Hi guys! I'm 16 and I really need your help!
I have worked since June 2015 and have saved up $3800, or 100% of what I've made since then, but not without expense.
See, I spend my whole life on computers, tablets, phones, whatever, and not even because I enjoy using them. I use them because they are easy to use, incredibly addictive and distracting, and keep me inside where I feel safe from judgement and mean people. I don't do anything with my life and it's made me insanely depressed, is what I'm trying to say. I hate myself, I hate my lifestyle, but my depression is holding me back and makes everything feel impossible for me.
This has actually activated fight or flight responses where I have viciously attacked my electronics because I feel they are killing me or threatening me in some way. I can't control it I instinctually feel like it is the right thing, and I feel much more calm afterwards, but I have to figure out a way to live! After drowning and short circuiting my laptop three days ago the void is very evident. I want to save my other electronics before I waste anything more.
I feel like the best way to start would be to get myself some confidence... Something I've had none of us because I don't believe in myself. Also because I absolutely despise working with computers because they are boring, make my head hurt, and I could be outside instead. The best way to solve both of those issues is by improving my fitness, but I have really bad self esteem issues and sometimes actually get panic attacks in gyms because I feel everyone is out to get me. I am a literal twig, because I don't have an appetite ever and don't eat. On top of this I literally eat crap, nothing I do inthere would have any result because what I do eat is just empty processed crap. Yes there is a recipe section, but I really just don't have the motivation or drive to do this all by myself right now... Completely contradicting posting on this forum, not wanting to do the work to get the reward, but I am feeling really emotionally weak right now and looking will make me feel hopeless. I just don't understand enough to do this on my own. My dad also for some reason does not believe dieting is the key to body growth and health... And I don't have control of that $3.8k, so I'm really at a loss.
Thanks in advance, post some ideas please.