Author Topic: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?  (Read 24182 times)

iris lily

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #100 on: July 29, 2016, 02:16:15 PM »
I wanted an engagement ring that was pretty expensve for  my grad student soon-to-be husband. But in every other category, I am frugal. He also had a lot of assets, even though his income as a graduate assistant was not much.

So he bought it and I still love  it 25+years later.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2016, 02:55:51 PM by iris lily »

bertrandhustle

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #101 on: July 29, 2016, 02:47:44 PM »
Hey, but at least this ring might go well with your golden handcuffs.

Lololol
« Last Edit: June 01, 2017, 10:17:14 AM by bertrandhustle »

AlwaysLearningToSave

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #102 on: July 29, 2016, 03:29:06 PM »
Hey, but at least this ring might go well with your golden handcuffs.

1. I haven't decided to get this ring and am, in fact, leaning against doing so. At least until I've exhausted all these great suggestions. 2. I grossed ~$100k/yr before law school and managed to keep my expenses below $15k/yr in a very HCOL area, despite cynics like yourself assuring me I wouldn't be able to resist. But I greatly appreciate your totally logical and not at all emotional concern over this. Plus, I get great joy out of living ironically, so I'm much more likely to show up to the office on a cargobike than in a BMW, for a number of reasons. 3. I could easily graduate with $0.00 in debt,  but my strategy is to leverage a relatively small amount of loans to benefit from my retirement investments' compound interest/tax advantages/etc. over the next X years, instead of just avoiding like 8 months of low loan interest upfront.

To answer a couple other questions that have come up. The gf has never once mentioned wanting jewelry outside of this engagement ring, she bought a Honda Fit before I even knew how Mustachian it was, she buys 95% of her clothes at Costco, and was glad to live in an absolute shithole of a studio with me so that I could save enough money to attend law school. We talk about our finances weekly and have agreed to consult w/ each other for purchase above a certain price. Not to mention, she frontloads her Roth IRA, maxes her 401k, and contributes to Vanguard taxable accounts. She's definitely not as frugal as me, but hey, that's one small cost of partnering with someone whose own strengths compliment my weaknesses. The more I think about it, we should start a blog on this ha!

Ok, I've already shared way more than I needed to, but I appreciate all the great responses. Thanks everyone.

***OP drops mic and leaves the room***

OP:  Sorry this thread blew up like it did.  I imagine you didn't realize how strong some of the push-back would be when you first posted.  Most of the time the people here are well-meaning, intelligent, insightful, and balanced but there are certain subjects that set people off.  You found one of those subject's where this forum's unflinching dedication to rationality clashes with sentimentality and general social norms.  Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that it is okay that other people don't always agree with the areas in which we choose to spend more freely. 

Your girlfriend sounds like a good catch and it seems you have a strong relationship with her.  Go forth and propose to her in the way you think is best, opinions of us internet folks be damned.  We'll shut up now, as you have clearly heard enough from us on this subject.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2016, 03:31:47 PM by AlwaysLearningToSave »

Jeremy E.

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #103 on: July 29, 2016, 05:17:37 PM »
For the naysayers, think of it this way. People drop a few grand on a short vacation all the damned time. Two plane tickets: $800 minimum. Five nights in a hotel: $500 minimum (in any major location). Food: Let's say $50 a day, which is pretty cheap, so $250. Throw in another few hundred for incidentals, and you've got a cheap, arguably Mustachian vacation for two at 2K.
I don't think that's a mustachian vacation....

Jeremy E.

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #105 on: July 29, 2016, 05:43:42 PM »
Jeremy linking the above article illustrates my point. As we continue to justify expensive things due to societal norms, or because it would "make us happy" we lose sight of what this blog/forum is about. This blog and forum is about bucking the status quo, questioning these norms, and resisting the temptation for lifestyle inflation. Just because this is a wedding and love and emotions are involved does not make it OK to ignore the core principles of the forums. If you ask a question like this expect a face punching.

OP, I was not assuring you that you would not be able to resist the temptation of lifestyle creep due to a high lifestyle career, I was following another poster's logic that you need shiny things to impress coworkers, and entertaining where this line of thinking leads. Perhaps I should not have used the word "your" in the golden handcuff comment, that made it personal. However, it is obvious that a nerve was touched.


justajane

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #106 on: July 29, 2016, 07:25:25 PM »
For the naysayers, think of it this way. People drop a few grand on a short vacation all the damned time. Two plane tickets: $800 minimum. Five nights in a hotel: $500 minimum (in any major location). Food: Let's say $50 a day, which is pretty cheap, so $250. Throw in another few hundred for incidentals, and you've got a cheap, arguably Mustachian vacation for two at 2K.
I don't think that's a mustachian vacation....

Depends on where you are going. If you ever in your entire life want to see a place that is not driving distance from where you live, these days it's hard to fly anywhere for less than $300-$400 a person. If it's a major city or desirable place anywhere in the world, a hotel will cost ca. $100 a night or more.

Food is debatable, of course, depending on your tastes, but come on, in what universe is the vacation I described above extravagant? Mind you, I haven't taken a trip like this for a long time, but I'm a cheap bastard who doesn't go on vacations. If you value travel at all, these are reasonable numbers. Show me how they aren't without extensive travel hacking. 

Jeremy E.

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #107 on: July 29, 2016, 07:48:18 PM »
For the naysayers, think of it this way. People drop a few grand on a short vacation all the damned time. Two plane tickets: $800 minimum. Five nights in a hotel: $500 minimum (in any major location). Food: Let's say $50 a day, which is pretty cheap, so $250. Throw in another few hundred for incidentals, and you've got a cheap, arguably Mustachian vacation for two at 2K.
I don't think that's a mustachian vacation....

Depends on where you are going. If you ever in your entire life want to see a place that is not driving distance from where you live, these days it's hard to fly anywhere for less than $300-$400 a person. If it's a major city or desirable place anywhere in the world, a hotel will cost ca. $100 a night or more.

Food is debatable, of course, depending on your tastes, but come on, in what universe is the vacation I described above extravagant? Mind you, I haven't taken a trip like this for a long time, but I'm a cheap bastard who doesn't go on vacations. If you value travel at all, these are reasonable numbers. Show me how they aren't without extensive travel hacking.
All I'm saying is I don't think it's mustachian. There is credit card rewards  (travel hacking), air bnb, geographic arbitrage slow travel, making your own food, and many other things in your example not being utilized. This is a topic for another thread though...

marble_faun

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #108 on: July 29, 2016, 09:17:12 PM »
I agree with those who say to buy your future wife the ring that she selected -- despite the fact that this is not a Mustachian choice. 

Reasons:

* Your future wife has probably chosen this ring with the idea that she is going to be wearing it every day. Personally, if I were you, I would want my spouse to feel 100% happy about something that I had to choose for them to wear at almost all times for the rest of their life.

* You aren't paying for your own wedding.  So this whole "getting married" thing would only cost you $4,700, for the ring.  And it seems like you can afford this, as a couple. 

* For some people in the more minimalist camp, wearing a ring is just an extravagance or not something thy would want anyway.  But for others a ring is vested with important symbolic meaning.  Sometimes it is okay to acquire such objects -- a prop in an significant ritual.  Maybe you don't care about the prop, but your fiancee clearly does, and this might be one of those moments where it is best to defer to her wishes.

* I'm assuming that this is a one-time, special thing -- you aren't going to be in a marriage where you are always guilted into buying expensive consumer goods.


Having said this, I must also ask:

Might there be less expensive options that are even better?  Maybe there's an old heirloom ring lying at the bottom of a jewelry box that everyone has forgotten about?  Or you could buy a diamond ring second-hand and have it re-set to your fiancee's exact specifications. 

I myself wasn't planning to have an engagement ring -- it was not important to me, & I didn't want my husband to buy me something expensive just because of weird old gender norms.  But then I inherited a ring from my great-grandmother.  I had the diamond put in a new custom setting that mirrored my mother's engagement ring. This cost about $1,300 (which I paid for myself).  I love the ring so much more than I even expected.  It's basically the only sparkly expensive jewelry I wear or care about.  It was maybe not the absolute most thrifty choice but well worth the joy it brings me. My husband and I also made our own wedding bands at a metal-working shop.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2016, 10:38:57 AM by marble_faun »

icemodeled

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #109 on: July 30, 2016, 10:29:12 PM »
In my personal opinion, yes absolutely it's insanely expensive. We were married 6 years ago, early 20s and had enough money to buy extravagant rings. Instead, my husband found a used ring from a jewelry store he loved and I bought mine new. Set totaled under $1000. We both still love the rings, they're beautiful and looking at them means more then what we paid.

That's fine, some say to just buy it for her as it will make her happy. For me, it's hard to fathom that still. How a $5000 set makes you happier then a $1000... I'm not sure. We only went to two stores and it was quite easy finding one that I loved with a price I could live with. I would much rather take the extra money saved and use it for the honeymoon or future expenses.

use2betrix

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #110 on: July 31, 2016, 08:44:56 AM »
I'm 28 and got engaged last year and married in January, so I know the feeling. My wife's ring was around $5500 and band maybe $800-$1000

My opinion - buy the ring she wants. Zero question about it.

My thought was - do I really want to spend the next 40 years looking at her finger thinking, "sure am glad I skimped on that thing." Especially when I'm already maxing retirement accounts and lots of saving in addition to that.

Not to mention - she's already frugal and her parents are paying for the wedding.

My wife is the most easy to please and down to earth woman I have met. She would be happy with anything I bought her. However, because of this, I wanted to buy her something I found beautiful as well. She never gave me a specific ring she wanted, just ideas. I bought her a 1 carat oval diamond with a halo and diamonds on the band in platinum. I love it.

startbyservingothers

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #111 on: July 31, 2016, 10:34:21 AM »
Sorry I didn't read the thread, but I can only assume that with such incredible group of people here, buying used must have been mentioned 'numerous times' by this point.   I will make no suggestion as to how much Op spend as that is purely a very personal decision.   This is the most classic mustacian example I can think of where something should be bought used, so I will focus on that rather than specific dollar amount you should spend.

My 'additional' example of buying new (Even at Costco) is for suckers:

I originally purchased my wife a $200 ring on Ebay which was okay.  After a couple years my wife bought a .75 carat on Ebay that was high quality for $500.  (Actually it ended up being ~2/3 carat, but we got such a good deal we kept it.)  Her band / wrap cost another couple hundred dollars.   (She has kept the original ring so far, but for comparison sake, I am not going to include it in the following calculation.)  I am unaware of how good Costco is pricing is on rings, but For $700 she ended up with a set that is likely as good, or nearly as good as the one you are looking at. *Update I looked at Costco rings, and although they are priced a good deal less that other places, I'd still say they are overpriced compared to used.   For comparison, I need to mention that the 2/3 carat weight I mentioned above was for a single stone and purchased 7 years ago.  Costco mentions some wild carat weights that need some smaller stones subtracted from them.  (.9-1 carat is the highest main stone I saw in the <$5000 price range).


**** I'm sure Ebay will be highly criticized for some of the junk that gets pushed on there.  I will mention that for both the rings, I asked a local pawn shop (Which specializes in Jewelry) what they would pay me to purchase.  They offered something just under my (undisclosed) purchase price on both occasions.  To me that means I got a good deal.  Anyone that doesn't agree, take your ring from Kays, Jarad, or Costco and see what a pawn shop offers.

GrumpyPenguin

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #112 on: July 31, 2016, 11:41:56 AM »
Just a point to think about to put things into perspective, $4700 is equal to 940 Costco Chickens.

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/confusion-about-how-to-be-'set-for-life'/msg1152755/#msg1152755


Choices

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #113 on: July 31, 2016, 12:37:26 PM »
Sorry I didn't read the thread, but I can only assume that with such incredible group of people here, buying used must have been mentioned 'numerous times' by this point.   I will make no suggestion as to how much Op spend as that is purely a very personal decision.   This is the most classic mustacian example I can think of where something should be bought used, so I will focus on that rather than specific dollar amount you should spend.

My 'additional' example of buying new (Even at Costco) is for suckers:

I originally purchased my wife a $200 ring on Ebay which was okay.  After a couple years my wife bought a .75 carat on Ebay that was high quality for $500.  (Actually it ended up being ~2/3 carat, but we got such a good deal we kept it.)  Her band / wrap cost another couple hundred dollars.   (She has kept the original ring so far, but for comparison sake, I am not going to include it in the following calculation.)  I am unaware of how good Costco is pricing is on rings, but For $700 she ended up with a set that is likely as good, or nearly as good as the one you are looking at. *Update I looked at Costco rings, and although they are priced a good deal less that other places, I'd still say they are overpriced compared to used.   For comparison, I need to mention that the 2/3 carat weight I mentioned above was for a single stone and purchased 7 years ago.  Costco mentions some wild carat weights that need some smaller stones subtracted from them.  (.9-1 carat is the highest main stone I saw in the <$5000 price range).


**** I'm sure Ebay will be highly criticized for some of the junk that gets pushed on there.  I will mention that for both the rings, I asked a local pawn shop (Which specializes in Jewelry) what they would pay me to purchase.  They offered something just under my (undisclosed) purchase price on both occasions.  To me that means I got a good deal.  Anyone that doesn't agree, take your ring from Kays, Jarad, or Costco and see what a pawn shop offers.

Price is based on more than just carat weight, there's also cut, color, and clarity. You can have a beautiful tiny diamand or a dull huge one for the same price. http://www.bluenile.com/education/diamonds?gclid=CjwKEAjww_a8BRDB-O-OqZb_vRASJAA9yrc5-K7FeRW9ESUWMioB-DCiJjCN2rdOEj9sCKmVGJXOGBoCPGvw_wcB&click_id=630285599

bacchi

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #114 on: July 31, 2016, 12:54:40 PM »
Jeremy linking the above article illustrates my point. As we continue to justify expensive things due to societal norms, or because it would "make us happy" we lose sight of what this blog/forum is about.

It's interesting where the line gets drawn. Why $4700? What if a $20,000 Tiffany would "make her happy"? Is that outrageous and why? Would she still get a pass?

Why would a $4700 ring have more sentimental value than a used $1000* ring that looks just as nice (and is more unique)? Does the extra $3700 mean it has MORE inherent sentimental value the instant it's put on the finger? If that's the case, then the $20,000 Tiffany would be over 4x as sentimental! Who could deny that to the love of their life?


* That has a "real" value of $3000 but we all know that jewelry appraisals are garbage.

justajane

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #115 on: July 31, 2016, 01:09:27 PM »
Jeremy linking the above article illustrates my point. As we continue to justify expensive things due to societal norms, or because it would "make us happy" we lose sight of what this blog/forum is about.

It's interesting where the line gets drawn. Why $4700? What if a $20,000 Tiffany would "make her happy"? Is that outrageous and why? Would she still get a pass?

Why would a $4700 ring have more sentimental value than a used $1000* ring that looks just as nice (and is more unique)? Does the extra $3700 mean it has MORE inherent sentimental value the instant it's put on the finger? If that's the case, then the $20,000 Tiffany would be over 4x as sentimental! Who could deny that to the love of their life?


* That has a "real" value of $3000 but we all know that jewelry appraisals are garbage.

I can't speak for anyone else on this thread, but I have taken into account the relative cost of the ring in my answer. No, based on their income, 20K would not have been received in the same way, at least not by me.

Based on your logic, though, we should all be wearing $50 silver rings, because you could argue anything more expensive is too extravagant. That 1K ring you're talking about could certainly be found even cheaper as well.

undercover

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #116 on: July 31, 2016, 01:11:43 PM »
First, I think both her current income and your hypothetical future income are both irrelevant. Even if you made $1M yearly, I'd still ask the same question:

Does buying a $4,700 ring ever make sense? Does one truly get an increase in satisfaction every day by looking down at something valued at $4,700 vs something valued at $200? Considering all of the manufacturing processes and different materials available today, does it really make sense to pay for the real thing? Just about anything "real" can be mimicked. The point is - how is the average consumer going to ever know what is actually real and what isn't?

So I guess that's my personal thoughts on it - I never would purchase one simply out of principle. I can basically get 95% of the real thing in terms of looks and long-term happiness for probably 1/10th or less of the cost. I just seriously doubt that rings bring any real long-term happiness.

Sailor Sam

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #117 on: July 31, 2016, 01:42:39 PM »
I think part of the problem with answering questions like this, is the second person. The OP isn't asking if he should spend $4700 on himself. He's asking if he should $4700 on a ring is gf has requested, and has reaffirmed her continued desire for that particular ring. Right?

Which means the OP seeks isn't permission to buy, or denial to buy. He's posting on a forum that's connected to a blog, that's designed root and stem to ridicule and pillory emotionally driven purchases. He knows what the answer will be (or should be, if posters remain faithfull to the spirit of the blog). What posters like this are really asking is: help me convince the other person that my desire for frugality is superior to their emotions. That's really, really not something an internet forum can actually accomplish.

Secondary concern, posts like this open the other person up to ridicule. Probably all unknown to them. The gf sounds monetarily responsible, but doesn't seem to fit into the MMM mould. She wants that ring. That doesn't make her immoral. Yet, in the frame of this forum, her desire for frippery opens her to ridicule.  Doesn't seem very loving.

Choices

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #118 on: July 31, 2016, 02:47:04 PM »
I think part of the problem with answering questions like this, is the second person. The OP isn't asking if he should spend $4700 on himself. He's asking if he should $4700 on a ring is gf has requested, and has reaffirmed her continued desire for that particular ring. Right?

Which means the OP seeks isn't permission to buy, or denial to buy. He's posting on a forum that's connected to a blog, that's designed root and stem to ridicule and pillory emotionally driven purchases. He knows what the answer will be (or should be, if posters remain faithfull to the spirit of the blog). What posters like this are really asking is: help me convince the other person that my desire for frugality is superior to their emotions. That's really, really not something an internet forum can actually accomplish.

Secondary concern, posts like this open the other person up to ridicule. Probably all unknown to them. The gf sounds monetarily responsible, but doesn't seem to fit into the MMM mould. She wants that ring. That doesn't make her immoral. Yet, in the frame of this forum, her desire for frippery opens her to ridicule.  Doesn't seem very loving.
+1 to this, and with her income the rings of her friends and coworkers likely cost much, much more. She probably thinks that $4700 is quite frugal, and in her world it probably is.

We're on the MMM forum, so we've all had some time to think about this and change our ways, but most of us haven't always lived this way.

Family money goals and discussions are very, very important, and they got much easier for us once we were married and the money was all in one pot. OP is in a tough position right now because he doesn't have a high income yet and she does. Maybe they could purchase less expensive rings now and agree to upgrade for an anniversary gift if they still want to in the future. Maybe by then she'll be a MMM forum contributor too and no longer want to upgrade, or maybe not.

MrsTuxedocat

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #119 on: July 31, 2016, 09:26:08 PM »
Go for it! A wedding ring is a symbol and a piece of jewellery she'll wear everyday.

Secret Agent Mom

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #120 on: July 31, 2016, 10:11:17 PM »
In another life I worked in the jewelry department of a department store.  To only have 4 prongs on a 1ct. diamond would be a no-go for me.  You do not want to skimp on the setting if you are springing for a 1ct stone!  I would not get the one you linked to, but go to a jeweler in your area and look at similar rings with better, sturdier settings with at least 6 prongs.  Mine is just a 1/4 ct. stone, and has either 6 or 8 prongs.  If you have 4 prongs, one gets snagged, you lose your diamond and it is GONE.  I got mine from a private jeweler, even though I worked in the jewelry dept. of that department store.  When you are looking at a piece of jewelry your wife will wear daily, you want something that is made well, even if it costs a little more. 

Other things to think about in a ring- how much does it stick up?  WIll it get caught in everything?  Are the prongs snaggy?  SOme are smoother than others. 

You asked more about the price.  You can afford it, so my vote goes to yes.  If you could not afford it, I'd say no.  If it was a recurring expense, I'd say no.  Happy shopping!

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #121 on: July 31, 2016, 11:06:39 PM »
Buy the ring. You can afford it and it will make her happy for the rest of her life. I have been married for 35 years. Not a day goes by that I don't look at my ring and smile. It is expensive but if the rest of the wedding is paid for and she is reasonably frugal otherwise it isn't really that much.

I do agree with a pp about the prongs. You should find something with a six prong setting.

neo von retorch

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #122 on: August 01, 2016, 10:59:56 AM »
We ended up on www.idonowidont.com, and she actually ended up finding the ring set that we purchased. It was 8-months old, and the recently divorced girl was selling the set for about $1600. The original retail was around $4000. She absolutely loves this ring, and she also absolutely loves that we came to the decision together, agreed upon it, and spent a lot less than the initial suggestions.

I'm intrigued by this idea. How did/can you verify that what you buy is legit on this site?

https://www.idonowidont.com/how-it-works
The ring is shipped from the seller to the site. The site acts as an escrow. When they get the ring, they appraise it and send you a report. If it's not acceptably close to the described item, the deal is off, and the ring is returned, and you are given a refund. (Our ring was appraised for a lot more than the selling price, and our local jewelry store appraised the ring within an acceptable deviation from the IDNID report.)

iris lily

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #123 on: August 01, 2016, 11:57:20 AM »
Well since we are talking about ring quality and  getting good quality for the money, I would be skeptical about Costco. I doubt that they are using GIA  rating. That color range, I, is not very high.

My guess is that your FI likes that setting and not so much the specs of the center diamond.  Would she be open to you using that setting as your guide  and finding another jeweler to provide something very similar?

I personally find the idea of a big box store engagement ring to be skeevy. I have look at the ones at Sam's and they are uniformly poor quality. Is Costco better? I doubt it.

 My personal taste  is to buy vintage, or else go to blue Nile online for somethng new. blue Nile has a great reputation and you can choose center stones with specific Criteria.

On the other hand, if you just want to get it done because you are a student and busy with other stuff, then go for the Costco ring  and be done with it.

Edited to add: bigger is not better.

Yhere is a super gorgeous half carat oval Solitaire ring on . Idonowidont for $1700 that I would rather have than a Costco 1 carat. It is color E and VS1, GIA rated. That is high quality and it will sparkle a lot!
« Last Edit: August 01, 2016, 03:48:19 PM by iris lily »

kitkat

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #124 on: August 01, 2016, 12:05:53 PM »
Didn't read every comment here, but my thoughts:

(note: these are not necessarily aimed at the OP, as I get the sense he has taken all the commentary he wants, but just to add to the overall discussion)

 - Don't buy something different without talking to her about it/getting her approval. You want everyone to be on board with the purchase, and the last thing you want is to disappoint her (particularly if she doesn't understand your reasoning for buying something different than what she showed you).
 - If you present her with other options, be very clear that her original choice is still an option! I love the write-up in "step 21" here.
 - If she decides she wants the original ring, buy it, be happy, and move on! Use the rest of the linked article to convert her over time :)

And to all the people saying SHE IS NOT CONTRIBUTING TO THE PURCHASE  --- what?! I feel like this leads down a dark path of score-keeping of each thing someone in a relationship does to support one another. Ignoring the amount of paid and unpaid work they each likely do on a daily basis to contribute to their mutual success, THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED, and therefore the money he spends on the ring is essentially theirs, or at least it will be in a short amount of time. They are a team. It is a mutual decision and a mutual effort.

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #125 on: August 01, 2016, 12:28:40 PM »
Jeremy linking the above article illustrates my point. As we continue to justify expensive things due to societal norms, or because it would "make us happy" we lose sight of what this blog/forum is about. This blog and forum is about bucking the status quo, questioning these norms, and resisting the temptation for lifestyle inflation. Just because this is a wedding and love and emotions are involved does not make it OK to ignore the core principles of the forums. If you ask a question like this expect a face punching.

OP, I was not assuring you that you would not be able to resist the temptation of lifestyle creep due to a high lifestyle career, I was following another poster's logic that you need shiny things to impress coworkers, and entertaining where this line of thinking leads. Perhaps I should not have used the word "your" in the golden handcuff comment, that made it personal. However, it is obvious that a nerve was touched.

I always thought that it involved living according to your values.  Lots of people get facepunched here for not being "perfect", but the perfect is the enemy of the good.

Whether it be cleaning ladies, a big house, nice cars, jewelry, vacations...everyone has their "thing".  It's *ok* for some people, and not others.  It's a sliding scale.  Clearly, if you are at a negative net worth, it's wrong.  For most people, if you are FIRE and can pay for it off the interest, it's okay.

So, what are your values?  This site is full of people saying it's *okay* to fly to Ecuador, or Europe, or wherever on vacation if you can afford it, or are savvy enough to churn credit cards for miles, etc.  To me, it's not a game.  It's: what are my values?

Am I going to spend $2000 a month on organic, locally grown, grassfed groceries?  If I can afford it, yes, if not, no. (Not really, but I'm illustrating a point).
Am I going to spend a few months looking for *just* the right used compact car when my other car gets totaled, or am I going to just go out and pay cash for a Civic and be done with it?  The question is, which can I afford?
Am I going to plan my next vacation to be full-family affair at a nice resort in Hawaii, or am I going to Air-BNB it somewhere in driving distance.  Well, does it matter?  What if I can afford both?

Yes, as a mid-40s woman who is not into jewelry - I sort of agree that I wish I had the wherewithal to realize how dumb society's engagement ring expectations are.  (The ring still makes me smile, even though I rarely wear it). But while we are rewriting history, let's just start with teaching me to cook at 22 instead of 32 (so I didn't spend hundreds a month on eating out over a decade), and let's just say I bought a house in 1997 (or even 2010) instead of 2004.

Despite my personal thoughts on jewelry and societal expectations, I still have plenty of friends with nice rings that they love.  And it's okay that they like jewelry.  Some of them are into clothing.  Some have kick-ass camping gear.  Some of them pride themselves in a nice home (whether it be designer homes or eclectic stuff from the thrift store).

As I look at the total net worth of these two at this age, you know what?  They can afford the damn ring.  When I got married in 1996 I had *just* paid off my college loans.  I did not want a fancy wedding.  I don't like being the center of attention, and I did not want to pay for it.  No matter, my fiance wanted a big party and he paid for it.  $10k.  No debt, it was probably 10% of his net worth at the time. 

Choosing to spend money on *one thing* does not mean they are going to go all crazy.  Sometimes people do, but often they don't.

fishnfool

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #126 on: August 01, 2016, 07:33:13 PM »
It's a lot if money but I did it too. Bought my wife's ring at costco for $4500. Just glad it's still on her finger after 13 years!

Many blessings to you and your future wife!

Pigeon

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #127 on: August 01, 2016, 09:56:14 PM »
While I agree with Iris Lily about quality issues, big v. smaller stones, etc., I think that misses the point. My husband used to work for the GIA. I find rings like the one the OP's fiancée wants kind of ugly--all those crappy tiny stones are cheap looking.

But to her, it is beautiful and meaningful and that is what matters. Joan Rivers used to have a funny routine making the case that the size of the stone is the only important factor, not the cut, clarity or color because she didn't hang out with jewlers' wives. People like different things and that is OK.

snogirl

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #128 on: August 02, 2016, 09:37:37 AM »
In another life I worked in the jewelry department of a department store.  To only have 4 prongs on a 1ct. diamond would be a no-go for me.  You do not want to skimp on the setting if you are springing for a 1ct stone!  I would not get the one you linked to, but go to a jeweler in your area and look at similar rings with better, sturdier settings with at least 6 prongs.  Mine is just a 1/4 ct. stone, and has either 6 or 8 prongs.  If you have 4 prongs, one gets snagged, you lose your diamond and it is GONE.  I got mine from a private jeweler, even though I worked in the jewelry dept. of that department store.  When you are looking at a piece of jewelry your wife will wear daily, you want something that is made well, even if it costs a little more. 

Other things to think about in a ring- how much does it stick up?  WIll it get caught in everything?  Are the prongs snaggy?  SOme are smoother than others. 

You asked more about the price.  You can afford it, so my vote goes to yes.  If you could not afford it, I'd say no.  If it was a recurring expense, I'd say no.  Happy shopping!

+1 very helpful, if I wanted an engagement ring this info is super helpful!  Hope the OP is reading .......

bertrandhustle

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(Updated) Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #129 on: June 01, 2017, 10:14:21 AM »
I ended up getting the ring set. It was painful to plunk down the quiche, but she loves the ring and seems to get genuine happiness from it on a daily basis. The purchase ended up covering my Chase Sapphire Reserve 100k bonus worth $1,500 in travel money so that helped lessen the sting.

Thanks for all the helpful replies. To those who said this was the wrong place to post a question like this, I understand your point. However, I wanted to hear all the skeptical reasons why I shouldn't buy the ring to make sure that I didn't miss anything important myself.

As it turns out, since purchasing the ring things have gone well for us from a financial standpoint. I started a side-hustle where I net $4,500 per client, so even though I recognize this is not a logical way to think about money, in this one instance the $4,700 I spent on the ring now seems smaller in the scheme of things. Since I last posted, my fiance got a nice raise/equity refresher and I secured a couple internships this summer where I'll gross ~$40,000. This is all a longwinded way of saying I have sufficiently come to terms with this thoroughly Unmustachian purchase.

Broadway2019

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #130 on: June 01, 2017, 10:50:56 AM »
$5k is not that much for a quality setting and stone. My ring is custom platinum setting w/ moissanite (no diamond) and I think we paid $4500. I love the ring and will wear it daily for 40+ years. I actually went looking at diamonds at first and sticker shocked as most were around $10k.


Abo345

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #131 on: June 01, 2017, 07:44:25 PM »
I say buy it. You both have good salaries, even higher salary potential, and a decent amount of savings. Plus you don't even have to pay for a wedding!

My SO and I got even more expensive rings (both top of the line unmustacian purchases) and made less and had less in savings at that time. We both knew we aren't party people and didn't want a wedding, and had a modest honeymoon. In the end, we got the rings, honeymoon, and wedding we wanted and spent a lot less than anyone else we knew, and did not go into debt to pay for any of it. While a fancy ring is expensive and many would say "materialistic", it is something you wear every single day and if you appreciate fine jewelry you don't get tired of admiring it. Plus you never get tired of others admiring it either.

I think it would be silly to spend $2500, still a big purchase, on a ring you aren't even sure if she would like. Given your financial picture, I do not see it being an issue to spend more for the rings she really wants.

I know SO many women who buy themselves "upgrade" rings for anniversaries because they didn't like the original ring they had when they got married. And of course the old rings lay around in the sock drawer because you can't get rid of the ring you got married in (memories!).

Do it right, only buy one ring, and make it a good one

MrsTuxedocat

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #132 on: June 01, 2017, 08:10:08 PM »
I am glad you bought it :) You have your whole married lives to be frugal.

jane x

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #133 on: June 01, 2017, 08:11:33 PM »
Congrats on your engagement!!!

I got my ring at Costco 15 years ago and love it.  It's a solitaire on a platinum band and the quality is excellent.  And.... it survived a bout in the washing machine!  I forgot I put it in my pocket when washing dishes and the garment went in the wash.  The ring came out good as new.  Talk about relief!  Platinum is much stronger than gold and the Costco settings are generally very sturdy.  I worked for years at a jewelry store and you can't beat the quality and price at Costco. 

I think you were wise to get the ring she wanted.  Having gotten my gorgeous ring, I have never even considered any other jewelry purchases and probably won't buy anything else ever.  It's a lifetime investment and I have no need for any other trinkets so in the long run I think it pays off.