I'm seeking advice on the next step in my emotional evolution! Isn't that fun?*
BACKGROUND:
I've recently started therapy. Specifically to address work-based procrastination, but also because I'm naturally an anxiety ridden ball of rage and bad hair days.
I'm taking an SSRI for anxiety, and have been for 2 years. First it worked great, then it worked not great. I talked to my doctor, and we decided to increase the dose. The higher dose is again working great, but the pattern is grim. The procrastination is terrible, and eventually there will be consequences.
I decided to start therapy, which my friends have vigorously advocated for, and which I've vigorously resisted.
Therapy is really fucking weird. And also terrible? The office is disorganized. The appt reminder verified an in-person visit, but when I showed up I was told it was tele-health. The receptionist behind the counter was abrupt, and essentially made fixing the error my problem. Once I actually got set up for the appt - sitting in my car in the parking lot - I realized the "tele-health" are strictly phone, no video. I admit that loathing the phone is my own problem, but this seems like an odd choice for a branch of medicine that needs connection and vulnerability in order to progress.
Most of the first session was intake questions, and didn't have time to address many specifics. I reluctantly booked a second appt, which was Monday. It was again on the phone, but being at home made it a little more pleasant since I could pace, etc. Except...the therapist really sounded like she was maybe doing housework? Making coffee? There was a lot of rustling, and clanking, and it was very obvious she was moving around. She also justified a few repeat questions with "I'm not at my computer right now."
We did get to talk about my procrastination. She suggested serval hacks that can be used to waylay procrastination. I told her I've been doing layman's research using books and YouTube videos, and that I've tried the hacks she suggested and found very limited success with them. I also told her my suspicion is that the hacks stop working because it still takes willpower to even decide to use them, and that willpower is an exhaustible resource. She reiterated that procrastination could be beaten by "just starting."
The reiteration to "just start" made me feel truly hopeless, and I teared up. Because, if the fix to procrastination is to "just start," and I've already failed at "just starting," then I'm permanently broken and will be like this forever. I made some vague protests that I felt I needed more help than that, and she suggested making myself sit down for just 5 minutes, and then slowly extending the time I could focus on the task.
REQUEST FOR INPUT:
I Understand that it can take several attempts to find the right therapist, but I've also gotten some advice that I'm entering at the wrong level. The clinics I have access to through heath insurance are LCSW, and truly, no disrespect to social workers, but I don't need help accessing resources. I'm smart enough to find those on my own. I need help with my brain.
Should I seek out a psychologist, or should I try again with another LCSW? If I decide to go to a psychologist, I'll have to pay out of pocket. If I try another LCSW, then I'll have to go back onto the wait list, which is currently about 3 months long.
*oh god, feelings. Feelings all over the place. Touching me. Get it off, get it off, getitoff.