She is a lady of a fair amount of leisure, and don't let her convince you otherwise.
She was working and saving money, living below her means "in the black" until she married you at age 40. Suddenly, while married, her spending increased to the point where her outlays for things like organic groceries, naturopath doctors, weekend getaways with saltwater pools, etc, were higher than the money she was taking home working part-time. If she is having health problems and lacking energy, this is even more reason to take saving for retirement seriously, if you don't want to both work until the day you die.
The thread swings all over the place. You realize she needs to work more and bring home more money, but then you defend how much work she does around the home. You won't accept divorce as an option, but you are okay living separately and essentially leaving her. You don't know how she spends her time, but you are sure it's "working her ass off." You know your marriage has communication problems, but you don't think there's any way to solve them.
It sounds like she is playing both sides of the card in many regards. She wants a job that is fulfilling and is important to her, but won't accept that her current $12k earnings aren't enough to support the lifestyle she wants. She is CHOOSING to drive to their houses (in an inefficient car that will cost you way more in repairs until you ditch it, no less) to make less than minimum wage, but then wants to complain about how tired driving all day makes her.
So many things in the life you're describing aren't optimal, from a financial or just general happiness perspective. But when people point these out, there's no possible way you could make changes or apply them to your situation. You say you are committed to the MMM way, but I don't think you've really internalized how many changes you will need to make to implement a mustachian lifestyle. Maybe you and your wife need to mull over your life situation (work, contributions to the household income stream, how you are going to spend money, priorities for paying down debt vs. lifestyle experiences, housing opportunities, etc) together and figure out a way forward, instead of you just presenting her with plans that she doesn't want to follow.
You are right. If I was single, this would be easy. But I'm not. I'm ready to do anything, she is not. For too many reasons. No amount of advice will change this. No amount of inquiry into our situation, my answers, your further inquiry, my answers, your incredulity, my rebuttal...NONE OF THAT WILL CHANGE OUR SITUATION.
This has turned into a therapy thread, and I made the mistake of explaining our situation over and over again. About 75% of the time you people are misunderstanding and I have to clarify. I AM TELLING YOU
HER REASONS, NOT MINE. For me? This is easy. I'm all-in and I'm raring to go. For her? No. And you all want to know why. So I tell you. You answer me...but it does NOT MATTER. SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE, ok? She's been like she is her whole life.
i.e. THE HOUSE IS NOT DIRTY AND DOESN'T NEED TO BE CLEANED. Doesn't matter. MY WIFE WANTS TO CLEAN IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS "FILTHY". Nothing any of you can say will change that fact. NO matter how many rooms you close, how many you use...IT ALL HAS TO BE CLEANED. THIS IS THE WAY SHE IS.
It isn't simple when one doesn't want to change. She needs to make more money, but she won't quit massage. Period. No amount of MMM advice will change that. None. It doesn't matter what I say or do, how hard core I am, what lengths I will go to...SHE is not going to put up with it.
She doesn't want to sell the Landcruiser. I can't make her. It's in her name. NOTHING ANY OF YOU CAN SAY WILL CHANGE THIS. No advice will work. She will not sell it. Move on to the next thing.
You have all made valid points. Sometimes there is not solution. I am married to someone who isn't ready to do this, for her own reasons, which you people don't agree with. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU DON'T AGREE, SHE DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
And, for the record, I am not TELLING her what to do. I presented her with my idea. She went off like Mussolini from the balcony. How many times do I have to tell you people she will not go for this MMM stuff?
You ALL give great advice, and I'm lapping it up. But I'm married and I'm on my own here. No counseling, therapy, or compromise is going to work. There can be no compromise, we have to go all in!
So I'm not going to post anymore about this. I'll post again after I get the news about the new job, how I'm making progress, and how it all worked out. Until then, thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it.