Job Transfer and moving Dilemma. Need some guidance, please

[thurston howell iv]

Ok here's the deal. I have an opportunity to move from a place I loathe to a place I like better (ky-fl). major reason for move is parent's ailing health. I'm with Fed so it's a lateral transfer. DW is with private co. (and not so keen on moving)

We own home in KY. Need to sell/rent. Buy in FL. (and move all our junk)

Issue 1: housing prices are double in FL where we'd be going (still doable though- renting not an option)
Issue 2: DW is not vested with private co. Needs 1 more year. Otherwise, forfeits 20k!!!
Issue 3: calculated that actual move will cost $2500 or so (obviously this doesn't include buying house)
Issue 4: current job situation has been VERY stressful. New one may not be as stressful.

Benefit 1: closer to parents
Benefit 2: opportunity for her to join fed (and apply 8 years military service toward retirement)
Benefit 3: no state tax

Short of changing everything in my life to accommodate the move, I cannot seem to find an upside as it would involve losing $20k of investments.

Is there any way I can make this work? I REALLY want to move. (New employer wants me next month).

Any input would be helpful.

[Mgmny]

Ok here's the deal. I have an opportunity to move from a place I loathe to a place I like better (ky-fl). major reason for move is parent's ailing health. I'm with Fed so it's a lateral transfer. DW is with private co. (and not so keen on moving)

We own home in KY. Need to sell/rent. Buy in FL. (and move all our junk)

Issue 1: housing prices are double in FL where we'd be going (still doable though- renting not an option)
Issue 2: DW is not vested with private co. Needs 1 more year. Otherwise, forfeits 20k!!!
Issue 3: calculated that actual move will cost $2500 or so (obviously this doesn't include buying house)
Issue 4: current job situation has been VERY stressful. New one may not be as stressful.

Benefit 1: closer to parents
Benefit 2: opportunity for her to join fed (and apply 8 years military service toward retirement)
Benefit 3: no state tax

Short of changing everything in my life to accommodate the move, I cannot seem to find an upside as it would involve losing $20k of investments.

Is there any way I can make this work? I REALLY want to move. (New employer wants me next month).

Any input would be helpful.

Can you wife ask to work remotely from Florida? If her work is all done on a computer, and she's a good employee, they should probably let her. If they need more convincing, cite ailing parent's health, that usually helps. Obviously this won't work if she needs face-to-face interaction for her job (teacher, doctor, nurse, delivery driver, etc).

[mozar]

Can DW move in a year and you go first or is she against moving ever?

[davef]

You could go down now and get established (rent for a year and figure out where to buy)
Meanwhile she can stay in KY and sell the house and work till she vests.

That's what I would do.

[Novik]

Issue 1: housing prices are double in FL where we'd be going (still doable though- renting not an option)
Issue 2: DW is not vested with private co. Needs 1 more year. Otherwise, forfeits 20k!!!
Issue 3: calculated that actual move will cost $2500 or so (obviously this doesn't include buying house)
Issue 4: current job situation has been VERY stressful. New one may not be as stressful.

Benefit 1: closer to parents
Benefit 2: opportunity for her to join fed (and apply 8 years military service toward retirement)
Benefit 3: no state tax

Would you be able to move down to FL for the job and live in a cheap apartment/room rental/with your parents for a year? Your wife stays and gets vested, with less disruption on short notice, and you have lots of time to sell your old house, look for a house and plan the move - and make sure you're both on board.

This solves Issues 2 & 4 (and gives time to minimize 1 & 3), while giving you Benefits 1 (and maybe 3?) short term, without taking 2 off the table. Downsides would be a year of separation, costs of travel between the states (travel hacking could help), and may not work as well with kids/pets etc... but worth considering.

[thurston howell iv]

Thanks to everyone for the input!

Answers:

DW needs the face-to-face so no remote work.

We thought of the separation but that would be 1 year of paying mtg, etc. AND a rental. With about $700 for a pretty cheap set up, that's $8400 (at least) in additional expenses for the year. Obviously, it's still much less than losing $20k.

Was hoping that maybe if her pay increased, even a little- it might offset the loss. Ugh... This sucks.

I was hoping the MMM brethren would have a super novel idea that I had not yet considered.  Any other thoughts?

[spicykissa]

I don't want to be morbid, but how ailing is the parent's health? Short-term or long-term? How much help are they truly in need of? Sometimes it's hard to tell from afar exactly what the situation is there, especially if it's dementia-related, or a new diagnosis. Are you going to show up and find that they need a full-time caregiver? Or is it more like "would be nice to have you drive us to the doctor a few times a year and mow the lawn" and a good excuse to move back to a location you like better? This should factor into your decision.

Your wife may be afraid that she will be forced into a caregiver role with your parents, especially if she moves without a job. Is it a guarantee that she could go Fed? How much do you need her income? How did she feel about you applying for this job? How would your relationship fare with the separation, if you go that route? All factors to consider.

[notactiveanymore]

Isn't there a hiring freeze on federal jobs as of earlier this week?

I also would ask how bad the parents are doing health-wise. Would it be possible to make a transfer in a year or 6 months or 8 months or something? Then you could split the difference. Would your wife be on board for that?

I would absolutely not make a choice to be separated from my spouse for longer than a few weeks if at all avoidable. Is there anything else you could do for the next year to make your current situation more tolerable?

[thurston howell iv]

Was offered position before freeze. Still moving forward as far as I know.

Parents health is ok. Not terrible. Just seems like they're always in the hospital. Would like to be close to spend more time with them before it gets real bad. They've both outlived their parents. Not a great longevity track record...

DW is professional that earns 6 figures. Her income is essential to FIRE!

Separation issue is just an extra expense. (And I handle household affairs and make sure bills are handled. Long distance would make this more of a hassle.)

[pbkmaine]

Could you live with parents?

[notactiveanymore]

Was offered position before freeze. Still moving forward as far as I know.

Parents health is ok. Not terrible. Just seems like they're always in the hospital. Would like to be close to spend more time with them before it gets real bad. They've both outlived their parents. Not a great longevity track record...

DW is professional that earns 6 figures. Her income is essential to FIRE!

Separation issue is just an extra expense. (And I handle household affairs and make sure bills are handled. Long distance would make this more of a hassle.)

I meant isn't there a hiring freeze because you said your wife had the potential to get a federal job, right?

[thurston howell iv]

Hiring freeze does not effect national defense or public safety personnel. Dw should be fine.

Parents would be 2 hours away as opposed to the current 15 hours.

[Novik]

Parents would be 2 hours away as opposed to the current 15 hours.

I think that's the kicker that makes this probably not worth the move/hassle/expense/uncertainty. If you could live with them, or very close by, sure. But for 2 hours away, I would wait a year for the vesting, and then re-evaluate. Spend some money to travel down more often, if you have to.

What are the odds you can get a job in the area or closer at least in a year or so?

[ToTheMoon]

DW is with private co. (and not so keen on moving)

I think this statement is your largest issue at the moment.  Sounds like you need to have some serious talks about what you both want/need.  If she isn't fully supportive of this move, then you have larger issues than waiting for the $20K to vest that you are currently worried about.