Author Topic: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?  (Read 25177 times)

bertrandhustle

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Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« on: July 28, 2016, 02:04:19 PM »
I am going to propose to my girlfriend at the end of this year. She is smarter and better looking than me so this part is a huge no brainer ;) Buuuut, her dream ring costs $4700 at Costco (and includes a wedding band). Her parents have also said they will pay for the wedding, within reason. After taking our circumstances (below) into account, is $4700 as absurdly expensive as my gut is telling me it is? Or is it stupid to get something cheaper and save ~$2k in the short run but have her not be as thrilled with it (as my parents insist)?

Oh, and I've already suggested Moissanite etc., to no avail. FWIW, she has actually been pretty cool and low key about this whole deal, it is mostly just me wanting to get her what I know she wants but being stressed about the price.

About us:
We're both 24. I'm going into my second year of law school. Have $100k in retirement accounts, $9k in cash, and will graduate with only ~$50,000 in debt. I maxed out my Roth IRA for 2016. Next summer I will make ~$40k at my internship, and should graduate with a job that starts at $180,000 excluding a small bonus. I will pay my debt off in well under a year. 

She has a job that currently pays $95k (excluding fairly substantial stock options, which we don't factor into net-worth calculations since they are only on paper) with big potential for growth. Her skills are in high demand and her salary could easily double within the next two years. She is frugal, and has around $50k in retirement accounts, and <$10k in very low interest student debt.

Given all of this, would I be doing us a big disservice by buying the $5k ring set? Or is it short sighted to get her something she likes less to save around $2,500, which in the scheme of things is a drop in the bucket?

I realize there are no "right" answers to these questions, but I'm interested to hear your opinions. 

zoltani

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2016, 02:07:28 PM »
Short answer IMO, yes.

The reason your GF wants that diamond ring is due to marketing, nothing else. Do you know where the wedding ring tradition came from? Is it even a tradition? We are conditioned from birth by advertisers that it is necessary to have this shiny rock on your finger in order to show/feel love. Really it is despicable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Roots&Wings

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2016, 02:11:48 PM »
her dream ring costs $4700 at Costco

If she's specifically asked for this particular ring, then based on what you describe, I would say, yes go for it if it makes her happy.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 02:13:24 PM by step-in-time »

dandarc

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2016, 02:13:12 PM »
Long term, $5K isn't a huge deal.  Short term, it might be tight for you, but I'm with the others - if this is what she really wants, go for it.  I spent about this much on my wife's rings, but I was already in an $80K / year salary situation when I did that.  Also not on MMM at that point in my life - given that my wife was thrilled that I had some design input on the ring more so than at the size of the rock, I think I could have spent quite a bit less than I did.  No regrets, of course.

Also - are you my cousin?  going into 2nd year of law school, great long-term girlfriend matches the story so far.

jamesbond007

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2016, 02:13:59 PM »
Well, Up to you. I, for one, never bought a wedding ring or any kind of ring. My wife and I we don't wear any jewelry on a daily basis. My wife does on a rare occasion. Our mindset is this: "I don't need an effing wedding ring to prove that I am married" and "Wedding ring does not a marriage make" and "Have the wedding ring, so what?"

But again that's just us. But I do feel that, in the long term, having a good relationship with the spouse is very important and if this makes it better, then why not? But again, I'd also say do you really want that kind of spouse? I know that you said she's cool either way. What I am trying to say is, don't get emotional. Every penny that you save now makes you happier long term. Also FYI, if it's a diamond ring, it has no resale value.

Been very happily married for 5.5 years with a daughter and without any expensive jewelry. The best 2 people I could ask to be in my life.

slappy

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2016, 02:16:52 PM »
Please post link of said ring.  :)

brute

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2016, 02:18:51 PM »
$4700 is a lot. But it's worth it if it really makes her happy. I would talk to her about it though. If you can't have a frank discussion on how much things cost now, getting legally bound to her isn't going to make it better.

Wait, wait. I just saw that you have talked about it. She still wants it. Go for it. You (hopefully) only get married once. Don't forget about lab grown diamonds (like, real diamonds, but no children had to mine them) or recycled diamonds.

bertrandhustle

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2016, 02:20:14 PM »
Please post link of said ring.  :)

http://www.costco.com/Round-Brilliant-1.18-ctw-VS2-Clarity%2c-I-Color-Diamond-Platinum-Ring.product.11650596.html

In store it comes with a band that apparently adds ~$700 to the $3999 price tag above

slappy

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2016, 02:24:58 PM »
Please post link of said ring.  :)

http://www.costco.com/Round-Brilliant-1.18-ctw-VS2-Clarity%2c-I-Color-Diamond-Platinum-Ring.product.11650596.html

In store it comes with a band that apparently adds ~$700 to the $3999 price tag above

It seems like she is being pretty reasonable in getting a ring from Costco. Many women would scoff at the idea. Here's a similar ring from a local jewelry store.

http://www.daysjewelers.com/all-engagement-and-wedding/diamond-engagement-rings/diamond-halo-ring-in-14kt-white-gold-1-3-8ct-tw-40756

sis

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2016, 02:25:13 PM »
Well, Up to you. I, for one, never bought a wedding ring or any kind of ring. My wife and I we don't wear any jewelry on a daily basis. My wife does on a rare occasion. Our mindset is this: "I don't need an effing wedding ring to prove that I am married" and "Wedding ring does not a marriage make" and "Have the wedding ring, so what?"

But again that's just us. But I do feel that, in the long term, having a good relationship with the spouse is very important and if this makes it better, then why not? But again, I'd also say do you really want that kind of spouse? I know that you said she's cool either way. What I am trying to say is, don't get emotional. Every penny that you save now makes you happier long term. Also FYI, if it's a diamond ring, it has no resale value.

Been very happily married for 5.5 years with a daughter and without any expensive jewelry. The best 2 people I could ask to be in my life.

I am also not a jewelry person.  DH got me a sapphire engagement ring (which I guess I wore maybe 50% of the time we were engaged?).  I got a simple white gold band for my wedding ring on amazon for like $60.  I didn't wear it at all during our first year of marriage other than to social events.  Then some creepy dude who knew I was married and had met my husband started hitting on me.  He told me I must not take my marriage very seriously since I don't wear my ring.  Let me tell you, since that day I've worn my wedding band to keep the creeps away.

To answer OP's question: it is up to you.  In my personal opinion $4700 is too much to spend, but if that's what she has her heart set on maybe you give into it.  I worry that it might indicate future materialism, but maybe you are okay with that.  Did you already get a big law offer?  It seems that big law hiring is getting pushed earlier and earlier :-P  Maybe she'll feel more comfortable at the big law welcome dinner type events with you with a fancy ring.  I know that there is a lot of "status" attributed to rings especially in Manhattan. 

MandalayVA

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2016, 02:26:03 PM »
Short answer IMO, yes.

The reason your GF wants that diamond ring is due to marketing, nothing else. Do you know where the wedding ring tradition came from? Is it even a tradition? We are conditioned from birth by advertisers that it is necessary to have this shiny rock on your finger in order to show/feel love. Really it is despicable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Engagement (betrothal) and wedding rings have been around for hundreds of years, but it's only been recently that the DeBeers campaign took over. 

If it makes her happy and won't put you into debt, go for it. 

Vanguards and Lentils

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #11 on: July 28, 2016, 02:27:00 PM »
Because people always end up suggesting privileged things like "if it makes you happy, do it :) "

https://www.globalwitness.org/en/campaigns/conflict-diamonds/

IMO the only way to put a permanent end to this is for peole to chooose not to think of these useless trinkets as valuable.

zoltani

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2016, 02:27:31 PM »
$4700 is a lot. But it's worth it if it really makes her happy.

Isn't the core theme of this website about questioning what makes us happy and trying to redefine our desire to match with what actually makes us happy? I think everyone here would agree that a thing cannot make you happy. If we head down that road then we might next be justifying a Bentley because it will bring happiness, or any other thing. To me this blog is about questioning the status quo, and engagement rings definitely fit in here, especially when you consider that the whole idea of them was invented for profit.

justajane

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2016, 02:30:45 PM »
We spent $500 total for our rings. My husband wears his. I don't wear mine. When we go out together, I look like his mistress.

Obviously I'm a woman who doesn't give two shits about jewelry. I think it's totally stupid. I don't understand the appeal.

Having said that, your financials and salaries are awesome for 24 year olds. Color me jealous.

Buy the ring. In the scheme of things, it's a drop in the bucket for you, as long as it's not a trend in your marriage. In other words, don't start buying her more expensive jewelry moving forward.

I do think rings on women are a status thing. I don't live anywhere close to Manhattan and all the other moms in my modest suburb wear huge-ass (at least to me) rocks. I don't get it. I much prefer to buck the trend, but if it's important to her? Eh, it's not a deal breaker. Making it into a big deal and buying the cheaper ring on principle would be the stupid move IMO.

Edited to add: I think the ring itself is beautiful.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 02:33:08 PM by justajane »

jamesbond007

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2016, 02:31:13 PM »
I am also not a jewelry person.  DH got me a sapphire engagement ring (which I guess I wore maybe 50% of the time we were engaged?).  I got a simple white gold band for my wedding ring on amazon for like $60.  I didn't wear it at all during our first year of marriage other than to social events.  Then some creepy dude who knew I was married and had met my husband started hitting on me.  He told me I must not take my marriage very seriously since I don't wear my ring.  Let me tell you, since that day I've worn my wedding band to keep the creeps away.


Been in an argument recently with a female friend of mine along the similar lines. She insists she has to wear a wedding ring/band whatever that is to "tell" people that she is married. My point is, OK. So a creep tries to hit on you. Do you give in? No, right? Then what's the problem. Discuss the issue with your spouse and everything's cool. As long as you are not reciprocating, what's wrong? Again, this is just marketing BS that got ingrained so deep in the current society. A creep is a creep is a creep. They'll hit on you even if you are married. The wedding band is just a smoke screen.

bertrandhustle

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2016, 02:32:41 PM »
Because people always end up suggesting privileged things like "if it makes you happy, do it :) "

https://www.globalwitness.org/en/campaigns/conflict-diamonds/

IMO the only way to put a permanent end to this is for peole to chooose not to think of these useless trinkets as valuable.

To be fair, Costco at least claims to us the UN Kimberley process to obtain conflict free diamonds. Anyone out there know if this actually means anything? Part of my hesitancy has been the ethical implications of a diamond ring too, so thanks for mentioning this.

StartingEarly

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2016, 02:32:51 PM »
That honestly looks incredibly uncomfortable if they put the diamonds around the ring like it looks in the pic. It's going to be always rubbing on the pad of her hand when she goes to grip, plus it's going to mar things up all the time and possibly have diamonds fall out of it from constantly bumping things.

jamesbond007

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2016, 02:34:44 PM »
Better, buy some gold jewelry. At least there are people who go ape shit about it so you can sell it for cash if you ever end up in a bad situation. With that kind of money you can easily get more than 2 ounces of 24K gold. Don't buy the 16ct, shit that they sell in stores. Nothing less than 22K. It is still jewelry but with a slight upside compared to carbon.

bertrandhustle

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #18 on: July 28, 2016, 02:36:04 PM »
That honestly looks incredibly uncomfortable if they put the diamonds around the ring like it looks in the pic. It's going to be always rubbing on the pad of her hand when she goes to grip, plus it's going to mar things up all the time and possibly have diamonds fall out of it from constantly bumping things.

Haha, are you me? I made all of these points to her, but she seems to think it will be comfortable.

sis

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #19 on: July 28, 2016, 02:39:21 PM »
I am also not a jewelry person.  DH got me a sapphire engagement ring (which I guess I wore maybe 50% of the time we were engaged?).  I got a simple white gold band for my wedding ring on amazon for like $60.  I didn't wear it at all during our first year of marriage other than to social events.  Then some creepy dude who knew I was married and had met my husband started hitting on me.  He told me I must not take my marriage very seriously since I don't wear my ring.  Let me tell you, since that day I've worn my wedding band to keep the creeps away.


Been in an argument recently with a female friend of mine along the similar lines. She insists she has to wear a wedding ring/band whatever that is to "tell" people that she is married. My point is, OK. So a creep tries to hit on you. Do you give in? No, right? Then what's the problem. Discuss the issue with your spouse and everything's cool. As long as you are not reciprocating, what's wrong? Again, this is just marketing BS that got ingrained so deep in the current society. A creep is a creep is a creep. They'll hit on you even if you are married. The wedding band is just a smoke screen.

Right but I'd rather deal with the minimum amount of creepiness.   When I wear my ring and a guy hits on me, he outs himself immediately as a creeper.  FWIW my husband is not at all the jealous type and he didn't insist that I wear my ring, I came to that decision on my own.

Slow&Steady

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2016, 02:41:28 PM »
Background:  My husband and I were together for 5 years before he proposed.  The engagement lasted 2 years because I have commitment issues and we wanted to save money to pay for it ourselves.  We have now been married for 5 years.

When he proposed he did it with 2 rings. One was an old family diamond that he had put into a new setting (he knew I would like the recycle/reuse part). It was a solitaire, typical engagement ring, that he knew I did not want.  I am a simple band with maybe a few chip diamonds in it kind of girl.  The other ring was a ring that I saw advertised and decided it was exactly what I wanted (infinity band ring).  We skipped the wedding band and basically just considered the infinity band the wedding band.

On our honeymoon he pulls out a box with a 3rd ring, it was/is a simple band with small chip diamonds in it.  When I asked why he bought another ring, he told me that he had bought this 3rd ring 1st and probably a couple years before he proposed but he wasn't sure if I would like it.  Then his parents gave him the solitaire and he got a new setting for it trying to make it as low profile as possible.  He still hadn't popped the question when I saw the advertisement for the infinity band so when I said I loved that ring he decided that he had to buy that ring before he could propose. Obviously, I am the more budget friendly in our relationship.

All that to say, out of the 3 rings my favorite is the one that he picked out himself based on what he thought I would like.  Added bonus it was probably the cheapest too (I still struggle with how much he spent total when the 1st one was perfect).  The solitaire has since been turned into a necklace that I wear everyday.  The infinity band I like (and wear with the other band that he picked out) but it has a lot less sentimental value to me because he just followed my "order" and didn't put his own energy/personality into it.

She will not say no based on the ring (and if she does I would be concerned about the marriage), buy a ring that you think will fit her personality but shows that you know/listen to what she likes.  If she does hate it, find something later (when you have more income) that she loves.

After seeing the link... have you looked at infinity bands rings or does she like the big diamond?
http://www.bluenile.com/luna-diamond-eternity-ring-platinum_43664?gclid=Cj0KEQjw2ua8BRDeusOkl5qth4QBEiQA8BpQcPhYcuMJgZf7yAgYNI0JAFTeRlC5sDYM_Ls5Squc7mQaAox38P8HAQ&click_id=337537758

Sacadoh

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2016, 02:42:07 PM »
Mustachian brag. Shortly after announcing our engagement (20 years ago now) my now wife and I visited my Mum, who asked what we were doing about a ring. It was not something we had thought about.

She told us to have a look in the spare key jug, as she thought there were some old rings in there that my niece - 4 at the time - liked to play with. Just to oblige her, my Mrs took a look and found amongst the old keys, curtain rings, buttons and plastic rings an old ring covered in stoor (Scottish word for dust & dirt).

It turned out to be an antique platinum and diamond engagement ring. Total cost at the time to be re-sized and cleaned - 15 (c$20).

NB My platinum wedding ring 200, lost about 3 months after the wedding. The cheaper replacement slipped off my finger whilst swimming in Nice - cold fingers shrink apparently. Karma, perhaps?

Slow&Steady

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2016, 02:45:57 PM »
Because people always end up suggesting privileged things like "if it makes you happy, do it :) "

https://www.globalwitness.org/en/campaigns/conflict-diamonds/

IMO the only way to put a permanent end to this is for peole to chooose not to think of these useless trinkets as valuable.

To be fair, Costco at least claims to us the UN Kimberley process to obtain conflict free diamonds. Anyone out there know if this actually means anything? Part of my hesitancy has been the ethical implications of a diamond ring too, so thanks for mentioning this.

If you want to minimize the ethical implications have you thought about buy a not new ring/diamond?  You could put it in a new setting if you/she wants.

boarder42

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #23 on: July 28, 2016, 02:47:04 PM »
super personal decision. its the only expensive piece of jewelry i bought my wife and probably ever will buy it was before MMM it was around 5600 if i remember correctly.  i personally wouldnt buy it from costco but find someone in the area who can make it for a similar price

Si2 and H color are all the farther you need to go in diamond status CUT is really the most important for the shimmer.  then it just comes down to size.  for the overall price.  i mean its a one time expense should last 50+ years you're looking at an avg cost of 100 bucks a year or so.

Jeremy E.

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #24 on: July 28, 2016, 02:47:37 PM »
I ended up going for an Amora Gem when I was in your situation, about $800 for a .83 carrot Amora gem, more fire and brilliance than diamonds. Had David Klass Jewelers put it on a Platinum Setting with 2 blue side diamonds, total cost just over $2,000.

MrsDinero

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #25 on: July 28, 2016, 02:48:25 PM »
So I'm not one to talk because my wedding ring set cost about that much and I love sparkly objects. It looks very different from the one you posted, however Mr. D actually wanted to purchase one that cost three times as much as what we actually got. We were also 100% debt free when the ring was purchased.

On one hand, yes your fiance should be happy with the ring she will be wearing, however you both need to be happy with the cost.

It sounds like right now you are currently earning $40k/year with $50k in debt.  Based on your current salary, buying this ring will be almost 13% of your annual income.  Yes next year you may get a 6 figure salary, however that is next year.  Right now you are talking about buying a ring and justifying it by saying "well next year I'll be able to afford it."  That is not a good way to justify a purchase. 

You have a great amount in your retirement account, but it would take more than half of your savings.  I don't think this ring is a smart purchase for you right now.

Also you say your fiance is frugal however she is a high income erarner with very little in savings and wants you to spend money you don't have on a ring.  That doesn't sound frugal to me.

ETA:  Why not wait until next year to propose with the ring she wants?  You will be able to afford it on a 6 figure salary.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 02:53:51 PM by MrsDinero »

brute

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #26 on: July 28, 2016, 02:51:26 PM »
$4700 is a lot. But it's worth it if it really makes her happy.

Isn't the core theme of this website about questioning what makes us happy and trying to redefine our desire to match with what actually makes us happy? I think everyone here would agree that a thing cannot make you happy. If we head down that road then we might next be justifying a Bentley because it will bring happiness, or any other thing. To me this blog is about questioning the status quo, and engagement rings definitely fit in here, especially when you consider that the whole idea of them was invented for profit.

I won't argue with that. My wife's wedding band and mine together were under $500. But comparing a $4700 engagement ring and wedding band to a Bentley is hyperbole. MMM and his wife, and many of the people here and 100% into the frugal lifestyle. Our intrepid OP has tried to talk his beloved out of a ridiculously expensive ring. She still wants it. It's his decision, but this isn't the sort of thing to dick around with. We can't immediately unbrainwash our spouses.

$4700 invested well buys several days a year of freedom. Saving $2000 buys a day or two of freedom down the road, and possibly a lot of heartache. This is why a Bentley is vastly different. For the price of a decent one, you're half-way to FIRE. For the price of the ring his wife to be really wants, its a day or two you can easily make up. Perspective, especially when they're looking at pulling down almost $300k a year.

AlwaysLearningToSave

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #27 on: July 28, 2016, 02:52:32 PM »
I'm guessing you will get a number of "why buy a ring?" responses here, but here are my two cents which may not line up with the majority view. 

In your case, go with something less expensive ONLY IF you have a good non-monetary reason for doing so.  I'll use my own experience as an example of what I mean:  I proposed to my now wife after undergrad when I had little money.  I got her a diamond that is very clear and very precisely cut, but it is quite small and not as colorless as diamond aficionados would desire.  Put it in a simple-but-elegant setting and I was out the door for less than $2,000.  The cut and clarity mean the diamond sparkles more than most any other engagement ring I've seen.  I view it as being symbolic of the way we choose to live our lives: it is understated but, if you examine it closely, it is very high quality. 

If you can get something less expensive, that is very meaningful, fits your girlfriend's style, and you are reasonably confident she will like it when you sell her on the reason you didn't get her the dream ring, then do it.  The important thing is that she will feel that it is an expression of how you value her and that you had a good reason for not getting the dream ring.  But if she is dead set on that ring and you aren't sure you can sell her on something else, then just get her the ring.  While it's a bit expensive now, it is not completely out of the realm of reason given your joint income potential (assuming what you said is accurate and not overly optimistic). 

What you absolutely do NOT want to do is to buy her something cheaper, then, when (not "if"... when) she asks why you didn't get her the one she obviously wanted, only be able to come up with an explanation along the lines of, "it was cheaper but I thought you'd still like it."  THAT would be a bad move and you would risk the wrath of a woman scorned.  Don't do that. 

Inaya

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #28 on: July 28, 2016, 02:52:55 PM »
That seems like an awful lot to spend on something that won't hold its value at all. But it's really your choice ultimately; it looks like you can afford it. However, what snags me is the fact that you know you're going to be $50,000 in debt very soon. I wonder if the "go ahead and do it" responses would be the same if you already had that $50,000 in debt.  And it might be worth unpacking why a diamond ring like that would make her happy (status? spending=happiness? incorrectly considers it an investment?). We spent just under $2k on our wedding rings, so I can't really say "don't spend money on frivolous jewelry!!!" But we did wait two weeks to make the purchase (and would have waited longer, but we didn't have much time before the wedding due to a snafu with another jeweler).

Have you thought about estate jewelry (if that doesn't creep you out)? Supposedly you can get some really nice looking stuff for a fraction of the price of new, and they don't contribute to the blood diamond issue.


ETA: I just saw the suggestion for a custom ring. I'd second that, especially if you can source stones and get them re-set. We originally wanted to have my mom's diamonds re-set in a custom band, but the quote we got for just one ring was $4500--way too rich for our budget, but right in line with yours and much more personal than just grabbing something off a Costco shelf. If you do go this route, make sure you have lots and lots of lead time before your date.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 02:56:55 PM by Inaya »

south of 61

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #29 on: July 28, 2016, 02:57:34 PM »
Why can't you split the cost of the ring - you spend what you want and she tops up the difference. I don't have an engagement ring but for my wedding band my husband thought $500 was enough to spend, the band I wanted was $1000 (it has diamonds inlaid in the band), so we each paid $500 and I got what I wanted and my husband spent what he wanted. win, win!

bertrandhustle

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #30 on: July 28, 2016, 03:04:16 PM »
Why can't you split the cost of the ring - you spend what you want and she tops up the difference. I don't have an engagement ring but for my wedding band my husband thought $500 was enough to spend, the band I wanted was $1000 (it has diamonds inlaid in the band), so we each paid $500 and I got what I wanted and my husband spent what he wanted. win, win!

So jealous. I suggested this approach and she actually said she would prefer to get a a less expensive ring instead of that set-up. Maybe that's the answer to my initial question actually. She doesn't value it enough to cover the difference, and she isn't demanding that specific ring - it's just clear to me that she would be delighted with it.

Looks like I need to do some more searching on my own and see if I can find something that would add sentimental value without coming across as a price thing, as others have suggested.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2016, 03:11:57 PM by bertrandhustle »

kanga1622

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #31 on: July 28, 2016, 03:12:21 PM »
From my view, yes, that is too much money. My wedding set cost $500 and was still more than I might spend these days. While I love the look of my set, I now realize that a flat band with an embedded stone would work so much better for carrying kids around, wearing gloves, etc.

The wedding band/engagement ring/wedding set is just a symbol.

charis

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #32 on: July 28, 2016, 03:14:37 PM »
You girlfriend makes 95K/year?  I am less concerned about the price of the ring (to each their own, since I personally don't like diamonds and think everyone's diamond wedding set looks cheesy and the same) than she wants you to buy a ring for her that you clearly can't afford, even 2K is unaffordable to a second year law student.

Why isn't she willing to contribute to the cost?  We were broke students when we got engaged with our finances basically merged by then and I picked out a ring that was affordable to our household (i.e. <$100).  I was happy to be getting married, the ring was practically the last thing of concern.   I understand that people have this grand, longtime idea of what engagement rings "should" be, but it's refreshing to shake up this mindset.

tweezers

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #33 on: July 28, 2016, 03:15:12 PM »
Get her the ring that she wants.  Its important to her and you should respect that; especially since the cost is a drop in the bucket relative to what is going to be your household income. 

zoltani

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #34 on: July 28, 2016, 03:22:34 PM »
Get her the ring that she wants.  Its important to her and you should respect that; especially since the cost is a drop in the bucket relative to what is going to be your household income.

What's that old saying about not counting your chickens....

AlwaysLearningToSave

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #35 on: July 28, 2016, 03:53:02 PM »
Why can't you split the cost of the ring - you spend what you want and she tops up the difference. I don't have an engagement ring but for my wedding band my husband thought $500 was enough to spend, the band I wanted was $1000 (it has diamonds inlaid in the band), so we each paid $500 and I got what I wanted and my husband spent what he wanted. win, win!

So jealous. I suggested this approach and she actually said she would prefer to get a a less expensive ring instead of that set-up. Maybe that's the answer to my initial question actually. She doesn't value it enough to cover the difference, and she isn't demanding that specific ring - it's just clear to me that she would be delighted with it.

Looks like I need to do some more searching on my own and see if I can find something that would add sentimental value without coming across as a price thing, as others have suggested.

Yes, this answers your question.  Try to figure out why she likes that particular ring, then go out and find something that fits her style, has greater sentimental value, and happens to have a lower price tag.  Then emphasize the sentimental reasons you made the choice you made.  If she sees that that you put forth genuine thought and effort, she will probably appreciate it even if it isn't exactly what she would have chosen for herself.

snogirl

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #36 on: July 28, 2016, 04:01:58 PM »
$4700 is a lot. But it's worth it if it really makes her happy.

Isn't the core theme of this website about questioning what makes us happy and trying to redefine our desire to match with what actually makes us happy? I think everyone here would agree that a thing cannot make you happy. If we head down that road then we might next be justifying a Bentley because it will bring happiness, or any other thing. To me this blog is about questioning the status quo, and engagement rings definitely fit in here, especially when you consider that the whole idea of them was invented for profit.
I like this.
As far as the rings, I personally would not ask or want any piece of jewelry that cost that much.
It sounds like your wife to be does though so you are marrying her go with your instinct.

Sent from my DROID RAZR HD using Tapatalk


Cranky

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #37 on: July 28, 2016, 04:06:38 PM »
I think it's a lot - I don't like diamonds for ethical reason, and I think you'll be just as married with a plain band.

But there are a lot of emotional issues in play here, and I don't think, if you are married for 50 years, that it's all that extravagant.

OTOH, dh and I bought plain wedding bands at a big box store in 1977, for $100 each, and it turns out that they are quite heavy and would be hard to replace.

tweezers

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #38 on: July 28, 2016, 04:07:47 PM »
Get her the ring that she wants.  Its important to her and you should respect that; especially since the cost is a drop in the bucket relative to what is going to be your household income.

What's that old saying about not counting your chickens....

OP's would-be-wife is already making nearly $100K, and presumably will continue to do so after they get married.  I'm making an assumption about how they will handle their finances once married, but at that salary level $5K for wedding rings is very doable if she's decided that the expense is important to her.

Vanguards and Lentils

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #39 on: July 28, 2016, 04:21:54 PM »
Get her the ring that she wants.  Its important to her and you should respect that;

I strongly object to this line of reasoning. It reads like a guide on how to spoil a child.

OP, you should take all these go-for-it responses with a grain of salt. I suspect they are mainly coming from those who did expensive rings themselves, and their subconscious forces them to believe it was the right decision. The brain goes to great lengths to avoid regrets. In light of many sensible arguments, as well as anecdotes from those who got cheap rings and were perfectly happy with them, it has to squirm about and rationalize, so that they don't have to come to terms with the following facts: 1) the $ value that they ascribe to rings was invented for them by advertisers, and 2) it contributes to oppression.


justajane

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #40 on: July 28, 2016, 04:26:12 PM »
Get her the ring that she wants.  Its important to her and you should respect that;

I strongly object to this line of reasoning. It reads like a guide on how to spoil a child.

OP, you should take all these go-for-it responses with a grain of salt. I suspect they are mainly coming from those who did expensive rings themselves, and their subconscious forces them to believe it was the right decision. The brain goes to great lengths to avoid regrets. In light of many sensible arguments, as well as anecdotes from those who got cheap rings and were perfectly happy with them, it has to squirm about and rationalize, so that they don't have to come to terms with the following facts: 1) the $ value that they ascribe to rings was invented for them by advertisers, and 2) it contributes to oppression.

I told him to "go for it" and my husband's ring was $300 and my ring was $200. No subconscious justification going on there. I just think their income, current and future, is such that 4K is not that big of deal if it's something that's important to her. 

Bajadoc

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #41 on: July 28, 2016, 04:34:20 PM »
American marketing is the most powerful force in the universe. Find someone who would be happy with $4700 worth of Vanguard mutual funds. Thats just me. For you, happy wife, happy life. Good luck.

Shor

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #42 on: July 28, 2016, 04:39:20 PM »
American marketing is the most powerful force in the universe. Find someone who would be happy with $4700 worth of Vanguard mutual funds. Thats just me. For you, happy wife, happy life. Good luck.
*Twitch* but why couldn't you round it out to an even $5500?

Jeremy E.

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #43 on: July 28, 2016, 04:58:04 PM »
American marketing is the most powerful force in the universe. Find someone who would be happy with $4700 worth of Vanguard mutual funds. Thats just me. For you, happy wife, happy life. Good luck.
I always thought it was strong nuclear force, dang

Cassie

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #44 on: July 28, 2016, 05:46:28 PM »
Get her the ring she wants. Together you guys will be making a lot of $. This is an important purchase and she will be looking at and enjoying it for years to come.  If  you guys were low earners then that would be a different story. I think it would be sad for her to be disappointed and she will be even if she hides it from you.

purple monkey

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #45 on: July 28, 2016, 05:47:44 PM »
her dream ring costs $4700 at Costco

If she's specifically asked for this particular ring, then based on what you describe, I would say, yes go for it if it makes her happy.
+1

justajane

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #46 on: July 28, 2016, 06:28:08 PM »
For the naysayers, think of it this way. People drop a few grand on a short vacation all the damned time. Two plane tickets: $800 minimum. Five nights in a hotel: $500 minimum (in any major location). Food: Let's say $50 a day, which is pretty cheap, so $250. Throw in another few hundred for incidentals, and you've got a cheap, arguably Mustachian vacation for two at 2K. Granted, I don't spend that much on a vacation very often, but I'm one cheap daughter of a cheap bitch :). Most "normal" people drop that and more on a vacation, sometimes multiple times a year.

I just don't see a one-time extravagant purchase of a ring to be that big of deal for dual income earners who make a decent income. For better or for worse (I would lean towards the worse), our culture sees this as a symbol of something important. The to-be wife cares about it. I don't think that makes her a terrible person. If she doesn't expect to continue to get expensive jewelry throughout their marriage, I just can't find the outrage, even if it's a choice I don't understand or relate to.

Hell, I bought a $40 silver ring and tried to wear that as a wedding ring and failed. I just hate jewelry. My husband proposed with some diamond earrings, since I had already told him I didn't want an engagement ring. I think I wore them twice. I must just be way less hot than sis upthread, because I've never had a problem with men hitting on me without a ring. Having three young kids in tow most of the time might have something to do with it :).   

MrsDinero

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #47 on: July 28, 2016, 06:34:21 PM »
I just don't see a one-time extravagant purchase of a ring to be that big of deal for dual income earners who make a decent income.

The problem is they are not a dual income couple.  She has made it clear she will not contribute towards the ring.  He is still in school and his 6 figure salary is 1-2 years away from becoming a reality.

Sailor Sam

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #48 on: July 28, 2016, 06:34:34 PM »
OP, are you balking at the price because you feel the outlay would place you in an uncomfortable situation wrt savings and debt? Or, is the squirming just from having to pay that much for a single item? Do you feel like you'll have to surrender your MMM card?

The first situation merits a discussion with your wife, where you lay out your concerns and worries. If she's a reasonable adult who loves you, she will respond with a solution. The second situation should also trigger a conversation about your expectations regarding money, and how that will intersect her sphere.

If you've already had conversation(s), and she still wants the ring without compromises or regards towards your thoughts, you've found yourself in a tough situation. One I'm not sure the internet can solve for you.

Bajadoc

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Re: Is $4700 wedding ring set too much?
« Reply #49 on: July 28, 2016, 06:47:23 PM »
The biggest American hobby is throwing money at whatever marketers say is important. A shiny rock is still a rock. But for you, again, happy wife, happy life. She can show her friends how much you love her by the size of the rock. Keep it clean and shiny. Good luck.