Author Topic: It's a man's world - vent  (Read 7402 times)

okits

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #50 on: June 01, 2018, 06:35:51 PM »
Much love to you, @CindyBS .  So irrational that one of the huge achievements in your life (you continually keeping your child alive through a long, potentially fatal medical situation) has no value on a resume.  To achieve that you need to be smart, tireless, devoted, and tough as hell.  If caregiving was more equitably shouldered I think it would have more widespread recognition.  It really is hard.

I hope you, your son, and your family are well.

Case

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #51 on: June 01, 2018, 07:25:57 PM »
@Lyssa one ?...is it true that half of the people here are female? Due to the #s of engineers and tech types around here and other FI sites saying the community leans heavily male, I assumed the MMM fourms are about 75% (maybe more?) male. Do we have a poll about this? If it's wrong of me to assume that most engineers and techies are male, then I think some quick research would do the trick.

Lots of women are STEM.  And lots of women may be flying under the radar here with gender neutral names.  Lots of women are interested in their finances.  Being one man away from poverty is not a good place to be, and women tend to live longer, so it only makes sense that women would be well represented on a personal finance forum.

Your response doesn't answer the question, just speculates.  I think the answer is: a poll is needed.  Or some data source.

Old poll located:

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/what-gender-are-you/

Thank you!
« Last Edit: June 01, 2018, 07:28:26 PM by Case »

Cressida

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #52 on: June 01, 2018, 10:56:10 PM »
Much love to you, @CindyBS .  So irrational that one of the huge achievements in your life (you continually keeping your child alive through a long, potentially fatal medical situation) has no value on a resume.  To achieve that you need to be smart, tireless, devoted, and tough as hell.  If caregiving was more equitably shouldered I think it would have more widespread recognition.  It really is hard.

I hope you, your son, and your family are well.

+10 to what @okits said. I also send internet hugs to @CindyBS.

flower_girl

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #53 on: June 01, 2018, 11:22:54 PM »
That's a tough job you are doing Cindy and my best wishes to you and your son.

Giro, congratulations on your wonderful achievement.  Re their comments I'd be tempted to let it go or correct them and tell them you are actually retiring early - it would depend whether I could be bothered or not at the time to tell you the honest truth.  I'm sure sometimes it just wouldn't seem worth it. You know the truth and it seems to me that is what matters.

brooklynmoney

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #54 on: June 02, 2018, 07:16:00 AM »
My colleague one time was back at her husbands family house for Thanksgiving and they asked her something about who she worked for, assuming despite being told many times that she was an admin. Finally she blurted out “I’m not and admin but I do have an admin and he’s a man!” Haha.

CindyBS

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #55 on: June 02, 2018, 09:12:04 AM »
Thanks for the kind comments.  My son is actually doing a lot better, although I still have not been able to go back to work.  He has cancer and is recovering from a bone marrow transplant.


This caregiving world has truly opened my eyes to how sexist and not family friendly the US is. 

I get very frustrated when people look at a white collar professional woman (which I was at one point) and then declare there is no gender pay gap or sexism doesn't exist.   Or the Sheryl Sandberg's of the world who think I should just "lean in" to be successful.    Don't look at the successes within the system, look at the whole system and all the barriers that keep women from achieving in that system - that is the real pay gap and sexism. 

Sad thing is so many of my skills would be so valuable to an employer.  I would make an awesome project manager, for example.  Sigh.

ltt

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #56 on: June 03, 2018, 06:35:25 AM »
I'm 43 yo and getting ready to call it quits at the end of the year.  When friends/colleagues/family hear about this, I get the same sexist reply about how I will be a stay at home wife/mom.  I have a 12 yo daughter at home.  The comment is never even a question, its a statement from them.  I earned 350k this year in the middle of nowhere, usa.  My husband is a govt employee and retired military. He doesn't earn 1/2 my salary. That is not a slight on him because he is the most amazing man on the planet.  It's just, I want to scream. I know o shouldn't care but I worked my tail off to retire early.  I've been hustling for years to get here.

Any ladies out there feel the same ?

I worked and saved and worked and saved at crappy jobs when I was young (teenager/20s, etc.).  People used to laugh at me because I had an IRA, CDs, savings accounts, etc. set up when I was very young.  I married in my 30s and we have 4 children.  We discussed at length about me staying at home because the numbers at that time just weren't adding up for me to be in the workforce.  I subsequently left the workforce, completed an MBA, and remained at home.  It is now 20 years later and it really was the best decision ever for our family.  We've worked very hard to continue to save, save, save over the years.  But the looks/comments from people who ask what I do are mind-boggling.  It's as if I don't have a brain, am not capable, or a look of bewilderment.  And the vast majority of those looks/comments come from women---it's not just the men.

Congratulations to you!!  You will enjoy this time of your life.  Don't let anyone else ruin it for you.  Enjoy your success---you've earned it!

2Birds1Stone

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #57 on: June 03, 2018, 09:52:22 AM »
Congrats! There is nothing to be ashamed of for being a SAHM.

charis

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #58 on: June 03, 2018, 01:16:51 PM »
Congrats! There is nothing to be ashamed of for being a SAHM.

Assuming you are referring to the OP, who is neither a SAHM or ashamed of something, this is a pretty odd comment.

use2betrix

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #59 on: June 03, 2018, 04:24:34 PM »
Congrats! There is nothing to be ashamed of for being a SAHM.

Assuming you are referring to the OP, who is neither a SAHM or ashamed of something, this is a pretty odd comment.

What definition would you use for a mom that doesn’t work, with a school aged child that still lives at home?

I didn’t know that there was other criteria for “stay at home mom/dad.”

2Birds1Stone

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #60 on: June 03, 2018, 04:51:14 PM »
I was just being silly ;)

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charis

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #61 on: June 03, 2018, 09:22:24 PM »
Congrats! There is nothing to be ashamed of for being a SAHM.

Assuming you are referring to the OP, who is neither a SAHM or ashamed of something, this is a pretty odd comment.

What definition would you use for a mom that doesn’t work, with a school aged child that still lives at home?

I didn’t know that there was other criteria for “stay at home mom/dad.”

I use the term that such an individual uses to describe herself. Because she is in the position to do that. Not me.

FireHiker

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Re: It's a man's world - vent
« Reply #62 on: June 04, 2018, 10:58:14 AM »
I actually find this quite shocking but it might just be that some people are better at self promoting, showing off what they have done vs other people who quietly get the work done and don't get all the credit.


There was very much a "good old boys" network when I started here, and my now-husband was part of it but I was NOT. Then, years later, there was a manager who viewed my income as "supplemental" to my husband's (I have since heard this from a trusted source) and I got overlooked for raises that were given out to less-qualified men who were "breadwinners" in their families. Fortunately the management who made these decisions (and, actually, most of the "breadwinners") have either retired or been let go, and my current supervisor has done a lot to bring my salary up. But, those earlier years resulted in a large gap that makes it difficult to overcome. Right now there are enough other good things about my place of employment (including 10 holidays and 29 vacation days per year, plus my 2 mile commute with loads of flexibility) that I'm not that interested in leaving since we're only 5-12 years from FIRE. But, the gap is still there, and a little bit of my bitterness about what led to it in the first place.