I find the relationship posts fascinating so I thought I'd post my own. Well that's not really the reason but I could use some insight from people that may have experienced something similar.
I have a fantastic SO with whom we mutually enrich each other's lives in countless ways. We've been together for a couple of years and I find the relationship has just been getting stronger and more loving. I also know that we don't share the same philosophy around finances.
I would describe myself as loosely Mustachian, of the "grad student who avoided lifestyle inflation" type. I'm 35 with NW around $300k, annual spend around $25-$30k so roughly halfway to FI. I'm a freelance software developer and pretty picky about projects so I'm sort of semi-retired already as I rarely get up to 40 hours of work in a week. I track my spending, have a budget, and have made around $100k/year pre-tax the past few years so my "take-home" saving rate would be around 50-60%. So I'm on track to not have to work at all by 45ish, or maybe a couple years sooner if I go back to a full time gig.
I would describe her as someone who's not spendy or extravagant but also not mindful of money. She doesn't track anything and has gone from being topped up by her parents for her first two years working full time to now saving 25%+ of her salary as she's switched to a higher paying job. Pretty much the same spend regardless of what's coming in. Lifestyle-wise this seems to work out as we spend about the same and on similar things (e.g. both happy with living with roommates, no car, not much eating out, a fair bit of travel, athletic activities etc).
I've read all the 'how to convert your SO to MMM' posts but they doesn't really resonate with me as I pretty much love her the way she is and don't really care to change her outlook, and I think that's OK as long as we are able to keep consistent boundaries around our separate financial lives. But I wonder if this is really sustainable in the long run and would love to hear from people who either tried this and failed, or who have made it work over a longer (e.g. decades-long) period.
So the question is, is it realistic to keep separate finances and financial philosophies over the long run, or does something eventually tend to give? Is the tension from one person retiring and not needing to work and the other continuing for maybe 10-20 more years bearable, or even productive?
Well, we started out with separate finances and still have separate accounts although the other has full access - mostly because I hated the idea of having "him" tell me what to spend "my" money on:) He's naturally frugal, pedantic and takes forever to make a decision.
He's pragmatic about money and life - I'm emotional, period. I knew he didn't entirely approve how I handled my money, being a frugal person.
However, we never have had any money issues, our values are basically the same and while I'm naturally a spendy pants by MMM standards, I don't spend money I do not have. I save up for stuff I want or trips to see family in Europe - he hardly ever wants or needs anything - he's just that way.
We've always discussed any major expenditures and how best to deal with whatever came our way - renovations and their expenses was my area - replacing the AC was mostly his.
Over time we came to trust each other more.
In the beginning, I had very little income compared to him, I was probably in the worst financial shape of my life. Fast forward 20 years later and we decided to add each other to our accounts and we developed a plan for our retirement together.
Things changed and shifted over the years and I'm actually doing slightly better financially than him - something neither one of us ever anticipated. I've become an asset to him - financially speaking, due to a number of unexpected developments.
I literally told him at the start, "Look, I don't have much money right now but I do have plenty of talents that will save us money - from renovations to gardening, to gourmet dinners and savvy shopping on a dime, having fun on a budget".
We fixed up the house and the garden in style and I don't mean fleamarket style. I have a knack for that sort of thing and I enjoy being creative on a dime with no one being the wiser.
It's been a long journey together - but we were compatible from the start and cared deeply for each other, that made everything really easy.
Money is important but overall compatibility is every bit as important. I was afraid he would try to be controlling because he made more money than me and I even had to explain to him that, "No, I can't carry 50% of the expenses, because I don't have enough income." Talk about being embarrassed, but it would have been foolish to put up 50% of expenses when to me that would have meant I had nothing left - whereas to him it was less than 15% of his income.
It just hadn't occurred to him before and I wasn't particularly thrilled that I couldn't handle my share, because I still had other obligations at the time.
I told him what I could handle and those items became my monthly bills, but over time things improved and we decided that, "OK, it's time to combine finances and accounts.
He never tried to change me or tell me how to spend my money - so my initial fears never materialized. So I slowly relaxed and we started working on projects and our future together.
If you have concerns of some sort financially it would be good to address them and discuss how you want to handle things - where you see yourselves in the future.
I think it would be beneficial to you both if she set up a retirement plan or 401K or Roth - she may not care about money as much as you do - now, but as she gets older that will become important to her and you don't want her to lose out on years of savings - she'd be giving up a huge advantage in time that she can never recoup if the two of you don't make plans for the future together.
If you love her - help her set up a plan and discuss all of your plans for your future together.
Life is funny - you never know what the future brings - discuss and implement - together.
Good Luck!