Marriage vs Mustachianism

[Apple_Tango]

I’m in the prenup camp. I think every marriage should have a prenup, regardless of current assets especially with kids involved on both sides. A marriage is a legal contract and I think it would be a good part of premarital counseling to go through that discussion fully. Especially if you love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, but are afraid that it will end up with you in financial trouble. Put it down on paper and sign that sucker. But also, does she want to get married? If she doesn’t than you don’t have to worry about it. And if she does you need to clearly state that you are worried about finances and you want to discuss it as a team because you have some fears- not that she has caused, but that are left over from your past experiences.

[Gyosho]

I also would not marry without a prenup. Actually, I would not marry at all. I am too suspicious. At this point in my life, I have seen several marriages between healthy partners where one partner suddenly develops a disability in the year after the marriage, and needs to live on the healthy partner's earnings.

Marriage after a certain age (you choose the age) carries too much risk for me.

[englishteacheralex]

So many interesting sub threads here.

I have a very traditional, "all-in" understanding of marriage, but that's because in my marriage, both of us are on our first marriage and brought little in the way of assets at the start. We have two kids together. It's not a blended family. Everything is neat, clean, and uncomplicated. Sharing our income and our net worth as communal comes very naturally.

When I look at my parents and the parents of my friends, though...upper middle age on seems like a hugely complicated snarl of crazy for remarriage. So much money baggage. So much emotional baggage. I don't think it's fair to make the same assumptions as those many have for couples just starting out in their twenties or thirties.

My mom was widowed in 2009 and she has vowed up and down that she will never remarry. Some of that is due to her temperament, but considering all the implications of remarriage in retirement, I don't blame her. Quite a headache.

I can see the attraction of a prenup in such circumstances. I'm very, very anti-prenup, but still, I can see why people would want one.

[charis]

I also would not marry without a prenup. Actually, I would not marry at all. I am too suspicious. At this point in my life, I have seen several marriages between healthy partners where one partner suddenly develops a disability in the year after the marriage, and needs to live on the healthy partner's earnings.

Marriage after a certain age (you choose the age) carries too much risk for me.

Is there something wrong with that?  Is this not the point of marriage, or at least a big factor?  Maybe there should be a clause stating, I agree to marry you, but if you get sick within X years of getting married, you are on your own. 

I don't fault you, at all, for wanting to avoid the responsibility though.  If you don't feel that way about another person, you should definitely not get married.

[Syonyk]

I also would not marry without a prenup. Actually, I would not marry at all. I am too suspicious. At this point in my life, I have seen several marriages between healthy partners where one partner suddenly develops a disability in the year after the marriage, and needs to live on the healthy partner's earnings.

Marriage after a certain age (you choose the age) carries too much risk for me.

Is there something wrong with that?  Is this not the point of marriage, or at least a big factor?  Maybe there should be a clause stating, I agree to marry you, but if you get sick within X years of getting married, you are on your own. 

I don't fault you, at all, for wanting to avoid the responsibility though.  If you don't feel that way about another person, you should definitely not get married.

Yeah, I'm seriously wondering what wedding vows for some people in this thread look like...

"Yeah, let's get married, as long as the going is good!  You screw up financially or get too sick, sorry, marriage is over!"

[Apple_Tango]

Matrimony vs marriage would be my answer to that. If you want to be in love and and be joined in the eyes of god and promise yourself to each other and for all eternity (or until death do you part like some religions) then that’s totally cool. But a marriage license/contract is more of a joint business venture in my eyes, with tax benefits and everything.. I’m not a romantic sort lol. I mean I would only marry if I was in love, but I do imagine I will get married in a courthouse one day.  I would never combine my finances if I wasn’t married. But once I am married I will combine my finances whole heartedly. If a divorce happens, we will already have agreed in a previous, much less emotional time about how to split everything. Plus I wouldn’t marry someone unless we agree generally about how to manage money and made sure It just seems more sensible to me. Fights about finances are one of the main reasons people get divorced so I would try to make certain that we were compatibile in that way.

My parents divorced not too long after I was born and I was not raised in a religious household, so I’m sure that colors my opinion.