Author Topic: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?  (Read 2193 times)

BuildingmyFIRE

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Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« on: January 03, 2018, 12:23:57 PM »
Hi everyone! 

Have you ever asked a friend, colleague, or acquaintance who also has children for their child's clothes as hand me downs?  To be clear, I'm not talking about accepting hand me down that have been offered, but actually affirmatively asking for them.  How have you been tactful about it??

What about for yourself?  Have you ever asked a friend, colleague, etc. for their clothes as hand me downs for yourself? 

Ok Go.   

affordablehousing

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2018, 01:03:55 PM »
I've only done that when friends are moving out of state and imply that they are going to have to get rid of things. I've asked for first crack at the trash. That hasn't been too weird, only a little weird.

Affirmatively asking for old clothes sounds like it's worthy of an audition for Extreme Cheapskates the tv show (favorite clip was the woman making purses out of roadkill).

Isn't there good sh$t on the street? Not sure where you live but the streets usually provide all a child would need.

jtray

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2018, 01:12:08 PM »
Hey! If asking outright seems too weird- you could try arranging a second hand clothing swap with parents who have children of a variety of ages- then the person could potentially get new (used) items as well as clean out the closet. This has worked really well for HS / college aged girls and has been made bigger and bigger each year- the day now  ends in everyone going out to dinner in a new outfit.

wordnerd

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2018, 01:18:01 PM »
One of my friends has solicited a swap on a local parents' group. I could see putting out a call to see if anyone is trying to get rid of things. I probably wouldn't ask one person, since giving up baby clothes (or even loaning them) can be emotional and touch on child-bearing plans.

nereo

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2018, 03:25:07 PM »
BuildingmyFIRE - can you tell us a bit more about what you are finding difficult?

It's been pretty straightforward and not-at-all-weird for us; we just tell our close friends "hey, anytime you are clearing stuff out let us know - we'd most likely put a lot of it to good use".  It helps that our friends are all in the reuse/recycle crowd anyway.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2018, 03:28:45 PM »
Think its simply how you ask. " What do you do with all those extra clothes as your kids grow" them " we mostly--------------" Well if its easier for you I can take them away for you and for sure use them. (depending on there answer)

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2018, 03:53:38 PM »
I'd ask if they sell clothes their child has outgrown.

If they do, you know not to ask for freebies.

If they don't, I bet they would offer them to you because you had expressed an interest.

I don't have kids but I have friends who happily pass on clothes to other mums if asked, but won't offer unprompted because there are always those mothers who are aghast at the idea of hand-me-downs.

soccerluvof4

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2018, 06:03:25 AM »
I'd ask if they sell clothes their child has outgrown.

If they do, you know not to ask for freebies.

If they don't, I bet they would offer them to you because you had expressed an interest.

I don't have kids but I have friends who happily pass on clothes to other mums if asked, but won't offer unprompted because there are always those mothers who are aghast at the idea of hand-me-downs.

^+1 its all in the asking!

asiljoy

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2018, 06:26:37 AM »
I think it depends on who you are targeting and what your relationship is. I would have no problem being point blank with my close family, but my kid is the oldest out of all my friends' kids so outside of immediate family I would be asking my kid's friends' parents for clothes. Whole lotta nope on being direct with them, but I'd organize a clothing swap and invite them all over.

Eucalyptus

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2018, 06:43:19 AM »
Please don't feel weird about asking! Perhaps pick people that you think might be done having kids, as they might want to hang on to things for the next one. But if you get it wrong I'm sure they'll pleasantly just say they are hanging on for one more...and probably help tee you up with other parents that have stuff to help!

Maybe its an Australian thing, but most of the people I know share hand-me-downs for babies and toddlers left right and centre! There's soooo much out there. Every new parent, even the really consumerist ones with a crazy shopping habit, pretty quickly realise after a few months that they have a ton of sizes of clothes that only got one or two wears each, or often whole swags of things that they actually forgot they had and didn't use at all. It feels like a waste even to most really consumerist people. New parents these days get plenty of hammering from all sorts of sources about sustainability of things like disposable nappies (inc from professional sources like midwives who'll recommend that they at least try and use some cloth nappies).

Some ideas of wordings you could use (I'm sure I could think of more, just quickly now):
- "Hey, my toddler Jimmy is the world champion of getting stains on his clothes. I'm wondering if you have any that Max has grown out of that aren't that great, that Jimmy could have? Its such a waste me buying him new clothes all the time"
- "If you need any help decluttering let me know, I'm happy to come help you sort out clothes, especially if there are a few bits and pieces I can have for my bun in the oven, haha! I'll bring some nice green tea I have...".

Etc :-)

I love sharing things. I'm not having another kid (Divorced). But I have a baby carrier that has now served four different newborns of work colleagues and friends!!! They are always so appreciative :-)

If its someone you don't know that great, eg a work colleague, start up dialogue about kids in general. Ask them for advice! They'll love talking tips etc. Say you have no idea where to start with clothes, were wondering where to get second hand stuff. They'll prob just offer.

slappy

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2018, 06:49:47 AM »
I'd ask if they sell clothes their child has outgrown.

If they do, you know not to ask for freebies.

If they don't, I bet they would offer them to you because you had expressed an interest.

I don't have kids but I have friends who happily pass on clothes to other mums if asked, but won't offer unprompted because there are always those mothers who are aghast at the idea of hand-me-downs.

I agree with this. Offer to pay and I'm sure most will just decline any payment and bring you in some stuff.

Zamboni

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Re: Is is ok to ask for hand me down clothes?
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2018, 08:30:18 AM »
One way to get people to gift you their nice stuff is to really vocally admire it. I never did this in an intentional way, but I accidentally scored a nice briefcase this way (I had admired said briefcase, owner got a new one and wanted me to have the old one since I obviously liked it.)

One friend of mine has inherited two full sized Jaguars this way . . . he admired them tremendously when the owner's were alive, saying "Wow, this car is so beautiful! I'll never have anything this nice. You must have worked really hard to buy this, and you keep is so clean. Beautiful. I love it." Not one but two people gave him their cars when they passed. I kid you not. Another person left him a house, just because he expressly admired it. I don't even think he was being a con . . . he just knew his friends wanted to hear how lovely their stuff was, and he told him it was nice because it really was and he knew it would make them happy to hear it from their friend.

And my Mom has inherited 3 pianos after playing them and complimenting the tone and upkeep to the owners. She had friends who gave her $80K grand pianos when they died and I never met these ladies or heard their names until a piano showed up! So they could not have been super close friends, but I guess people want their favorite things to go to people who appreciate them.