... the rest of the adulting paperwork, Wills, POA, etc. And then if kids then a trust and new adulting paperwork.
Just try to get on the same page as your BF. And go from there.
Good ideas!
Was the inheritance a recent event?
If yes, your boyfriend may still be getting used to the idea of a windfall. He will need time on his own to process, and figure out what he wants to do with this newfound wealth, especially since "he lives like a monk."
He also has to recalibrate his own goals and reassess his own priorities. Any conversation you have with him should ideally happen after he's had some time to think on his own.
And then you can frame the conversation in terms of how the two of you, as a team, can achieve your shared goals (career/kids/shared household).
What does "equitable" and "fair" mean to both of you, now that the inheritance has changed the power dynamics in the relationship?
This likely won't be just a single conversation over one weekend. It will be many conversations over a prolonged period, and you may discover your own priorities changing over time, as both of you get used to this newfound wealth.
This kind of discussion is what I came here for. Thank you.
The bulk of the inheritance is from within the last year. I knew that it was happening, but grossly underestimated the magnitude. Boyfriend was already well established and had F*** you money to be able to do his current prfession.
I appreciate you suggesting that we try to get on same wavelength in making sure that our understandings of "fair" and "equitable" are truly the same. The power dynamic implications are scary; I've always been fiercely independent and that's a lot of why I'm here asking for guidance.
And yes, definitely more than one single conversation. I'm glad I have some thoughts to ruminate upon before we see each other this weekend.
> For now, I'm going to keep working like we're separate units, but when we get engaged/married I won't have that luxury
You consider it a luxury to manage two sets of finances in one household?
Having enough money to keep two sets of finances is certainly a luxury. My parents growing up barely had enough to fill one pot, let alone two. I more meant in my statement that once we're committed to one another, his wealth will effect me even if our finances are together or separated.
If he's the one with the "leisure" job it seems like he should be the one to downshift for kids.
There's a whole discussion of societal expectations and gender bs that could be a whole thread of it's own. And frankly, I don't know if I'd want to conform to those societal roles or not. But his NW disclosure may introduce some wrinkles I did not expect.
If he's the one with the "leisure" job it seems like he should be the one to downshift for kids.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a hard no from him.
I am curious, what is his "leisure job"? I am also looking for one lol
He's a novelist. It's his passion, but it is really is hard work. People are constantly critical of it and sometime books sell and other times they don't. Pay is irregular. It also comes with the benefit of no set hours, going out on random walks with doggo, hitting the gym, and occasionally cooking us dinner. It's fantastic.
If I loved someone with all my heart and was ready to marry them, I wouldve had this conversation with my SO long before ever coming to a forum to ask.
I could see having the discussion with him, then coming here to ask advice/input/interpretation.. But why is there any hesitation to talk to him about these things at this point in your relationship?
I'm the type of person who likes to read the user manual before turning on the machine; you get like that when you've worked with billion dollar particle accelerators. One reason I came here to post is that there might be ideas or concepts that I should consider that I hadn't. There's a wealth of experience here and asking for outside opinions is always a great idea in gaining perspective.