Author Topic: Is No Intimacy in a Relationship a Deal Breaker (Read 67200 times)

Cinder · « **Reply #150 on:** March 24, 2015, 07:29:53 PM »

Saw this, made me think of this thread...

JetsettingWelfareMom · « **Reply #151 on:** March 24, 2015, 09:25:51 PM »

I don't mean to be shallow but mid 20's is way too young for sexless marriages it's a romantic notion better suited for the twilight years...hormones do shift with birth control, pregnancy, etc but I sense that you two just haven't found that special person who really rings bells for you...and are just holding on going through the motions. It's near impossible for a guy to take the initiative to get out unless there's another lady involved. Pregnancy and breastfeeding and 15 pounds of extra chubb later and my husband can't keep his hands off me...it's a little too much but I don't say no....and if it ever got to two weeks with no sex and no clear medical reason for it, I'd be going crazy trying to figure out why...so good luck but I'd get out...

Greg · « **Reply #152 on:** March 25, 2015, 10:27:29 AM »

I read the entire thread and my first thought is my last; you are not compatible. You have lots of areas of compatibility, but sex and touching are important to you, not her, and so you should a) call off the wedding b) continue the counseling with the realization that it may end up helping you break up. Which is ok. At your age you have plenty of time to find someone who is a better fit.

Your fiancée may have some deep seated issues to work on, but that doesn't mean you have to weather that, you're not married yet. In any case they may not resolve to a better relationship. Assuming your hygiene is good, the sex was good when you had it, you pull your weight around the house, your fiencée doesn't meet your needs. Not wants, needs.

Your breakup, if/when it happens, will be hard. There's lots of pressure to stay and work on relationships even when you should bail. But you're young, don't have kids, and can do-over fairly easily. It may be the best for both of you, she sounds equally unhappy. Good luck.

Kiwi Mustache · « **Reply #153 on:** March 29, 2015, 11:21:24 PM »

Update for anyone who is interested.

Thanks for all the feedback and advice also.

We went to another counselling session and I basically said at the start of the meeting, I want this addressed. It doesn't matter how well other things are going in the relationship, this is always going to be a wedge that separates us. We talked it over between the three of us for the better part of an hour and at the end of it we went home and continued the conversation and decided jointly it was for the best not to continue the relationship. So she was thinking along the same lines (which I never picked up on until that point).

We are going to continue to live together for the next two weeks, sort through things and then go our separate ways. It ended on good terms and I think we will remain friends.

It's like a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I felt sad for the first two days, but now I feel like I have made the completely right decision. I went to a wedding over the weekend and I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm not going through with this with my fiance, my parents who I've talked to said not many people would have the courage to end it the way we did, most people would just go along with it and then bring up the issues once we were married.

Cressida · « **Reply #154 on:** March 29, 2015, 11:24:31 PM »

Quote from: Kiwi Mustache on March 29, 2015, 11:21:24 PM

It's like a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I felt sad for the first two days, but now I feel like I have made the completely right decision.

This is really good news. Glad to hear you're at peace with what must be a pretty major upheaval in your life.

kiwigirls · « **Reply #155 on:** March 29, 2015, 11:34:31 PM »

I am glad you updated us. Hopefully the two of you can find your way apart and onto more satisfying relationships without too much heartache..

Big Boots Buddha · « **Reply #156 on:** March 29, 2015, 11:34:52 PM »

Quote from: Kiwi Mustache on March 29, 2015, 11:21:24 PM

Update for anyone who is interested.

Thanks for all the feedback and advice also.

We went to another counselling session and I basically said at the start of the meeting, I want this addressed. It doesn't matter how well other things are going in the relationship, this is always going to be a wedge that separates us. We talked it over between the three of us for the better part of an hour and at the end of it we went home and continued the conversation and decided jointly it was for the best not to continue the relationship. So she was thinking along the same lines (which I never picked up on until that point).

We are going to continue to live together for the next two weeks, sort through things and then go our separate ways. It ended on good terms and I think we will remain friends.

It's like a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I felt sad for the first two days, but now I feel like I have made the completely right decision. I went to a wedding over the weekend and I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm not going through with this with my fiance, my parents who I've talked to said not many people would have the courage to end it the way we did, most people would just go along with it and then bring up the issues once we were married.

Wonderful news. Happy to hear.

steveo · « **Reply #157 on:** March 30, 2015, 12:39:53 AM »

Quote from: caliq on March 17, 2015, 05:33:55 PM

I left my live-in ex (~2.5 yr relationship) the day after he declined an invitation from me standing in only a towel in the living room with the excuse that he was working on leveling his rogue in World of Warcraft.

I love this line. I might try it on my wife.

As for op I think you have to have sex in a marital based relationship otherwise its not a marriage.

Anatidae V · « **Reply #158 on:** March 30, 2015, 12:55:55 AM »

I'm really glad to hear you had such a good resolution. It sounds like once the two of you heal you'll be a lot better off.

pachnik · « **Reply #159 on:** March 30, 2015, 08:46:10 AM »

You did your best and this relationship was not workable for either of you really. I am glad you came to a resolution.

I was in a similar situation with a live-in boyfriend a long time ago. We were together for several years and it never got better.

One thing I learned from that relationship was if you are not happy in the relationship today, something is wrong. While he and I were together, I remember thinking that "one day" we would be fine. Well, that day never really arrived. Just incompatible.

Kudos to you.

neo von retorch · « **Reply #160 on:** March 30, 2015, 09:18:03 AM »

Quote from: Cressida on March 29, 2015, 11:24:31 PM

**clipped**

Ha in my head I was already plotting to quote and bold the exact same two sections.

Kiwi - this was a mature, rational, challenging decision that speaks highly of your character. I'm glad to hear the positive you've found in this!

JLee · « **Reply #161 on:** March 30, 2015, 09:26:26 AM »

Quote from: Kiwi Mustache on March 29, 2015, 11:21:24 PM

Update for anyone who is interested.

Thanks for all the feedback and advice also.

We went to another counselling session and I basically said at the start of the meeting, I want this addressed. It doesn't matter how well other things are going in the relationship, this is always going to be a wedge that separates us. We talked it over between the three of us for the better part of an hour and at the end of it we went home and continued the conversation and decided jointly it was for the best not to continue the relationship. So she was thinking along the same lines (which I never picked up on until that point).

We are going to continue to live together for the next two weeks, sort through things and then go our separate ways. It ended on good terms and I think we will remain friends.

It's like a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I felt sad for the first two days, but now I feel like I have made the completely right decision. I went to a wedding over the weekend and I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm not going through with this with my fiance, my parents who I've talked to said not many people would have the courage to end it the way we did, most people would just go along with it and then bring up the issues once we were married.

Yay communication!

I'm glad you were able to come to a mutually beneficial resolution. The bolded part says to me that you definitely made the right decision.

RQO · « **Reply #162 on:** March 30, 2015, 08:06:03 PM »

Kiwi: I'm sure you'll have a lot of mixed emotions in the next few weeks/months, but it sounds as if you guys came to right decision (for the both of you). Best of luck to you both in love and life in all the years ahead.

mrshudson · « **Reply #163 on:** March 30, 2015, 08:34:06 PM »

Glad that you found some resolution. Come and post here if you need a listening year. :)

kathrynd · « **Reply #164 on:** March 31, 2015, 12:44:49 AM »

thank you for the update, and good luck to both of you in the future.

mtnrider · « **Reply #165 on:** March 31, 2015, 08:04:41 PM »

I'm sad for you that it ended. I know how hard that is.

But I'm happy for you too. It's a rare person who can learn from other's experiences.

kathrynd · « **Reply #166 on:** March 31, 2015, 09:13:52 PM »

A few years ago, we had traveled from Nova Scotia to Calgary for a wedding.
It was cancelled the morning of the wedding.

After meeting the bride to be a couple of days before , we understood why.
She was very immature, and it seemed she was marrying to get away from her family.

dunhamjr · « **Reply #167 on:** April 01, 2015, 12:08:52 PM »

Quote from: Kiwi Mustache on March 29, 2015, 11:21:24 PM

Update for anyone who is interested.

Thanks for all the feedback and advice also.

We went to another counselling session and I basically said at the start of the meeting, I want this addressed. It doesn't matter how well other things are going in the relationship, this is always going to be a wedge that separates us. We talked it over between the three of us for the better part of an hour and at the end of it we went home and continued the conversation and decided jointly it was for the best not to continue the relationship. So she was thinking along the same lines (which I never picked up on until that point).

We are going to continue to live together for the next two weeks, sort through things and then go our separate ways. It ended on good terms and I think we will remain friends.

It's like a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I felt sad for the first two days, but now I feel like I have made the completely right decision. I went to a wedding over the weekend and I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm not going through with this with my fiance, my parents who I've talked to said not many people would have the courage to end it the way we did, most people would just go along with it and then bring up the issues once we were married.

honestly i am really glad that you addressed this before your choices made things much harder to unwind.

JetsettingWelfareMom · « **Reply #168 on:** April 07, 2015, 10:27:06 AM »

Thanks for the update...it takes two to tango (or not)...so I'm not surprised that your girlfriend was having thoughts on her end too...it seems so hard at the time but I bet in a few years when you've finally found someone that turns you on that way both of you will be grateful...

Dicey · « **Reply #169 on:** October 18, 2019, 06:04:07 AM »

Spam alert.

ETA - the OP was last seen in these parts on October 21, 2016. Hopefully he's found happiness by now.

RetiredAt63 · « **Reply #170 on:** October 18, 2019, 06:07:39 AM »

Quote from: Dicey on October 18, 2019, 06:04:07 AM

Spam alert.

ETA - the OP was last seen in these parts on October 21, 2016. Hopefully he's found happiness by now.

I've already notified the moderators.

News:

Author Topic: Is No Intimacy in a Relationship a Deal Breaker (Read 67200 times)