Hello all,
I’ve been a casual MMM reader for a few years and just recently joined the site as a member. I’m in need of some advice, so I’m hoping a few of you will be kind enough to read this and weigh in. I’ll try to organize this in somewhat of a logical fashion, although at this point I just feel like word-vomiting all over the page.
Background: I’m a late-20’s female living on the East Coast of the US. I’m recently married with 2 step-kids, and I do not want kids of my own. At the beginning of this year I started what I thought was my dream job in the public sector. It comes with a “fancy” title (which I personally couldn’t care less about), a car, and a $100K+ salary after 5 years. I should be thrilled about this, shouldn’t I?
Well, I’m not. Quite the opposite, actually; I’m overwhelmingly miserable. I live about 20 miles from work, and my average daily round-trip commute is 2 hours. We are expected to work 10 hours a day, although I can sometimes get away with 9. I’m up at 6am to leave by 7:30 and don’t get home until 7-7:30pm. I feel like I have no time for anything anymore. By the time I get home I don’t feel like cooking a meal, and my husband won’t cook, so we end up eating out. Weekends are spent catching up on work around the house. I have lost interest in exercise, so my physical health is suffering. I’m drinking more to try and “relax”. To top it off, I don’t really enjoy the work in general, as I feel it’s overly regulated and most of my time is spent doing tedious, bureaucratic BS.
When I express my dissatisfaction to people, they scoff at me. “You worked so hard to get here” and “Other people would kill for your job” are two of the most common responses I get. I also hear a lot of “You have to work hard and pay your dues now and things will get better”. When I look around at work, however, I see people with 10+ years in still working the same number of hours as me, if not more. That’s not my idea of “things will get better”. I don’t want to waste my life on a job, even if I’m young.
On the home front, things aren’t a great deal better. My husband has little interest in being frugal and living the MMM lifestyle. Every time I’ve approached him about it, we end up arguing. He makes ~$83K a year and pays a decent amount in child support each month. He’s always taking his kids to restaurants, sports events, and other activities that cost money. I disagree with the general way in which he’s raising them, but my objections fall on deaf ears. We live in a house that’s honestly too big for our needs, but it was relatively less expensive than the other homes in our area. My husband cannot move too far because of work and custody stipulations. I’d love to pay off my remaining $8K in student loans left over from a master’s degree and really start saving money, but keeping up with my husband’s lifestyle is preventing me from doing so. I’d also love to downsize our home, but our options are limited due to the conditions I stated above. I’m not materialistic and don’t chase luxury like a lot of my peers do. I’d be content with a small home and some free time so I could expand upon my hobbies of woodworking, gardening, etc.
I’d love it if a few people could give me some perspective. I feel quite alone in all of this and don’t really know what to do. It would be great to hear some words of wisdom from like-minded people. Thanks for reading!