Author Topic: Would you marry someone unmustachian?  (Read 16009 times)

little_brown_dog

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #50 on: April 04, 2016, 10:15:31 AM »
Thanks for all the great responses!  Yes I do feel like helping the next generation would be a good thing if we can afford it and don't have to risk running out of money during retirement.  But the car thing does bug me. He already bought his brother a nice car (luxury suv) when he graduated college. But now that car is getting old and having lots of problems. It bothers me a little that his brother got married, had two kids, and is living in a house his parents bought for him and can't save enough to get a car. He and his wife both work, but they don't make nearly as much as we do. They can't afford therapy for their son, so my BF already pays for that. I think that is good though because the therapy is really helping (he has special needs).  But they decided to have another kid, so now they'll have three (not an accident, they consciously decided to get pregnant again). One one hand, I'm excited for the new baby to arrive, but also thinking now we'll need to help out with this one too.

So I said, why don't you get them a used minivan, but the brother wants another big new SUV. The brother and his wife do work hard, they have a special needs kid, and they are really great parents. They have some speedy pants issues. They are frugal is some ways but spendy in others. It's not a black and white situation. I really do love those kids and want them to have good learning opportunities so I'm not totally against helping with college when the time comes. Especially since I don't have kids of my own and I've been lucky enough to be given good opportunities in my life.

Anyhow I probably need to talk with BF about preserving a certain amount needed for retirement so I can feel secure, then the excess we can use to help his family and his gadgets. I think that would be a good compromise.  I think if he is okay with me retiring after we have enough, I would be okay with him working more to pay for those things.

I think it's difficult to find someone who is the exact mustachian match. There will always be compromise. But there is more to a relationship than just money. We are so compatible in so many ways that I think we'll be able to work through the financial differences and come to a happy compromise.

This is so ridiculous that I would hope you're joking but I don't think you are. What does your boyfriend do for work? I would hope he's making at least $500k a year or won the lottery in his past life if he's throwing money around like that. It's great to be generous and want to help others out but as someone else said, you should not help others out at your own peril.

Yes. Obvi the brother cant provide for his own family appropriately if he needs OP's bf to foot the bill not only for e  hild's therapy but also to buy him cars every few years. OP beware...this is a slippery slope. Whats next? Paying fortheir next baby? Covering their groceries or mortgage? It is not normal to pay major recurring expenses for another family esp when that family is dumb enough to keep making babies they can't pay for. I suspect your bf will be payingfor this family for the long haul.

And fyi "great" parents don't purposefully have another baby when they can't even care for the special needs child they already have. Truly great parents would recognize that they need to do what needs to be done for their existing child, not intentionally have another baby that will siphon more resources away from their existing children. These parents sound selfish and immature...not great.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2016, 10:20:16 AM by little_brown_dog »

partgypsy

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #51 on: April 04, 2016, 10:24:57 AM »
Thanks for all the great responses!  Yes I do feel like helping the next generation would be a good thing if we can afford it and don't have to risk running out of money during retirement.  But the car thing does bug me. He already bought his brother a nice car (luxury suv) when he graduated college. But now that car is getting old and having lots of problems. It bothers me a little that his brother got married, had two kids, and is living in a house his parents bought for him and can't save enough to get a car. He and his wife both work, but they don't make nearly as much as we do. They can't afford therapy for their son, so my BF already pays for that. I think that is good though because the therapy is really helping (he has special needs).  But they decided to have another kid, so now they'll have three (not an accident, they consciously decided to get pregnant again). One one hand, I'm excited for the new baby to arrive, but also thinking now we'll need to help out with this one too.

So I said, why don't you get them a used minivan, but the brother wants another big new SUV. The brother and his wife do work hard, they have a special needs kid, and they are really great parents. They have some speedy pants issues. They are frugal is some ways but spendy in others. It's not a black and white situation. I really do love those kids and want them to have good learning opportunities so I'm not totally against helping with college when the time comes. Especially since I don't have kids of my own and I've been lucky enough to be given good opportunities in my life.

Anyhow I probably need to talk with BF about preserving a certain amount needed for retirement so I can feel secure, then the excess we can use to help his family and his gadgets. I think that would be a good compromise.  I think if he is okay with me retiring after we have enough, I would be okay with him working more to pay for those things.

I think it's difficult to find someone who is the exact mustachian match. There will always be compromise. But there is more to a relationship than just money. We are so compatible in so many ways that I think we'll be able to work through the financial differences and come to a happy compromise.

This is so ridiculous that I would hope you're joking but I don't think you are. What does your boyfriend do for work? I would hope he's making at least $500k a year or won the lottery in his past life if he's throwing money around like that. It's great to be generous and want to help others out but as someone else said, you should not help others out at your own peril.

Yes. Obvi the brother cant provide for his own family appropriately if he needs OP's bf to foot the bill not only for e  hild's therapy but also to buy him cars every few years. OP beware...this is a slippery slope. Whats next? Paying fortheir next baby? Covering their groceries or mortgage? It is not normal to pay major recurring expenses for another family esp when that family is dumb enough to keep making babies they can't pay for. I suspect your bf will be payingfor this family for the long haul.

And fyi "great" parents don't purposefully have another baby when they can't even care for the special needs child they already have. Truly great parents would recognize that they need to do what needs to be done for their existing child, not intentionally have another baby that will siphon more resources away from their existing children. These parents sound selfish and immature...not great.

I don't want to be judgemental, but planning on having a third child when they cannot pay for essentials for their already existing child (therapy), is not responsible. And that the brother is expecting your so to pay for another vehicle for them, because they do not budget for it? Mark my words they are going to expect your SO to provide financial life support, for the indefinite future. would they be planning for a third child if they were not given a free house and regular financial help from your SO? I think your so needs to draw some boundaries.

MrsDinero

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #52 on: April 04, 2016, 10:47:07 AM »
Thanks for all the great responses!  Yes I do feel like helping the next generation would be a good thing if we can afford it and don't have to risk running out of money during retirement.  But the car thing does bug me. He already bought his brother a nice car (luxury suv) when he graduated college. But now that car is getting old and having lots of problems. It bothers me a little that his brother got married, had two kids, and is living in a house his parents bought for him and can't save enough to get a car. He and his wife both work, but they don't make nearly as much as we do. They can't afford therapy for their son, so my BF already pays for that. I think that is good though because the therapy is really helping (he has special needs).  But they decided to have another kid, so now they'll have three (not an accident, they consciously decided to get pregnant again). One one hand, I'm excited for the new baby to arrive, but also thinking now we'll need to help out with this one too.

So I said, why don't you get them a used minivan, but the brother wants another big new SUV. The brother and his wife do work hard, they have a special needs kid, and they are really great parents. They have some speedy pants issues. They are frugal is some ways but spendy in others. It's not a black and white situation. I really do love those kids and want them to have good learning opportunities so I'm not totally against helping with college when the time comes. Especially since I don't have kids of my own and I've been lucky enough to be given good opportunities in my life.

Anyhow I probably need to talk with BF about preserving a certain amount needed for retirement so I can feel secure, then the excess we can use to help his family and his gadgets. I think that would be a good compromise.  I think if he is okay with me retiring after we have enough, I would be okay with him working more to pay for those things.

I think it's difficult to find someone who is the exact mustachian match. There will always be compromise. But there is more to a relationship than just money. We are so compatible in so many ways that I think we'll be able to work through the financial differences and come to a happy compromise.

This is so ridiculous that I would hope you're joking but I don't think you are. What does your boyfriend do for work? I would hope he's making at least $500k a year or won the lottery in his past life if he's throwing money around like that. It's great to be generous and want to help others out but as someone else said, you should not help others out at your own peril.

Yes. Obvi the brother cant provide for his own family appropriately if he needs OP's bf to foot the bill not only for e  hild's therapy but also to buy him cars every few years. OP beware...this is a slippery slope. Whats next? Paying fortheir next baby? Covering their groceries or mortgage? It is not normal to pay major recurring expenses for another family esp when that family is dumb enough to keep making babies they can't pay for. I suspect your bf will be payingfor this family for the long haul.

And fyi "great" parents don't purposefully have another baby when they can't even care for the special needs child they already have. Truly great parents would recognize that they need to do what needs to be done for their existing child, not intentionally have another baby that will siphon more resources away from their existing children. These parents sound selfish and immature...not great.

I don't want to be judgemental, but planning on having a third child when they cannot pay for essentials for their already existing child (therapy), is not responsible. And that the brother is expecting your so to pay for another vehicle for them, because they do not budget for it? Mark my words they are going to expect your SO to provide financial life support, for the indefinite future. would they be planning for a third child if they were not given a free house and regular financial help from your SO? I think your so needs to draw some boundaries.

I wonder what would happen if OP's SO suddenly no longer had his income and therefore could not support his brother's family.  Would the SO start putting everything on a credit card? Take out a loan?  Or expect OP to start picking up the tab? 

Is OP assertive enough to say "no you lost your job, I am not giving money to your brother, even it means the brother's car would get repossessed (if still has a loan) and the kids will have to switch schools?"

While  agree that there is more to a relationship than money, one cannot disagree that money is a major part of the relationship.  Money issues  is the #2 cause for divorce.

Drifterrider

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #53 on: April 04, 2016, 11:39:51 AM »
They would never marry me.

Wedding?  What wedding.  License cost XXX, JP cost XXX.  We're done.

Where'd she go???????????

seattlecyclone

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #54 on: April 04, 2016, 01:02:00 PM »
Probably not. Being wasteful is a major red flag.

This pretty much sums it up for me. My wife and I are a good match in large part because we mostly agree about how we want to use our resources. I read about so many couples breaking up about disagreements over money. People think that because they love each other they can see past the financial stuff, but it's more important than many folks give it credit for. Not saying it can't work, it just seems like it would be a lot harder.

iris lily

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #55 on: April 04, 2016, 01:12:03 PM »
Probably not. Being wasteful is a major red flag.

This pretty much sums it up for me. My wife and I are a good match in large part because we mostly agree about how we want to use our resources. I read about so many couples breaking up about disagreements over money. People think that because they love each other they can see past the financial stuff, but it's more important than many folks give it credit for. Not saying it can't work, it just seems like it would be a lot harder.
Its a fundamental value. I don't understand how people dont see that.

With my previous frugal boyfriends, one did not value travel. In fact he could have written the orignal post on that other thread that makes fun of travel.

When I met DH, it really mattered to me at the one thing he was willing to splurge on was overseas travel. He is very frugal, simple, and is into reusing/repurposing everything. He is a genius at fixing and building thngs. But he is always up for kicking back on an airplane and walking around new cities.

okits

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #56 on: April 04, 2016, 01:54:54 PM »
Had a nice talk with the BF.  I think he is willing to compromise on the car purchase.  A sensibly priced used minivan instead of the fancy SUV.  I think it is good that we're talking about these things openly. I think living together without being married may be the ideal situation for us.  It's really worked well thus far.  It allows me to maintain a level of independence that I like and somehow I feel like we appreciate each other more.  Perhaps if we were married we might take each other for granted more.  But that is another post entirely...  Anyway thanks for the responses.  I don't post often but I find that when I do, something good comes out of it.  In this case, it pushed me to talk to my BF about something I was uncomfortable with, and I think brought some things out in the open which is a good thing. Hope y'all had a great weekend!

This is a really positive outcome for your story and the discussion on this thread.  It is a good sign that you and your SO can talk about these things and sometimes meet in the middle.  Best wishes!

neo von retorch

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #57 on: April 04, 2016, 02:16:45 PM »
You may want to read a book about boundaries (Boundaries comes to mind - though I prefer a more secular one like Integrity!) so you can set rules in your head that are both logical but also rooted in your emotions about obligations, loyalty and generosity.

As someone with the incredible fortune to marry someone who is very frugal and has completely gotten on board with plans to reach financial independence early in life, I really can't imagine doing it the other way. I had a really toxic relationship in the past, and one of the biggest reasons there was conflict was that I had not done a good job of setting boundaries, let her walk all over me and take advantage of me financially, and then she still wanted to have choice over purchases... which she very much should, but I resented because of the money I would lose covering her rent. Ironically, one of her parting gifts was the book mentioned above, Integrity.

SachaFiscal

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #58 on: April 04, 2016, 04:08:23 PM »
If your girlfriend/boyfriend were perfect for you in so many ways except levels of desired spending and consumerism, would you marry them?  For example you want to live in a modest home, take moderate vacations, buy used cars and keep them for a long time and don't need the latest and greatest gadgets. They would love to buy a new car or lease one every few years, they want a fancier house, they need the latest computer and phone and TV, they want to go on several expensive vacations a year.

But you love them and they get you (except your frugality) like no one else ever has.

Sure I would. Many people go through life and never find someone to love or that loves them. I'm going to throw that away for money? Not a chance. My wife and I have a lot of differences, money being one of them. We compromise. We work through it. We're a team, for richer or poorer.

Yeah being married before and in a few long term relationships that all weren't so great, I feel grateful to be with someone who really loves and appreciates me and I love and appreciate them. We have taken things slow. First friendship for a couple years before dating. Then dating and living separately until moving in together. Then living together for the past few years. We are letting the relationship progress at its own natural pace which is nice. We've just started combining our financial plans in the past year or so (finances are still separate but we are navigating our future financial goals and trying to align them).  I think we have a good plan that will have us where we want to be in less than 5 years then we can each decide if we want to keep working full or part time or just start living off the stash. We are in our 40s so no kids of our own planned.

He is such a caring and generous person which is why he can't sit back making lots while his brother struggles.  I think he feels bad taking nice vacations and buying nice things for himself while his family can't afford to do those things. He grew up poor and wants his nephews to have more opportunities and rich life experiences than he had growing up.

We're lucky that we are both in good places financially and don't really have to worry too much about money on a day to day basis.  He has really cut back on his gadget buying and we consult each other on big purchases. I've cut back on eating out and other miscellaneous purchases. We're cooking more now which has greatly helped our progress along this path. Based on the progress we've made, I think we'll be okay long term even if we help out his family.

I think part of the reason they had another child was so their son would have two siblings to help him later in life. I think they are good people and won't abuse his generosity.  And I think my BF and I can come to an agreement as to how to help them without risking our retirement.

« Last Edit: April 04, 2016, 05:01:13 PM by SachaFiscal »

Runrooster

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #59 on: April 04, 2016, 05:51:26 PM »
Thanks for the longer explanation. I definitely see how the special needs can change a lot of mustachianism decisions.  I don't like the assumption that the two kids will spend their lives taking care of their special needs sibling.  That's not a burden they chose, especially the unborn one!  And no one has addressed the possibility that the third child also has special needs, which is not uncommon with things like autism where there is a genetic component.  The car demands simply don't bode well.  Any family can come up with a list of things they need to make their lives better, but the essence of mustachianism is the sense of enough.    I grew up poor as well, which makes it easier for me to say kids growing up now have a wealth of opportunities via the computer and Internet.  You can diy music lessons or learn about art, math, science, or learn to cook or fix your car, all for free.  Nice vacations and enriching experiences are frosting on the cake - if you earn enough to afford them, I dont judge, but why does anyone under 18 "need" a fancy vacation? What are they vacationing from, and wouldn't a camping trip or other outdoor adventure be adequate?

Eta: I think in this situation I would be even more inclined to set financial limits on brother and try to come up with a long term plan for special needs nephew.  I suspect SO will be the long term financial support, not nephews siblings, and you need to decide how comfortable you are with that.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2016, 06:06:31 PM by Runrooster »

MrMonkeyMustache

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #60 on: April 04, 2016, 07:01:04 PM »
Someone that wants to spend their one money in a way that differs from my priorities? Yes.

Someone that wants to spend my money regardless of my own priorities? No.

And for the record. Someone can "get" frugality and accept that in you, but still choose to not make those choices themselves. In the same way someone can accept the other persons religion while still holding on to their own beliefs. To require the other person to have excactly the same valuea as yourself seems a bit insecure to me.

little_brown_dog

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #61 on: April 05, 2016, 07:16:13 AM »
OP I commend you  on your generosity. However I used to see stuff like this all the time when I worked with the urban poor.A family member would do well and all of a sudden due to guilt and love they were on the hook for buying things for their extended family and friends for the rest of their lives, even when these people made alot of bad or questionable decisions. They always cited the same reason you do: they couldnt bear to see the little ones go without even when they knew the parents could do a better job. The trouble is, with every handout, they hurt their loved ones chances of figuring things out on their own. And the kids never got what they truly needed most, which were parents who could stand on their own two feet and make the responsible, tough decisions. It is the exact same as giving an alcoholic just one more drink and a place to stay....they never have to get sober if there is always a nice person offering just one more and a warm place to sleep. And so we hurt the ones we are trying ti help.

My advice is to only pay for the kids directly....nothing for the parents. Continue to pay for therapy. Use the money you would have spent getting the parents a car and use it to open a college fund for the kids, or to pay for an educational summer camp, or something only the kids benefit from. This helps the kids without enabling the parents. Watch how the parents react to this decision....are they grateful and thrilled or are they sullen or frustrated because they have to pay for their car? Either way the kids get thehelp they need but you will know exactly what you are dealing with on the parents' end.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2016, 07:22:14 AM by little_brown_dog »

Scandium

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #62 on: April 05, 2016, 07:52:34 AM »
I think part of the reason they had another child was so their son would have two siblings to help him later in life. I think they are good people and won't abuse his generosity.  And I think my BF and I can come to an agreement as to how to help them without risking our retirement.

Pardon my cynicism, but this raises red flags to me, as many others have mentioned. His brother can't pay for their current child's (presumably) required therapy, or a car to move their spawn around. Yet they're having a third and his brother is paying for it?! Seriously wtf! From how you describe your bf, a "nice used minivan" is still 10s of thousands. And who knows what other expenses this now five person family will require? Taking him down from a new SUV to a used minivan is pretty minor, and still a huge expense on someone who frankly sound irresponsible. I'd be surprised if these expenses ever stops, it will likely just get worse through his whole life. How many minivans? And sending 2-3 nephews to college? And then they'll need down payments right? Maybe weddings? "Hey brother, I'd really like to take my 3 kids to Disney world, could you help out? $10,000 should do it. Remember how we grew up poor and could never go..?"

You "think" his brother's family won't take advantage? They already are! It sounds like you're just hoping you can control this, but how certain are you? He's already deep into it, do you really think you can keep him from becoming their sugar daddy for the rest of his life?

It's practically certain that two people will never have the same level of frugality/spendyness, but some level of understanding and "close-ish" is probably for the best. I'm not sure how your BF falls based on what you've said.

And by the way, having a 3rd kid to take care of the first one? The money they spend on the 3rd one could pay for professional help for that kid for a long time. Having children is probably the worst way to pay for help. I can't wait for the day my son is old enough to mow the lawn, but paying a gardener would have been way cheaper..
« Last Edit: April 05, 2016, 07:55:39 AM by Scandium »

LeRainDrop

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #63 on: April 05, 2016, 08:19:28 AM »
My advice is to only pay for the kids directly....nothing for the parents. Continue to pay for therapy. Use the money you would have spent getting the parents a car and use it to open a college fund for the kids, or to pay for an educational summer camp, or something only the kids benefit from. This helps the kids without enabling the parents. Watch how the parents react to this decision....are they grateful and thrilled or are they sullen or frustrated because they have to pay for their car? Either way the kids get thehelp they need but you will know exactly what you are dealing with on the parents' end.

I think this is awesome advice from little_brown_dog.

But the car thing does bug me. He already bought his brother a nice car (luxury suv) when he graduated college. But now that car is getting old and having lots of problems. It bothers me a little that his brother got married, had two kids, and is living in a house his parents bought for him and can't save enough to get a car.

How long ago did the brother graduate college when your boyfriend bought him the luxury SUV that the brother now claims is "old and having lots of problems"?  Was this like 10 or 15 years ago, or did the brother just do a terrible (i.e., negligent, lazy) job maintaining the car?  I'm sorry, but one car purchase for a sibling is already extremely generous, that it was a luxury SUV is incredible, and now the consideration of buying him yet another "big new SUV"?  Like you, I would be very concerned about the trend here and that brother's family's security will be put ahead of yours and the boyfriend's as the years go on.

COlady

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #64 on: April 05, 2016, 09:01:46 AM »
There are many other ways your bf could help his brother's family much more than buying them an expensive vehicle. What about buying them a season pass to the zoo or the Children's Museum? He could help with the cost of birthday parties. You said he doesn't want them to grow up how he and his brother did. Does a new vehicle really change how they grow up? Kids don't care what kind of vehicle they ride in as long as they're comfortable. They want to do cool stuff and cool stuff can cost a lot of money....not all cool stuff costs a lot of money (hiking, camping are cheap) but going on vacations to explore other areas of the country or to amusement parks etc. do.

You really changed your tune after people started pointing out how terrible his approach is to helping his brother's family. Learn from other people's mistakes....

Stupendous

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #65 on: April 05, 2016, 10:19:29 AM »
Having a another child to help raise another is foolish. When you have a child there is no guarantee on what you'll get. The kid may be healthy, unhealthy, successful or become a loser.

I also wouldn't marry someone where the finances among the family members is so entangled. I come from the everyone is independent approach and believe that works best.

Cassie

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #66 on: April 05, 2016, 01:28:44 PM »
Buying that family any type of car is ridiculous.  Paying for the child's therapy I can definitely see.  Kids could really care less whether they go camping or on a fancy vacation. If everyone is close and having fun that will be all that matters. Expecting kids to take care of their siblings is ridiculous too.  Why would you burden someone like that?  Having a 3rd when you can't afford the 2 you have???  My brother made double the $ we made when young and raising kids and I never would have taken a dime from him. People need to have some pride in themselves and figure out how to solve their own problems. In the long term you both will grow more and more resentful with time because your BF is being used-plain and simple.

Gerard

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #67 on: April 05, 2016, 03:50:53 PM »
wrt the original question: I married a warm and generous but hopelessly unmustachian woman and it was a huge source of stress and eventually conflict. We're no longer together.

Eurotexan

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #68 on: April 05, 2016, 09:21:43 PM »
I am 40 and at this age, I don't think I could. I have worked very hard to get where I am and I just don't think I could handle the stress and frustration of seeing the waste not to mention how am I going to FIRE? On my own with my new husband working, or am I going to support his ass through a probably very short FIRE.

I am too set in my ways.

SachaFiscal

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #69 on: April 06, 2016, 09:09:32 AM »
I hear ya. I am 40 too and was already married once to an unmustachian guy who I gave lots of money to for education expenses and paying off student loan debt. This was before I found MMM. I nursed my finances back to health over the past several years. I think I will have enough to be able to cover my own cost of living in about 5 years or so.

I'm leaning towards postponing marriage for a few more years to see how things go. I didn't listen to the warning signs before my first marriage and regretted it. I would be okay with just continuing to live together indefinitely. He might be okay with that too. We do get some pressure from both our families to get married but we've been able to deflect it successfully thus far. Both our families live far enough away that we don't have to deal with it that often.

I'm not sure how we would benefit from getting married anyway. At this point we would pay more in taxes if we got married because of our current salaries. We might end up taking each other for granted if we got married (reduced quality of the relationship). We're not planning to have kids or adopt.






MrsDinero

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #70 on: April 06, 2016, 09:16:23 AM »
I am too set in my ways.

I don't look at it as being set in your ways.  I see it more as being wise enough to realize that while no person is 100% perfect there are some habits that can be lived with and others that can't and are potentially more detrimental to a person's happiness. 

MrsTuxedocat

  • Bristles
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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #71 on: April 06, 2016, 06:22:36 PM »
It sounds like your SO is a very generous and kind man. I admire and respect those qualities. Unfortunately, I feel that his brother is taking advantage of him. I have never heard of a brother buying a luxury SUV for a sibling, NEVER.

The brother is a grown-up and if he wants a new car then get a car loan. It's reasonable for your SO to help out with therapy.

I think you should have an open and honest discussion about your financial goals/roles. Perhaps keep finances seperate? I don't think's neccesarily a deal breaker.

Easye418

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Re: Would you marry someone unmustachian?
« Reply #72 on: April 07, 2016, 02:32:31 PM »
Money is pretty much the only stressor in my life right now.  We had a bundle of debt when we got out of college and it took us sometime to come to reality that we need to plan for certain things.  However, we have been on high income ~$150K for the last year and we are making significant strides to preparing for the future. 

As soon as I get our debts down to mortgage payment and monthly bills, we will probably have my wife drop down to 30 hours a week maybe even 25 hours a week.  At this point, I will bring in enough money to comfortably live and invest for our future.  The only point for my wife working would be to have FU or spending money.  I honestly don't care about retiring when I am 35.  However, I wouldn't mind prepping for 50's retire. 

That being said, I don't think I could marry someone who wanted to live way above your means and not invest.   However, I think it depends greatly on what the one earner is making.