Hi,
I have been reading the forum for some time now, and have found it very educational. Now I am hoping to benefit from your wisdom!
My husband's family is a bit odd. Both parents are in their mid to late 70s. His mom, who is very sweet, is in a care facility with complications from COPD. It's unclear how long she will be there or whether she will recover enough to go home. His dad, a retired university professor, is also very sweet but really the epitome of the absent minded professor and an expert procrastinator. From what I know, their financial position is good, the house is paid off and probably worth $350K or more, he has a university pension plus retirement accounts, and besides that he is very frugal.
The first problem is that my father in law is a bit of a hoarder. Not the kind who buys a bunch of crap, thankfully, but the kind that never gets rid of a single newspaper, magazine, or receipt. There are piles in every room of the house (except the living room, which is the only room I've seen for years). There are also piles in the basement, along with a jumble of furniture and carpet which was never fully dealt with when the basement flooded a few years ago. I am sure it is half rotted.
When we were visiting my mother in law recently, she spoke to us in private and begged us to help do something about the state of the house. She is afraid of hurting his feelings by bringing this up directly with him, as she is grateful for his attention to her in her illness. They have really become a bit hermit-like over the past few years, partly due to her health, but now I am realizing she was ashamed to have any visitors due to the clutter in the house.
My husband is proposing using her health as a rationale for decluttering and replacing the evidently very nasty carpet. She will need oxygen and use of a walker and will not be able to navigate piles of trash. I'd be OK with taking a more direct approach, but it is his family. There are also other issues, one being that she is losing teeth and either has not been mobile enough to get out or has not been able to get him to take her to a dentist even though this has been going on for months. I just recently became aware of this and it just seems shocking to me. I am worried that other basic things, such as laundry and bills, may not be getting taken care of.
I have been bringing over meals from time to time, mainly when I make a big batch of something and have a lot left over. My husband and I both work full time so our time to help out is limited. I think they have the financial resources to hire help, but my father in law is probably too cheap to do it. We would have to arrange everything.
I'd be very grateful if any of you who have dealt with similar situations could share any advice or perspective.
There's also a whole other mess of issues to do with my brother in law. Probably best to save that for another post.
Thanks in advance for your help!