charitable contributions.  Never sacrifice others good by giving yourselves a little more cash when you already have so much.  Realize you're in the top few percent in the US, not to mention the whole world.  Just make sure you do it selectively.  Don't waste your money on bullshit charities like Komen Foundation or the Illini Athletic Fund.

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #12 on: January 26, 2014, 05:10:56 PM »
Many thanks to Senior Mustachians, mpbaker22, TomTx, lhamo, Fireman, acroy, eric, Sunshine Girl, Maigahane, olivia, meteor, Frankie's Girl.

Tough love, but just what we need to hear.   Ok, first steps: we will sell the land, the gold, use proceeds to pay cards.  Yesterday I had a long budget talk with our adult live-in child.  She's going to get work asap and bring in money, as well as apply for student grants, aid, and low-cost medical insurance.

lhama, you are right about my addition.  I didn't want to waste time recounting the entire saga how we got to this point.  It's painful to write, but we borrowed from retirement plan to pay off credit cards.  The budget submitted is a current snapshot of where we are now for everyone's good advice on how to fix it going forward.

We are determined to grow money mustaches !

Exflyboy

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2014, 05:40:13 PM »
Ok Fred, this is going to sound a little deameaning but its not meant to be.

You have overcome the biggest hurdle to getting on the right track.. I.e admitting you have a problem and are determined to get out of it! Yes everyone says that right?.. but its really true. I have a friend who can't afford to buy gas for her car.. has maxed out CC's etc.. then goes out and buys a newish Mustang!!

Then proceeds to boast how she got a great deal by being approved for 11% financing!... arrrrrggggh!

She won't hear one word from me!

As others have said.. you have a line by line list of expenses.. now go thru each one and decided if its worth the fear and pain of paying for it.. When you realise it isn't (and most of your budget isn't!!!) you'll be happily slashing and hacking like the rest of us have at one point or another..

As for a freeloading adult kid and buying her a car?.. Well lets just say things will have to change there.

another 3 months and the car goes.. unless she pays for it. It sounds harsh but your in a world of hurt, this is not the time feelings.. this is a debt emergency!

Yes.. sell the gold and vacant land etc etc.

Good luck to you, we are always here to kick you in the butt as required!

Frank

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2014, 09:28:55 PM »

I'm assuming the payments are on top of the 10K/year, so 13,204 per year?  Is she working?  What is her degree in?  Is she looking for jobs?  I'm 24 and I understand it can be difficult graduating college and not having a job.  I was nearly there; got an offer just a few weeks before graduation.  But there should be a clear understanding that she needs to at least be searching for jobs, and there's no way in hell I'd let her spend 10,000 per year!

Total vehicle expenses, including loan pmt are $4k a year, and that is part of the $10k/yr.  The rest is food, phone, insurance, tuition, books.  She is still in school working on accounting degree.   After a Mustachian meeting with her yesterday, I said we need to sell her vehicle unless she pays for it.  She said she would get a job and apply for student aid.

marty998

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2014, 09:45:06 PM »
Are you real? I mean come on...a 62 year old with smartphones who browses the internet and knows what OMG is?

ok I jest, just thinking of my own parents LOL (no thats not Lots of Love mum).

Good on you for doing something and trying to better your situation. Goes to prove that it is never too late to change.

As others have pointed out, this is where you can make some big gains. Sum total of this is over $26,000 per year. Even if we ignore the food component are you getting the value you think you are out of it all?

Truck payment         267
auto fleet gas         200
auto fleet insurance, maintenance   185
shopping, misc        425
Groceries                   550
beer and wine               25
restaurant                     50
3 cell phones         216
Cable TV+landline+net     265


Also I am agnostic on selling the gold. Right time would have been when the price was hovering around $1800 /oz but we can't all time the market.

If you are going to sell it, go to a reputable jeweller or equivalent and get different quotes. Quite easy to get scammed otherwise.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2014, 09:48:43 PM by marty998 »

Dezrah

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2014, 11:48:25 AM »

Tough love, but just what we need to hear.   Ok, first steps: we will sell the land, the gold, use proceeds to pay cards.  Yesterday I had a long budget talk with our adult live-in child.  She's going to get work asap and bring in money, as well as apply for student grants, aid, and low-cost medical insurance.

...

We are determined to grow money mustaches !

After a Mustachian meeting with her yesterday, I said we need to sell her vehicle unless she pays for it.  She said she would get a job and apply for student aid.

Wow.  That's a big step.  If you were to go back through the forum, you'd find scores of threads where people ask for advice, post their expenses, and then make excuses about why they can't change anything, especially if it means saying no to someone they love.  The fact that you took such an important step shows real promise that you can turn this around. 

Best of luck to you, and keep us all updated on your progress.

Fireman

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #17 on: January 27, 2014, 02:19:52 PM »
ok I jest, just thinking of my own parents LOL (no thats not Lots of Love mum).

HA!  My mom thought it was the same thing!

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2014, 07:52:11 PM »
ok, she joined a local group where she can let more people know she is looking for work.  she made an appointment with a college counselor to find out about student grants, aid, and low cost medical.  I called a coin dealer to get a quote on the gold.  Progress !

bikebum

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2014, 08:39:52 PM »
Go Fred! Smash that debt!

SwordGuy

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2014, 10:14:26 PM »
Hi,

You've gotten plenty of good advice that, if you follow it, should enable you to pay $3,000 to $4000 a month towards that debt.   It will evaporate pretty quickly at that rate.  If you continue to cut costs and work until full SS age or (better) beyond, you'll be able to build up a good sized nest egg.  Given that you're 62, in debt, and without significant savings, early retirement's not a great idea.

You need to take a good, long hard look at your required monthly expenses vs the expected SS payments you'll receive once you retire.  You especially want to make sure your required expenses are manageable with only one SS check because once one of you passes on you won't receive two checks anymore.

$1600 a month is still a lot of money for rent, even if it does include some budget items.   Can you cut that?   Can you move to a cheaper, smaller apartment?

As an alternative to a cheaper apartment, a $140,000 house for 30 years at 4.5% interest runs $710 for principal and interest.  There's still PMI and property taxes to pay, plus maintenance, but it would probably be cheaper unless you live in a crazy high tax area.    Check out http://www.drcalculator.com/mortgage/ for a useful mortgage calculator.  That gold or truck or land you sell might be useable for the down payment.  It's likely you could shave $500 a month off your required expenses.

ZiziPB

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #21 on: January 30, 2014, 01:26:49 PM »
Is your income of $7,800 before or after taxes?  If after taxes, what is $300 IRS payment reserve?  If before taxes, $300 seems insufficient to cover tax liability on $80K of income.

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #22 on: February 02, 2014, 02:34:23 PM »
Thank you, SwordGuy and Izev.   to answer your question, the $7,800 income is pre-tax.  You are right, we need to increase the tax reserve—a lot.

Since getting Mustachian advice, I've sold some gold, and we are paying down the highest interest cards, which are at 9%.  About half the debt is at 0% for a year.  I know, debt is still debt, but at least it's not that high double digit stuff.

Our daughter is back-pedaling on getting work.  Each opportunity, she has some excuse to not work at a particular place or for a particular person.

We have about 8 months to go on the lease, and then could buy as you suggest.  Also 6 months to go on cell phone contracts.

That's the update.   Thanks for the ongoing advice.

olivia

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2014, 07:43:31 PM »
Thank you, SwordGuy and Izev.   to answer your question, the $7,800 income is pre-tax.  You are right, we need to increase the tax reserve—a lot.

Since getting Mustachian advice, I've sold some gold, and we are paying down the highest interest cards, which are at 9%.  About half the debt is at 0% for a year.  I know, debt is still debt, but at least it's not that high double digit stuff.

Our daughter is back-pedaling on getting work.  Each opportunity, she has some excuse to not work at a particular place or for a particular person.

We have about 8 months to go on the lease, and then could buy as you suggest.  Also 6 months to go on cell phone contracts.

That's the update.   Thanks for the ongoing advice.

Well if she fails to find work I hope you follow through and sell the car.  I'm not sure why she thinks it's appropriate to turn down work given your debt and her lack of contribution to the household.  If she's been offered work and is turning it down, she's just being lazy.  I'd stop giving her money for anything and I would absolutely sell her car if she continues to turn down work.

aj_yooper

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #24 on: February 02, 2014, 08:13:06 PM »
So you have 3 cars for 3 people?!?  And you work from home?  Sell two of those cars, plus the gold, and put it all towards that CC debt.  Without even knowing your interest rates, I already know that the CC debt is KILLING you.

^This. 

Consider posting your budget.

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2014, 08:28:49 PM »
Hi Aj_yooper.   I did post our budget, back on January 25th.

Debt is not good.  About a third of ours is at 0% for another six months, and the balance is at 10%.    So, debt is bad, but at least this is not that killer high double-digit stuff.

This week planning to sell more gold to pay down more of the highest interest debt.

And thinking creatively about increasing income.

Fireman

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2014, 09:00:25 PM »
Once you see the difference that small changes have on your budget, big changes come easier!  Keep up the good work! 

greaper007

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2014, 10:12:22 PM »
What interest rate is your credit card debt at?   I've had some of my student loans on credit cards, and between federal student loans and the ones that were on the credit cards, the credit cards always had a much lower interest rate.   Always under 3%, you just have to scour the offers for a good balance transfer rate.  Beware of what they charge you for the actual balance transfer, and make sure it gives you a long enough period to pay the card off.   This game doesn't work when you start hopping around from credit card to credit card.

Also, your monthly car maintenance budget seems high at $180.   I do all my own mx, but I know that even at dealer prices we wouldn't have spent that much a year on our civic hybrid, let alone my golf.   An oil change should be about $30 twice a year and you have to do brakes and tires every 4 years or so.   Still, brakes and tires together are only about $500-$700.   Do you drive a lot of miles?

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2014, 07:44:12 PM »
Greaper, i posted cc interest rates above a couple hours before your post.   About half at 0% 'til August, the rest < 10%.    Not good, but not as bad as many.

Thanks for the thoughts on the car budget.  I used last year's expense numbers, but we had more than usual last year.

Y'know, i began this thread with just our current snapshot, but a brief history might be insightful for fellow Mustachians.    Here is it is:  Years ago I was an early Mustachian. I did retire at 39 with what I thought was plenty of money.   Back then we got 9% on treasury bonds, so income was fine with low risk.   However as the years went buy we spent a little capital each year, took a little more investment risk as interest rates dropped, and so slowly arrived at this point.   A warning to those planning early retirement:  don't spend.  Live well below your means.

Bethersonton

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #29 on: February 12, 2014, 08:53:52 PM »
Re: your daughter "back pedaling". How about "you get a job by the end of February or you are no longer living here and we are taking back the car." She is in no position to be picky about employment. You have been more than generous given your financial situation.

Great job on all of your other progress!

SunshineGirl

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #30 on: February 13, 2014, 08:54:04 AM »
Greaper, i posted cc interest rates above a couple hours before your post.   About half at 0% 'til August, the rest < 10%.    Not good, but not as bad as many.

Thanks for the thoughts on the car budget.  I used last year's expense numbers, but we had more than usual last year.

Y'know, i began this thread with just our current snapshot, but a brief history might be insightful for fellow Mustachians.    Here is it is:  Years ago I was an early Mustachian. I did retire at 39 with what I thought was plenty of money.   Back then we got 9% on treasury bonds, so income was fine with low risk.   However as the years went buy we spent a little capital each year, took a little more investment risk as interest rates dropped, and so slowly arrived at this point.   A warning to those planning early retirement:  don't spend.  Live well below your means.

Very interesting, Fred123. I read YMOYL in the mid-90s, when money market accounts were making 5%, easily, and I ran calculations on being able to get 8% from 30-year treasury bond. Imagine that! It is much harder to be safe with one's money nowadays. Thanks for sharing that. If nothing else, it's a reminder of how much we're all influenced by the larger economy, whether we want to be or not. We benefit from bubbles, suffer from crashes, etc.

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #31 on: March 03, 2014, 09:57:50 PM »
Yes, Sunshine Girl, that book, YMOYL, was a big influence on me back then too.

Current news:  I found a very part-time job for daughter, but it still doesn't cover the vehicle payments.  I think it's time to sell it.   She applied for FAFSA, and their letter just arrived, so we will see if that helps with some cash.

I sold some gold, and paid down cc's, but felt it would rise in price soon, so held off on most. It has risen since, so perhaps it's time soon to sell more.

We received an offer to do balance transfer at 2% fee and 2% annually for 18 months, so we transferred some 10% debt to this program.   Not as good as paying it off, but moving in the right direction to save 6%+ interest.

The feeling of dread and hopelessness has abated, now that we are following a plan.  Thanks to all Mustachians !

SunshineGirl

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #32 on: March 05, 2014, 09:46:44 AM »
Good news on the progesss. Taking control is key.

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #33 on: April 05, 2014, 06:04:03 PM »
We have a wedding anniversary coming up.  I wonder what are some good Mustachian ways to celebrate on a budget?

MayDay

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #34 on: April 05, 2014, 06:15:18 PM »
Eat at home then go out for drinks or dessert
Pack a picnic with fancy food (homemade!) and go on a hike or eat it in a pretty park

renaite

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #35 on: April 05, 2014, 06:22:27 PM »
Write down something you love about your wife for every year you've been married. (It doesn't have to be on fancy stationary but hand-written just says "meaningful" in a way that something typed usually doesn't.) Read it to her after your picnic, while you share some (boxed) wine!

EconDiva

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #36 on: April 05, 2014, 07:01:50 PM »
Just wanted to say "Happy Anniversary"!

Cpa Cat

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #37 on: April 05, 2014, 07:35:13 PM »
On the bright side, accounting is a great field to be in right now. Just FYI, make sure she is forward pedaling toward getting an internship. Accounting internships are very lucrative and generally lead to job offers. They exist for all semesters - including Summers.

She should also be gunning for TA and grading positions.

There are a LOT of opportunities in Accounting, even (especially!) while still in school. Make sure she's using the Career Services at her school.

And don't ignore all of the helpful suggestions about your cable and phones - cutting that stuff is quick money in your pocket.

CarDude

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #38 on: April 05, 2014, 08:44:33 PM »
This is one of the most uplifting threads I've read, in terms of the degree to which you've been receptive to feedback and the plethora of support you've received. I just wanted to chime in to encourage you to keep going, and to wish you and your wife the happiest of anniversaries.

MKinVA

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #39 on: April 05, 2014, 09:03:51 PM »
The perfect mustachian way to spend your anniversary is in the bedroom.

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #40 on: April 05, 2014, 10:26:05 PM »
Thanks for all the great advice.   May your mustaches grow ever longer !

mozar

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #41 on: April 06, 2014, 08:47:41 PM »

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #42 on: May 21, 2014, 03:15:31 PM »
Dear Mustachians,

Time for an update.     Some things are good, some not so good.    The good is that I've raised my business income by $10,000 a year.   Also collaborated with my wife to reduce our remaining credit card debt to 0% interest through balance transfers.... or so i thought, until i found today a torn-up invoice from a local retail store in my wife's name which has a $2,000+ balance on it, at 24% interest, and some recent purchases.    What does one do when one can't trust one's spouse, Mustachians?   I don't feel so good.

Also, our live-at-home, 24-year old daughter has not found enough work to make her vehicle payments, so that is costing us each month too.

rocksinmyhead

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #43 on: May 21, 2014, 03:44:52 PM »
Congrats on the progress and the increased income!!

The wife spending thing would make me feel not so good too :( and I feel like you HAVE to sell the daughter's car. maybe she can get a beater she can afford on her own. she also needs to stop being so picky about who she works for/with, if that's still an issue... that is ridiculous!! As a 25 year old whose parents are also not in an amazing financial situation (50s, similar high income to yours but I think they also have a lot of debt) I COULD NOT live with myself if I was mooching off them that hard. I know she's you're kid but jeez louise!!

tmac

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #44 on: May 21, 2014, 03:46:20 PM »
Oh, no. I'm so sad for you. What a horrible feeling to know that your spouse has lied to you. What does she say about it?

As for your live-at-home daughter, it's time to sell that car. You had an agreement, you held up your end, she didn't. Parenting 101, my friend.

zataks

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #45 on: May 21, 2014, 04:06:26 PM »
Sounds like it's time for a talk with the wife about her happiness, security, and general state of being to find the root to why she's spending money you don't have (on credit no less!). 

swick

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #46 on: May 21, 2014, 04:41:51 PM »
First, you have made amazing progress. Don't lose sight of that.

Definitely a heart to heart with your wife is in order - and possibly talking it through with a therapist/pastor or other their party.

As for your daughter - doe she even have any concept of budgeting/expenses/what it actually takes to have an "adult" life? Does she know how much she would have to make if she were out on her own? If not, you should have her find out and make a budget. Call it practice for her accounting class. She needs her eyes open and a dose of reality really quickly.  Sell the car. Don't give her ANY pocket money or anything. Do not pay for her phone or internet. If she is not working, she should be spending 8 hours a day looking for work.

theSchmett

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #47 on: May 21, 2014, 05:26:12 PM »
This is a seriously inspiring thread.

And Kill Your Television.

Rather, set it free with an antenna, and some streaming solution with Netflix and Hulu. There is SO MUCH TO WATCH. I can't recommend Roku 2XS because of Hulu crashes, but the new models hopefully have that sorted out.

My PS3 never crashes.

And Bing rewards will pay most of your Hulu bill.

SDREMNGR

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #48 on: May 21, 2014, 06:59:54 PM »
Wow.  What a story you have.  I can empathize and I truly believe you will make it out on the other side in one piece and stronger for it.  Seems like most have covered the basics so I'll chime in with fill in the gap stuff.

It seems from your story that you once had a pretty high expense life.  It also seems that your wife and daughter had things on easy street with an all expenses paid life thus far.  Their implicit expectations of a certain level of comforts and expenditures show that they aren't living in the reality of your financial situation.  Perhaps your wife came from a wealthy family?  Anyhow, their behavior demonstrates that they don't live in the same reality as you.

For your part, I think it's time to start handing out the tough love that you are getting here.  Cut out the car for your daughter.  Allow her to get one for herself if she wants one.  Let her use yours if she replaces the gas.  As for your wife, you need to have a reality talk and given that she has already violated your trust, you really need to cut her off from credit.  If she wants to get a job and contribute to the financial pot and take funds from there for personal spending, that's up to her, but if you are the only one bringing in money, she does not get to spend money on non essentials until the credit cards are fully paid off and your retirement funds are built back up.

Once everyone's expectations are altered, it's not so bad to be eating at home and not going out as much.  The debt paydown in itself becomes a game of sorts and if played as a family team, it's highly rewarding and can be a team morale building exercise that can bring a family closer.  But if everyone is not on the same page, then it can be a source of conflict and tension. So good luck with it all.  We wish you the best.

Also don't feel bad about cutting out donations until your finances are handled first.  If it's a social shame thing like church donations, it's your call as to if going is worth it or not.  It may be.  You can adjust the amount donated.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2014, 07:27:17 PM by SDREMNGR »

Fred123

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Re: my situation, advice pls
« Reply #49 on: May 22, 2014, 09:32:20 PM »
Thank you, Mustachians, for the thoughtful replies, sympathy, and advice over the past 24 hours.

This afternoon I had a heart-to-heart with wife about the secret department store cards.  Yes, there was more than one.  There were two.  She had bought gifts for the kids during the holidays.  She is very contrite and we are paying one off in 30 days from our 'miscellaneous nonsense' budget category, and doing a balance transfer on the other to 0% interest — not as good as paying off I know, punch me in the face, Mustachians — but that's what we did this afternoon.

I forgot to mention one more bit of good news: I sold most gold last month and paid down some debt with that.

Ok, back to business.  next step is to talk with daughter.  I will convey your sense of conscience, rocksinmyhead.  How can she sleep living off her parents retirement money?

Agree, lots of work to be done.   Thank you, senior Mustachians.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2014, 01:07:29 PM by Fred123 »