Author Topic: Is Getting Married a Bad Financial Decision  (Read 16926 times)

Villanelle

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Re: Is Getting Married a Bad Financial Decision
« Reply #50 on: November 13, 2019, 10:00:04 AM »



I know the OP was old, but I'm addressing the new stuff.

Ok, toss out divorce then, for the sake of argument.

If marriage doesn't benefit me as a man financially and I'm not religious, why marry?  I just don't see the incentive to do so, beyond wistful older people who tell me it's "part of traditional values" and "a commitment every man has to make".

If you don't want to marry, you shouldn't.  Full stop.  Absolutely. 

I do think that there are reasons other than money and God (or some flavor of religion) to marry though.  But if you don't see those or they don't apply to you or to your relationship, don't get married.  Anyone trying to convince a person who feels no reason to marry that s/he should change his or her mind needs to mind their own business. 

I am 100% not religious, and my partner is 99% not religious (some residual Catholic guilt from his upbringing makes up that 1%, but we have never been to church, we don't pray ever, and our marriage was entirely non-religious.  We are very much not religious people).

When we married, I had more money than him.  He had a negative net worth.  I, fresh out of college had probably lowish 5 figures.  It wasn't a financial decision for either of us.  *For us*, it was about the public commitment primarily.  There were other less romantic, more practical considerations (though we would have married with out them.).

I love being married.  I'm happy in/with it.  It suits me, and I think my husband would say the same.  Big fan.  But if it's not for you, cool.  Trying to convince someone else to adopt a lifestyle that works for oneself it fairly arrogant.  I've certainly faced that with my choice not to have kids.  I get it.

Frankly, you seem like someone who shouldn't marry, so good on you for putting thought into it instead of defaulting to the norm without examination.  You don't want to marry, which means you shouldn't.  And there's some unpleasant assumption and implications about women in your posts (I am assuming you are a straight man) which makes it even better that you stay single. 

Everyone wins.

I accept that marriage isn't for you, for your own reasons.  Hopefully you can accept that marriage is for a lot of people, and for reasons other than money and religion.  Just because those reasons don't resonate with your doesn't make them any less real.

Malcat

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Re: Is Getting Married a Bad Financial Decision
« Reply #51 on: November 13, 2019, 10:05:32 AM »
Well, I nuked the original necropost and banned the weirdo, but I don't know if we have a clean way to invoke what you're all suggesting.

It might be easier to just lock a topic after x number of days, months, years or whatever.

Toque.

Thanks for considering it! If there isn’t a way to get at the last reply date, then never mind. Trying to lock it off the original post date wouldn’t be ideal, since we have long-standing posts like the Welcome and Say Hi post that we wouldn’t want to inadvertently lock.

Plus the updates on old posts years later, LOVE those

dougules

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Re: Is Getting Married a Bad Financial Decision
« Reply #52 on: November 13, 2019, 11:15:50 AM »
Is it just my perception or has thread resurrection been a thing here recently?

Gin1984

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Re: Is Getting Married a Bad Financial Decision
« Reply #53 on: November 13, 2019, 11:40:57 AM »
Sloth. Why do work when you can let someone else do it.:) And depending on the situation, there is some posturing. "I wanted to work on the marriage, but she just left me" goes over better at the family reunion. She doesn't have this problem. She just goes" I filed for divorce because he was boning the secretary or he came home drunk every night" and everyone understands.




I can only speak ancedotally on this, but at least in the cases of divorces I've known - when it was mutually agreed to divorce, the men "let" the woman file as some type of courtesy.  I don't exactly understand it, I'm just reporting what they told me.
Or even more commonly, "he was assaulting me" and the man sees nothing wrong with his behavior.  There is a reason why leaving an abusive spouse is dangerous.