Mustachianism and mental health

[Juniper]

So, this is going to be a doozy of a first post.

I was wondering how people keep themselves on the path of Mustachianism while dealing with mental health issues.

I've suffered with depression (with accompanying anxiety and stress) for 14 years. I tend to have good months and bad months, and although in the last few years it's been good enough that I haven't needed medical intervention, I'm still finding that it affects things such as motivation and optimism for the future.

I'm actually not struggling with the monetary aspects, like I know a lot of people with mental health issues do, it's the skill-building and resilience I'm having problems with. If I have a bad week, I don't exercise, I eat like crap, I don't move forward with any of my goals.

What's bizarre is that I seem to be resilient in some aspects and not in others. I was hit by car while cycling home from work last Monday. I had the bike fixed by Wednesday and was back cycle-commuting with zero anxiety on Thursday. In contrast, we overspent by £50 on last month's food budget and it absolutely floored me.

I was wondering if anyone else in the forums struggled with this, whether you've been diagnosed with a mental health problem or not.

How do you habit-build when you have no motivation to begin with?
How do you cultivate optimism when your illness makes the future seem bleak?
How do you build a support network when all you want to do is curl up in bed?
How do you take care of yourself when it takes all your mental and physical energy to do so?
How do you learn new skills when it's an effort just to go about your daily life?

[etselec]

What a question! I've known plenty of folks who struggle with the same issues, and there is no easy answer, especially when you're in that limbo where you're too functional to really need medical help, but you still don't have the energy to go "above and beyond" the basics. It's helpful, though, to remember that you don't need to be getting ahead, learning new skills, etc. all the time. Sometimes all you can manage is treading water and that's okay. Save those goals and tackle them during times when you feel better.

I find it helpful to automate as much of my routine as possible - for instance, you already commute by bike, which is great, because you don't need to find additional motivation to exercise. You're already doing that in the course of going to work. During good times, you can also "bank" things for the worse times, like batch cooking and freezing lots of meals in individual portions, so you're still eating healthy, economical food when you have no motivation to cook.

If you don't do this already, I might also suggest keeping track of your mood, energy level, etc. on a chart. That way, you can have visual evidence during bad times that you've had good times in the past, and that they'll come again. And if you notice that it's been a long time since you had any "good days", then that's a great indication that you might want to seek out a therapist or other medical help. You may even want to set up rules for this: e.g. If I have more than 20 bad days in a row, if I have fewer than 3 good days in a month.

Good luck!

[NeverWasACornflakeGirl]

I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to chime in with encouragement.  I have struggled with depression for most of my life and I know how difficult it can be just to do the simplest things, let alone motivate yourself to do something new.  Two things that helped me were medication and cognitive therapy.  You said in your post that you had received medical help in the past, but not currently.  From your questions I'm wondering if cognitive therapy might be helpful.  It gave me the tools to deal with those types of questions. 

Best of luck -- I'm pulling for you!

[fallstoclimb]

I'm in much the same boat as you.  Diagnosed with depression 10 years ago, managed to go off meds 3 years ago, struggle a lot every winter and occasionally drop back in to therapy but all in all its pretty well managed with diet and exercise and a sun light and a supportive husband and a dog and luck. 

I think its sort of a double edged sword in regards to MMM.  I obsess over my loans to an unhealthy degree / more than most people would, considering we have no problem making the minimum payments.  I suspect my depression and anxiety have a lot to do with this.  The obsessing is annoying, but it does help me prioritize getting out of debt in a way that I might not otherwise.  Plus I think it gives me motivation - I really want the financial freedom to allow me to live my life in a way that might make my depression even more controllable. 

Similarly, I also can be floored by our overspending, OR think that we are completely blowing our budget just because I am being negative about everything and assume the worst.  This is when tracking helps.  Last month I thought we did terribly and was beating myself up, but we really only spent $200 more than the past few months, which I can admit is nothing in the scheme of things for us.

I do think you have to be careful to go easy on yourself.  Face punches are common here but when you struggle with mental health I find back-patting more productive.   Especially if you know you are in a bad month, let yourself spend a little more.  You're still going to be better off than 80% of Americans if you're on this site.  When you're depressed and focused on not spending money, you're not generally going to creatively find a free event - you're going to stat at home, and you're probably not going to feel better.  Force yourself out sometimes gulit-trip free. 

Also, are you sure you don't need medical intervention at this time?  It's one thing to think the future is bleak and to want to curl up in bed sometimes, its another for it to take all your mental and physical energy to take care of yourself.  That's sort of a different monkey, you know?  If you have seasonal depression like I do, it will get better soon, but if this is not a new feeling I would urge you to go back to your doctor. 

[Greg]

It's not easy. 

I realize it can sometimes be hard just to get out of bed, but every little step like that you do make helps make the next one even easier.

Sometimes though, acting like you're happier can make you happier.  Fake it 'til you make it has some truth to it:
http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html

This was a fascinating presentation to watch.  I recommend it.

[catmustache]

I find it helpful to automate as much of my routine as possible - for instance, you already commute by bike, which is great, because you don't need to find additional motivation to exercise. You're already doing that in the course of going to work. During good times, you can also "bank" things for the worse times, like batch cooking and freezing lots of meals in individual portions, so you're still eating healthy, economical food when you have no motivation to cook.

This. I'll take advantage of periods of higher energy and automate stuff like saving and paying off bills, trusting that my inertia will stop me from canceling the automatic payments.

Also,  if I'm feeling bad, I'll give in to one small impulse, or one that won't have as negative an effect, like I'll buy a cookie or spend money on savings.

My main way to cultivate optimism is probably to quantify things. For example, if I've saved 20% in a month, it's hard to beat myself up and say that I can't do it in the future, or things like that.

[Ambergris]

I totally understand where you're coming from.  Wierdly enough, my own pre-finding MMM mustachianism began when my doctor finally treated my depression.  I suddenly had loads of energy and could get lots done etc.  I got my life together and never looked back.

The simplest answer to your question "how do you get anything done with no drive or energy?" is - you don't.  So you must get freaking treated.  Recognize symptoms as symptoms, be willing to go and get your meds changed, etc. 

Mental illness is an illness.  No one would expect you to go and DIY a whole house or bike ten miles with a broken leg or a case of tuberculosis.  Why would you expect the same thing of yourself with a mental illness?

Also I'm very worried by folks (generally) resistance to the idea that depression needs to be treated with actual, like, medication and attention from a doctor.  Again, no one suggests things like exercise and homeopathy (alone) for real diseases. 

Just one other thing that helped me: go to sleep.  I had to get extremely disciplined about going the fuck to bed on time as a way to deal with a second reappearance of depression.  Mental illnesses often mess with your sleep cycle and it turned out this was part of my problem.  Once I started reliably getting more than seven hours a night I actually got some of my energy back, meds started working, etc.

[Anatidae V]

I'm just going to go ahead and +1 to everyone else. I have anxiety and panic attacks (these have abated, which is so nice). My partner has depression. We're "new" to this, both being diagnosed just over a year ago. I obsess about saving money and comparing our stuff* to others; we have the good luck of never having experienced consumer debt (credit cards). He does have a government loan (indexed with inflation, approx. 2-3%pa) which he won't let me touch - because our money can do much better elsewhere. This is where my logic fails and I want to put all money on the debt because "it's bad to have debt".

So, I'd have to add get some outside perspective; I help my partner with motivation, he helps me with calming down when I'm blowing stuff out of proportion. Do you have a friend or family member who could help with that? Someone who you can call every day and just let them know how you're going, and they can check in if they haven't heard from you, maybe come over with a tasty meal once a week. And practice smiling. You feel like an idiot, but it helps your head think you're happy, and relaxes you a bit.

Edit * stuff I compare is assets and net worth. Very occasionally it's a consumer item.

[scrubbyfish]

I'm with you, Sister!

The Mustachian-related challenges:

1. If I eat an expensive diet, my mental health improves dramatically. When I eat a very cheap diet (starchy fillers), my mental health flatlines.

2. I can work a maximum of a few days in a row, and then I'm totally stuck. I have to wait the stuck out before I'm productive again. Obviously, this affects my income rather dramatically. At this point, I am simply being patient with myself, telling myself I will get it all done -I'll just take a year or so to do what some other people do in a month.

The Mustachian-related positives:

1. I am able to access a lot of free resources and income supplements. They add up and help a LOT to give me a better quality of life.

To answer your questions:

I do fantasize about a regulated lifestyle, but habit-building seems to be a no-go for me. I can, though, do a push/coast/push approach.

I do what I can, with a focus on physical survival (including emergency savings) for my son and I. I let go of the rest. And I mostly love my life! Letting go (of extra goals, etc) is key for me.

Optimism - I can get discouraged, for sure, about what I don't have (internally and externally). My trick is to then take inventory of what I do have, e.g., gratitude practices. I'll make a physical list of what in my life I love, or the advantages of my mental illness, or the benefits of, er, involuntary simplicity ;)

Support network - I often want to curl up in bed, but having a kid eliminated that option. His existence gets me up and out. If kid-less, I would (and did) use meetup.com to meet other people who understand/experience mental illness. Some groups I've found that fit this are those focused on "nerds", "geeks", "shy", etc. The terms are used kindly, and bring folks like us -many of us who experience anxiety, depression, etc- together. We get to commiserate then laugh! This helps with self-acceptance, as well as with locating resources we may not have known about, etc. Start with an easy one, like board games where you fit without having to be very social.

Self-care - I limit it. I eat and try to make myself sleep, but otherwise I accept the offers of others to care for me. Mental health agencies, the crisis line for listening, the government with its subsidies, etc. I'd rather be wealthy enough to pay for private help, but I'm not, and I trust that the folks that offer these services do so because they want me to be well, so I take them up on it.

Something simple that really helps me is to clean up my place. That single move can usually take me from total overwhelm/depression to peace and calm and happiness. Or visiting someone who is struggling more than me.