BFGirl, would you feel the same resentment toward your husband if you could also retire early by reducing your spending levels? Or if your husband offered you the same option, but in reverse? Meaning you quit now, be a stay at home mom, then he would continue working and retire once FI? Of course you'd stil lhave to reduce your spending in this case also. The only way you'd get to keep your current INDIVIDUAL spending level is that you continue to work more. Maybe there is a deeper issue here, the question of whether or not it is "fair" to ask your spouse to work more years so that you can partake in more things that solely benefit you (fancy dinners out, spa days, girls trips, lots of new clothes/shoes, nice car, staying in nice hotels, etc.), then on top of enjoying all those expensive tastes that solely benefit you, you're going to ask him to work more years so you can retire early on top of all that.
JCfire, of course saving more money is better than saving less, but how much is enough? If we have enough money to maintain current spending levels, I'm not sure how you could view it as a "bum deal". You get to spend the same amount you always have on luxuries, but you have to work to do it. If you don't want to work and want to do all those fun things during the day that I am, then you can do that too, it just means you have to spend less money.
Ultimately, she would have the freedom to make the same choice. Work more and spend more, or work less and spend less. There has to be a compromise? If it were up to me, we'd live in 1200sqft instead of 3500, drive 15k car instead of 40k car, bought a 400-500K house instead of 800K, etc. We have done the more expensive option on all of those things and I've given her what she wants. So in summary: we've gone her way on all the above major purchases, I have come up with a financial plan in which she can maintain her current "fancypants" lifestyle spending (trust me, its lifestyles of the rich and famous compared to MMM), all while I just ask to be done working sooner. Is that really a bum deal for her?
I do think she is onboard, we communicate wonderfully and she talks about food stamps in a joking manner. I think it is just up to me to take the big plunge. I'm such a conservative person, it just seems like a surreal thing to do, something I've thought about for 20 years and now that I'm knocking on the door, maybe a part of me is looking for someone to tell me I'm crazy and talk me out of it :-)