Author Topic: Move to be closer to family??  (Read 2465 times)

RH

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Move to be closer to family??
« on: October 26, 2014, 10:09:30 AM »
The wife and I currently live a mustachian lifestyle in Portland OR (bike to work, low cost of living, etc...). We're looking at starting a family soon. The biggest holdback for us is that all my family is in San Diego and her's is in Canada. I really would like our child to grow up with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents nearby since I really cherished having that when I was a kid. It would be silly to move closer to family in order to make this a reality, right? We'd probably be better off trying to raise the kid in Portland,  FIRE in our mustachian city (in 5-7 years) and then have the option to travel 2 months of the year to visit family (like MMM does). I guess I just get a bit sad of the little kid missing out on random family visits, like his/her cousin already gets every week. Am I being a complainypants? I don't know how one's mindset changes when they have a kid.

tracylayton

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Re: Move to be closer to family??
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2014, 09:20:59 AM »
You might get more replies if you post this in the "Ask a Mustachian" section instead of the "Mustachian Marketplace"

swick

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Re: Move to be closer to family??
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2014, 11:26:08 AM »
Moved it for you :)

OP - It is always difficult to find the extended family balance, and with each of your families so far apart it is even tougher. One thing we have learned is it is about quality instead of quantity sometimes. With the technology that exists today it makes it easier. Sure you miss out on some of those spontaneous face to face interactions and that can be tough - it sure makes you appreciate the times you are together though.

You could write a pros and cons list for each place to help put things in perspective. If you can FIRE in 5-7 years though, it might be worth it to stay because then you are gifting your kids more time growing up with YOU - especially as you don't actually have kids yet.

Also, you tend to create your own community when you have kids, you might not have blood family close by but you will create your own network. Kids are awesome for that - they MAKE you make friends :)

That all being said, we just accepted a job that is taking us back home (much easier since both sides of the family are in the same area) It will temporarily set us back in our FI journey as we have to muck around with buying and selling houses (when we only bought a year and a half ago) but when we did a pros and cons list moving back was the obvious choice - but we are in an isolated northern BC community with less then ideal school and hospital situation and a serious lack of fresh veggies. We made the decision as well based on future potential kids.  The flip side to consider with that much family around is you better have some serious discussions about how you want to raise kids/family BEFORE you move close to a bunch of well meaning and opinionated relatives :)

Cheddar Stacker

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Re: Move to be closer to family??
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2014, 11:52:45 AM »
Swick, you made my day with the ironic moving of a thread about moving. Couldn't resist commenting on it.

RH, I would stay put, particularly since you are only in the "considering having a family" stage. I wish you success, but until it actually happens don't change your life around to accommodate. Even once it does happen, if Portland is where you fit best right now, stick with it. Family will visit, and you will visit family.

I'm from a big family and we are scattered around the globe. I miss them, but we are all happy where we are.

clarkfan1979

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Re: Move to be closer to family??
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2014, 03:38:57 PM »
It's good to consider, but I wouldn't act on your feelings until you actually have kids. I feel like my wife and I are in a similar stage. We are currently trying to have a kid. Our ideal location would probably be different with kids and without kids. We aren't moving until we actually have a kid. Realistically, we wouldn't move until the kid needs to be in school, but that again is too much to consider when we don't even have a kid yet.

I really want to move back to San Diego, but will a high paying salary. I'm not going to move to San Diego to add 10 more hours to my workweek. As a result, a compromise might involve renting a beach house for 1,2 or 3 months during the summer. Yes, it would be expensive but way cheaper than buying something and moving there on a small salary. 

fireferrets

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Re: Move to be closer to family??
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2014, 04:50:51 PM »
Think about your feelings for your jobs too. If it's going to be a big sacrifice for you to give up your current work, then perhaps you should hold off the decision until you feel the time is right. On the other hand, will you be able to find work in the area where your family lives? (Depends on industry you work in, of course.)