Jeremy linking the above article illustrates my point. As we continue to justify expensive things due to societal norms, or because it would "make us happy" we lose sight of what this blog/forum is about. This blog and forum is about bucking the status quo, questioning these norms, and resisting the temptation for lifestyle inflation. Just because this is a wedding and love and emotions are involved does not make it OK to ignore the core principles of the forums. If you ask a question like this expect a face punching.
OP, I was not assuring you that you would not be able to resist the temptation of lifestyle creep due to a high lifestyle career, I was following another poster's logic that you need shiny things to impress coworkers, and entertaining where this line of thinking leads. Perhaps I should not have used the word "your" in the golden handcuff comment, that made it personal. However, it is obvious that a nerve was touched.
I always thought that it involved living according to your values. Lots of people get facepunched here for not being "perfect", but the perfect is the enemy of the good.
Whether it be cleaning ladies, a big house, nice cars, jewelry, vacations...everyone has their "thing". It's *ok* for some people, and not others. It's a sliding scale. Clearly, if you are at a negative net worth, it's wrong. For most people, if you are FIRE and can pay for it off the interest, it's okay.
So, what are your values? This site is full of people saying it's *okay* to fly to Ecuador, or Europe, or wherever on vacation if you can afford it, or are savvy enough to churn credit cards for miles, etc. To me, it's not a game. It's: what are my values?
Am I going to spend $2000 a month on organic, locally grown, grassfed groceries? If I can afford it, yes, if not, no. (Not really, but I'm illustrating a point).
Am I going to spend a few months looking for *just* the right used compact car when my other car gets totaled, or am I going to just go out and pay cash for a Civic and be done with it? The question is, which can I afford?
Am I going to plan my next vacation to be full-family affair at a nice resort in Hawaii, or am I going to Air-BNB it somewhere in driving distance. Well, does it matter? What if I can afford both?
Yes, as a mid-40s woman who is not into jewelry - I sort of agree that I wish I had the wherewithal to realize how dumb society's engagement ring expectations are. (The ring still makes me smile, even though I rarely wear it). But while we are rewriting history, let's just start with teaching me to cook at 22 instead of 32 (so I didn't spend hundreds a month on eating out over a decade), and let's just say I bought a house in 1997 (or even 2010) instead of 2004.
Despite my personal thoughts on jewelry and societal expectations, I still have plenty of friends with nice rings that they love. And it's okay that they like jewelry. Some of them are into clothing. Some have kick-ass camping gear. Some of them pride themselves in a nice home (whether it be designer homes or eclectic stuff from the thrift store).
As I look at the total net worth of these two at this age, you know what? They can afford the damn ring. When I got married in 1996 I had *just* paid off my college loans. I did not want a fancy wedding. I don't like being the center of attention, and I did not want to pay for it. No matter, my fiance wanted a big party and he paid for it. $10k. No debt, it was probably 10% of his net worth at the time.
Choosing to spend money on *one thing* does not mean they are going to go all crazy. Sometimes people do, but often they don't.