Wow, time flies. It's been just over a year since I left my job to be full time dad - I've been meaning to post an update anyway, but also owe it to others in a similar position to post about how it's going! Apologies for some of this being a bit rambling but hopefully it's helpful.
TLDR - For anyone looking for a quick update: overall, it's been great. Many days have been very challenging, but I love all of the adventures and memories we've created the past year, I'm glad we made the decision, and my wife is as well. My girls are 1 and 3, but turning 2 and 4 pretty soon here. My older one would say that she likes being with dad :) My younger girl is learning more words as we go, but I'm hopeful that she'd agree haha.
Taking care of 2 young ones (when I started my younger girl was still a baby) is a lot of work. I expected that going in, and I wasn't wrong. There were (and still are, but less frequently) days where I would be exasperated and the idea of returning to a business job would cross my mind. This would happen maybe once every week or two. Most days I'm very glad I'm home, and some days are in between. It's probably as hard as my corporate job - some days harder and some days easier - but it's also been less stressful and more fun. My girls are awesome, but like any little kids can be very headstrong. I've learned alot, but they change quickly so what I learn can become outdated :) I try to learn on the job, read books on parenting, and ask others in my position. Fortunately, we also have the luxury of our parents near by, and they take the girls a few days each month (they are awesome with the girls - and on those days I devote about 50% of the time to extra cleaning, household chores or any tasks - doing taxes etc., and 50% of the time for myself - usually biking to a coffee shop to read if the weather is nice).
The girls have done really well, and my older gal especially loves to read, she is memorizing short library books, learning to count really well and starting to get an understanding of how words are formed. More importantly, she is just a joy to be around - most of the time ha! - and we have so much fun together. We've signed her up for a preschool for 3 mornings a week starting this fall after hearing great things about it. The price is reasonable, and she is excited but nervous (she asked for a blue popsicle after her first day of preschool, and also after her first day of high school haha, which I agreed to). The preschool is 2 blocks from our house - which leads me into how much I love the location of our house - it's very walkable and bikable. We are a 1 car family and hoping to stay that way. My wife is now back in the office 2 days a week - and works from home the other days (she prefers working from home which allows her extra time to work vs commute, but also see us during the day. She is super patient when one of the girls inevitably wanders up to our top floor half story bedroom (office) where my wife is on a call. If our older one is quiet she often reads or plays up there for a bit). The girls and I can walk to parks, coffee, events, groceries, pediatrician, dentist, etc, and we bike together all the time (not in winter here though...) as we have a double burley that is awesome. We can check out farther away parks, or often bike around our chain of lakes, stop at a beach, to a wading pool, etc.
I often exercise during nap times (or occasionally during a partial movie viewing if the girls are locked in - I limit to 45 minutes of movie time a day, and we don't use other screens) on the Peloton or in the backyard. But another huge bonus of SAHD life is we are constantly on the move, even around the house, so I feel better physically at the end of the day vs working corporate and fitting in a 30 min workout but otherwise sitting more.
My younger gal has gone from a baby to a full on running around little gal who is almost 2. She is at a tough age, but so fun to play and wrestle and giggle with. She loves to be outside (while wearing a princess dress at almost all times at the moment) and get dirty in the mud or with the hose, and she's loving learning new songs or games. The girls share a bedroom, and have so much fun at night - they sing and play, and "read" book after book until they fall asleep, or until our older one comes out with a grievance against the little one - which happens often - but we love having them together. They are really good friends most of the time, but sharing and being kind to each other is very much still a work in progress.
My wife is kicking butt at work, and also took on varsity coaching in the spring at our high school (which overall was a big win, she loved it, and helped the high school girls she coached while also a cool role model for our girls - but it also meant 2 months of morning to bedtime with the little girls for me since she'd have to leave for practice right after work, which was a challenge and a good test for all of us) Being home has allowed my wife more flexibility at work where she's doing great. She works really hard at work and at home, and I'm super lucky to have her. She's been so supportive of me, especially on the tough days, and that's so helpful. She's found the change of family pace to be a positive one.
This arrangement also allows for flexibility elsewhere. We can easily do extended weekends for mini-trips, or extend vacations since my wife can work remotely. This past winter we spent multiple weeks at her parents place in Florida, whereas in the past would spend a week or so. Before we did any formal swimming lessons (which we did this spring), we had every day to spend hours in the pool at their place in Florida. By the end of the trip, our 1 year old learned to love the water (and still does) and our 3 year old learned to tread water and swim all the way across the pool on her own - which was awesome!
On the flip side, it can also be limiting if I get invited to go meet up with buddies or golf during a weekday - while working I could more easily agree, whereas now I have to find child coverage or decline (not a huge deal but something to consider for anyone in my position).
In some of the previous comments it came up multiple times regarding being treated differently as a stay at home dad vs a stay at home mom, or being treated differently than if I was still working in a "normal" job. There have been times where I've gotten a couple of comments, but most people have been very positive and supportive (or indifferent, which is fine too) regarding being a SAHD or seeing me at the park with kids on a Tuesday. I would say there have been times at the park, or whereever, where I see 4 moms that are clearly great friends meetup with their kids, and I get a bit jealous that I don't have that network of stay at home dad buddies. But as far as being treated poorly, I haven't really experienced much of that. Multiple guys have told me they wish / hope they can do what I'm doing at some point, and think it's awesome. That's great to hear.
What does an average day look like?
The girls wake up around 630 most days (2 days a week, my wife will take the girls until about 745 so I can workout and shower and prep for the day, which is awesome) and often my alarm is hearing them. The first hour or two of the day is almost always the hardest - the girls are often not as nice, I could say, and alot of the early legwork occurs: diapers, (thankfully 3 year old now potty trained and can change clothes herself) changing, breakfast, clean up, try to get out the door, etc. Peaceful coffee time is rare haha. Maybe we'll try to read, build blocks, do a dance party, etc, but it's hard to predict how everyone's moods will be early morning. Around 8am or so we'll usually leave for a bigger "adventure". We always do this in the morning. This might be a long bike to a park or the library. Maybe a drive to a nature center to explore and play, or the Children's Museum. Maybe to a kids meets with a family member or friend to see their kids and hangout. (I don't have a ton of guy friends to connect with like this, but a good teacher buddy, for example, that we'll do a weekly playdate in the summer). We'll get home late morning - and play some more, outside if possible on the swings. We'll do lunch (again outside if it's nice) and then my younger one will go down for nap. My older one and I usually do books or puzzles 1 on 1 for half hour or so until it's time for her nap time (she skips nap a decent amount now, but still can usually do some quiet time in her room which she's great about). I usually try to mix in pickup / dishes / laundry etc while the girls are up, but sometimes it's not doable. So I'll do some cleaning / pickup during this period too. But usually I'm fortunate to have some more time to get a couple other quick things done (coordinate an upcoming family calendar thing, setup a doctor appt etc, mow the lawn, maybe exercise if I haven't in the morning, or simply read or every once in awhile, nap myself!) After naps, we'll do a snack and usually go for a walk (maybe get groceries) or to the park or sled in winter. Then, we'll usually do a little movie time around 4pm when I'm out of ideas and after we've had a busy day already. My wife's workday end differs from day to day, but we'll get family time for dinner and after.
Financials
This is definitely a short term con compared to our previous setup, which we knew going in. We're fortunate to still be saving a lot. We do need to reset on some expenses, which we've gotten too loose on. With my wife's pay, we've still been able to max her 401k, both our IRA's, and the family HSA, as well as a little towards 529's. We're no longer adding to my 401k, obviously, and cashflow is neutral (not adding to or taking out from taxable investments / savings account) whereas in the past we'd be able to add to taxable investment account. When working, I would go on financial sites / MMM / etc. very often. Now, it's much more rare for me to check them out or check the S&P 500, for example. Just an interesting sidenote. A manager at my company reached out about my same position reopening up in the winter, but I respectively declined. It's definitely a risk that the job market changes and it will be difficult to get a job when we choose to go that route, but I think we're still happy with where we're at. But nothing is set in stone and we may decide that me getting a part time or fulltime job at some point makes sense. But not now.
Some moments during the day can be very frustrating with two little ones, but most of the time has been pretty awesome (and tiring). I'll always cherish the time we've had together this past year.