Hi all- not a case study, exactly, perhaps more of a portrait. I'd love to hear some thoughts of those that have had experiences similar to mine, especially from those that have been down this road and can point me to some hopeful notion of how it all turns out.
I'm late 30s, married, two young kids. Spent my 20s and early 30s in the high-cost Washington, DC area, fell into many anti-mustachian traps such as buying a condo we couldn't afford right before the housing bust. Then had a chance to move to a lower-cost area of Florida with a significant pay increase- rented the upside-down condo at a loss for years before giving up and short-selling it. Discovered Mustachianism in 2013 and significantly changed my approach to finance, and have managed to nearly double our net worth since.
Became disenchanted with life and the job in Florida and earlier this year had the chance to accept a new position that was a significant step up in level and pay, although in the much higher-cost Los Angeles area. We have only been here for 4 months, but I feel like an immigrant here. I feel like I live in a vast sea of anti-Mustachianism. My peers at the company I work for all seem to be hyper-consuming workaholics. The parking lot is filled with luxury vehicles and water cooler talk includes mothers advising their sons to hold off on proposing to women they'd like to marry because they "only" have $4000 to spend on an engagement ring.
While my salary has increased significantly, so have our rental cost (over 3X) and now have California state taxes to contend with. I factored all of this into the calculus of the relocation opportunity- I felt like my wife and kids would have more opportunities in this area vs. the semi-rural part of Florida we were living in, and we are closer to family than we were before. We have continued to build our net worth along the path to FI even despite all this. We have otherwise maintained our Mustachian ways, biking just about everywhere we can, strategically living within 5 miles of my office so I can easily bike commute most days, avoided excessive eating out, taking advantage of free and low-cost activities, etc.
However, I'm no happier than I was when I left FL. I feel hopelessly surrounded by mindless consumerism and workaholism. I typically work 10-11 hours per day, and when I leave there are still plenty of cars in the parking lot. Even though I am getting my job done and have gotten nothing but positive feedback from management and co-workers, I constantly feel guilty or like a slacker for not putting in the kinds of hours that others do. Once I factor in 8 hours for sleep and an hour (total) for commuting I have about 4 hours to spend between exercising and spending time with my wife and kids, and I long for more. I don't know anyone else here yet, so I really have no other life outside of work and home.
Until this point I have been motivated by a desire to continuously advance my career and be "successful," but since discovering Mustachianism and the idea that financial independence is possible, I have become increasingly disenchanted with life. Even though I would be considered extremely successful by any standard, I constantly feel like a fraud and a failure. And then I feel worse, because there are many people out there that would love to have the "problems" I have. I feel like the "higher" I go, the more of a slave I become- mostly to my own expectations of how I "should" behave and feel. I'm tired of the corporate scene- the powerpoints, the meetings, the meetings to prepare for meetings, the politics. I'd love to be free and do something else, but at this point I am making so much money that sticking it out for awhile seems to be the fastest way to FI- by my calculations, about 10 years from now or at most until my youngest graduates from college 16 years from now.
I think my mistake has been that I have always pursued what I am "good at" rather than what I truly love, but I've never really known what I truly love, so i keep doing what I'm good at, and people keep paying me more and giving me more prestigious titles to do it, so I feel stuck.
Since discovering MMM and other personal finance blogs I think I'd like to pursue a 2nd career as a "Mustachian" fee-based financial planner, focusing on helping people achieve financial independence through reducing consumption and making wise financial and lifestyle decisions. Ideally I'd relocate to a lower cost area, set up in a home office or inexpensive office space close to home, and set up a practice. However, in order to do this I feel like I need to reach FI first, so I can spend the year or more it would take to establish a practice, build a client base, etc. without earning much income right away. Once established, I could set my own hours and be my own boss, working as hard (or not) as I want to in order to truly enjoy life. In the meantime, I am studying the Financial Planning profession and starting to make a preliminary plan of how to reach this goal.
It all seems so far away- 10-17 years. And in the meantime my kids are growing up and I feel like the best years of my life are slipping away. Every night I leave the office and think "another day closer to retirement." Why am I so miserable when I've "achieved" so much? It seems contradictory to every cultural narrative we have.
Has anyone "been there" before? Any suggestions? Thanks for listening.
