Hi everyone,
I could use some Mustachian real talk.
In short, how do you let go of your job and all the security and sense of identity it gives you? How do you make the leap to FIRE and trust it'll be ok?
I've been at the same company for 8ish years - basically most of my professional career. By most conventional standards I've been successful. Through hard work and a bit of luck I've also managed to come very far in my FIRE goals in that time.
I'm still working through the details of being ready to FIRE but as it's become more real I've found myself psychologically clinging to my job more than ever. Which is terrible because for years I've been saying I'm ready to walk away. It's like the caged animal that suddenly finds the door open and can't leave.
Part of my struggle is the number of big life decisions and changes ahead of me this year. Moving to a new city. Buying our first home. Potentially trying for another baby. A lot of what ifs that make me crave security and predictability.
For better or worse, work has become a predictable safety net where I know my job, I know my industry, I'm respected for my contributions, I make good money. I feel independent and successful. I have a lot of opportunities ahead of me. And now there are what I'm sure are lies that I've been telling myself - that if I leave the workforce for a while my career is done for. That I won't ever find this "good" a job again. That in a few years something will go horribly wrong and I'll wish I had kept the "sure thing." That it's good money and I'm stupid to walk away from a high paying job. (My husband is employed at a good job with great benefits and he has no interest in FIREing soon so it's not like the family is depending on me.)
However, I also poorly managed my work-life balance for years. I burned out hard in 2014 and clawed my way back to a stable level of health, though truthfully it's still tenuous. For the sake of my long-term health, I feel I'm in need of a good long break. Plus, balancing motherhood and being a wife and managing a house and a demanding full time job - it feels a bit much sometimes. And frankly, I've lost touch a bit with who I am without my job, so I don't even know where to begin in figuring out what to do next.
And I feel guilty for wanting to leave. It's a good corporate job that pays well. I have amazing benefits. My team is awesome. My boss is awesome. I'm good at my job. People trust me and rely on me. I should be happy. People would love to have my job. But I'm just tired and burnt out and not fulfilled anymore.
I think what I really want to do is quit my job. Finish our move. Enjoy some time with my son. Get rested and healthy, on a soul level. Settle into a house. Do some freelancing work that pays dirt but is so much fun (I already do a bit on the side for a small business I love). Try for another kiddo. Enjoy time with family and friends - quality, unrushed, loving time. Frugalize our lives even more with projects like a vegetable garden.
But I still just can't let it go. I can't figure out when to pull the trigger. It never feels like the right time. And I'm scared.
This is a lot of rambling. I'm seeing a therapist to talk through some of this. But honestly the Mustachian crowd is a unique bunch and I feel like you guys get it in a way that most people don't. So if anyone has words of wisdom, or a book that helped you with all this, I'd really value your thoughts. I'm grateful to be able to learn from you all!