Thought experiment: dream job, or dream spouse?

[KBecks]

Dream spouse.  Why?  Hot sex.

[KBecks]

I'll be frank - you can't have sex with a dream job. Spouse it is.

You beat me to it!

[simonsez]

I'll be frank - you can't have sex with a dream job. Spouse it is.

What if your dream job is being a porn star?

You beat me to it!

[simonsez]

I suppose it depends what the alternatives are to the dream part.  If you have a dream job, does that mean you are stuck with an evil spouse your whole life, can you divorce?  Can it be an average spouse?  Is it no spouse?  Are long term relationships that aren't marriages allowed?  Is it a celibate life?  Similar questions with the dream spouse part.

Sol alluded to it, for the greater good of society a dream job has more potential than a happy marriage does.

I suppose if a dream job could (not saying it does or should) give someone a happier life than a dream spouse, then sure, pick dream job.

I'm going to be a total cheeseball for a second.  My marriage is not perfect but if I had to guess, it is closer to the dream ideal than any job of mine could ever be and that is mainly because I can't fathom what a dream job would be like.  I mean I like my current job plenty but when I envision a dream job, say for example Supreme Court judge or general manager of a baseball team, I can't help but think of all the pressure and negative effects associated with it.  Does that imply I am closer to my dream job as it stands now?  Or maybe I'm just being too narrow/naive in my dream job selection.  I'm not sure.  But I can say that I'm pretty happy with my marriage and can envision the dream spouse situation.  In economics, uncertainty is expensive and leads to irrational decisions so I'll just stick with what I know or at least can relate to and pick dream spouse.

[LibrarIan]

I'll be frank - you can't have sex with a dream job. Spouse it is.

What if your dream job is being a porn star?

Hmm... Quite the quandary. I'll still choose dream spouse, but that's only because I'm too self-conscious to appear on film.

[sparklebunny]

Dream spouse. I have an awesome job and had a nightmare spouse.  Would rather take an awful job than a nightmare spouse again (shudder).  So dream spouse all the way.

[lifejoy]

Probably easier to quit a horrible job than a horrible spouse!

[Melody]

Dream spouse... but I suspect Dream job is much easier to find in reality ;-)

[dude]

I initially thought Dream Spouse.  But really, since so few actually have one, and they seem to be as mythical as the Chimera, and the vast majority of folks seem to do just fine with an average/ok/not awful spouse, perhaps the Dream Job would be the better choice.  I mean really, most of us spend far more waking hours at their job than with our spouses, I'd wager.  So with a tolerable spouse, but a Dream Job, life could be pretty damn cozy.

[HappierAtHome]

I initially thought Dream Spouse.  But really, since so few actually have one, and they seem to be as mythical as the Chimera, and the vast majority of folks seem to do just fine with an average/ok/not awful spouse, perhaps the Dream Job would be the better choice.  I mean really, most of us spend far more waking hours at their job than with our spouses, I'd wager.  So with a tolerable spouse, but a Dream Job, life could be pretty damn cozy.

Is it true that dream spouses are hard to find?? I'd argue that I have one. And I know quite a few people who seem extremely happy with their choice of spouse. I don't think I'd bother to be in a relationship if I had to settle for "not awful" :-P

With FIRE I'm hoping that overall I'll spend a lot more time with my spouse than at work over the years.

[Insanity]

I initially thought Dream Spouse.  But really, since so few actually have one, and they seem to be as mythical as the Chimera, and the vast majority of folks seem to do just fine with an average/ok/not awful spouse, perhaps the Dream Job would be the better choice.  I mean really, most of us spend far more waking hours at their job than with our spouses, I'd wager.  So with a tolerable spouse, but a Dream Job, life could be pretty damn cozy.

Is it true that dream spouses are hard to find?? I'd argue that I have one. And I know quite a few people who seem extremely happy with their choice of spouse. I don't think I'd bother to be in a relationship if I had to settle for "not awful" :-P

With FIRE I'm hoping that overall I'll spend a lot more time with my spouse than at work over the years.

6 of us went out on Saturday for a guys night out.  Four of us have been friends since college, one married a girl that we were friends with since college, and one married a girl that is friends with one of the guy's wife (got that? I could do a venn diagram/spaceballs reference).

Speaking from the stats:
2 - Are happy, and their happiness is derived differently.  One spends a lot of time with his wife, one does a lot of things on his own (hockey, goes out).
1 - His wife is not happy.  He works off shift from her so they do not ever see each other.  They have no one to help with the kids.   She has a strained relationship with her in-laws (father in law just passed away).  The guy probably doesn't care.  He does whatever he wants essentially.
3 - Are just existing to unhappy

While this is a small subset, if your chances are basically 1 in 3 to be happy in a marriage and the average divorce rate is 50%, I'd say it is pretty hard to find that spouse.

The other factor is, people change.  Things happen that causes them to change.  Things which are out of your control, in a lot of cases.

[peppermint]

Dream spouse, obviously -- UNLESS -- I had some incredibly specialized skillset that could, say, save humanity from climate change or whatever but would require working on the space station for the rest of my life. I think if I really had to choose between those two I'd choose the job. But that's not very likely. :)

[HappierAtHome]

I initially thought Dream Spouse.  But really, since so few actually have one, and they seem to be as mythical as the Chimera, and the vast majority of folks seem to do just fine with an average/ok/not awful spouse, perhaps the Dream Job would be the better choice.  I mean really, most of us spend far more waking hours at their job than with our spouses, I'd wager.  So with a tolerable spouse, but a Dream Job, life could be pretty damn cozy.

Is it true that dream spouses are hard to find?? I'd argue that I have one. And I know quite a few people who seem extremely happy with their choice of spouse. I don't think I'd bother to be in a relationship if I had to settle for "not awful" :-P

With FIRE I'm hoping that overall I'll spend a lot more time with my spouse than at work over the years.

6 of us went out on Saturday for a guys night out.  Four of us have been friends since college, one married a girl that we were friends with since college, and one married a girl that is friends with one of the guy's wife (got that? I could do a venn diagram/spaceballs reference).

Speaking from the stats:
2 - Are happy, and their happiness is derived differently.  One spends a lot of time with his wife, one does a lot of things on his own (hockey, goes out).
1 - His wife is not happy.  He works off shift from her so they do not ever see each other.  They have no one to help with the kids.   She has a strained relationship with her in-laws (father in law just passed away).  The guy probably doesn't care.  He does whatever he wants essentially.
3 - Are just existing to unhappy

While this is a small subset, if your chances are basically 1 in 3 to be happy in a marriage and the average divorce rate is 50%, I'd say it is pretty hard to find that spouse.

The other factor is, people change.  Things happen that causes them to change.  Things which are out of your control, in a lot of cases.

Well that's depressing.

I do wonder about the whole having kids thing. Most people I know are significantly less happy in their marriage once they have children. It makes me think twice because I'd rather have a happy marriage and no kids than an unhappy marriage with children.

[MissStache]

Well that's depressing.

I do wonder about the whole having kids thing. Most people I know are significantly less happy in their marriage once they have children. It makes me think twice because I'd rather have a happy marriage and no kids than an unhappy marriage with children.

That is an interesting thought, and now that I think about it, I can see some validity.  I would say that most of the people I know who have children get a lot of personal happiness out of their children, but I wonder what impact it has on the marriage itself?

[lifejoy]

Well that's depressing.

I do wonder about the whole having kids thing. Most people I know are significantly less happy in their marriage once they have children. It makes me think twice because I'd rather have a happy marriage and no kids than an unhappy marriage with children.

That is an interesting thought, and now that I think about it, I can see some validity.  I would say that most of the people I know who have children get a lot of personal happiness out of their children, but I wonder what impact it has on the marriage itself?

There is a Ted talk, I forget the name, but it basically uses statistics to support the idea that having kids makes us very, very unhappy. Until they turn 18 - then we get happy again :)