Ack. I could not bear to read through more than 10 or 15 responses.
OP -- the first half of your note read like not uncommon marriage issues THAT YOU CAN GET THROUGH. I am certain the second half of this will trigger a lot of marriage advice responses, that you may not be looking for. (I can't look!)
Regarding finances -- if you married young (not a blended or mature family situation).
1) Treat income as COMBINED. Your family earns $110k/yr. Period.
2) Set up a HOUSEHOLD ACCOUNT to pay all the monthly expenses, contribute to savings, etc. Ideally that only you pay from, but you both can see. He can help set up the budget, if he wants to be involved, etc. but should not be the controller / payer from this account until he shows mature financial skills.
3) Set up EQUAL MONTHLY PERSONAL ALLOWANCES. Two accounts, that automatically get the same amount each month, that you can spend from as each of you likes. *
4) Sit down and review (monthly / quarterly, whatever works for the two of you).
You have shared debt now (the student loan), shared expenses, about to share a child, etc. All should be equal. Deciding if you are happy with unequal income, or differences in taking care of the home, or the communication challenges are separate from the issues about finances.
As long as he is not over-running the allowance, and keeps his credit score up by making required payments, he should be able to use his money however he likes. Even if it is paying for a balance on his credit cards.
TLDR:
It took me 15 years of marriage before we set up the equal personal monthly allowances to separate accounts. This eliminated 80% of the resentment on both sides, and reduced our communication failure frequency.
PS -- I am an engineer. I have made most of the money in our marriage by a large portion, and my DH definitely wants nicer / different things than I do (like a car that is not 13 years old, a workshop with ALL the tools, etc). I am also the "feeler" in our relationship, but I can be very logical about getting what I want. I am certain your husband can be logical, too.