Author Topic: My parents 50th anniversary vacation (w/ Zika concerns) vs planning for a kid  (Read 8548 times)

partgypsy

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I guess I am playing devil's advocate here. You want your parents to plan THEIR 50th Wedding Anniversary around your wife's theoretical, future pregnancy?

I'm guessing that your parents are in their mid 70's. How many group family trips are in their future?

Several years ago, my in-laws planned a full trip for all the kids, spouses and grandkids. It was a very hard trip for me due to some medical issues at the time, and I did contemplate not going, but it was THEIR trip. I am so glad that i sucked it up and went because they can no longer travel and they still talk about how fun it was to have everyone there.

I can see the point here but MayDay is right - we could go literally anywhere else: why does it have to be constrained to the preferences of this other family? Why are they so important?

One of my brothers is sort of taking their side with an SMH attitude: "it's *their" trip - let them do what they want. If you don't want to go, then don't go" - of course, he already expressed discontent with the destination. Even the agent who booked our trip said the destinations we would be going to (Tortola and St. Thomas) will likely still be recovering from the hurricane damage, and my dad agreed. So I'm sort of at a loss as to why everything is banking on it being my mom's decision. Then again, I guess I'm not - she's the school district admin/principal/teacher/etc who thinks that no wrong can be done by her and that her way is the best way.

It's going to be sad if some or not all of us will make it but that's going to ultimately be on them due to their insistence on prioritizing preferences outside their immediate family.

I'm still leaning towards going and taking my son IF my wife is expecting at that point in time (we are not planning to try to have one *before* the cruise at this point). My wife will have the alone time with our daughter and it actually might be nice  'downtime' so that my wife isn't dealing with two kids and can just spend time with our daughter. I'll be sad but that might be a reasonable compromise. At this point, if my parents bring anything up or give us any more guilt trips or hard times with the intention of guilt tripping us all into going, I'm going to start bringing up why they have to prioritize this other family. Of course, my brother was doing this the entire time they were passively planning and talking about the trip (why does it need to be with this other family? Can we just do our own thing?) and my parents couldn't give a reasonable explanation other than a very vague "because it's our 50th anniversary".

I thought you said a man has to wait 6 months before trying to conceive, even longer than a female? How is you going avoiding risk? I guess condoms?

I do have to admit there seems to be a lot of drama. The parents need to decide what is most important. At first it seemed the destination and also traveling with their friends are most important. If having the entire family be there, then the Bahamas can be an all-inclusive choice. Who is complaining about a free vacation!! I think whenever people talk about once in a lifetime trips, there can be too much emotional investment in it.   
« Last Edit: March 20, 2018, 09:22:51 AM by partgypsy »

narrative

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In essence, she's saying "it's really important that you're all here.

No, she's saying "It's really important that the other couple is here."

If you have let her know your concerns and that you will likely not be able to attend because of the health risk to your growing family inherent in this particular destination and she still puts the importance on the other couple then you know where you stand in the rank. Sorry.

******

Sorry for my hasty comment. I guess something just struck a nerve. :)

I'm sorry things got all out cancelled. Like someone above me said, don't let anyone hang this cancellation on you. There was poor communication on all sides from the get go. It does sound like (or at least for your family I hope) something else that is safer for all involved will work out and let your family celebrate your parents' special milestone all together. I'm sure after 50 years together this isn't their first rodeo in family disagreement and in time this will be forgotten and replaced with happy memories of celebration with the whole family.

Congrats to them on 50 years!


« Last Edit: March 20, 2018, 09:17:43 AM by narrative »

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I thought you said a man has to wait 6 months before trying to conceive, even longer than a female? How is you going avoiding risk?

He said "if my wife is expecting at that time".  Conception would no longer be an issue. They would just want to use protection for the rest of the pregnancy.

jeromedawg

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I guess I am playing devil's advocate here. You want your parents to plan THEIR 50th Wedding Anniversary around your wife's theoretical, future pregnancy?

I'm guessing that your parents are in their mid 70's. How many group family trips are in their future?

Several years ago, my in-laws planned a full trip for all the kids, spouses and grandkids. It was a very hard trip for me due to some medical issues at the time, and I did contemplate not going, but it was THEIR trip. I am so glad that i sucked it up and went because they can no longer travel and they still talk about how fun it was to have everyone there.

I can see the point here but MayDay is right - we could go literally anywhere else: why does it have to be constrained to the preferences of this other family? Why are they so important?

One of my brothers is sort of taking their side with an SMH attitude: "it's *their" trip - let them do what they want. If you don't want to go, then don't go" - of course, he already expressed discontent with the destination. Even the agent who booked our trip said the destinations we would be going to (Tortola and St. Thomas) will likely still be recovering from the hurricane damage, and my dad agreed. So I'm sort of at a loss as to why everything is banking on it being my mom's decision. Then again, I guess I'm not - she's the school district admin/principal/teacher/etc who thinks that no wrong can be done by her and that her way is the best way.

It's going to be sad if some or not all of us will make it but that's going to ultimately be on them due to their insistence on prioritizing preferences outside their immediate family.

I'm still leaning towards going and taking my son IF my wife is expecting at that point in time (we are not planning to try to have one *before* the cruise at this point). My wife will have the alone time with our daughter and it actually might be nice  'downtime' so that my wife isn't dealing with two kids and can just spend time with our daughter. I'll be sad but that might be a reasonable compromise. At this point, if my parents bring anything up or give us any more guilt trips or hard times with the intention of guilt tripping us all into going, I'm going to start bringing up why they have to prioritize this other family. Of course, my brother was doing this the entire time they were passively planning and talking about the trip (why does it need to be with this other family? Can we just do our own thing?) and my parents couldn't give a reasonable explanation other than a very vague "because it's our 50th anniversary".

I thought you said a man has to wait 6 months before trying to conceive, even longer than a female? How is you going avoiding risk?

I think I found out after posting this (or was reminded) that there's still a risk even during pregnancy, unless we abstain or use protection (well, this would only reduce risk right)

partgypsy

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Yes, that's what I meant. Either before pregnancy, or during pregnancy, the virus can be sexually transmitted.Which means using condoms if you go and wife is pregnant. But it sounds like they want everyone to be there anyways.

Regarding sea sickness, these are huge ships. Unless you are very susceptible (or I guess hit a big storm), sea sickness risk is overblown.

Lady SA

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I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this, its no fun being harangued as the scapegoat. I'm really hoping for you that this is just a case of temporary insanity on their parts and as soon as the emotion dies down they (your parents and B/SIL) come to their senses again.

All this ridiculous nonsense over a freaking vacation. *shakes head*

Its amazing how some families can blow tiny things out of proportion, to the point of ripping apart families. I went though something similar a few years ago (not regarding a vacation, I just didn't sweep a mean, rude comment under the rug) and it resulted in about 10 nasty, name-calling, abusive emails from numerous family members, including my own parents. They totally went off the deep end, all for one little meek "hey, I didn't like that" comment. It resulted in a multi-year timeout and no contact between me and my entire family, because any time they contacted me it was filled with blame and anger -- they were actively trying to hurt me with words, not help me.
It took 3 years and a very engaged, creative, and talented therapist to bring my parents around and begin to "see" just how stupid and damaging their behavior was, and only recently have we been able to be semi-involved in each other's lives again. It has taken a LOT of work on my parent's part to begin repairing the damage. It has been very painful and sad, and upsetting to know that it all started from just a tiny, not-a-big-deal spark, but they just threw gasoline on it until it was out of control. They couldn't help themselves or even see what they were doing, it was just a stupid, horrible frenzy.

I'm desperately hoping you don't have to go through anything similar. Good luck, navigating family dynamics is difficult, and even more so when emotions are running high. I'd simply keep everyone at arms length until this dies down, and then in the future you may want to let them know how hurtful and upset this reaction made you. I would sincerely hope that they can recognize what a no-win, bad spot everyone put you in, and their shaming reaction made everything worse, and apologize and help repair the hurt they caused.

jeromedawg

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I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this, its no fun being harangued as the scapegoat. I'm really hoping for you that this is just a case of temporary insanity on their parts and as soon as the emotion dies down they (your parents and B/SIL) come to their senses again.

All this ridiculous nonsense over a freaking vacation. *shakes head*

Its amazing how some families can blow tiny things out of proportion, to the point of ripping apart families. I went though something similar a few years ago (not regarding a vacation, I just didn't sweep a mean, rude comment under the rug) and it resulted in about 10 nasty, name-calling, abusive emails from numerous family members, including my own parents. They totally went off the deep end, all for one little meek "hey, I didn't like that" comment. It resulted in a multi-year timeout and no contact between me and my entire family, because any time they contacted me it was filled with blame and anger -- they were actively trying to hurt me with words, not help me.
It took 3 years and a very engaged, creative, and talented therapist to bring my parents around and begin to "see" just how stupid and damaging their behavior was, and only recently have we been able to be semi-involved in each other's lives again. It has taken a LOT of work on my parent's part to begin repairing the damage. It has been very painful and sad, and upsetting to know that it all started from just a tiny, not-a-big-deal spark, but they just threw gasoline on it until it was out of control. They couldn't help themselves or even see what they were doing, it was just a stupid, horrible frenzy.

I'm desperately hoping you don't have to go through anything similar. Good luck, navigating family dynamics is difficult, and even more so when emotions are running high. I'd simply keep everyone at arms length until this dies down, and then in the future you may want to let them know how hurtful and upset this reaction made you. I would sincerely hope that they can recognize what a no-win, bad spot everyone put you in, and their shaming reaction made everything worse, and apologize and help repair the hurt they caused.

My wife is really angry with my brother/SIL at the moment. This has really put them in a different light for her but also myself. I didn't realize my SIL could get so up-in-arms over something so petty. And I thought *she* was the "stable" one too. I found it so amazing when she kept saying "we're okay with whatever mom is okay with" yet when my parents announced the likely cancellation it she and my brother immediately got all passive-aggressive saying things like "we are so disappointed...we started planning to meet up with our friends and this would have been the perfect opportunity" and "I don't know how we're going to tell our boys - they'll be SO disappointed" and "this was an easy out for the 50th anniversary. Now WE have to plan something" - if they say anything more about this, I'm going to tell them to re-read the texts they sent to us like it's a conversation between people none of us know - it's the epitome of selfishness.
Anyway, my wife has been affected by this - we are likely going to let them know how ridiculous they were about this too but I don't want to do that while everyone is emotional...especially my wife.

jeromedawg

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In essence, she's saying "it's really important that you're all here.

No, she's saying "It's really important that the other couple is here."

If you have let her know your concerns and that you will likely not be able to attend because of the health risk to your growing family inherent in this particular destination and she still puts the importance on the other couple then you know where you stand in the rank. Sorry.

******

Sorry for my hasty comment. I guess something just struck a nerve. :)

I'm sorry things got all out cancelled. Like someone above me said, don't let anyone hang this cancellation on you. There was poor communication on all sides from the get go. It does sound like (or at least for your family I hope) something else that is safer for all involved will work out and let your family celebrate your parents' special milestone all together. I'm sure after 50 years together this isn't their first rodeo in family disagreement and in time this will be forgotten and replaced with happy memories of celebration with the whole family.

Congrats to them on 50 years!


Haha, probably the most confusing thing with this thread now is the amount of back and forth per the updates I've given. Short story is first they wanted to cancel (which wasn't what we asked for) and then we convinced them not to do so, especially because this wasn't what we asked for and we didn't want to be blamed for this whole thing falling apart... so now they're keeping it LOL.
I realize we shouldn't have felt any guilt whatsoever (in the case that they actually did follow-thru with cancelling), but I really didn't want to get into even more of a tussle with my brother/sister in law because I know they would *forever* blame us. At least now we can call them out on how selfish they've been in the whole thing. They've been avoiding contacting us thus far, so it's *possible* they may realize how foolish their responses were. Though, I wouldn't bank on it. At some point we want to call them out. I think we are most disappointed with them and their reaction beyond my parents right now, although my parents threatening to cancel the entire thing was a pretty stupid reaction too. I realize my mom wants all of us to be there but what I don't understand is why she wasn't ok with all of us just celebrating their anniversary in addition and elsewhere... guess she just couldn't take "no" as an answer at the time. Anyway, there's still a *slight* chance we may go IF the advisory is lifted - I'm not anticipating it is so we are going to live our lives as if it's not going to happen, and now everyone understands that and is on the same page. If we can go we will go, if we can't then we simply won't. The *really* stupid thing about all this is THAT'S ALL I WANTED THEM TO UNDERSTAND to begin with! But they totally blew it out of proportion by panicking and overreacting... sigh
« Last Edit: March 20, 2018, 10:35:16 AM by jeromedawg »

green daisy

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In essence, she's saying "it's really important that you're all here.

No, she's saying "It's really important that the other couple is here."

If you have let her know your concerns and that you will likely not be able to attend because of the health risk to your growing family inherent in this particular destination and she still puts the importance on the other couple then you know where you stand in the rank. Sorry.

******

Sorry for my hasty comment. I guess something just struck a nerve. :)

I'm sorry things got all out cancelled. Like someone above me said, don't let anyone hang this cancellation on you. There was poor communication on all sides from the get go. It does sound like (or at least for your family I hope) something else that is safer for all involved will work out and let your family celebrate your parents' special milestone all together. I'm sure after 50 years together this isn't their first rodeo in family disagreement and in time this will be forgotten and replaced with happy memories of celebration with the whole family.

Congrats to them on 50 years!


Haha, probably the most confusing thing with this thread now is the amount of back and forth per the updates I've given. Short story is first they wanted to cancel (which wasn't what we asked for) and then we convinced them not to do so, especially because this wasn't what we asked for and we didn't want to be blamed for this whole thing falling apart... so now they're keeping it LOL.
I realize we shouldn't have felt any guilt whatsoever (in the case that they actually did follow-thru with cancelling), but I really didn't want to get into even more of a tussle with my brother/sister in law because I know they would *forever* blame us. At least now we can call them out on how selfish they've been in the whole thing. They've been avoiding contacting us thus far, so it's *possible* they may realize how foolish their responses were. Though, I wouldn't bank on it. At some point we want to call them out. I think we are most disappointed with them and their reaction beyond my parents right now, although my parents threatening to cancel the entire thing was a pretty stupid reaction too. I realize my mom wants all of us to be there but what I don't understand is why she wasn't ok with all of us just celebrating their anniversary in addition and elsewhere... guess she just couldn't take "no" as an answer at the time. Anyway, there's still a *slight* chance we may go IF the advisory is lifted - I'm not anticipating it is so we are going to live our lives as if it's not going to happen, and now everyone understands that and is on the same page. If we can go we will go, if we can't then we simply won't. The *really* stupid thing about all this is THAT'S ALL I WANTED THEM TO UNDERSTAND to begin with! But they totally blew it out of proportion by panicking and overreacting... sigh

It sounds like you’re going crazy trying to force them to understand, but they’re not going to.  They sound like a bunch of manipulative people (the threat to cancel, saying that this was the only trip that worked for the other couple, etc).  I bet your mom thought you guys would cave and go when she threatened to cancel.  You’ve made a decision not to go, so just stop the back and forth.  If they keep coming back to it, just say “this trip doesn’t work for our family, but we hope you have a great time.”  If they keep up, say “we’ve already discussed this.  Why aren’t you hearing me?”  That changes the conversation from trying to justify your decision to the issue of them just refusing to accept your no. 

Mgmny

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

That's another salient point about the "6 month" rule - they say to wait "at least" 6 months but there's no guarantee that it will be gone after that. I'm assuming you can go have blood tests/samples/etc done but that seems unnecessary if it can be avoided up front.

If we are not pregnant by 3-4 months out, we will end up canceling in full. We *might* be okay sending off our oldest despite my reservations - considering my brothers and their families will be going, I think he'll be OK. If it were just my parents and nobody else, I'd be a bit more concerned.

Not true. There have been 0 cases of any men having Zika in their semen even close to 6 months. The closest is zika fragments at something like 172 days in 1 case. 90% of men don't have zika in their semen within a month.

jeromedawg

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

That's another salient point about the "6 month" rule - they say to wait "at least" 6 months but there's no guarantee that it will be gone after that. I'm assuming you can go have blood tests/samples/etc done but that seems unnecessary if it can be avoided up front.

If we are not pregnant by 3-4 months out, we will end up canceling in full. We *might* be okay sending off our oldest despite my reservations - considering my brothers and their families will be going, I think he'll be OK. If it were just my parents and nobody else, I'd be a bit more concerned.

Not true. There have been 0 cases of any men having Zika in their semen even close to 6 months. The closest is zika fragments at something like 172 days in 1 case. 90% of men don't have zika in their semen within a month.

What are your sources? I haven't seen a whole lot out there of course that's just from Googling LOL

Mgmny

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

That's another salient point about the "6 month" rule - they say to wait "at least" 6 months but there's no guarantee that it will be gone after that. I'm assuming you can go have blood tests/samples/etc done but that seems unnecessary if it can be avoided up front.

If we are not pregnant by 3-4 months out, we will end up canceling in full. We *might* be okay sending off our oldest despite my reservations - considering my brothers and their families will be going, I think he'll be OK. If it were just my parents and nobody else, I'd be a bit more concerned.

Not true. There have been 0 cases of any men having Zika in their semen even close to 6 months. The closest is zika fragments at something like 172 days in 1 case. 90% of men don't have zika in their semen within a month.

What are your sources? I haven't seen a whole lot out there of course that's just from Googling LOL

I looked at a ton of NIH/NCBI articles before my wife and I went to Cancun in January. Also, even if you or your wife WERE infected with Zika while traveling (super low probability to begin with), you only have a 3-5% chance of passing on a neural defect to your child. So, even if either of you contract Zika (let's just say 10% chance each, it's nowhere near that high) that would reduce your probability of passing on any defects to your child to something less than 1%.

The reason CDC recommends such a long wait period is because the impact of the defects are devastating, avoidable, and permanent. So, they essentially make you wait 6 months to reduce your chance to 0%. It's up to your risk tolerance though. Knowing that you probably only have a less than 1% chance of Zika impacting your pregnancy, are you OK with that risk? It would be terribly unfortunate if you were in the 1% and your child had defects. However, there are a ton of other environmental/avoidable risks during pregnancy that most people don't avoid anyways, so where do we draw the line?

Personally, while we were in Cancun, our thought process was this: If we knowingly get bit by a mosquito wait to start trying to get pregnant for at least a month (especially if Zika symptoms emerge).If we SEE mosquitos but not bit, wait a few weeks before trying, if we don't see mosquitos, do whatever we want for trying to conceive. We wore bugspray and didn't see a single mosquito in Cancun.

I didn't read 100% of the posts, but it sounds like there's a chance your wife could be pregnant BEFORE you go, this is maybe a little different because you aren't basing your decision to try to concieve like my wife and I did. I suppose it would be too little too late if you get off the boat somewhere and get swarmed and attacked by mosquitos when your wife is pregnant already....

Anyways, I'll see if i saved the NCBI articles and post them in a few minutes. Obviously read them and interpret them for yourselves, but i think you'll probably agree that 6 months is overkill. 

SnackDog

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Zika is way overblown.  About 5 cases per month are reported affecting Americans. This is comparable to deaths by lightening strike.

I live in a Zika level 2 country and get bit every week, so I am probably biased.

Mgmny

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

That's another salient point about the "6 month" rule - they say to wait "at least" 6 months but there's no guarantee that it will be gone after that. I'm assuming you can go have blood tests/samples/etc done but that seems unnecessary if it can be avoided up front.

If we are not pregnant by 3-4 months out, we will end up canceling in full. We *might* be okay sending off our oldest despite my reservations - considering my brothers and their families will be going, I think he'll be OK. If it were just my parents and nobody else, I'd be a bit more concerned.

Not true. There have been 0 cases of any men having Zika in their semen even close to 6 months. The closest is zika fragments at something like 172 days in 1 case. 90% of men don't have zika in their semen within a month.

What are your sources? I haven't seen a whole lot out there of course that's just from Googling LOL

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26993883/

This study suggests that less than 1% of Zika infections in the first trimester result in microcephaly (small brain).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4945401/

The article says your risk of microcephaly is only pertinent in the 1st trimester. So if your wife is already in her 2nd or 3rd trimester, your kid has a negligible chance of microcephaly. The article also predicts that microcephaly has a 0.87-13% chance with a Zika infection (in comparison to the article above which says <1%).


https://www.statnews.com/2017/02/15/zika-sexual-transission/   

This one says that if you get Zika, only 56% of tested people had it in their semen, and of those 56%, 1/2 of them it stopped showing up in semen after a month and 5% of them still had virus in semen after 3 months. So, if you get ZIKA (again super low probability), then you'll only have 56% of it actually being possible to be sexually transmitted, and after 1 month, only 25%, and after three months, something like 2% chance of it being in your seminal fluid.

Also, I would check with the confirmed cases of the areas you are going. In Quintana Roo (Cancun's County), in 2015-2016 there were 330 cases of pregnant women that had a positive Zika test. In all of 2017, there was only 4. So, 2015-2016 was just a bad year for Zika, which is where all the hype came from. Last year, only 4 (!!!!) pregnant women had confirmed Zika cases. Check out the reporting for your ports, and you may find a similar thing. People in Mexico, Guatemala, Brazil, French Polynesia, etc etc didn't just stop going outside or having babies in the last year. These people LIVE there 24/7, and still have a very low rate of microencephaly.

Mgmny

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One more thing (mostly a disclaimer): The CDC recommends 6 months for men to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you don't give zika and get a microcephalic child. If you want a literally 0% chance, wait 6 months. If you are OK with a 0-1% chance, then I would personally be happy to go to Zika area and either wait 1 month after travel to conceive, or go after 1st trimester. My advice is to go and not worry about Zika (wear bugspray though). However, I don't want to be sued for giving this advice if you do have problems, so obviously interpret the risk and read the articles and form your own opinion. My opinion has been stated.

Blonde Lawyer

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One more thing (mostly a disclaimer): The CDC recommends 6 months for men to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you don't give zika and get a microcephalic child. If you want a literally 0% chance, wait 6 months. If you are OK with a 0-1% chance, then I would personally be happy to go to Zika area and either wait 1 month after travel to conceive, or go after 1st trimester. My advice is to go and not worry about Zika (wear bugspray though). However, I don't want to be sued for giving this advice if you do have problems, so obviously interpret the risk and read the articles and form your own opinion. My opinion has been stated.

I came to the same conclusion for my trip to Singapore.  We need fertility assistance, however.  We are lucky that our doc lets us sign a Zika waiver and still get treatments within the six months.  Other facilities however have a stricter rule.  If you are going to one of those, be prepared to lie if you want fertility treatments.  I wasn't comfortable with lying so that was my biggest source of stress.

historienne

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One more thing (mostly a disclaimer): The CDC recommends 6 months for men to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that you don't give zika and get a microcephalic child. If you want a literally 0% chance, wait 6 months. If you are OK with a 0-1% chance, then I would personally be happy to go to Zika area and either wait 1 month after travel to conceive, or go after 1st trimester. My advice is to go and not worry about Zika (wear bugspray though). However, I don't want to be sued for giving this advice if you do have problems, so obviously interpret the risk and read the articles and form your own opinion. My opinion has been stated.

On this - 1% chance is REALLY REALLY high for something that has devastating, lifelong consequences.  Most people make go to great lengths to avoid much smaller risks. 

Actual advice: if your parents are willing to foot the bill, I would pitch an all-inclusive family resort in the US.  Club Med in Florida?  Tyler Place or Ohana in Vermont?  I wouldn't pay for those out of my own pocket, but if finding an option where someone else will handle all the logistics is a priority and someone else is paying, I would love a week at one of those places.

Easye418

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

BTW: what are your sources for Zika being present up to 12 months after? I haven't come across anything but I may just be missing something. In fact, I've seen more recent articles stating that Zika persists less than 6 months. It seems like it's just one of those things though where nobody really knows for sure - so why even risk it, right?

There are no sources.

OP, listen to a qualified medical professional. People read all kinds of shit online and panic people.

I have spoke to infectious disease doctor about this and her thoughts were that it is very slim that you do get zika, she thinks the CDC recommendation for waiting 6 months for males is plenty of time. She stated there was 1 outlier that lasted I think 61 days or something like that.

That being said, my wife and I are travelling to carribean. We are going to wait the 6 months and both get tested for zika when we arrive back in the States.

If you were pregnant, I would say absolutely not.

@Mgmny. Thank you for posting the facts. This is my conclusion as well. The guy is a fear monger spewing false narratives.

We will travel April and try to conceive beginning October.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2018, 10:24:33 PM by Easye418 »

SnackDog

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On this - 1% chance is REALLY REALLY high for something that has devastating, lifelong consequences.  Most people make go to great lengths to avoid much smaller risks. 

Actual advice: if your parents are willing to foot the bill, I would pitch an all-inclusive family resort in the US.  Club Med in Florida?  Tyler Place or Ohana in Vermont?  I wouldn't pay for those out of my own pocket, but if finding an option where someone else will handle all the logistics is a priority and someone else is paying, I would love a week at one of those places.

It is nowhere near 1% or even 1/100 of 1%. I don't think a single person in the Caribbean has been infected with Zika since mid 2017 when the WHO stopped even reporting about it.  Zika is gone!

I'm a red panda

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On this - 1% chance is REALLY REALLY high for something that has devastating, lifelong consequences.  Most people make go to great lengths to avoid much smaller risks. 

Actual advice: if your parents are willing to foot the bill, I would pitch an all-inclusive family resort in the US.  Club Med in Florida?  Tyler Place or Ohana in Vermont?  I wouldn't pay for those out of my own pocket, but if finding an option where someone else will handle all the logistics is a priority and someone else is paying, I would love a week at one of those places.

It is nowhere near 1% or even 1/100 of 1%. I don't think a single person in the Caribbean has been infected with Zika since mid 2017 when the WHO stopped even reporting about it.  Zika is gone!

How would you know if they aren't reporting it?

Zika is NOT gone. It is no longer an epidemic. It, along with other mosquito borne illnesses are just part of the normal course now.  Since more people have immunity to it, it won't spread rapidly after a single infection. Just like it has been in the Pacific for some time. 

You still don't want to get it if you are pregnant. Or really, ever- but especially not when pregnant.
Just like you don't want to get dengue, or malaria, or chikingugua (however you spell that) and should guard against them.

Blonde Lawyer

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

BTW: what are your sources for Zika being present up to 12 months after? I haven't come across anything but I may just be missing something. In fact, I've seen more recent articles stating that Zika persists less than 6 months. It seems like it's just one of those things though where nobody really knows for sure - so why even risk it, right?

There are no sources.

OP, listen to a qualified medical professional. People read all kinds of shit online and panic people.

I have spoke to infectious disease doctor about this and her thoughts were that it is very slim that you do get zika, she thinks the CDC recommendation for waiting 6 months for males is plenty of time. She stated there was 1 outlier that lasted I think 61 days or something like that.

That being said, my wife and I are travelling to carribean. We are going to wait the 6 months and both get tested for zika when we arrive back in the States.

If you were pregnant, I would say absolutely not.

@Mgmny. Thank you for posting the facts. This is my conclusion as well. The guy is a fear monger spewing false narratives.

We will travel April and try to conceive beginning October.

Just an FYI, you can't get tested after your trip. They will only test your wife if she is pregnant AND having symptoms.  There is no option to just pay for the test out of pocket, at least where I am.  There are lots of false negatives and the test is not widely available for some reason.

Mgmny

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

BTW: what are your sources for Zika being present up to 12 months after? I haven't come across anything but I may just be missing something. In fact, I've seen more recent articles stating that Zika persists less than 6 months. It seems like it's just one of those things though where nobody really knows for sure - so why even risk it, right?

@Mgmny. Thank you for posting the facts. This is my conclusion as well. The guy is a fear monger spewing false narratives.
.

No prob. I aim to please.

JoJo

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I didn't read the whole thread, but as someone who has been on the fence about cruising since February (a cruise that was supposed to start today) and a combo of family drama and then in the last 3 weeks family health issue, it's best to cancel early. 

It's had a bunch of people miserable and mad at each other and the longer the wait the more you lose.

Mr. Green

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My wife and I are also trying to have a kid. We reserved a room at a Sandals resort in Jamaica in August before we remembered about Zika. After checking with the CDC we cancelled. I know the odds are small but with Zika the issue is how bad the birth defects are. Another HUGE thing worth considering is that 6 months might be short for how long it would stay in your reproductive system. There are confirmed cases of Zika still being present in semen 12 months after infection. I'm 34 and my wife is 32 so the though of delaying any attempt to get pregnant for over a year is a risk we're just not willing to take.

BTW: what are your sources for Zika being present up to 12 months after? I haven't come across anything but I may just be missing something. In fact, I've seen more recent articles stating that Zika persists less than 6 months. It seems like it's just one of those things though where nobody really knows for sure - so why even risk it, right?

There are no sources.

OP, listen to a qualified medical professional. People read all kinds of shit online and panic people.

I have spoke to infectious disease doctor about this and her thoughts were that it is very slim that you do get zika, she thinks the CDC recommendation for waiting 6 months for males is plenty of time. She stated there was 1 outlier that lasted I think 61 days or something like that.

That being said, my wife and I are travelling to carribean. We are going to wait the 6 months and both get tested for zika when we arrive back in the States.

If you were pregnant, I would say absolutely not.

@Mgmny. Thank you for posting the facts. This is my conclusion as well. The guy is a fear monger spewing false narratives.

We will travel April and try to conceive beginning October.
I remember reading the report confirming a case of zika in semen 12 months later. This was quite some time ago so maybe they've retracted it. I was not fabricating my statement however.

Easye418

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I remember reading the report confirming a case of zika in semen 12 months later. This was quite some time ago so maybe they've retracted it. I was not fabricating my statement however.

Just getting to the point that people should just talk to medical professionals.