Oh I'm sure this isn't a revelation to many of you... I love my parents but absolutely hate it when they 'overstep' especially because they tend to put their foot down about how right they are about unsolicited advice they just gave us.
Can any of you relate? It's super-frustrating. I mean, I appreciate what they do (of course, I can't express appreciation to them very well... I don't know what it is - embarrassment, shame, resenment...) but when it comes down to them doing stuff that just gets on our nerves, it's another story. My parents are pretty well off but are certainly anti-mustachian by most means, even though they claim to be "frugal" in lots of ways (e.g. my mom will often buy us lots of random crap that we usually don't need but that she found for "really cheap"). Her and my dad are pretty bad 'confined hoarders.' At this point, I think buying cheap crap (my dad has a recent fascination with the 99 cent store...) and especially travel is just an outlet for them. I really don't understand my mom when she says things along the lines of or implying "you guys really need to clean up in here" or "there's too much clutter" when she herself is part of the problem! But neither of my parents are ever quick to admit that they were wrong. My mom, being the teacher/administrator, always has an explanation for everything (and this explanation is always right). She often corrects my dad, who talks as much as she "explains" things - coupled together, it's like a non-stop talk radio show. Growing up I was never much of a talker, and still am that way (very introverted). When I have to sit around my parents, listening to them talk and explain things (and every little anecdote), it usually ends up frustrating me and giving me a headache.
I don't know, my wife tells me to speak to them in a more gentle tone and not to talk so accusingly towards them. But I think I just grew up talking to them this way, partly because of my second oldest brother who did the same thing growing up. It feels disrespectful but at the same time I think my parents just intentionally or unintentionally know how to push peoples' buttons. And they feed off of each other too. I don't know how to change the interaction with them and feel like it's the same thing over and over every time they visit. They'll do something to piss me (or my wife) off and then I *try* to let some things go but end up blowing up... because it's like every little thing they do adds up and just pushes me over the edge.
For instance, one of the things that really upset us this visit was them basically telling us how we are to rearrange all the furniture in our condo once the baby comes. My mom actually spent all this time measuring out and drawing out things. And another "suggestion" my dad has brought up and feels like he's been pushing is for us to meet his and my mom's financial advisor (who they've only been using for a few years at most now) and discussing all of our financial plans with her so we can make sure we're all set and good to go... this one I really wonder about, especially after practicing a more MMM type mentality. After disagreeing with them several times, it just escalated and blew up into a full on voices-raised argument. With my mom, it's always "no, you should do this" or "no, you should do it this way" if we don't agree with her on certain placement of furniture, and it never ends. With my dad, this is like the FOURTH or FIFTH time now that he's mentioned that we should talk to their financial advisor. First he gave us her phone number and let her know we might be interested. Fine, leave it at that...why follow-up with us and press the point for us to talk to her when you already did your part!?
I think when they have an idea in mind, even if it's not for them, it's always the best. I mean, I guess that's what most parents naturally do right? Look out for the "best" things? I'm sure there's going to be much more of this; especially as this is our first child, and my parents "have experience" helping raise our 4 nephews, they feel like they have the right of way here... I dunno, it feels like a total intrusion on space though. I get why they're being like this (also probably cause I'm the youngest) but they're so set in their ways it frustrates the heck outta me (and my wife).
My in-laws, on the other hand, are completely hands-off and we actually have to pursue them and find out on our own about their financial woes. They're appreciative when it comes time for us to help but they totally want for us not to be involved with them. I wonder if this would be different if they were much wealthier than they are and if they would act like my parents because they "know better." I'm just glad I have a wife who can keep me somewhat grounded.
The funny part is, after they leave and are gone, both my wife and I end up missing them... I really don't know how to explain it. How do you guys "deal" with your invasive/intrusive parents who "always know best"?