Hey all,
Wanted to get some input regarding a dilemma we're having on a decision as to whether or not we should try to go on a vacation for my parents' 50th anniversary.
Here are the details: my parents had been passively planning a cruise (Disney) for the past couple years with another couple from their church up through a week ago when they finally booked the cruise without much input from us. When I say "passive" I mean they had just been talking about it but never definitively scheduled anything out or got all our families on the same page about best times to go and options we would agree on. Unilaterally, it seems, the date decided was 6/15/19 (7-days) and to the Eastern Caribbean, where there currently is an advisory for Zika.
Now, my wife and I have been taking about planning for a potential third kid. At the time when they were passively planning, we didn't think to bring up our plans for having another kid - we were busy figuring out how to raise our newborn and 2yr old. So when we shared this with them, they got all bat-crazy. At first, we were trying to convince them to book something elsewhere: why does it have to be the Eastern Caribbean? Both my dad and my brother have expressed disinterested in the ports (St. Thomas and Tortola) anyway and we know for a fact that several in our party are prone to seasickness on these cruises. In fact, my dad even proposed that we suggest where to go because he seemed tired of the "bickering"... and we did: a shorter 5-day Bahamas cruise (to ports where there is no current Zika advisory).
However, my mom was and has been insistent on cruising with this other couple and their family for whatever reason. So much so that she was unwilling to compromise on our alternate suggestion. The only date the other couple and their family can go is 6/15/19 due to other engagements AND the fact that they really want to see the Caribbean and don't care for the Bahamas or anywhere else. So basically, my mom is prioritizing cruising with these other people (who we have met maybe once or twice and one of my brothers and his family have never met) and their preference, over any preferences we have... notably: *not* traveling to a Zika-affected region. Having my wife stay on the ship (if pregnant) crossed our minds but all doctors we have spoken to advise against even that... not to mention that it would likely be miserable for my wife, who is prone to seasickness.
Given that they would pay for us in full (minus taxes/gratuity), I figure we don't have much control over what they decide. However, we have 90+ days out to cancel without much recourse (I think there might be a $100 fee to the concierge/booking company but that's it). I told my parents, to appease them at the moment, that they should go ahead and book it; however, with the understanding that we very well may cancel if we need to (e.g. in the case that we happen to conceive). I think if we cancel at all, they will be upset, even though I've level-set that expectation up-front.
So the thing about Zika is that if men travel to a Zika-affected region, they are supposed to wait 6mos+ before trying to conceive. For women it's shorter at 2 months I believe. My parents kept implying and asking us why we were in such a rush to have another kid, and that we should wait in "their opinion." Given nobody knows how long it may take to conceive, I think that's a pretty insensitive and selfish comment to make. If we were to all go and wait 6 months after, that would mean no kids potentially until 2020 or later. We'd like to have our kids closer in age if possible just given our own personal preferences - our two are 1.5 years apart and though it can be super-hard, I think it's a good thing. I'm not going to get into justifying why we want our kids so close - I just want that. My parents keep guilt-tripping us with "This is our big 50th anniversary thing - we've never asked much of you before" blah blah blah.
Another thought is if we are pregnant, I could just go with one kid (probably our son) OR we could have my parents take our son and watch him (they actually offered this). I don't know how much I'd trust my parents watching him without us there for a week, and I suppose going with him would be an option but I'd feel sad without my wife and daughter there. I still can't get over the fact that the priority is this other couple yet they keep saying they want all of us to go... am I missing something? What would you guys do?