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Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: dinko628 on July 08, 2012, 06:24:06 PM

Title: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: dinko628 on July 08, 2012, 06:24:06 PM
Hey all,

Somewhat hypothetical situation here (I'll be using hyperbole to make it a bit more interesting, but the core concepts are there):

Say you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/best friend/whatever that really likes to go out on the weekends to bars, shows, waterparks, etc. that usually cost lots of money (not lots, but anything is a lot by Mustachian standards) and they always want you to come with them? When you say no, because spending that much money on something vacuous like that is dumb, they get mad/sad at you, and you're worried that it's starting to damage your relationship.

You've already showed them the MMM blog/community/lifestyle, and they're one of the whinypants not-for-me excuse makers, and they aren't willing to change their ways. Their suggestion when you shoot their ideas down is for you to suggest something to do instead that would be just as much fun/comparable without costing as much.

This is where I hit a stumbling block. Obviously I've read MMM's "How much is that bitch costin' ya (" and am fully aware of the perils of associating with whinypants non-Mustachians, but I figured this is an interesting problem/question for the community to tackle.

Basically, any suggestions on Mustache-approved nightlife activities (or anything, really) would be appreciated :D
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: icefr on July 08, 2012, 06:53:08 PM
Have you tried making dinner at home? If you organize it, i.e. go to the store to pick up the ingredients you need and have a plan, she might be more likely to be on board than if you just say "let's make dinner at home".

There's also often a ton of free/cheap things that you can do around the city. Nice parks, beaches?

The question really boils down to what you find interesting? What do *you* want to do?
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: Worsted Skeins on July 08, 2012, 07:02:13 PM
How about easing in a lifestyle change with some compromise?

The numbers talk to me but if the numbers won't speak to your Dear One's heart, can you sell simplicity via compromise?  If she suggests the waterpark one week, can you suggest the state park with a picnic lunch the following?  Can you challenge her to a replicating a restaurant meal together as opposed to going out?

Is there a home based project you can do together that involves learning some new skills?

Could you learn about investments together (assuming that she is not with that part of the program either)?
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: Noncents on July 08, 2012, 11:33:19 PM
Here is a link to a few ideas:

... but seriously - if you want to go out and enjoy the nightlife, go for it!  Hit the dance clubs, but limit yourself to one or two drinks, maximum (not including pre-drinking at home - just don't drive!).  If you want to go out for a nice dinner - do it!!  But only do it every so often (not once or twice a week).

You want to be Mustachian?  Make an entertainment budget, and stick to it!  Cut your other entertainment bills to a minimm, and then go out and enjoy your (bi-monthly? monthly?) night on the town guilt free.  In the interim weeks perhaps you could invite friends over to party on the cheap, or do a barbecue at a friend's place.  Bocche ball and a potluck barbecue is a favorite in my neighborhood.

Some times there are luxuries in your life that you (or the better half) will want to sacrifice for - and that's ok!  Acknowledge the luxury, and most importantly - appreciate it!  Just don't go overboard, and stick with your budget... in the end, you'll wind up okay.
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: grantmeaname on July 09, 2012, 07:34:30 AM
How do you feel about entertaining? I think it's great fun to have people over and grill out, and we've already done that a handful of times in the month or so of summer weather we've had. $20 of burgers and veggies will feed a crowd. (It's more of an excursion if you buy a bag of charcoal and go out to a city park to grill instead, too, which may make your SO more happy with it.)

If you're looking for middle ground, especially at first, it may be meaningful to the SO that you're willing to spend a little money on things. Would going canoeing be cheap enough for you and sufficiently waterpark-like for your SO? Would going to see a play seem less vacuous to you and also like enough of a date to satisfy him/her? It may not be as good as not spending any money at all, but I think it's a whole hell of a lot better to be spending money on something you'll enjoy than something you'll just think is dumb anyway.
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: elincolnp on July 10, 2012, 05:46:56 AM
Whatever you decide, don't feel bad about setting your boundaries on spending money. I think people often feel guilty for saying, "I have the money for X Y Z, but it's not worth it to me to spend my money on that." If anything, you're showing great qualities to your future partner -- that you can put immediate gratification off for a better future.
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: catalana on July 12, 2012, 06:00:25 AM
Mostly you get to do stuff for free if you are the one creating the event.

- Like shows?  Join a local theatre group and be part of putting a show on.  Not for me personally, but my friend has a great social life doing just that.  Singing in public is apparently good for the soul.
- I know that friend through some volunteering we both do.  Not exactly a party atmosphere but it gets me out no matter what the weather and talking to people from a totally different social circle to me.
- Throw parties in your own house.  I bet there will be someone dying to show off their DJ skills.
- Find events that represent a low spend per hour of entertainment.  I used to go along to a dance class.  5 for the class, and I would stay and dance socially afterwards and drink water (which was commonplace - alcohol doesn't help co-ordination!).  That could end up being 5 for 3-4 hours of entertainment and socialising.
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: nolajo on July 12, 2012, 06:11:10 PM
Presuming, of course, that you like your SO slightly better than your post would indicate on the surface and want to keep them, you're going to have to get creative. Spending money is a really easy way to not have to think of shit for yourself. A tarp on a hill with a hose can make a kick-ass waterslide/slip-n-slide, but you have to organize it (and unfortunately, spigots are not incredibly common on hill tops. Make it work). Doing a one-for-one swap of fun activities might not be easy, as I certainly can't recommend a DIY roller coaster, but plenty of fun stuff can be done outside of expensive venues. The first couple of times you may have to take the lead on organizing it, but if your SO sees that it's just straight up fun, not you being a miser, they may come round and start coming up with some ideas of their own.
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: MooreBonds on July 13, 2012, 03:35:53 AM
So how is their overall fiscal view? Do they live well below their means, and merely want to splurge a little bit on the weekends? Or are their social plans just one of many leaks in their budget that leaves nothing (or worse, red numbers) at the end of the month?

I used to be at the extreme end of delayed gratification (like you) in some areas, but have loosened up a little with previous gfs, and moreso recently as the stash slowly grows. If this isn't your spouse you're talking about, realize that if their view of money overall (beyond social expenditures) doesn't jive with yours, it will only get WORSE if you are married. You will encounter their spending habits day in and day out, on EVERYTHING. You will notice how they decided to simply splurge on this or that, and they, in turn, will notice you noticing that, and will be offended and annoyed simply because you don't appreciate their cavalier attitude towards spending money.

Also, what bothers me is that you mention that they become visibly annoyed when you mention you don't want to spend the money every weekend on various social activities. Rather than wanting to spend time with you doing anything, or enjoy an activity that you might like, they only seem to want to do what they want, not what possible compromises there may be (something low cost/free this weekend, and then something that cost a few $ more next weekend).

We all have some leakages from a perfect savings plan, so it's natural to budget a little bit of fun money to some activities.  IT's up to you to analyze to see if their habits overall would work well with yours.
Title: Re: Mustachian Night Out
Post by: liquidbanana on July 13, 2012, 09:28:30 AM
Groupon and living social can get you some really good deals on that kind of stuff. Make them find stuff to do via those