Author Topic: Jealousy - does it happen to you?  (Read 28274 times)

lifejoy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3969
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Canada, eh
  • Lovin' the Mustachian life!
    • Not Buying This
Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« on: March 22, 2014, 11:29:32 PM »
When we're all done being high-minded and on a better path or whatever it is we're doing... Do you find yourself EVER a little jealous of people around you?

Me: "Oh man, Jacob from ERE is so extreme. I wish I could be as extreme as him!" But also: "Ahh my non-Mustachian friend just went shopping... Her new clothes look AMAZING! I want to be an avid consumer, too!!"

I think jealousy can be useful, because it points out areas we may like to work on. But it can also undermine hard work (NOW I NEED NEW SHOES!). How do you deal?

mxt0133

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1559
  • Location: San Francisco
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2014, 12:18:15 AM »
I think it's normal to feel a little jealous once in a while.  I know I do sometimes when I see a fancy car or nice houses and it's OK.  I just recognize that those are my initial gut reactions and that if it think about it a bit I could go out and get a nice car or a nice house but it is not in line with my long term goals and values.  I think it's important to re-evaluate your goals and values every now and then so that when the need arises you can act accordingly that is in alignment with them.  At first you will feel jealous or deprived but those feelings are fleeting and the feeling of acting in accord with your values will give you a happiness in the long run.

What's that saying, if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything.  So next time you see someone with a really nice pair of shoes, it OK to Oh and Ah for a bit.  But then let it pass and if you need to ask yourself why they are not in alignment with your long term goals.

lexie2000

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 222
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2014, 12:41:39 AM »
In a word, no.  We've always had enough money to buy pretty much anything, but not everything.  That said, there's not much in the way of "stuff" that we want.

fixer-upper

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 258
  • Location: Wisconsin
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2014, 12:51:55 AM »
The deeper people are in debt, the more they seem to crave material possessions.  Once I got to the point where all the debts were gone and there was a pile of money in the bank, the cravings went away.


happy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5306
  • Location: NSW Australia
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2014, 01:19:25 AM »
In a former life, yes from time to time. Now, no not that I can think of. I think I've found my way and am content to follow it.

ichangedmyname

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 420
    • Luxe Frugality
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2014, 01:47:50 AM »
I'm only jealous of 20-year-old mustachians getting an early start. If I only knew.

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8576
  • Location: Australia
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2014, 02:48:37 AM »
Yes. I wish I was a sufficiently advanced mustachian that I wouldn't feel jealous of others - or maybe it will come with age?

Whatever choice I make, I feel slightly jealous of the people (real or imagined) who get to enjoy the other path/s. When I resist buying something, I am jealous of those who spend without thinking. But I know on a rational level that I'm making the right choice for me.

I try to remind myself that it's a leftover biological urge from another time. Basically the same as wanting to eat more food than you need, wanting to produce children even if that's horribly inappropriate for your life stage, or even feeling lust for nick cave :-P these things were helpful when every day was a struggle for limited resources and continuing the species was all that mattered. Now, however, there's *enough* and we're left with the urges evolution created, that are simply no longer relevant.

Squirrel away

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1042
  • Location: United Kingdom
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2014, 03:38:12 AM »
The deeper people are in debt, the more they seem to crave material possessions.  Once I got to the point where all the debts were gone and there was a pile of money in the bank, the cravings went away.

Now I'm jealous of you. :)

gooki

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2382
  • Location: NZ
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2014, 03:45:07 AM »
I still impulse buy - but it's limited to the allowance I pay myself, so it can't do much in the way of financial damage.

I'm generally good for 3 months or so of no major purchase, and then I blow it and get suckered in.

It's particularly hard looking at friends nice new houses (we've been waning a new place for 3 years). Sometimes I think we should just bite the bullet and borrow $200,000 to trade up. But then I break it down and think, what is that money buying me? A bigger insulated home with one more bedroom, an extra bathroom and an internal access garage. And I think- fuck no. I'd rather have the security of no debt, and stay where we are.

PhotoBrandon

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 15
  • Age: 35
  • Location: Seattle, WA
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2014, 05:09:22 AM »
I find myself constantly jealous of the incomes most people on this forum make.  Its amazing how many people have savings rates equal to the combined gross income of my wife and I.

As far as stuff though, not really.  I'd rather be debt-free than have more stuff.  Maybe once we're done digging out from this student loan pit I might care about stuff a bit more.  But I kind of doubt it, with the exception of then being able to save for a house downpayment if owning versus renting will make economic sense at that point.

Rural

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4841
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2014, 07:02:46 AM »
Every now and then. I was jealous of the convenience and utility of a table/smartphone for a couple of years. Finally I did the research and bought myself what was then the lowest-cost quality option, a Google Nexus tablet, last winter. I had eliminated a smartphone as an option (for a tablet, you pay once as long as you don't go for an overpriced data plan). I'd waited a couple of years to be sure I really wanted and would use it. I'd don't the research to get the best bargain, and I found the best price. Then I went ahead, and even though I was awarded an IPad on a grant application a few months later and no longer use the Nexus, I don't regret it at all. I'd done my due diligence and made the best decision, and I genuinely did need it for the months I used it (traveling for work).


Sometimes the jealousy is actually telling us something, but not if it occurs more often than every couple of years, I think.

pipercat

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 283
  • Location: Central VA
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2014, 07:11:17 AM »
Jealousy over "stuff"?  Nah, not really.  I'm definitely jealous of people who live in walk-able towns (moving is not in the cards for us for a few years, at least).  I'm also jealous of people who "get it" while so young!  If only I lived a mustachian life in my twenties!

It's all good, though.  I'm in a good place now, even if I do have to drive everywhere :)

ender

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4870
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2014, 07:29:51 AM »
It's hardest for me on these forums honestly.

Seeing so many people making more, saving more (both percentage and absolute), and living now mmm than I do our can right now is what's hard.  Even though I'm doing damn fine by myself the "others are going to reach fire earlier" tendency is still there.

Then I realize... I love my life, like my job, am young and still saving a ton, and even I'd I have to work until I'm 50 am still going to be in a wonderful place in life and realize none if that jealousy is healthy.

It's good to get you fired up to change. It's bad when it consumes you with "grass is always greener" syndrome.

CentimentalFreedom

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 137
  • Location: New Brunswick
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2014, 07:31:57 AM »
Yes. Everyday. I see people walking around with their pretty clothes, their pretty hair, their nice cars or even hear about people taking all these nice vacations. I look in my account and see the pennies that are left behind from my lack of self control and realize that I may be in a better position. I made a decision to stop buying everything on credit and suddenly I couldn't afford anything. I realize now that I couldn't afford it to begin with. Looking back, yes I do wish I had it all back and when I think about the possible consequences I shiver with disgust. It's not worth it.

What about the job? I hate work. People whining and nagging at every possible chance they can or even the lack of gratitude from employers for the effort that you put in. I dream about the day when I can quit my jobs and just work on hobbies because the fruit of my labour is my reward. To be able to wake up and TAKE TIME to see the beautiful smiles on my little angels' faces or watch them seeking adventure in every corner of the backyard. My dream drives me to tread forward seeking the day when life begins.

lifejoy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3969
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Canada, eh
  • Lovin' the Mustachian life!
    • Not Buying This
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2014, 09:04:39 AM »
The deeper people are in debt, the more they seem to crave material possessions.  Once I got to the point where all the debts were gone and there was a pile of money in the bank, the cravings went away.

Now I'm jealous of you. :)

Lol! Me too! Wait, I mean, inspired! Haha ;)

Hadilly

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2014, 09:06:41 AM »
Yes, though I will qualify that by saying it happens less than it used to.

Sometimes, when there are a lot of bills to pay (kid activities, dental surgeries, plane tickets that won't be reimbursed right away, etc.) and I spend time around the .5% and .25% that is all too prevalent around here, then I feel jealous.

Then I have to concentrate on all the good things in my life and remind myself of my own good fortune.

It is possible to turn jealousy around and make it a positive force by letting inspire you to save more, or reduce lifestyle, or ask for a raise.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2014, 09:15:13 AM by Hadilly »

lifejoy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3969
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Canada, eh
  • Lovin' the Mustachian life!
    • Not Buying This
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2014, 09:09:30 AM »
So maybe we should share some ideas on how to get a grip on jealousy?

I try to focus on the WHY. Why am I jealous? Why have I made different choices?

Also revisiting my goals and values.

Any other ideas?

spoonman

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2314
  • Location: PNW
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2014, 09:16:26 AM »
I don't experience jealousy as much as Status Anxiety.

Iíve taken a long look at my own situation and have come to the conclusion that my biggest enemy in life is Status Anxiety. The truth is, if it wasnít for my substantial SA, I would have been able to leave work a year ago. Right now I only have a modicum of control over my SA. I hope to change that this year, namely by following Alain de Bottonís advice.

The other thing that I have come to realize is that SA mitigation is something that needs to be cultivated. If youíre not vigilant, SA can come back and bite you hard when you least expect it (spending Thanksgiving with the in-laws, for instance).

payitoff

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2014, 09:48:20 AM »
for me its the jealousy of having a lot of time and places to go.. i'd like to vacation every 2 months, mini vacays, at the beach, just lazing around, time time time, and money money money, not to buy things, but to experience memories.

2527

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 485
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2014, 09:54:46 AM »
I feel jealousy and status anxiety, and I feel it more strongly when I am dissatisfied with my own life circumstances.  There was a time when I was unemployed for 18 months, and very close to getting a job with what I consider to be a high income.  I found myself walking around on Mercedes lot looking at the cars, which is out of character for me.

I like to notice my jealousy and try to figure out what it is telling me.  If I think I am feeling something valid, for example, if I notice somebody's house and feel a little jealous of how it is decorated, I start asking myself what are a few things I could do that I would like. Similar things for seeing couples do things together, families having activities together, job success, physical fitness, etc.

I don't think well-contained and well-understood jealousy is a completely evil or immature emotion. 

aj_yooper

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1091
  • Age: 8
  • Location: Chicagoland
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #20 on: March 23, 2014, 10:08:11 AM »
I am envious of people who have trimmed down their possessions to a simple level, but it is motivating me to give stuff away or sell it off.  Looking forward to a more minimalist style of living.  I am envious of homeowners who have low or lower property tax rates, but it is the current price of staying close to family and friends. 

effed

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 25
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2014, 10:09:27 AM »
I do on occasion get 'the jealouses'. What I ask myself when feeling this is would I really (really?) want to do what they do? Or what they did in their lives? Would I really have chosen a different path and been a lawyer instead of what I have done? No.

Prairie Stash

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1809
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2014, 10:16:17 AM »
I'm pretty sure everyone feels jealousy, or the counterpart of showing off. You see examples of both here, people trying to use jealousy to get to a better life. You also see people boasting about how they have it all. I see humility and jealousy as inter related.

It's all about dealing with it. I strive to use jealousy as just another tool. If used correctly its another healthy emotion. I see a lot of excellent folk on this forum using jealousy to help them on their paths towards their goals.

lexie2000

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 222
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #23 on: March 23, 2014, 10:36:16 AM »
The deeper people are in debt, the more they seem to crave material possessions.  Once I got to the point where all the debts were gone and there was a pile of money in the bank, the cravings went away.

That, for sure.  When you have money in the bank and know that if you REALLY want it you can have it, the desire for a lot of "shiny stuff" dissipates.

We knew a semi-Mustachian/Millionaire Next Door type who was retired.  Any time he got a hankering to buy "something" (and he could well afford anything that he wanted), he would give himself a cooling off period of 2-3 weeks.  He said that if he couldn't "dial it out" (as he called it), he'd go buy it.  He said it was surprising at how often he came to the conclusion that he didn't really want "whatever".

We relocated for work and the old codger and his wife (20 years our senior) have since passed away.  We lived next door to them and we miss them terribly.  They were the only couple that we ever met that got what we were doing.  We got together for cocktails on the patio quite frequently and often our discussions were about saving, spending, the market, early retirement, etc.   

pachnik

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1833
  • Age: 55
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2014, 11:37:49 AM »
Around here, I do have some feelings of envy.  Mainly, wishing that I had found out about something like this earlier in life - like maybe even my 30's.  I would probably be FI now.  But you know, you find something when you find it. 

Then on the other hand, I do enjoy watching young people succeed and not waste their money on crap.  I think consumer culture is really over the top.

Sometimes, but very rarely, I will wish I had a "thing" that someone else has.  I don't usually envy anyone their vacations though because I don't like travelling very much and the cost of overseas trips is in the $1000's.  For me, it isn't worth it.  I am very happy to go to a local resort - maybe an hour or two of driving from home - and stay there for a few days with either my husband or a friend.

Jamesqf

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4047
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2014, 11:42:15 AM »
I am envious of people...

FINALLY someone who understands the difference between jealousy and envy!  To me a big part of jealousy is that you want to have something instead of that other person having it - think e.g. jealous spouses.  Envy just means that you'd like one of them too.  So when I see for instance a Tesla Roadster, I don't want to rip the keys out of the owner's hand, I just wistfully think about buying one of my own.  (But aside from the money, I could never fit both dogs in one :-()

About the only thing I really envy is people who have a lot of land (and I say that knowing that by many people's standards I already have a lot.)  For the rest, well, if I really wanted it that much, I could buy it.

Mazzinator

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 572
  • Location: Pa, Ga, Fl, Pa, Az, Tn, Va, Hi, Va, Pa, NoVa
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #26 on: March 23, 2014, 11:57:35 AM »
The deeper people are in debt, the more they seem to crave material possessions.  Once I got to the point where all the debts were gone and there was a pile of money in the bank, the cravings went away.

Thanks so much for this, and to those who agreed. This is where we are, and sadly where we have ALWAYS been. As we near a zero net worth it is getting better and after reading the "debt fatigue" post we made some minor changes (relaxed the budget) But i am hoping these cravings go away because it just makes me feel worse!

Thanks again you guys ;-)

anisotropy

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 681
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2014, 12:43:41 PM »
So maybe we should share some ideas on how to get a grip on jealousy?

I try to focus on the WHY. Why am I jealous? Why have I made different choices?

Also revisiting my goals and values.

Any other ideas?

get a grip on jealousy? NEVER!!!!

[jealousy] leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering (for other people). The dark side will set you free, all you need is the will to act.

UNLIMITED POWER !!1!!11!1

I am always jeaous.

annann

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 535
  • Location: Central Florida
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #28 on: March 23, 2014, 01:52:18 PM »
I have been fortunate as jealousy and envy have never been much of a problem for me.  When I feel these things, it alerts me to think about what is really bothering me.

I am retired and I did not accumulate any wealth until I retired.  I had no debt but also had no real wealth.  I appreciate what we have and I appreciate my ability to understand money and investments and all the things that allows accumulation of wealth.  As I get older the allure of "things" diminishes.   I enjoy being comfortable and having a nice lifestyle.  There are things that I could eliminate from the budget but it is not necessary and it would decrease our enjoyment of life.  I have no desire to have more and more money just because I can.  We all ultimately decide what is important to us and you create your life and your spending based on what you want. 

One interesting concept I learned about long ago is that what you think you want and what you really want are often not the same.  The wants you have that are subconscious are more powerful that what you want consciously.  It is amazing how easily we do things that keep us from achieving the goals we think we want.  It is because what we really want (or feel we deserve) is a stronger motivator and will keep us making mistakes until we discover what is motivating us and how to change it.

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3265
  • Location: State: Denial
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #29 on: March 23, 2014, 02:49:10 PM »
I certainly get envious at times.  I envy those who have enough that they can invest in something (for example, rental properties), and know that even if they lose money in the deal, they'll still be financially ok.  I envy those who have more time on their hands to spend on hobbies.  I envy those who live in cheaperhouses in lower-taxed states.  I envy those who have nice gun collections :)  I envy those who have a big chunk of land to live on and explore.

But then I look at how incredibly blessed I am, married to the most wonderful girl in the world, with five amazing kids, in a house that fits our needs, with two inexpensive, reliable cars and a third bay in the garage for tinkering, a job I love that's close enough to bike, and a wonderful neighborhood and neighbors.  It's hard to complain too loudly :)

steveo

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1944
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #30 on: March 23, 2014, 02:49:49 PM »
I don't really get jealous. As an example I saw a guy driving a Lamborghini recently and I don't want that at all. My friend recently got a big promotion at work and I did get a little envious but it passes pretty quickly.

I get more frustrated that I'm not pushing things more on the FI side than what I am now.

hedge

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 15
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #31 on: March 23, 2014, 03:32:21 PM »
I have found myself becoming more and more private about my financial situation and how I look at others as I go through this journey. I don't talk about it. And I try not to think about it with others. That seems to breed the most contentment.

griffin

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 152
  • Location: Portland, OR
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #32 on: March 23, 2014, 03:41:05 PM »
Like a few people above, I am most envious of the salaries many people on these forums are making. I've definitely spent some time daydreaming about a 6 figure income. This is probably useful envy, since it inspires me to make more.
I definitely find myself a bit envious of my friends spending as well, mostly in regards to eating out. Of course, once I actually think it through I realize that buying premade food instead of cooking my own will make me less happy in the long term, and the envy disappears. FI is the tastiest dish on the menu :)

Bookworm

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #33 on: March 23, 2014, 04:19:37 PM »
As far as "things" go, I do get envious sometimes when my frugal choices are costing me time and work.  The example that immediately pops into my mind is my tile countertops.  I  HATE grout.  I spend a ridiculous amount of time cleaning it because it's constantly collecting grime.  Every time I find myself scrubbing that damned grout, I get envious of all the people with granite countertops who don't have to scrub grout.

FuckRx

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 788
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #34 on: March 23, 2014, 04:31:29 PM »
So maybe we should share some ideas on how to get a grip on jealousy?

I try to focus on the WHY. Why am I jealous? Why have I made different choices?

Also revisiting my goals and values.

Any other ideas?

i'm deadly jealous of many things in life and i think i've come to terms with it. someone who is better looking, more eloquent, really nice classic car, beautifully designed house, someone more frugal than me, smarter, taller, more well hung. so maybe in response to what you asked i suppose telling urself that even if u had 9/10 things then you'd still want that other 1 thing and when you get 10/10 things you probably gonna come up with something else. if u are "happy" with ur current car/current job/current apartment/current intelligence then maybe i just should appreciate it and be thankful that i at least have this, cuz i could have even less. 

imustachemystash

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 413
  • Age: 39
  • Location: Seattle
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #35 on: March 23, 2014, 05:02:52 PM »
So maybe we should share some ideas on how to get a grip on jealousy?

I try to focus on the WHY. Why am I jealous? Why have I made different choices?

Also revisiting my goals and values.

Any other ideas?

Yes.  Do you do any volunteer work? It really helps put things in perspective.  I rarely get jealous because I work with kids with severe to profound disabilities.  I see how hard it is on families and every day I come home grateful that I have two healthy children.  I know there will always be someone more fortunate than me and some less fortunate. 

Anatidae V

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8624
  • Age: 30
  • Location: Fourecks
  • Nullus Anxietas
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #36 on: March 23, 2014, 05:23:19 PM »
When I get envious, I either whinge about it to someone else and then feel better, or use it to work out what's not working for me in my life right now. I have really bad perfectionism, so if I keep it in my head and don't do one of those things, it turns into a little self hate spiral (and I only worked out the sequence of events recently).

If you're envious or jealous, maybe it's time to look a little deeper at it and work out exactly which bit you're jealous of. New clothes could be mindless spending, or the novelty. My aunt likes novelty in her wardrobe, so she bus cheap dresses form the op shops and then donates some when she wants new ones, so her collection never gets too big.

fixer-upper

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 258
  • Location: Wisconsin
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #37 on: March 23, 2014, 06:44:21 PM »
As far as "things" go, I do get envious sometimes when my frugal choices are costing me time and work.  The example that immediately pops into my mind is my tile countertops.  I  HATE grout.  I spend a ridiculous amount of time cleaning it because it's constantly collecting grime.  Every time I find myself scrubbing that damned grout, I get envious of all the people with granite countertops who don't have to scrub grout.

I'm not envious of the granite either.  It's cold, porous, needs resealed every so often, etc.  Laminate or corian are much easier to take care of.

mxt0133

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1559
  • Location: San Francisco
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #38 on: March 23, 2014, 07:46:55 PM »
[quote author=imustachemystash link=topic=15722.msg251017#msg251017
Yes.  Do you do any volunteer work? It really helps put things in perspective.  I rarely get jealous because I work with kids with severe to profound disabilities.  I see how hard it is on families and every day I come home grateful that I have two healthy children.  I know there will always be someone more fortunate than me and some less fortunate.
[/quote]

This really does put things in perspective.  I went to the Philippines to help out family members after Typhoon Yolanda and will continue to seek out similar volunteer/aid opportunities to set an example for my kids and to expand their horizons.

Squirrel away

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1042
  • Location: United Kingdom
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #39 on: March 24, 2014, 03:33:41 AM »
I was tossing and turning last night as I couldn't sleep so I forced myself to compile a gratitude list in my head. I have a roof over my head, clean water, a husband who loves me, more than enough food etc... I find that helpful.

So maybe we should share some ideas on how to get a grip on jealousy?

I try to focus on the WHY. Why am I jealous? Why have I made different choices?

Also revisiting my goals and values.

Any other ideas?

Yes.  Do you do any volunteer work? It really helps put things in perspective.  I rarely get jealous because I work with kids with severe to profound disabilities.  I see how hard it is on families and every day I come home grateful that I have two healthy children.  I know there will always be someone more fortunate than me and some less fortunate. 

I agree, that when I find myself getting jealous I try and think of the millions of people in the world that have it much worse than me.

MrsPete

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3519
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #40 on: March 24, 2014, 06:09:37 AM »
Definitely!  I think all of us have moments when we think, "Look at that house they're living in!  And I'm still in this little starter place."  Or, "They're going on vacation yet again?" 

But they're moments.  Just moments. 

Realistic, practical me knows that I've made the best choices for my family, and we're better off than most people.  I wouldn't change places with those folks -- and since I have the money in the bank, I could do so!  They, however, could not change places with me because their resources wouldn't allow it. 

nereo

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10789
  • Location: Just south of Canada
    • Here's how you can support science today:
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #41 on: March 24, 2014, 06:47:53 AM »
ah... Jealousy and Envy.  I think they're twins.
I fight being jealous over the salaries that many of my peers make, especially when I don't think it adds as much value to the world as other jobs.  For example, one family friend makes $80k distributing fashionable shoes to retail stores. For some reason it's the worst when they're living anti-mustachian lifestyles.  There's always a voice in my head screaming "if I had your income I'd be FI/FIRE in < 10 years!  Instead you are just accumulating debt!" Sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut, but I manage.

Interestingly, I don't seem to mind higher salaries of friends who spend responsibly and add more value to the world.  Like the couple I know who are both doctors, earn easily over $200k but volunteer for a few days each week at the walk-in clinic and share a single 8 year old VW Jetta.

Thegoblinchief

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #42 on: March 24, 2014, 07:17:48 AM »
I'm only jealous of people who learned about early retirement/frugality in their teens or 20s. I'd already be retired, or pretty damn close if I knew what I know now at age 18.

Pity (wage slavery) and frustration (at unnecessary environmental depletion) are the only emotions I feel towards standard/hyper consumers.

skunkfunk

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1057
  • Age: 33
  • Location: Oklahoma City
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #43 on: March 24, 2014, 07:20:52 AM »
Skills. Whether it's a better engineer, or a master machinist, vocalist, etc. I just wish I could do everything.

HAULIN3

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 75
  • Location: ILLINOIS
  • Plant Strong!
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #44 on: March 24, 2014, 07:26:45 AM »
I'm only jealous of 20-year-old mustachians getting an early start. If I only knew.


EXACTLY!!!!!

Elaine

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 467
  • Age: 32
  • Location: NYC
    • Small Things Good
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #45 on: March 24, 2014, 07:29:06 AM »
I sometimes feel jealous of people with perfectly healthy bodies. Also, I can get a bit jealous of other people's travels. A purse or fancy apartment mean nothing to me, but facebook photos from all over the world travels of my peers can sometimes sting. I just remind myself that I will get there. And with the body thing, I remind myself that I'm lucky to be here at all.

GreenAcres

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 25
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #46 on: March 24, 2014, 07:37:14 AM »
Yes, it happens to me but not as much as it used to.  I get jealous of friends I have who don't have to work often and get to travel all the time.  I also was very jealous of the people who had parent's to pay for their entire college tuition and room/board.  I am still working on getting jealous over these things, but I am no longer jealous of material items.

Thegoblinchief

  • Guest
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #47 on: March 24, 2014, 01:17:37 PM »
I am envious of people...

FINALLY someone who understands the difference between jealousy and envy!  To me a big part of jealousy is that you want to have something instead of that other person having it - think e.g. jealous spouses.  Envy just means that you'd like one of them too.  So when I see for instance a Tesla Roadster, I don't want to rip the keys out of the owner's hand, I just wistfully think about buying one of my own.  (But aside from the money, I could never fit both dogs in one :-()

About the only thing I really envy is people who have a lot of land (and I say that knowing that by many people's standards I already have a lot.)  For the rest, well, if I really wanted it that much, I could buy it.

Weird, I've always had it explained (in religious context growing up) the opposite way. Jealousy was possessive, e.g "our god is a jealous god" but envy was destructive.

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14049
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #48 on: March 24, 2014, 01:43:18 PM »
Honestly . . . no, not really.  If I want something, I'll mull it over for a while . . . research some options . . . look for cheaper/other things . . . try to figure out if I can make do with something I already own . . . and then decide to get it or not.  This keeps me from making impulse buys, but also keeps me from depriving myself of stuff that I really would enjoy owning / experiences I would enjoy having.

spoonman

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2314
  • Location: PNW
Re: Jealousy - does it happen to you?
« Reply #49 on: March 24, 2014, 09:15:13 PM »
Actually, @FuckRx mentioned something that I do feel envious of a lot: eloquence.  More specifically, a ready command of language.  Some people I work with simply have the talking knack, they can talk/BS their way through anything and they can give great presentations.