Author Topic: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?  (Read 5719 times)

LDoon

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 68
  • Location: Austin
Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« on: August 08, 2017, 09:11:29 PM »
Quick question for the Mustache community and looking for input.  Given a choice between moving to an area local to family and friends OR moving to area that suits personal interests, hobbies, etc., which would you choose?

I love the outdoors, hiking, mountains landscapes, etc.  But family all lives in flat, mid-west area.  I'd love to have both, but seems that a choice is coming between being near family for daily things, or living in an area that is great for my interests. 

Just wondering if anyone has faced a similar dilemma and what did you do?  Any thoughts or suggestions to consider?

frugaldrummer

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 641
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2017, 09:51:59 PM »
How old are you, and your family members?

If you're in your twenties and your parents are under 60 - move to your dream area! You'll make new friends and can visit family.

If you're in your fifties and have elderly parents who need your help it's obviously a completely different story.

Linea_Norway

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5211
  • Location: Norway
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2017, 01:55:37 AM »
I am thinking about an option for you of buying a property in both places, either a holiday home/cabin or an apartment. But at least something cheaper than a normal house would cost. Then maybe you could divide your time between both places and maybe even renting out the place where you don't stay at that moment. Even though that last thing is a bit of an issue.
Do you have children living with you or are you alone/with a partner? Could you imagine living in an RV?

I have been living far away from my family and in laws. For many years this has gone well. We moved in our twenties and the parents weren't so old. Many of them came to visit us in the summer each year. We still visit them around Christmas. But now things have changed. The parents in law have turned 75. MIL is in trouble and has moved to a case home. FIL could use a lot more support. Recently he wanted to discuss MIL's will with his sons and my DH needed to fly over for a weekend to have this important chat. FIL is still good and has recently stayed with us for a week vacation while we were working. But how long will he bit fit? He is also living 1,5-2 hours driving from his other son.
My mother is a bit younger and is still healthy. But she is living alone in her big house. Fortunately she has enough stash to hire handymen to do maintenance and renovations, but she really need help on practically anything slightly technical. She could also ask my brother, but he is busy having 2 young children.

DH and I have been discussing places we could go living after FIRE. New Zealand came up as an option. But he discarded it, as long as the parents are still alive. NZ is on the other side of the world and it's just not possible to travel back to parent anymore.

gooki

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2376
  • Location: NZ
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2017, 02:53:11 AM »
We chose family and friends. Good for my partners mental health.

Laura33

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2275
  • Location: Mid-Atlantic
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2017, 08:03:25 AM »
So I have always been a homebody (introvert = like being near people who have to like me).  But I enjoyed living away (CO) when DH and I were just married -- that is still where I'd be today if that were the only consideration.

Then we had kids, and the pull to be home was almost overwhelming.  I spent my childhood seeing cousins and aunts and uncles and such maybe for a week at summer vacation, if that, and I wanted my kids to have extended family in their lives on a more regular basis.  I don't regret that choice at all, even though the tradeoff is my kids don't get to grow up skiing and hiking regularly.  And it has been especially helpful to be here after my stepdad died unexpectedly; I was able to provide more daily support to my mom (and I'm her only, so being near turned out to be critical), and my kids have stepped in to fill a little of that void, too (DS in particular seems to see it as his responsibility to assume the role of taking care of grandma).

But that's me.  YMMV.

Fishindude

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2068
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2017, 08:23:07 AM »
I would choose staying in the midwest near family.  In addition to that benefit, the midwest is also a very low cost of living area where your money will go further.
Take lots of trips to the places you enjoy, or consider the possibility of a second home, condo, or cabin there.

dcheesi

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 836
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2017, 08:37:04 AM »
I can't speak directly to this, but indirectly through a friend (ex-gf). She moved from the midwest to the east coast, originally for a boyfriend (not me), but later she came to love the mountains and hills, the people, etc. It was a real awakening for her, and she hated returning to the flat plains every time she went to visit family (who, despite her relatively desirable locale, never seemed to come visit her).

However, when she was given an offer she couldn't refuse for a job transfer back to her hometown, she quickly reconnected with friends (and another ex-bf) and now seems to be very happy. She still talks about missing her east-coast peeps and certain restaurants, etc., here, but it's more in the sense of vestigial nostalgia rather than a deep longing for "her" mountains etc.

I think the lesson here may be that it's worth at least giving it a shot in your "dream" location, but don't be afraid to change course and return home if it doesn't work out, or if your life conditions change (sick parent, job change, etc.). You may find that you enjoy your home region much more after being away from it for a while.

undercover

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 894
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2017, 08:56:01 AM »
I think you can make anywhere your "home", but nothing will truly replace where you're from. How much time you spend where you're from or don't just depends on your life goals and what you feel like your purpose is.

I wouldn't move simply for better outdoor activities/restaurants/hobbies. You can basically have those things anywhere. Mountains don't exist everywhere, but there's still things you can do anywhere. I'm only saying this because the only thing that's going to keep you in the new area is the people. Without the people that ground you, everything else is going to get old after a while. I think you really need a much more compelling reason like a dream job with potentially great people or something like that.

lizzzi

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2069
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2017, 09:15:39 AM »
I would not do an either/or decision.  You will never be happy...and you are entitled to live in the place that feels like home and makes your heart sing--even if it isn't where your family is. If you give up your dream place to live in a place you dislike, just because your family is there, you will be unhappy and resent it...and that (entirely understandable) attitude will come through. You're going to need to figure out some kind of compromise. Maybe you can have a less-expensive home in the family's location, and kind of a "crash pad" apartment or cabin in the other place. Or maybe you will just have to vacation extensively in the place you love...in a kitchenette motel, or camping there in an RV...something like that. Live modestly in the family's location so you have enough money to also enjoy the hiking/camping location. Or, looking at it the opposite way, live in your dream location, but plan your budget so you can get back to the family/friends area if needed. I realize family responsibilities are important, but I would not give up my dream location for them, and certainly not because of my friends. My best guess (and I've seen it more than once) is that family and friends would not be agonizing over this or giving up their life dreams for you if  the situation were reversed.

I have totally been in this situation--boy, do I "get it"--, but am out of the workforce, so have control over my schedule. I keep a house in the midwest in a very LCOL area near family, and facing onto a beautiful MetroPark with golf courses, walking trails, a beautiful botanical garden, and two big lakes minutes from the house...for canoeing. Sounds nice, right? Well, it is, but my heart is in New York State. So I keep a small apartment in the town that I really see as "home" in the mid-Hudson valley. My friends who are so close that they are more like family than my blood family are there--as are a million things that I love to do and a million places that I love to go. (i.e. Manhattan, the Adirondacks, Montreal...east to Boston and the Cape...you name it.) I was not happy living only in the Midwest, but I did want to keep a foot planted there. Having the two places works very well--the midwestern house is more of a "vacation house" and the NY apt. is "home." The two places are eight hours apart--an easy day's drive in good weather (I only drive in good weather), and that relative proximity is a huge key to the success of my lifestyle. 

lizzzi

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2069
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2017, 09:24:46 AM »
I think you can make anywhere your "home", but nothing will truly replace where you're from. How much time you spend where you're from or don't just depends on your life goals and what you feel like your purpose is.

I wouldn't move simply for better outdoor activities/restaurants/hobbies. You can basically have those things anywhere. Mountains don't exist everywhere, but there's still things you can do anywhere. I'm only saying this because the only thing that's going to keep you in the new area is the people. Without the people that ground you, everything else is going to get old after a while. I think you really need a much more compelling reason like a dream job with potentially great people or something like that.

Just have to respond to this. Just because you are born and raised in a certain place does not make it your true home. For some folks it is, and that's nice. But I detested where I was born, and couldn't wait to get out of the place. Have absolutely no wish to live there again. And while good relationships are valuable and should be fostered--there is plenty of differentiation between locations, climates, cultures, etc. We all can, and probably should, "bloom where we're planted." That still doesn't mean every place is the same or will be right for you. Sometimes a move to your heart's home is a joyous thing and absolutely appropriate--whether your relatives live there or not. 

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6257
  • Location: BC
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2017, 09:32:00 AM »
Another point of view --

In your dream location, how much time will you get to pursue your activities?  This matters a lot.   I moved to California, and while I loved the weather and the hiking on weekends was nice, I found that I was working long hours, did not have a lot of surplus money, and we only enjoyed our location the way I wanted, maybe two weekends a month, and then flew back to see family on holidays (Note, we had young kids).

Other singles that move hate it if they don't make a community around themselves.

So, you need to ask yourself if you could enjoy your dream area with the frequency you want, how you want, and can easily form friendships if you lived there, or if it would be better to stay put and take more vacations to your chosen area.



gfirero

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 8
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2017, 09:32:47 AM »
We were in a similar situation as you (do we choose Midwest w/family or Mountains w/hiking, skiing, camping, etc.?).
We selected the mountains.  Our family then proceeded to scatter across the country (east coast, southwest, southeast, etc.). So, the decision looks correct in hindsight. 

We met a lot of like-minded people that became like an extended family in our new home. I think you can find a "tribe" anywhere, but it might be easier in places that tend to attract transplants. 

Of course, none of these decisions are irreversible.  Good luck whatever you decide.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6609
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2017, 10:15:03 AM »
I live in So Cal, our families live in the Northeast.  There's your answer.

I'm sure I'd be happy almost anywhere, but I do love the beach.

Also, this quote:
Just have to respond to this. Just because you are born and raised in a certain place does not make it your true home. For some folks it is, and that's nice. But I detested where I was born, and couldn't wait to get out of the place. Have absolutely no wish to live there again. And while good relationships are valuable and should be fostered--there is plenty of differentiation between locations, climates, cultures, etc. We all can, and probably should, "bloom where we're planted." That still doesn't mean every place is the same or will be right for you. Sometimes a move to your heart's home is a joyous thing and absolutely appropriate--whether your relatives live there or not.


Yes.  I mean, I grew up in the Northeast, so I'm sure I could move back, and deal with the weather.  I could live without the beach and could instead enjoy hiking, lakes, camping, etc.  I could take the kids sledding, and adapt.  But I could never move back to my home town.  Family or not.  Small town, uber conservative, Trump voters.  Bad food, bad wine, bad beer.  Unhealthy lifestyles, lots of smoking and heavy drinking and drugs.  Not a lot of jobs.  You *can* be healthy in my home town, and a few people have managed it (one HS friend does half ironman triathlons with her husband), but it is not the norm.

My hubby's home town, upstate NY, a bit more liberal, health conscious, larger, more urban, more jobs.  I could live there.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 10:21:26 AM by mm1970 »

ysette9

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4820
  • Location: Bay Area, CA
    • Insert Snappy Title Here (Journal)
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2017, 10:34:10 AM »
I suspect it is easier to deal with a bad location when you are busy working all the time. Imagine having a ton of free time to do whatever you want and then finding yourself stopped in pursuing something fun because bad weather/no nearby places to do hobby X/no one nearby who shares your passion/whatever. Sure, family is important, but unless you are spending every day with them and that is how you want to spend your time, I think living in a place that brings joy will bring more long-term rewards.

I grew up in a small-ish town and while there are a lot of things to appreciate about it, i would never move back and wouldn't want to raise my kid there. Being in a place with more diversity, more opportunities, more activities is important. That is just my value system though.

Fudge102

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 167
  • Location: Albany, NY
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #14 on: August 09, 2017, 11:08:24 AM »
I've been going through this exact dilemma now.  Born outside of Philly, raised in Wisconsin.  I love me some history, cold, and green.  So I came to the Northeast after 10 years of being in the Navy.  I had plenty of friends in the Navy.  But now I moved to an area where I know no one.  As others have pointed out, yes you will make new friends eventually.  But that takes time.  In the meantime it can feel very lonely.  My fiance will be moving out here soon and that will help.  But we've also been toying with the idea of moving back to Wisconsin as there's more than just us.  When we start a family, parents will want to visit.  And that adds a burden onto them as well.  And if we have to travel back to them all the time, those add costs onto us.  And by not traveling (totally an option) it removes family from family...  It's not all settled yet, but these are many of the considerations going through our mind.  Hell, if I could get all my friends in family in one spot, that would be heaven.  Don't underestimate the power of knowing people, of having friends and family around.  It's good to have people to back you up when times get rough.

Laura33

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2275
  • Location: Mid-Atlantic
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2017, 11:24:58 AM »
I wouldn't move simply for better outdoor activities/restaurants/hobbies. You can basically have those things anywhere. Mountains don't exist everywhere, but there's still things you can do anywhere.

Yeah, sorry, disagree -- my current location doesn't get champagne powder or 300+ days of sun with no humidity or 40-degree daily temperature swings that keep summer from getting too intolerably hot and winter from getting too intolerably cold.  I would totally move for outdoor activities in awesome weather that I don't get here.  Except for that damn family thing.  :-)

FINate

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1322
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #16 on: August 09, 2017, 11:28:10 AM »
Same dilemma, appreciate the points raised in responses so far.

We're in Santa Cruz/Bay Area so lots of diversity of outdoor activity, but the traffic and crowds are extremely bothersome and COL is off the charts. However, both sets of grandparents are around for our kids and same with extended family and great circle of long time friends. 

We've decided to stay put for now. Can kinda avoid crowds/traffic by timing our outings, and also by going on road trips to other areas (and timing our escape and re entry in the Bay Area). Weekends and holidays are homebody days puttering around the house or biking around town as thankfully our little town is not a tourist destination.

Once the grandparents pass and/or the extended family scatters I suspect we'll move on.

FireHiker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1060
  • Location: So Cal
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2017, 11:32:41 AM »
We have a similar dilemma in the near-term, and settled on Family/Friends (really family though) for now until the kids are out of school. We will move to dream area once the youngest is through high school. Since we'll definitely be retired by then, if not sooner, we'll still have the flexibility to come back and spend time here if support is needed as my husband's parents age, but he has three sisters here, two of whom don't work (although they should but that's another matter entirely), so they have a lot of local support. We are here now though for family and jobs, but neither of us really care for the beach and want mountains and trees. I don't feel a strong community tie here aside from my husband wanting to be near his family while the kids grow up.


slappy

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 689
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2017, 11:53:17 AM »
We are also ina similar situation. We currently live half a mile from my SIL and in the same town as MIL. We see them once a week at church. MIL literally drives by our house several times a week and doesn't stop. It wasn't always like this. The family used to be much closer. Once my FIL died, the family basically fell apart. At this point we are considering moving out of state. We are still in the very early planning stages, but that just goes to show that just because family is near doesn't mean your kids will grow up with a relationship wiih them.

bognish

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 289
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2017, 01:50:44 PM »
Move. Its nice to live in a place that other people have to take vacations and fly to in order to enjoy. You can always go back if family demands come up or you decide you don't like it for some reason. If you move to a place that is known for a specific activity that you enjoy (hiking, skiing, beach etc) there are most likely many other people moving there for the same reason. Its easier to meet new people that you share a common activity/interest with.

stoaX

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 491
  • Location: SoCal
  • 'tis nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2017, 02:10:08 PM »
How old are you, and your family members?

If you're in your twenties and your parents are under 60 - move to your dream area! You'll make new friends and can visit family.

If you're in your fifties and have elderly parents who need your help it's obviously a completely different story.

Good insight.  I live in southern California, HCOL area, for family reasons.  I wouldn't live here otherwise, but in the meantime I'll make the most of it.  And when it comes to HCOL areas, there are a lot worse.   

Lmoot

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 731
    • Journal
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2017, 02:30:00 PM »
I chose to stay near family. One day some of them may be gone, and I can always travel and visit other places. Luckily I have friends all over the country, and the world. I too enjoy hiking. I live in Florida so I feel your pain, because I enjoy a challenging hike as well. But maybe you can join your states hiking organization and learn about some really great hiking areas. Every trail has its own challenge, if challenges are what you're looking for.  Do a couple staycations, and fall back in love with the area. I personally love the idea of having a deep root system. Having my little house near the town I grew up in is perfect. I traveled out of the country for up to two months, and it's nice to be able to have somewhere to bounce back to, that never changes. You will appreciate those excursions out to the mountains, much more and it will feel even more special.

spjulep

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 58
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2017, 06:36:24 PM »
I believe social connectedness is consistently shown to make people happier than external circumstances like where you live. You can always make new friends but it depends on your preferences and personality whether that would be an acceptable substitute for old friends and family.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6609
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2017, 06:46:28 PM »
I believe social connectedness is consistently shown to make people happier than external circumstances like where you live. You can always make new friends but it depends on your preferences and personality whether that would be an acceptable substitute for old friends and family.
This is a good point.  I feel far more social connectedness with my neighbors, friends, and adopted family than I do with most of my blood relatives.  So living far from them works just fine for me.

Tass

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1478
  • Age: 26
  • Location: Southern California
  • Working on a PhD...
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #24 on: August 09, 2017, 07:23:05 PM »
How old are you, and your family members?

If you're in your twenties and your parents are under 60 - move to your dream area! You'll make new friends and can visit family.

If you're in your fifties and have elderly parents who need your help it's obviously a completely different story.

I'm in my twenties with young parents. I moved across the country to a common dream location (beach, desert, mountains all within reach) for graduate school. And I plan to hightail it out of here and back to my family as soon as I'm finished.

It probably depends *how* far away from family you are - day trip range? Weekend trip range? Even further? (I'm far enough that a solid day gets eaten on travel both directions.) And greater distance will likely mean greater travel cost when you do visit. Is there any kind of happy medium?

LDoon

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 68
  • Location: Austin
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #25 on: August 09, 2017, 07:30:17 PM »
OP here.  Mid 30's and parents in mid-60's.  Two areas are far apart and would be a flight to get between the two.  This is more of an abstract question and I won't need to make the actual decision for probably 2 years.  Just curious about how others approach the issue and the considerations. 

JLee

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5498
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #26 on: August 09, 2017, 11:49:00 PM »
I left a solid government career in a place I hated (close to where I grew up) and moved to the desert, which I loved.

It may have been the best decision I ever made.

Dave1442397

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 987
  • Location: NJ
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2017, 05:58:27 PM »
I think you can make anywhere your "home", but nothing will truly replace where you're from. How much time you spend where you're from or don't just depends on your life goals and what you feel like your purpose is.

I wouldn't move simply for better outdoor activities/restaurants/hobbies. You can basically have those things anywhere. Mountains don't exist everywhere, but there's still things you can do anywhere. I'm only saying this because the only thing that's going to keep you in the new area is the people. Without the people that ground you, everything else is going to get old after a while. I think you really need a much more compelling reason like a dream job with potentially great people or something like that.

Just have to respond to this. Just because you are born and raised in a certain place does not make it your true home. For some folks it is, and that's nice. But I detested where I was born, and couldn't wait to get out of the place. Have absolutely no wish to live there again. And while good relationships are valuable and should be fostered--there is plenty of differentiation between locations, climates, cultures, etc. We all can, and probably should, "bloom where we're planted." That still doesn't mean every place is the same or will be right for you. Sometimes a move to your heart's home is a joyous thing and absolutely appropriate--whether your relatives live there or not.

Same here. I haven't lived within 3,000 miles of where I was born since 1990, and I never plan on living there again. Of all the places I've been, Lake Tahoe pushes all my buttons. The only problem is that it's expensive :)

spjulep

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 58
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2017, 06:19:11 PM »
I believe social connectedness is consistently shown to make people happier than external circumstances like where you live. You can always make new friends but it depends on your preferences and personality whether that would be an acceptable substitute for old friends and family.
This is a good point.  I feel far more social connectedness with my neighbors, friends, and adopted family than I do with most of my blood relatives.  So living far from them works just fine for me.
Yeah... me too... I think about it when I am fantasizing of moving to a remote mountain lodge. Sounds nice but ultimately I'll be happier with more human interaction.

sisto

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 968
  • Age: 50
  • Location: Sacramento, CA
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #29 on: August 11, 2017, 09:20:36 AM »
I think you can make anywhere your "home", but nothing will truly replace where you're from. How much time you spend where you're from or don't just depends on your life goals and what you feel like your purpose is.

I wouldn't move simply for better outdoor activities/restaurants/hobbies. You can basically have those things anywhere. Mountains don't exist everywhere, but there's still things you can do anywhere. I'm only saying this because the only thing that's going to keep you in the new area is the people. Without the people that ground you, everything else is going to get old after a while. I think you really need a much more compelling reason like a dream job with potentially great people or something like that.

Just have to respond to this. Just because you are born and raised in a certain place does not make it your true home. For some folks it is, and that's nice. But I detested where I was born, and couldn't wait to get out of the place. Have absolutely no wish to live there again. And while good relationships are valuable and should be fostered--there is plenty of differentiation between locations, climates, cultures, etc. We all can, and probably should, "bloom where we're planted." That still doesn't mean every place is the same or will be right for you. Sometimes a move to your heart's home is a joyous thing and absolutely appropriate--whether your relatives live there or not.

Same here. I haven't lived within 3,000 miles of where I was born since 1990, and I never plan on living there again. Of all the places I've been, Lake Tahoe pushes all my buttons. The only problem is that it's expensive :)
Yay Tahoe! One of several mountain ski towns I've been looking at.

Because I was a military brat and then in.the service myself at 18 I have moved constantly. Only stayed in Calif because that's were I got a civilian job after getting out and just happen to be where my family lived too. Maybe people who have moved constantly find it easier to uproot from their...um...roots.
Spartana, have you looked at Minden, Carson, or Gardnerville, NV? They're all a short drive from Tahoe, but in NV and much cheaper.

Dave1442397

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 987
  • Location: NJ
Re: Location Question: Family/Friends or Dream Area?
« Reply #30 on: August 11, 2017, 01:03:36 PM »
I think you can make anywhere your "home", but nothing will truly replace where you're from. How much time you spend where you're from or don't just depends on your life goals and what you feel like your purpose is.

I wouldn't move simply for better outdoor activities/restaurants/hobbies. You can basically have those things anywhere. Mountains don't exist everywhere, but there's still things you can do anywhere. I'm only saying this because the only thing that's going to keep you in the new area is the people. Without the people that ground you, everything else is going to get old after a while. I think you really need a much more compelling reason like a dream job with potentially great people or something like that.

Just have to respond to this. Just because you are born and raised in a certain place does not make it your true home. For some folks it is, and that's nice. But I detested where I was born, and couldn't wait to get out of the place. Have absolutely no wish to live there again. And while good relationships are valuable and should be fostered--there is plenty of differentiation between locations, climates, cultures, etc. We all can, and probably should, "bloom where we're planted." That still doesn't mean every place is the same or will be right for you. Sometimes a move to your heart's home is a joyous thing and absolutely appropriate--whether your relatives live there or not.

Same here. I haven't lived within 3,000 miles of where I was born since 1990, and I never plan on living there again. Of all the places I've been, Lake Tahoe pushes all my buttons. The only problem is that it's expensive :)
Yay Tahoe! One of several mountain ski towns I've been looking at.

Because I was a military brat and then in.the service myself at 18 I have moved constantly. Only stayed in Calif because that's were I got a civilian job after getting out and just happen to be where my family lived too. Maybe people who have moved constantly find it easier to uproot from their...um...roots.
Spartana, have you looked at Minden, Carson, or Gardnerville, NV? They're all a short drive from Tahoe, but in NV and much cheaper.
Yeah I'm pretty familiar with that area (relatives lived in Tahoe Vista for decades) but my goal is to live within walking or shuttle distance if ski area and town. More $$$s but can easily live in a small apt or condo. Last winter I got a 4 month ski lease (lovely furnished all inclusive house) at a Cali ski resort with 4 friends. It cost me around $400/month for my share. The best part was that they all worked full time so could only come up for weekends and holidays so I basicly had the place to myself most of the time. Looking into something like that this winter again. Actually that could be an option for the OP - live near family but rent a place (maybe shared) for a few months  in an area (or diffetent areas each year) they want to spend time in.

It's just so freakin' beautiful there, no matter what season it is. My SIL is moving back East from Incline Village, and I'm really going to miss our free vacation lodging :)