Author Topic: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend  (Read 16907 times)

Auckland Stubble

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My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« on: December 20, 2015, 10:25:48 AM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that I have shared interests of cycling, hiking, cooking, etc with therefore like to explore and go to new places. I'm meeting with lots of women who have my shared values in life, however...

They all want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

I've got a house mortgage and therefore interest and other obligations associated with home ownership, I like the idea of financial independence by the time I'm 40-45 or so. When I reach that stage with passive income coming in, then I'd like to spend money and time travelling extensively.

The women I've met who don't want to travel in their 20s also don't particularly want to travel overseas later on either.

So the options are to have relationships where I travel now with these types of adventurous women as I have a lot in common with or keep looking for the illusive frugal woman who wants financial independence and to travel extensively later.

Thoughts please?

tj

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2015, 10:45:02 AM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that I have shared interests of cycling, hiking, cooking, etc with therefore like to explore and go to new places. I'm meeting with lots of women who have my shared values in life, however...

They all want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

I've got a house mortgage and therefore interest and other obligations associated with home ownership, I like the idea of financial independence by the time I'm 40-45 or so. When I reach that stage with passive income coming in, then I'd like to spend money and time travelling extensively.

The women I've met who don't want to travel in their 20s also don't particularly want to travel overseas later on either.

So the options are to have relationships where I travel now with these types of adventurous women as I have a lot in common with or keep looking for the illusive frugal woman who wants financial independence and to travel extensively later.

Thoughts please?

This is exactly why I recently sold the real estate that I bought in my 20's. I don't personally want that obligation as a single adult and I wanted the flexibility to be able to leave for potentially long periods of time and not worry about the house. If I ever own again, it will be a joint decision with my future wife, or because I know that I want to stay in one spot for decades (....or we have another 2010 like fire sale on houses...)

So I can absolutely see the logic in not waiting until one is older to travel extensively. Who knows what your body and/or mind will look like 15-20 or more years from now.

So, naturally, I would absolutely travel now! You've found the unicorn...or apparently several of them.  If these women have the means (that is, they aren't going into debt to do this) to fund some epic overseas adventures now, chances are that you will be able to do the house thing together later. If not, at least you got to have some experiences that most people do not get to experience.

I'd also say that this maybe isn't so much a financial question, but a life question for you. Keep in mind that frugal means different things to different people. If you are set on finding someone who 15-20 years from now will be in their 40s and want to go on epic travel, but didn't do it in their 20s and 30s, that's going to limit your options. Most people don't plan ahead that far. Also, it's very possible that the ones who are doing epic travel in their 20s and 30s will be burned out by the time they hit their 40s and want to settle down, an almost reverse path of your ideal.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2015, 10:53:29 AM by tj »

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2015, 10:58:51 AM »
Well they are out there but you have to remember that the idea of being FI is so far out there as to be unattainable in the minds of most folk.

It was in mine too.. I just knew I had to save, pay off the debt plus any mortgage then I got some vague idea about investing for the future.

No way did I have any concept that I could be FI in about 17 years.. That was a ludicrous idea! I mean think about this.. take a few years to pay off a $200k mortgage.. this took around 6.5 years.. That's one thing.. But now you need an additional $1M or so,.. That's 5 times as much.

How on earth can ANYBODY save that much?

Add to that society tells us to buy crap that will fulfill us!.. So everybody buys shit they don't need!

Now you want to find the one unicorn in that mess that really understands compound interest and rejects the idea of buying crap?.. Its a problem!

The answer is education. I had to educate myself, then I had to educate my Wife and we sailed the journey together.

You may have to do the same thing, start with somebody who is already frugal, then gently explain how you can in fact be FI in under 20 years, and to imagine the possibility of never having to work again if you don't want.

Great that you are actually meeting women of any description..:)

iris lily

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2015, 11:02:17 AM »
Well they are out there but you have to remember that the idea of being FI is so far out there as to be unattainable in the minds of most folk.

It was in mine too.. I just knew I had to save, pay off the debt plus any mortgage then I got some vague idea about investing for the future.

No way did I have any concept that I could be FI in about 17 years.. That was a ludicrous idea! I mean think about this.. take a few years to pay off a $200k mortgage.. this took around 6.5 years.. That's one thing.. But now you need an additional $1M or so,.. That's 5 times as much.

How on earth can ANYBODY save that much?

Add to that society tells us to buy crap that will fulfill us!.. So everybody buys shit they don't need!

Now you want to find the one unicorn in that mess that really understands compound interest and rejects the idea of buying crap?.. Its a problem!

The answer is education. I had to educate myself, then I had to educate my Wife and we sailed the journey together.

You may have to do the same thing, start with somebody who is already frugal, then gently explain how you can in fact be FI in under 20 years, and to imagine the possibility of never having to work again if you don't want.

Great that you are actually meeting women of any description..:)

Ah, that's a really nice answer, love it!

use2betrix

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2015, 11:14:32 AM »
I am probably about 99% sure why they think that way.

You're 27. You're in your prime age for having kids now or soon, as are they. They want to get their travel out of the way before having kids. Several months of extended travel overseas is not as practical or the same with kids as it is alone or with just a spouse.

I am also 27 and having our wedding ceremony in a few weeks. We'll wait a few years for kids and one of the primary reasons for that is extensive overseas travel first.

There's q million other things to elaborate on regarding this as well, and honestly, I agree with the women in that sense

lbmustache

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2015, 11:19:16 AM »
OP has not mentioned kids but that may very well be the logic. I'm 27 too and if I plan on having kids in my 30s, well either I a) travel with them (more money + less options for me to do things), b) I don't have kids, or c) I have kids and I don't travel.

The bad news is the more narrow your outlook the harder it is going to be to find someone. I agree with you that someone who does not want to travel now will likely not want to as they get older.

You mention you have met many women who want to travel a lot right now. Does dating them mean you have to go on every single trip? You could maybe go on a trip or two over the course of dating... are you automatically shutting people down who want to travel in their 20s?

use2betrix

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2015, 11:30:24 AM »
OP has not mentioned kids but that may very well be the logic. I'm 27 too and if I plan on having kids in my 30s, well either I a) travel with them (more money + less options for me to do things), b) I don't have kids, or c) I have kids and I don't travel.

You totally missed the option of traveling now, before you have kids... Which I believe most people and most of the women he's encountering, aim for.

tj

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2015, 11:46:29 AM »
Quote
You mention you have met many women who want to travel a lot right now. Does dating them mean you have to go on every single trip? You could maybe go on a trip or two over the course of dating... are you automatically shutting people down who want to travel in their 20s?

I think this is another good point. You don't have to join them on every trip.

lbmustache

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2015, 12:49:06 PM »
OP has not mentioned kids but that may very well be the logic. I'm 27 too and if I plan on having kids in my 30s, well either I a) travel with them (more money + less options for me to do things), b) I don't have kids, or c) I have kids and I don't travel.

You totally missed the option of traveling now, before you have kids... Which I believe most people and most of the women he's encountering, aim for.

Oh yes, sorry. I meant for the women who he wants to travel with in his 40s... my original post was unclear.

Auckland Stubble

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2015, 01:04:51 PM »
Quote
This is exactly why I recently sold the real estate that I bought in my 20's. I don't personally want that obligation as a single adult and I wanted the flexibility to be able to leave for potentially long periods of time and not worry about the house.

I own it as an investment property, but it is slightly negatively geared. I have the flexibility of moving around as I just rent a room in another house with other people.

Quote
So, naturally, I would absolutely travel now! You've found the unicorn...or apparently several of them.  If these women have the means (that is, they aren't going into debt to do this) to fund some epic overseas adventures now, chances are that you will be able to do the house thing together later. If not, at least you got to have some experiences that most people do not get to experience.

Yes, I'm sort of switching my thinking. The women that I'm attracted to want to get out there and live life. And travel ties in quite well with this. Solo travel isn't really my thing. I've tried it, but am always left thinking "this place is beautiful, but I wish I had someone to share it with!"

Quote
If you are set on finding someone who 15-20 years from now will be in their 40s and want to go on epic travel, but didn't do it in their 20s and 30s, that's going to limit your options.

Yes that's what I'm finding. Seems I'm attracting these types of women (as I'm personally very outdoorsy, like adventures such as kayaking, exploring, etc) but want to limit it to travelling New Zealand as it is cheaper. However, I'm learning that I need to broaden my horizons and loosen up a bit as I can see these types of woman making me very happy. If we reach financial independence at 50 instead of 40, but we have a great time together and do amazing travel overseas earlier, then so be it.

I'm slowly coming round to this way of thinking.

Auckland Stubble

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2015, 01:07:34 PM »
I am probably about 99% sure why they think that way.

You're 27. You're in your prime age for having kids now or soon, as are they. They want to get their travel out of the way before having kids. Several months of extended travel overseas is not as practical or the same with kids as it is alone or with just a spouse.

I am also 27 and having our wedding ceremony in a few weeks. We'll wait a few years for kids and one of the primary reasons for that is extensive overseas travel first.

There's q million other things to elaborate on regarding this as well, and honestly, I agree with the women in that sense

Yes the children question comes into play.

I've always had the dream that I'd be able to support by future partner to be able to stay at home and raise children if she decides to. I'm not on the biggest salary (55k NZD) but have almost 200k NZD net worth in my investment property and a small stock portfolio so hopefully that income will also help when it all becomes cashflow positive in 2-3 years time.

KMMK

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2015, 02:22:50 PM »
There will always be some dilemmas and compromises. Travel is a hard one IMO because you need TIME and MONEY. I had lots of time up until recently, but no job. I got a job so that I could afford travel, eventual FI, etc, but now my time is severely reduced. My boyfriend and I are interested in travelling but realistically that's not going to happen that much until we are quite a lot older. He also gets 7 weeks of vacation to my 3. So it's understood that he may do some travelling without me. However he isn't interested in going anywhere particularly exotic without me. Which I am happy about.

And sometimes he has to work instead of travel. He may not get his February vacation because a lucrative work opportunity came up instead.

So, yeah, just my rambling thoughts. For myself the compromise is mobility vs settling down in one location. The compromise is being settled but with travelling, camping, etc.

Just keep meeting people. With the right person you will both have each other's interests and preferences in mind when you are making decisions and you will be able to work out a solution that you both feel comfortable with.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2015, 04:56:02 PM »
We are 28, married with a baby and a house. Before we had our daughter, we still managed to fund some nice international trips every year while paying down debt, saving, etc. It’s all about priorities – you can still work towards FIRE and find money to go on trips. Sure you won’t save as much, but life is all about balance.  It doesn't have to be an either/or situation.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2015, 05:46:46 PM »
I'm 29, on the ER track, and absolutely love travel. I would not be filling to skip it until retirement. No way. You can definitely budget for it, maybe reduce some other expenses to compensate, plan cheaper trips, and still retire early.

mm1970

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2015, 06:14:33 PM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that I have shared interests of cycling, hiking, cooking, etc with therefore like to explore and go to new places. I'm meeting with lots of women who have my shared values in life, however...

They all want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

I've got a house mortgage and therefore interest and other obligations associated with home ownership, I like the idea of financial independence by the time I'm 40-45 or so. When I reach that stage with passive income coming in, then I'd like to spend money and time travelling extensively.

The women I've met who don't want to travel in their 20s also don't particularly want to travel overseas later on either.

So the options are to have relationships where I travel now with these types of adventurous women as I have a lot in common with or keep looking for the illusive frugal woman who wants financial independence and to travel extensively later.

Thoughts please?

Hmmm...might be a tough one.  I'm not one for overseas travel (I've been to Denmark 2x?), and I don't really see myself doing it that much later.  I mean, shoot, I'll be 64 before the kids are outta college.

But seriously, go for the frugal ones now, and maybe they'll want to travel later.  You never know, people do change.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #15 on: December 20, 2015, 06:23:37 PM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that I have shared interests of cycling, hiking, cooking, etc with therefore like to explore and go to new places. I'm meeting with lots of women who have my shared values in life, however...

They all want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

I've got a house mortgage and therefore interest and other obligations associated with home ownership, I like the idea of financial independence by the time I'm 40-45 or so. When I reach that stage with passive income coming in, then I'd like to spend money and time travelling extensively.

The women I've met who don't want to travel in their 20s also don't particularly want to travel overseas later on either.

So the options are to have relationships where I travel now with these types of adventurous women as I have a lot in common with or keep looking for the illusive frugal woman who wants financial independence and to travel extensively later.

Thoughts please?

Hmmm...might be a tough one.  I'm not one for overseas travel (I've been to Denmark 2x?), and I don't really see myself doing it that much later.  I mean, shoot, I'll be 64 before the kids are outta college.

But seriously, go for the frugal ones now, and maybe they'll want to travel later.  You never know, people do change.

My girlfriend is the spendypants out of the two of us. I learned about this while in a relationship with her and have taught as much as I can. I think the most effective way to get her to see the light was tell her to look at the way her parents spend money and is that really the life she wants? Any kind of minor emergency (tire going flat) ends up being a huge ordeal because they live above their means. I then told her looking at my parents, I don't want to be where they are either, with massive incomes in jobs they hate because they can't fathom the idea of taking a pay cut. I don't know these girls or their life situations but I have been able to get my spendy pants girlfriend to save over 50% of her income, she could probably get it to 75% if she really tried but it's not worth the battle imo. I told her 50% is what I need for the goals I have for the two of us (we don't have joint finances and her 50% savings is actually going to student loan debt pay down.) anyways, just my experience.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #16 on: December 20, 2015, 07:16:50 PM »
I'm a kiwi and nearly 40 now but when hubby and I met we had different travel ambitions. I had just returned from my overseas experience.  He was a junior lawyer and didn't want an OE just a couple of month long trips.  In the decade before we had kids, he went to the UK alone as I was studying,  I went to India with my dad (hubby not interested in developing world) and we did a few short trips together.  You don't have to have identical ambitions but just a willingness to support and accommodate the other. My other advice would be to start as you mean to continue. Don't go all lavish to impress - a romantic picnic on the beach paints the right picture -expensive restaurants not so much. You know you've picked a goody if she starts suggesting frugal date options!

deborah

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2015, 09:01:41 PM »
I think we change as we get older. I was the stay-at-home in my family. I have been on international trips three times in my life before this year (I have been retired for six years now). I never saw myself as an international traveler. But this year I went to Turkey for two months and Ecuador and the US for two months. And it was all so good that I'm itching for the next trip.

The other thing is that your hobbies are of the type that they can be well done in NZ, but also lead to international travel. If your frugal wife/girlfriend participates in your hobbies, you will both naturally start to yearn for international trips, even while being able to be frugal during your working life by doing them in NZ.

Go for someone frugal, and the rest will follow.

tj

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2015, 09:37:05 PM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that I have shared interests of cycling, hiking, cooking, etc with therefore like to explore and go to new places. I'm meeting with lots of women who have my shared values in life, however...

They all want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

I've got a house mortgage and therefore interest and other obligations associated with home ownership, I like the idea of financial independence by the time I'm 40-45 or so. When I reach that stage with passive income coming in, then I'd like to spend money and time travelling extensively.

The women I've met who don't want to travel in their 20s also don't particularly want to travel overseas later on either.

So the options are to have relationships where I travel now with these types of adventurous women as I have a lot in common with or keep looking for the illusive frugal woman who wants financial independence and to travel extensively later.

Thoughts please?

Hmmm...might be a tough one.  I'm not one for overseas travel (I've been to Denmark 2x?), and I don't really see myself doing it that much later.  I mean, shoot, I'll be 64 before the kids are outta college.

But seriously, go for the frugal ones now, and maybe they'll want to travel later.  You never know, people do change.

You cannot change someone else, and I think one would be quite resentful if they spend their life hoping the other will start to want to travel. Much better to find someone with similar interests and reasonable financial compatibility than some sort of equal frugality, but less common interests.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #19 on: December 20, 2015, 10:07:27 PM »
I have read travel threads where I observed some people wistfully wishing they could do extensive travel with their partner, but their partner wasn't into it. So I would be wary about going for someone who isn't keen on travel and hoping that they'll change their minds when they hit 40. Travel compatibility is also important, e.g. someone who predominantly wants to chill out with cocktails by the beach may not work so well with someone who places more importance on the adventure aspect. I'd be looking for someone who has a similar outlook to me. I wouldn't look for someone who isn't interested at travel at all, but at the same time, I wouldn't look for someone who isn't sensible with money, either. Personally, I would also not delay travel completely until 40+, surely there is some balance you can find here. Why not look for someone who is financially responsible and enjoys budget travel? I don't think that is uncommon. My partner and I are budget travellers, and we have met many like us along the way.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #20 on: December 21, 2015, 02:52:05 AM »
I would not wait to travel. Budget travel is best done when you are young.

I have travelled extensively and now that I am 40...I am less interested in the more challenging places. But then again, I live in Manila so every day is a bit of a challenge! So I would say, don't underestimate how you might change as you get older.

Also you may meet some frugal ladies on the budget travel scene. Many people who enjoy travel are into the less materialistic side of life :)

mm1970

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #21 on: December 21, 2015, 10:37:46 AM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that I have shared interests of cycling, hiking, cooking, etc with therefore like to explore and go to new places. I'm meeting with lots of women who have my shared values in life, however...

They all want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

I've got a house mortgage and therefore interest and other obligations associated with home ownership, I like the idea of financial independence by the time I'm 40-45 or so. When I reach that stage with passive income coming in, then I'd like to spend money and time travelling extensively.

The women I've met who don't want to travel in their 20s also don't particularly want to travel overseas later on either.

So the options are to have relationships where I travel now with these types of adventurous women as I have a lot in common with or keep looking for the illusive frugal woman who wants financial independence and to travel extensively later.

Thoughts please?

Hmmm...might be a tough one.  I'm not one for overseas travel (I've been to Denmark 2x?), and I don't really see myself doing it that much later.  I mean, shoot, I'll be 64 before the kids are outta college.

But seriously, go for the frugal ones now, and maybe they'll want to travel later.  You never know, people do change.

You cannot change someone else, and I think one would be quite resentful if they spend their life hoping the other will start to want to travel. Much better to find someone with similar interests and reasonable financial compatibility than some sort of equal frugality, but less common interests.
I never suggested you try to change someone - just that people do change.

People get more frugal.

People try new foods, learn new skills, get new interests.

Just ask my husband how I've changed in our 23 years together.  If you'd told him that one day we'd have two kids and I would actually be a good cook?  Ha ha ha!

If you find someone frugal who doesn't like travel, just make sure they are okay letting you travel alone.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #22 on: December 21, 2015, 11:38:38 AM »
I would not wait to travel. Budget travel is best done when you are young.

I have travelled extensively and now that I am 40...I am less interested in the more challenging places. But then again, I live in Manila so every day is a bit of a challenge! So I would say, don't underestimate how you might change as you get older.

Also you may meet some frugal ladies on the budget travel scene. Many people who enjoy travel are into the less materialistic side of life :)

I've traveled a bit internationally in my "youth", but wish I did more. So OP wants to travel in his 40s? Do you plan to have kids? I'm sure traveling with a teenager can be great, but I suspect several of the ladies he meets want to go as a couple first. I can see how "we'll just travel later" doesn't sound so great. Might be a bit hard to find someone with exactly the same timetable as you.

ps; we have a child now. We traveled to Europe with him. It was great, but not the same, and more work (also more expensive..). We made sure to go on an African safari the year before we got pregnant. If not that wouldn't have happened for probably another decade at least
« Last Edit: December 21, 2015, 12:18:26 PM by Scandium »

monstermonster

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #23 on: December 21, 2015, 12:03:54 PM »
I'll just chime in to say that I still save 50% of my income (on a firmly middle-class salary of $39K), am very frugal, hoping/on track to be FI by 45 and still travel extensively in my 20's (frugally- I went to 10 countries on two continents this year for under $1200 for a month of travel). You can have both.

Finding someone with a travel bug who ALSO wants to wait til some postponed date in the future is unlikely. That doesn't mean they have to be a spendypants.

wordnerd

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #24 on: December 21, 2015, 01:16:39 PM »
People and their interests change (and you could be the one to change too). I'd focus on all the other things that make a marriage work (including shared financial values overall) and not make this a dealbreaker.

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #25 on: December 21, 2015, 01:39:10 PM »
Here's the joy of it all though, you can be a couple AND financially separate!

I've been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half now. We live together, hang out together, do groceries together, the usual. However, if she wants to splash out, she does. If I want to tighten the purse strings, I do! She loves buying clothes and going on a nice holiday once a year and it doesn't affect me one jot.

She's come around to my frugal ways a lot and that's fine and great but she doesn't have to. Just as I don't have to buy more clothes or go on nice overseas holidays.

Living in NZ isn't really a factor, Im in Chch and I've never had this issue.

Being straight with you though, why would you go negatively geared? This is why you're trapped! It's not much more than gambling on the value to go up, get something positively geared in Hamilton or something if you want to invest. Then you've got future capital gains and most importantly, your freedom!

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #26 on: December 21, 2015, 05:23:59 PM »
Being straight with you though, why would you go negatively geared? This is why you're trapped! It's not much more than gambling on the value to go up, get something positively geared in Hamilton or something if you want to invest. Then you've got future capital gains and most importantly, your freedom!

It will be positively geared in 3 years based on my forecasts. I wouldn't consider investing anywhere else other than Auckland for investment property. I've also made $100k plus in equity/capital gains through renovations in less than 12 months, so that's a bonus in terms of leveraging that equity going forward.

Goldielocks

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2015, 06:53:13 PM »
Nothing wrong with separate vacations / travel, especially as you get older.

What's wrong with travelling when you are 40 and the woman you are with does something else?   Or having your GF travel with her friends, and you only take the travel leg to newyork for a weekend, then say goodbye while she travels to europe for the next month?

pbkmaine

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #28 on: December 21, 2015, 07:03:03 PM »
My BFF's mother and father vacationed together for years after they divorced. They both loved to travel and their boyfriends did not.


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limeandpepper

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #29 on: December 21, 2015, 07:09:25 PM »
About the "people can change" in regards to their feelings about travel - that's a slippery slope. You can also say, people can change from being financially irresponsible to being frugal, or vice versa. You can also say that people can change from not wanting kids to wanting them, or vice versa. Why not just do away with all criteria then, if you're going to go down that route? Personally I have known couples who have broken up because one person wanted to travel extensively (i.e. not just a trip here and there) and the other person wanted a more settled life. Depends on how big a deal it is to the OP.

limeandpepper

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #30 on: December 21, 2015, 07:17:09 PM »
Nothing wrong with separate vacations / travel, especially as you get older.

What's wrong with travelling when you are 40 and the woman you are with does something else?   Or having your GF travel with her friends, and you only take the travel leg to newyork for a weekend, then say goodbye while she travels to europe for the next month?

The OP notes that he would like to travel extensively when he hits 40+. I don't know what that means for him, but for me that could be years spent indefinitely on travel and not having a home base at all. In which travel is not just the odd week or month here and there, but basically becomes day-to-day life. Personally, it would be important to me to do that with my partner.

MrsPete

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #31 on: December 21, 2015, 08:33:33 PM »
I suggest you try online dating.  It seems that my younger co-workers (those who don't come out of college with a significant other) meet people that way. 

Since you're expected to describe yourself /what you're looking for in a future spouse, I think it'd be easier to put it all out there:  I am looking for a woman who's interested in living comfortably but frugally so we can retire early and enjoy traveling.  Of course, you'd mention your outdoor hobbies, etc. as well, but I think the right women would zero in on that as a positive trait.  It would've perked my interest when I was in my 20s; I was already interested in frugal living at that point.

Physicsteacher

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2015, 08:03:28 AM »
Here's the joy of it all though, you can be a couple AND financially separate!

While I understand how this can work just fine in a dating relationship, I've never quite understood how it can work that neatly in a marriage or other long term partnership. Can you just say, "Sorry you've got to work for another couple of decades, but I'm retiring and traveling the world now," to your spouse? It seems like some level of coordination of goals and budgets eventually becomes important.

naners

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #33 on: December 22, 2015, 10:22:29 AM »
Why not do frugal travel? Pick cheaper countries, stay in youth hostels (maybe upgrade to private room in a hostel), travel overland, eat where the locals do. That's how DH and I travel and it is awesome. Someone who's into camping, kayaking etc will probably also be game for frugal travel.

elaine amj

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #34 on: December 22, 2015, 11:20:02 AM »
You might also end up finding someone super awesome like my DH. He's been frugal all his life but never been interested in travelling. Now we travel at least 1x a month and he loves it. BUT...if I was out of the picture, it is highly unlikely he would travel much at all. Just not something he would initiate on his own. But he's totally game for future plans of longer term travel. We've talked about some day buying an RV or something like that to travel around for a year or so.

MgoSam

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2015, 11:25:00 AM »
I suggest you try online dating.  It seems that my younger co-workers (those who don't come out of college with a significant other) meet people that way. 

Absolutely! I've tried dating people that I know or their friends and while it can work, it does limit the people you'll meet. I'm currently seeing someone (would it call it dating just yet), that I met on a dating site. Consider also looking for dating sites beyond match or eharmony, especially if there are particular deal-breakers that those sites don't care about.

Trudie

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #36 on: December 23, 2015, 02:57:19 PM »
People and their interests change (and you could be the one to change too). I'd focus on all the other things that make a marriage work (including shared financial values overall) and not make this a dealbreaker.

Agreed.  You will evolve too.  I am not saying to ignore all your goals or values, but just realize that you may not get everything you want in one person.  It's an awful lot of pressure to put on one person.

My ideas about what I wanted for my life in my twenties and what I want now have REALLY evolved.  Sometimes I'm shocked at how much less career-oriented I am.  I'm driven, but in other ways. 

My point is, you will change.  Prioritize your values.  You could also look into traveling in groups.  You may even meet someone.

MMMWannaBe

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #37 on: December 24, 2015, 05:55:21 AM »
I have to add my $0.02.  We reached FI a year ago when I was 45 AND travel has always been part of our lifestyle.  Travel is something that is in the blood.  Naturally, my opinion is that FI is achievable even if you budget for travel.  I try to travel where I can find a deal, but we also have splurged on trips.  One of our favorite trips was to NZ - what an amazing place. 

I agree that if travel is something you enjoy - best to find somebody who wants to travel in their 20's as that is not something that will just materialize at an older age.  Plus, life is too short to deny one of what I consider our greatest joys. 

And as others have said if you have kids your travel lifestyle will change.  With little ones we changed to beach vacations.  Last year was the first year we felt we could branch out and have started shifting back into more natural state of traveling with our boys (who were 5 and 7) - visiting national parks and doing some hiking.

Life is always a balance.  Good luck to you.


Kitsunegari

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #38 on: December 24, 2015, 01:26:54 PM »
Quote
You mention you have met many women who want to travel a lot right now. Does dating them mean you have to go on every single trip? You could maybe go on a trip or two over the course of dating... are you automatically shutting people down who want to travel in their 20s?

I think this is another good point. You don't have to join them on every trip.

+1
They can travel with friends now, then you can travel together when you'll be FI

andyp2010

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #39 on: January 09, 2016, 11:32:08 AM »
Here's the joy of it all though, you can be a couple AND financially separate!

While I understand how this can work just fine in a dating relationship, I've never quite understood how it can work that neatly in a marriage or other long term partnership. Can you just say, "Sorry you've got to work for another couple of decades, but I'm retiring and traveling the world now," to your spouse? It seems like some level of coordination of goals and budgets eventually becomes important.

I'm in a long term relationship in this set up. I met my partner when I was pretty much on the verge of retiring so perhaps that's different. I'm not sure if it's the usual but with no pressure to change,love her to bits either way, her goals are lining up to mine more as she sees the freedom I have and wants it for herself. We share joint expenses still and make compromises a lot but that's ok.

risky4me

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #40 on: January 09, 2016, 12:34:43 PM »
My BFF's mother and father vacationed together for years after they divorced. They both loved to travel and their boyfriends did not.
That is a great post- I love folks that break the rules and do what makes them happy!

My wife and I budget 10K a year for travel. That is a big chunk of our spending but we do it for the following reasons-
1) We live in Alaska and we like getting to someplace warmer in mid winter.
2) We want to travel, hike, swim, snorkel while our bodies are working well- never know what the future will bring.

My wife likes to travel more than I so she goes on some vacations without me- it's a great solution as she spends less than if we were traveling together, and  thanks to near daily SKYPEs, I enjoy her travels as well.

mushroom

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #41 on: January 09, 2016, 02:45:12 PM »
On my first date with my now husband during grad school, I talked about how I liked to travel, and he looked at me like I was crazy. He had been out of the country just once before. We were both somewhat frugal at the time, but I was generally willing to spend a decent chunk of money on travel.

4 years later we married, and that fall took a trip around the world for a year visiting 26 countries, spending less than we would have staying in Chicago for the year. We were really glad we did it while we were young and childless. We did a ton of hiking that might have been harder when we were older.

3 years after that trip (we're now in our mid-30s), we now have an infant son and are getting ready to FIRE soon. We're thinking mostly domestic travel for 2016 since we have the Southwest Companion Pass and maybe some slow travel abroad in 2017. He now has the travel bug more than I do - I kind of want to hunker down with the baby while he still wants to go everywhere. We'll find some middle ground.

Honestly, rather than a specific set of ideas, I think what I liked when I met my husband was that he was adventurous and open-minded, but also rational, practical and willing to delay gratification. So he's remained frugal but changed a lot in other ways - meat-eating to now vegan, now loves travel, really expanded his palette of things he likes to eat, etc.

I think it's too rigid to say you only want to travel after you retire in your 40s, and you will eliminate women who might otherwise be a good match. Overseas budget travel can be ludicrously cheap and not incompatible with frugality/FIRE.


ltt

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2016, 05:33:57 AM »
Here's the joy of it all though, you can be a couple AND financially separate!

I've been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half now. We live together, hang out together, do groceries together, the usual. However, if she wants to splash out, she does. If I want to tighten the purse strings, I do! She loves buying clothes and going on a nice holiday once a year and it doesn't affect me one jot.

She's come around to my frugal ways a lot and that's fine and great but she doesn't have to. Just as I don't have to buy more clothes or go on nice overseas holidays.

Living in NZ isn't really a factor, Im in Chch and I've never had this issue.

Being straight with you though, why would you go negatively geared? This is why you're trapped! It's not much more than gambling on the value to go up, get something positively geared in Hamilton or something if you want to invest. Then you've got future capital gains and most importantly, your freedom!

This typically will not work for a married couple.  If she wants to continue to spend and you want to tighten the purse strings, difficulties will arise. 

Drifterrider

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #43 on: January 12, 2016, 06:07:47 AM »
Hi all, 

I'm 27 and single. I'm finding a lot of the women that .....want to spend lots of money on overseas travel.

Find someone rich and go with it.  If that doesn't work for you......

Dates are interviews.  I find the quick way to weed out the "sugar daddy seekers" is to take first dates to McDonalds or the like.  You find out quickly if they are interested in you or the free food.

If they pass that test, try using a coupon (2 for 1) at a nicer place.  If that doesn't cause any strife you've found a contender.  When you are more comfortable (when you reach a point when you are having normal conversations ask about her retirement plans? 

pbkmaine

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #44 on: January 12, 2016, 07:10:30 AM »
Taking me to McDonalds would not work. I would just think you had bad taste. Cooking me dinner would work great.

TravelJunkyQC

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #45 on: January 12, 2016, 07:58:54 AM »
Just want to chime in as a 29 year old woman who stashes 50% of her take-home pay (on 45k CAD) and still travels... The two are not mutually exclusive. I want to FIRE as early as possible, but after watching my best friend pass away suddenly at 31, I've realized that I can't delay what makes me happy today either. I can have both if I do my math right. And priorities my finances. I have an old car, live in a small loft with my BF, and spend 1k a month max on living expenses (including regular fun).

Also, my BF just came back from a 2 week trip to Peru with his buddies, I'm going on a 1-week trip to Colorado in March without him, and we went together for 2-weeks to Costa Rica in August. Traveling can be done separately and together. And either way they need not be expensive. I put away half of my 45k CAD of regular income, and when I travel I only use my freelance earnings to do so, I don't even touch my regular income for it. If I didn't earn it freelance, I don't spend it traveling.

My point is, don't eliminate someone from the running because she likes to travel today. If her financial goals are in line with yours in general, whether she spends a small amount traveling (with or without you), having a fulfilled and happy partner is more important than having 100% matching interests all the time (and frankly, that would get boring in my opinion).

worms

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #46 on: January 12, 2016, 12:58:08 PM »
Are we really having a debate based around LOGIC here...rather than LOVE?  When love smacks you between the eyes, all your certainties will be turned upside down and you will ache to do stuff that you might never have logically planned! She wants to weekend in Peru?  So will you!

FLBiker

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #47 on: January 13, 2016, 09:41:08 AM »
Couple of thoughts --

Agree that your 20s is a great time to travel -- I spent 7/10 of that decade living / traveling overseas.  And I did as an English teacher, so I actually made money while doing it.  Now (late 30s) married, w/ house and baby, traveling is a totally different ball game.  That said, when DD is older, we'll absolutely take vacays overseas.  They won't be as long or as cheap as I did it in my 20s, though.  Of course, we could still live overseas again...

Use miles / credit card points.  Airfare is easy to avoid.  And if you're game to bike / camp, which is a great way to travel, it's quite cheap.  The signup bonuses on credit cards are crazy.  I should have a SW companion pass for 16/17 (plus 110000 miles) in a few of months, spending just 10K.

andyp2010

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #48 on: January 20, 2016, 03:41:20 AM »
Here's the joy of it all though, you can be a couple AND financially separate!

I've been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half now. We live together, hang out together, do groceries together, the usual. However, if she wants to splash out, she does. If I want to tighten the purse strings, I do! She loves buying clothes and going on a nice holiday once a year and it doesn't affect me one jot.

She's come around to my frugal ways a lot and that's fine and great but she doesn't have to. Just as I don't have to buy more clothes or go on nice overseas holidays.

Living in NZ isn't really a factor, Im in Chch and I've never had this issue.

Being straight with you though, why would you go negatively geared? This is why you're trapped! It's not much more than gambling on the value to go up, get something positively geared in Hamilton or something if you want to invest. Then you've got future capital gains and most importantly, your freedom!

This typically will not work for a married couple.  If she wants to continue to spend and you want to tighten the purse strings, difficulties will arise.

So I keep getting told but I'm really not sure why. We live as though we were married, same house, shared groceries and some shared expenses. No children, does children make a difference? We'd just split that expense too though.

Maybe OP should linger around charity shops and clearance sections of the supermarket. If you don't find the lady types, at least you might find a bargain....

Drifterrider

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Re: My Quest to find a Frugal Wife/Girlfriend
« Reply #49 on: January 28, 2016, 05:59:55 AM »
Taking me to McDonalds would not work. I would just think you had bad taste. Cooking me dinner would work great.

Then I could quickly weed you out.  If at McDonalds you offered to go Dutch, you might be a keeper.