Author Topic: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?  (Read 13405 times)

dandarc

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #100 on: November 13, 2019, 08:46:48 AM »
Another post asking about FIL's inheritance - what's the deal there? I mean, seems clear MIL and FIL must have split a while back, but makes me wonder even more why OP is getting so involved in the in-laws finances.

VioletVixen

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #101 on: November 13, 2019, 09:52:31 AM »
Because I care about these people. Iíd like this thread to be closed, Iím tired of the insensitive comments.

Kris

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #102 on: November 13, 2019, 10:17:27 AM »
Realism is not necessarily insensitivity. If you care about these people, being realistic with them is the kindest thing you can do.

And to help you out, just saying "I want this thread to be closed" is not going to do anything. You'll need to contact a mod and ask them to close it.
« Last Edit: November 13, 2019, 10:19:30 AM by Kris »

slappy

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #103 on: November 13, 2019, 11:08:33 AM »
Because I care about these people. Iíd like this thread to be closed, Iím tired of the insensitive comments.

I don't think it works that way....

Your best bet is to just stop reading responses if they are upsetting you.

charis

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #104 on: November 13, 2019, 11:37:58 AM »
What is insensitive about saying, she doesn't have enough savings, so she cannot retire yet?  Given that you seem to be taking the (realistic and true) comments personally, it seems to support the view that your post is, in large part, motivated by your personal interest in her retirement.  That is, so she can babysit for you.  If you can separate your interests from the equation, the fact that she cannot afford to retire will become clear.  Unless you are planning to support her financially, possibly for the rest of her life.

VioletVixen

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #105 on: November 13, 2019, 02:19:16 PM »
Iíve already accepted that she canít retire, and no it is not motivated by my personal wish for her to babysit my child. There are a lot of incorrect assumptions being made, so yes it is upsetting. I donít get why it is so difficult to give a realistic response without being a dick about it, but I guess that is the nature of most people on this forum. I will take the good advice from this thread and seek out a professional for future inquiries.

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #106 on: November 13, 2019, 02:27:26 PM »
Iíve already accepted that she canít retire, and no it is not motivated by my personal wish for her to babysit my child. There are a lot of incorrect assumptions being made, so yes it is upsetting. I donít get why it is so difficult to give a realistic response without being a dick about it, but I guess that is the nature of most people on this forum. I will take the good advice from this thread and seek out a professional for future inquiries.

You can ask a moderator to lock the thread. I've done it before, when things get out of hand when I was getting divorced. These days I usually stay in the journal section with people who "know" me. I think they can even delete the thread, but you can save it as a PDF if you want the ability to access any helpful parts.

Good luck to your and your MIL.

VioletVixen

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #107 on: November 13, 2019, 02:39:01 PM »
Iíve already accepted that she canít retire, and no it is not motivated by my personal wish for her to babysit my child. There are a lot of incorrect assumptions being made, so yes it is upsetting. I donít get why it is so difficult to give a realistic response without being a dick about it, but I guess that is the nature of most people on this forum. I will take the good advice from this thread and seek out a professional for future inquiries.

You can ask a moderator to lock the thread. I've done it before, when things get out of hand when I was getting divorced. These days I usually stay in the journal section with people who "know" me. I think they can even delete the thread, but you can save it as a PDF if you want the ability to access any helpful parts.

Good luck to your and your MIL.

Thank you, I appreciate your kindness and advice. :)

KBecks

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #108 on: November 13, 2019, 03:27:04 PM »

Yes, part time is an option. I think I am going to see what kind of online work-from-home opportunities are available. Her whole career was spent in customer service, so there has to be something out there that she could do. The "from home" part would just be convenient for us (babysitter). I'd like to avoid a daycare if at all possible. What is a sinking fund account?


Your MIL is an adult and it's her job to figure out what job she wants to do. This is not your circus unless she ends up with no money and needs support.

Villanelle

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #109 on: November 13, 2019, 04:20:43 PM »
This is your family.  Presumably you love this woman, or at least care about her.  I understand it is hard to read things critical of someone we care about.  And it's so easy to be defensive because we know they are a good person and it seems like no one sees that; they just know the one not-great thing from a small snapshot of a life.

But really, people here have not been mean.  With maybe one or two exceptions, the posts are straightforward, but not mean or insensitive.  It can be hard to see that when it's your person being discussed, but from an outside perspective, I can promise you that's not the case. 

And complaining about the way people give advice is a surefire way not to get advice in the future.  If you are more or less done interacting here, that may not matter much.  But if you want to be able to continue to come here. give people the benefit of the doubt that they were attempting to be helpful and that the things you inferred weren't actually intentionally implied.  Assume that people come from a good place.  Ignore the advice that doesn't resonate, and move one. 

I hope you find a solution that works for everyone. 

Poundwise

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #110 on: November 13, 2019, 10:03:22 PM »
Thanks to those who provided helpful, nonjudgmental answers. Moderator, please close this thread.

You can call up a mod by tagging them  or PMing them. Here they are: @arebelspy , @FrugalToque

Good luck to your family and congrats on the upcoming baby!

RetiredAt63

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Re: Mother-in-law wants to retire, but not much in savings. What can she do?
« Reply #111 on: November 14, 2019, 07:02:32 AM »
You may also be seeing some frustration here. It is hard to analyse a situation with missing information.  Your MIL has not analysed her spending patterns, which makes it hard for her to plan. Or for us to help.  Once she has done that, you could post a complete situation over on the case studies area.  The guidelines there would be helpful anyway, because they list what information is needed.

One good piece of advice from other threads about family members:  don't put more effort into helping them than they are doing to help themselves.  In this case, your MIL needs to do her own  financial homework.

And btw, I am older than she is, and I was able to retire at 63 despite an expensive divorce because I did my financial homework. Our brains don't die at 60!  I have to stand up for us older people here.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2019, 07:05:54 AM by RetiredAt63 »