Here’s my personal experiences…
First off, congrats on putting yourself in such a strong financial position this early in life. Even with the loss of your sizeable income you can hit your FIRE goals in a few short years, and with some modest changes you could be there now. Once you aren’t working a lot of expenses are no longer necessary as you have the time to do them yourself or shop around or think about alternatives.
I recently became a SAHD for two years (though it was largely due to circumstance and less about choice). I was also burnt out and looking forward to that shift.
- It didn’t stick. Despite thinking about it a great deal, I was utterly unprepared for the mental shift where my day revolved around the needs and wants of my toddler. I really struggled with my self worth, particularly when my spouse was working on some big multifaceted project and my focus was on (literally) poop.
- Interacting with my former co-worker/friends really didn’t happen. Part of that can be blamed on Covid, but it’s also hard when schedules simply don’t integrate well with a youngster in tow.
- In my head I knew raising our daughter was one of the most important things I could be doing, but in the moment it rarely felt like it.
- There was more strain on our marriage. I’ll own up to most of this being my fault, but when you both are working as career professionals theres a shared set of experiences. When I was out of that environment I was less tolerant of spouse’s inner-office conflicts, and she couldn’t understand why I was so frustrated at something seemingly so minor as dealing with DD’s mood swings. In short - even though we both had experienced what the other was going through, it was harder to relate on a day-to-day, minute-to-minute.
- This one wound up being huge: after spending 9+ hours exclusively with DD, I was ready to pass the childcare on to my spouse for a few hours. But spouse had just come back from a very long and taxing day, and also needed to decompress.
- Spouse felt guilty whenever she missed out on a developmental milestone because she was working.
- Since I was always around and the one doing most of the parenting, DD of course was always thrilled to see her other parent, and often complained about having to spend more time with me.
+1 My experiences were almost exactly the same as Nero. This was my response from another post which is also worth reading.
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/likely-leaving-job-to-become-sahd/Fellow SAHD here, been at it about 4 years. A few things I have noticed that you might run into.
1. Its Isolating - You think "holy crap im gonna have so much free time!" You do, but who are you going to spend it with other than the kids that you already see 24/7? Its hard to talk to other parents (moms) at the park. They might be wary of your presence around their kids. You are not going to get invited to moms groups, so making park friends might be difficult. I for much really enjoy talking to other parents at the park while the kids play rather than just sitting there. Other parents are likely going to be weird/uncomfortable about playdates if you are the only one home. Its just kind of how it is. Basically you need to work a little harder to show parents you are not a creep and are a safe person. So be careful with your comments and and actions with other kids. As a man you cannot be too careful. You also immediately lose all your work friends, so finding other adults to have regular conversations with can be difficult.
2. Get a job - (not really) this one might just be my ego talking. But one of the first questions men almost always get asked when meeting someone new is "what do you do for a living". I reply that I am in property management which is true, but its probably 90% kids 10% property management. Just be prepared for this question discussion, because it is going to happen all the time. New people are going to judge your for this fairly or not. Which leads me to:
3. The Double Standard - Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad. For instance as long as I am not actively swearing at my kids strangers will stop me and tell me what a great dad I am. Just the simple act of the grocery with the kids during the day on a Tuesday is unusual enough for people to comment. At the same time you will totally be judged for not providing income for your family. It's a weird dynamic, just a heads up.
4. Reassignment of house hold tasks - You might fold underwear a different way then your wife folds underwear. You might like the diaper bag set up differently, you might prefer to mow the lawn north/south versus east/west. These are obviously silly examples but this will probably lead to some growing pains in your family. Just be aware and talk it out.
5. Outsourcing - might be a good idea in the short term. Pay for a sitter 1 day a week, maybe hire a cleaner too? Trust me this can really grind you down, and there is no help. There is no one to tag in most of the time, so you have to deal with it. Having a bit of outsourced help might lessen the burden initially. We have no family in town, plus when you need help the most inevitably no one is available to drop everything to give you a hand anyway.
6. Money - honestly this was the easiest part for us, but YMMV
That's what I go so for, its been 4 years I think, I don't plan to go back to corporate life. Having 2 full time jobs as parents just did not really work for us. Good luck out there.[/list]