MIL refuses to be a responsible adult

[rulesofacquisition]

So this weekend sucked, in addition to the plane ticket cluster I just posted about my MIL's roof on her doublewide is in very bad shape. The trailer is 12-13 years old and falling apart. So DH wants to buy the materials and do it. We are not FI. Her furnace and AC or water heater will be next. She says when the roof starts to leak the Lions Club will replace it. Her plan is to get everything for free. She is almost 62 and has been on disabiity for 20+ years. We have our own issues, please give me advice so I can stay married but not become a doormat.

[plog]

We have our own issues, please give me advice so I can stay married but not become a doormat.

This sounds like your issue, your mother-in-law's roof is a symptom.

Honestly, what do you want from us?  I mean the way you wrote your post your position is clear, now you are simply asking us to agree with you.  Is that going to get you any where?  You going to go back to your husband, say "The internet agrees with me" and hope that convinces him?  I'm certain you've already logically laid out your arguments, unfortunately this probably isn't a logical debate for him--it's an emotional one.   

I think you need to talk to each other.  Possibly in front of  a counselor.  The issues you have are not financial and bigger than a roof. 

[rulesofacquisition]

Yeah, you're right, I need to talk to him when I'm not pissed about other things and ill to boot.

His family is a sore point, he is a normal, employed, drug free, no criminal record, etc. person, but the rest of the family is a disaster. The constant begging and having to lie/not disclose our income, plans, etc. is very draining. I'm not used to people behaving like this.

[Cranky]

Then I'm going to suggest that the problem is not that your mil is bad with money, but that your dh is bad at setting boundaries. Or, possibly he's just fond of his mother? I don't know either of them, so it's pretty hard to judge from this distance.

If she's on disablility, I guess she's not going to climb up and reshingle her own roof.

At any rate, this is a husband problem rather than a mil problem, IMO.