Author Topic: I NEED a new lyfe!  (Read 8888 times)

remaofaes

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I NEED a new lyfe!
« on: September 07, 2012, 07:31:06 PM »
Let me apologize 1st for being a terrible writer. Hopefully I can convey my thoughts enough for members to get the gist of my dilemma.

just the facts ma'am:
39 y.o.
single
Have been quite mustachian over the last few years
about 250k in the bank
currently living w/ parents in Mass.
I HATE the LONG winters of Mass.
Kinda like the seasons though, especially summer & autumn
Elementary School Band Director for last 12+ years
have unfortunately lived a very unfulfilled life and want to change that.
Love to ride my bicycle everywhere, year-round
Love & want to live by the beach (in a warmer climate than Mass)(love to surf, skateboard, bodyboard etc.)
Love to garden & grow my own food
Would love to fish when living by ocean for more food

Okay, so a few years back I was planning a move to Delaware which got halted by meeting a lady whom I thought was THE ONE. I won't get into that here, but unfortunately that relationship is done and I must move on. Anyway, I was all about the frugal, sustainable lifestyle for years and had plotted to buy a house near the Rehoboth Beach, De coast and grow as much food as I could on my land, compost, fish, ride my bike everywhere, etc. I LOVED the low taxes and decent house prices of the area. I wanted to live a semi-retired life. Being a musician & teacher, I was hoping to private teach instrumental lessons (at my home), substitute teach occasionally in local schools as often as needed, and gig during the tourist season. This was what I had planned to do before I embarked on a year long relationship w/ that person I thought was THE ONE.
Year long Relationship ended at the beginning of this summer. So, back to figuring out where in the world I should live.
I spent some time checking out the Newport/Middletown Rhode Island areas, and actually came close to trying to put an offer on a house or two. Like the area, but the weather isn't all that different from mass.
I then visited the Rehoboth Beach area, and (ironically) just wasn't sure that the area fit me.
I've been spending a little time in Long Beach, NY over the years as my sister has been living there for about 15 years. I've always liked the area, but the housing prices and taxes have always seemed astronomical to me, and out of my reach. Given those two points, Long Beach, NY has always seemed like an area that I wouldn't be able to live the kind of laid back, semi-retired lifestyle in.
Well, just this summer after doing the above mentioned traveling, I've come to think that Long Beach, NY is sooo perfect for me in sooo many ways EXCEPT the house prices and property taxes. Long Island feels like home to me (I grew up on L.I.). My sister lives in Long Beach and we're very close. The scene and social-ness of the area I dig & just don't see anywhere else near by. It's still close enough to visit my folks. It's got a more even lay of the four seasons. I could cycle everywhere, & skateboard around town. I love the beaches, boardwalk, and bay area for outdoors-y type stuff I like to do. I could probably go on for a while about why I REALLY now feel like Long Beach would be such a nice place for me.
The obvious problem is: The house prices, taxes and cost of living are NOT conducive to all my frugal, mustachian ways!!! Houses don't have a lot of land to do all the gardening, composting, clothes lines, etc that I want to do. But I really feel that the area might be very conducive to my social life, as I've lived quite an unfulfilling one to date. I've heard Long Beach described as a slice of California coastline on the east coast, with the boardwalk and vibe it has.
Okay, I know I'm leaving out a lot, and in hopes that I haven't confused you by now, I'll stop here.
So I guess I'm looking for some advice on What the Hell I should do???
« Last Edit: September 07, 2012, 07:35:49 PM by remaofaes »

mustachecat

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2012, 06:06:28 AM »
Hey there, remaofaes.

A recurring theme in your story is you being sure that X is perfect choice, and then discovering later on that it isn't. Maybe that's just because you're giving us the Cliff's Notes version of your story, but it's a curious fact, especially since you describe your life as "very unfulfilled" to date. Do you believe that if you move to the right place, everything else in your life will resolve itself? Were you happy, or at least happier wherever you were before living in MA/with your parents? What do you think has been holding your social life back?

Okay, enough with the armchair psychology! From a financial perspective, is your $250K what you have loitering around in cash, or does that include retirement savings? How much would you expect to make via private lessons and substitute teaching in Long Island? Will you want to work part-time just for X years, or until you die?

remaofaes

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2012, 07:51:26 AM »
Hey there, remaofaes.

A recurring theme in your story is you being sure that X is perfect choice, and then discovering later on that it isn't. Maybe that's just because you're giving us the Cliff's Notes version of your story, but it's a curious fact, especially since you describe your life as "very unfulfilled" to date. Do you believe that if you move to the right place, everything else in your life will resolve itself? Were you happy, or at least happier wherever you were before living in MA/with your parents? What do you think has been holding your social life back?

Okay, enough with the armchair psychology! From a financial perspective, is your $250K what you have loitering around in cash, or does that include retirement savings? How much would you expect to make via private lessons and substitute teaching in Long Island? Will you want to work part-time just for X years, or until you die?

Thanks for your thoughtful response, mustachecat!
Your observation about my "perfect choices" definitely is right on. I think the reason for that might be explained by my answers to your next questions:
Do you believe that if you move to the right place, everything else in your life will resolve itself?
 I do know that the root of happiness must come from within, but I feel strongly that I am and have been sooo miserable where I've been, that multiple facets of my life can only get better if I move to a place that fits me more. See below answers for more explanation.
Were you happy, or at least happier wherever you were before living in MA/with your parents? & What do you think has been holding your social life back?
 As embarrassing as it is to reveal, I've been living w/ them since I left Boston after completing my Masters Degree. Living with them was only supposed to last a short time until I found a job, but I did my student teaching in the town next to them, and interviewed in other towns, but the town that I did my student teaching in offered me the best fulltime job, and the other jobs I got offered I just couldn't afford to live in those areas at the time. So, I stayed "temporarily" at the folks house while saying $. Problem is, I was single and this area is "cookie-cutter" big colonial houses w/ married couples and their kids for as far as the eye can see. I've had practically no social life and no relationships over the last 15 years. I tried buying a house in this area (god knows why) around 2005ish in the middle of the housing boom, but I just couldn't afford anything livable w/ what I had, so I thought I'd save some more. Than I thought about moving down south to Virginia, NC, or Florida where it's cheaper, but a combination of "not having the balls" and thinking I should just stay a few more years and save prevailed. Then right when I was about to actually commit to going for broke and buying something on the Delaware coast Miss Right (who was going through a divorce and has 2 kids) pops into my life and I decided to stay and give the relationship a chance. Sooo, I'm pushin' 40 y.o. old have been living w/the folks in an area soooo not conducive to me, that I feel by leaving here things can only get better.

From a financial perspective, is your $250K what you have loitering around in cash, or does that include retirement savings? 250K is everything I have in the bank. I do have some money in my teachers retirement 401k, but I can't remember how much.

How much would you expect to make via private lessons and substitute teaching in Long Island? wow, I have no clue. Silly of me, huh?!?

Will you want to work part-time just for X years, or until you die? If by part time meaning the pvt teaching, subbing, and gigging, I could do that (minus maybe the subbing) for ever and probably be happy. Or if you mean additionally working as a cashier at the local grocery store, I guess I'd rather not.

Anyway, thanks for your response, observations, and questions! I really appreciate it, as it's helping me work through things!
« Last Edit: September 08, 2012, 07:54:39 AM by remaofaes »

herisff

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2012, 08:26:51 AM »
Why are you so set on buying a place? It sounds like you've never really lived on your own - once you had enough savings to do so, you didn't move into an apartment or share a home w/ others. You've stayed with your parents all this time. You need to move out to an apartment or a rented house in an area you might like to stay in, and see how your expenses run (you have no idea what they will be, since your parents have been subsidizing you all these years). You also need to find out if you like owning and caring for your own place, or if you prefer to be a renter. You can even do that in the town you live in now and maintain your job - maybe you dislike the area because you're not living by yourself.

In other words, you need to fledge from the nest and fly on your own. Life can be very different away from the shelter of a parent's wing.

remaofaes

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2012, 08:44:46 AM »
Why are you so set on buying a place? It sounds like you've never really lived on your own - once you had enough savings to do so, you didn't move into an apartment or share a home w/ others. You've stayed with your parents all this time. You need to move out to an apartment or a rented house in an area you might like to stay in, and see how your expenses run (you have no idea what they will be, since your parents have been subsidizing you all these years). You also need to find out if you like owning and caring for your own place, or if you prefer to be a renter. You can even do that in the town you live in now and maintain your job - maybe you dislike the area because you're not living by yourself.

In other words, you need to fledge from the nest and fly on your own. Life can be very different away from the shelter of a parent's wing.

herisff, thanks for your response!
I do hear ya, but I just can't stand the thought of renting. It's just not my thang. I'm very much interested in making a homestead for myself. Also, I don't like the idea of renting and not having anything to show for it in terms of ownership.
Also just wanted to state that although I've been shacking w/ the folks, I am hugely independent in many ways: due to my organic, vegan-y, raw-ish diet, I haven't ate any of my mom's cooking in years, and buy all my own groceries always. I prepare all my meals and my mom actually loves my meals and I offer cook/prepare for her also. Due to my clothesline and non-toxic detergent habit, I've done all my own clothes washes for years. I also do most of the home repairs for my aging (and a little bit lazy) father. I ride my bicycle year round everywhere, I garden year round including 3 coldframes in the winter, and 3 compost heaps. So although I am under my parents roof, I haven't felt at all that I've been "under their wing". I've been financially independent, as well as independent in all other ways except for the roof I live under. 
My parents actually have totally encouraged me staying w/ them and saving, and enjoy my company so much that they have told me that where ever I move to they will soon follow and buy a house there. Crazy, huh?!?

Lars

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2012, 12:23:10 PM »
Welcome, remaofaes. Your description of life with your parents reminds me of a couple of my friends - It is no longer clear who is living with who.  Saying their parents live with them has started to be the more accurate description.

Hey there, remaofaes.

A recurring theme in your story is you being sure that X is perfect choice, and then discovering later on that it isn't. Maybe that's just because you're giving us the Cliff's Notes version of your story, but it's a curious fact, especially since you describe your life as "very unfulfilled" to date. Do you believe that if you move to the right place, everything else in your life will resolve itself? Were you happy, or at least happier wherever you were before living in MA/with your parents? What do you think has been holding your social life back?

Okay, enough with the armchair psychology! From a financial perspective, is your $250K what you have loitering around in cash, or does that include retirement savings? How much would you expect to make via private lessons and substitute teaching in Long Island? Will you want to work part-time just for X years, or until you die?

Thanks for your thoughtful response, mustachecat!
Your observation about my "perfect choices" definitely is right on. I think the reason for that might be explained by my answers to your next questions:
Do you believe that if you move to the right place, everything else in your life will resolve itself?
 I do know that the root of happiness must come from within, but I feel strongly that I am and have been sooo miserable where I've been, that multiple facets of my life can only get better if I move to a place that fits me more. See below answers for more explanation.
Were you happy, or at least happier wherever you were before living in MA/with your parents? & What do you think has been holding your social life back?
...

If one of my friends told me this and I thought they wanted advice (and weren't primarily venting), I'd gently tell them:

I don't understand how what your proposing is going to help your lack of fulfillment. To use an impromptu DYI analogy, you seem to be proposing using a nail gun to fix an electrical problem. While it will be fun in the short term and probably distract you from the core problems, long term it is unlikely to fix the original problem. As you said, "I believe the root of happiness comes from with in". Buying a house could be a great idea but please buy a house and address your lack of fulfillment separately. Please don't buy a house to fix that. IMHO, buying a house for those reasons risks additional future heartache and I'd hate to see that happen.

arebelspy

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2012, 12:49:50 PM »
I've been financially independent, as well as independent in all other ways except for the roof I live under. 

I'm assuming you don't mean "financially independent" the way most of us here do, correct?

(I.e. can live indefinitely on nest egg/income streams without working.)

You just mean that you aren't dependent on your parents financially, no?

Just wanted to be clear.

What exactly is making you miserable where you are?  How exactly will moving change that? 
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
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remaofaes

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2012, 02:47:59 PM »
Welcome, remaofaes. Your description of life with your parents reminds me of a couple of my friends - It is no longer clear who is living with who.  Saying their parents live with them has started to be the more accurate description.

If one of my friends told me this and I thought they wanted advice (and weren't primarily venting), I'd gently tell them:

I don't understand how what your proposing is going to help your lack of fulfillment. To use an impromptu DYI analogy, you seem to be proposing using a nail gun to fix an electrical problem. While it will be fun in the short term and probably distract you from the core problems, long term it is unlikely to fix the original problem. As you said, "I believe the root of happiness comes from with in". Buying a house could be a great idea but please buy a house and address your lack of fulfillment separately. Please don't buy a house to fix that. IMHO, buying a house for those reasons risks additional future heartache and I'd hate to see that happen.

Thanks for the Welcome, Lars!
I hear where you're coming from. Let me try to explain. I live in the suburbs around people who are completely different from me. They're all married w/ kids, I'm not & have no kids. I'm an art-sy culture liking person, there's really a lack of that here, as well as a lack of art-sy culture liking population. I'm an organic-y, green, bicycle commuting person, and most people round these parts aren't anything like that. I'm single and there is practically no young single people. Being a musician, I want to gig a little, but there's practically zero places to play around here unless you want to drive a lot. Etc, etc, etc.
So yes, to a certain degree everyone's happiness is affected by the area they live in. This area is not conducive to my lifestyle. I've recognized that a LONG time ago, and spent wayyyy too long here already.
Other than that, I believe that I'm a pretty fun, happy person that most people like to be around. I just want to be the best I can be, and finding a place I fit in more and like, seems to be a great start!
« Last Edit: September 08, 2012, 02:52:32 PM by remaofaes »

remaofaes

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2012, 02:50:07 PM »

I'm assuming you don't mean "financially independent" the way most of us here do, correct?

(I.e. can live indefinitely on nest egg/income streams without working.)

You just mean that you aren't dependent on your parents financially, no?

Just wanted to be clear.

What exactly is making you miserable where you are?  How exactly will moving change that?

Thanks for the response, arebelspy!

You just mean that you aren't dependent on your parents financially, no?
Yes, that's what I meant.

What exactly is making you miserable where you are?  How exactly will moving change that? I think I was able to answer that pretty well in my reponse to Lars that I just wrote above. Let me know if I didn't!

Allie

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #9 on: September 08, 2012, 04:00:43 PM »
I am probably not the best person to be asking about financial concerns as our family is still working towards financial independence.  However, I am a therapist by trade, so life change is right up my alley.  If you are struggling to make decisions, find that you make plans but fail to follow through, are inhibited by concerns or fears, and feel upset by your circumstances, you may want to go talk with a professional.  I may be totally off base, and hope my off the cuff, Lucy-style-5-cents worth of analysis isn't offensive, but your situation sounds like a number of adults who I have met in the past and doesn't have to continue like this forever.  Good luck!

remaofaes

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #10 on: September 08, 2012, 06:12:26 PM »
I am probably not the best person to be asking about financial concerns as our family is still working towards financial independence.  However, I am a therapist by trade, so life change is right up my alley.  If you are struggling to make decisions, find that you make plans but fail to follow through, are inhibited by concerns or fears, and feel upset by your circumstances, you may want to go talk with a professional.  I may be totally off base, and hope my off the cuff, Lucy-style-5-cents worth of analysis isn't offensive, but your situation sounds like a number of adults who I have met in the past and doesn't have to continue like this forever.  Good luck!

Thanks for your response, Allie, and I appreciate your concern!

Wow, I must be coming off as a real "nut-job" here!
I don't have a hard time making decisions, I just am a calculated, thoughtful person, who's made the right choices in my life for the time, and now it's time for me to move on.
So, psychology aside, what do you guys think about the financial aspects of my decision?
« Last Edit: September 08, 2012, 06:18:36 PM by remaofaes »

arebelspy

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2012, 10:00:31 PM »
Okay, so if we go with the change of scenery idea to find a place where you'll have more in common with the local residents... you should start researching places that fit that.

If you're locked into that long beach, NY place (sounds weird to me, to me long beach is in CA), there's not much to discuss.

Regarding the financial aspects, are there other places you could go to get that? (I'm sure there are.)

Are there other reasons you aren't considering them?

Also I laughed at Allie's "Lucy-style analysis" -- I just pictured her saying "nickels, nickels, nickels!"

Now THERE's a Mustachian.  What does she really want for Christmas?  Real estate.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
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Lars

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2012, 11:42:41 PM »
So, psychology aside, what do you guys think about the financial aspects of my decision?


The prudence of buying (vs renting) is a very local decision but most likely renting, especially for a year or two, will be the best choice for three reasons:
More expensive areas tend to be biased toward renting be the best deal
The cheaper end of the market (small apartment) may not be as well represented in the buy market
Your odds of staying in the same area for the 10+ years (or whatever the calculations say) to break even on a house seem to be 50/50 at best. Since your looking for a place that fits you better, it seems unlikely you'll get it that right on the first try that you'll want to stay in the same house that long.

Moving to a significantly more expensive area will extend your time to FI significantly. Since I don't know how much more your expenses will increase in Long Beach vs your present setup but I would recommend running the number before you leap. I wouldn't be surprised if moving increases your required stash by 250,000 or more (as $816/month additional expenses would be all it takes at a 4% withdrawal rate for 250k)

mustachecat

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2012, 08:57:09 AM »
Wow, I must be coming off as a real "nut-job" here!
I don't have a hard time making decisions, I just am a calculated, thoughtful person, who's made the right choices in my life for the time, and now it's time for me to move on.
So, psychology aside, what do you guys think about the financial aspects of my decision?

You're not coming off as crazy--you're just very, very eager to make a number of very, very big changes in your life: moving out of your parents', moving to a new city/state/region, buying a home, quitting a full-time job, meeting more friends, finding a new romantic partner, etc. Any one of these would be a pretty big deal, and the idea of tackling several or all of them in one fell swoop is... okay, a little crazy. ;)

I think what we're (you're?) missing is an idea of the financial life you want to lead. Your lifestyle preferences are very clear, but what would it actually take to support them? How much do you make right now, how much do you spend, what do you spend it on, how much do you save, and where do you save it? You have lots of frugal hobbies/habits (gardening, line drying laundry, biking, etc.), plus, presumably, no housing costs, so I'm a little surprised that you've only saved $250K. Don't get me wrong: I don't have $250K in the bank, but I've also paid out $100K in rent over the past 10 years.

Also--your teachers retirement 401K: is that an actual 401K, or a pension plan? Are you vested? What would your benefits be if you left now? What would they look like with five or even eight more years of service? If you leave MA and start teaching full-time elsewhere, would it transfer over? You're not eligible for Social Security, right? If you leave teaching full-time altogether and only substitute teach or teach at home freelance, you'd continue not paying into SS/not being eligible for benefits, so are you comfortable/would you be able to support yourself entirely on your own income?

Devils Advocate

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2012, 10:32:13 AM »
Quote
I do hear ya, but I just can't stand the thought of renting. It's just not my thang.

Don't let your "dream" of home ownership turn into a nightmare.

My opinion along with many others above is that you should move to LBNY and RENT!  If you LOVE it and can see yourself living there long term, buy!

DA

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #15 on: September 09, 2012, 08:43:21 PM »
I don't feel this is a FI problem at all with this OP. This is somebody who is in a rut with there life and needs to change their lifestyle. This is not an MMM punch in the face, its a middle life crisis, 'time to hit the big red reset button' button.


tooqk4u22

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #16 on: September 10, 2012, 10:32:46 AM »
I am sorry but someone who lives at home with their parents into their 40s voluntarily (and not to take care of them because they are disabled or something) while at the same time not exploring the world means there is something wrong.  Maybe you are afraid of the world, lack the confidence to venture out, afraid of being wrong, whatever.  But something is clearly not right.  Just because you make your own food does not make you independent, at best it makes codependent.

I apologize about sounding mean or being so direct but you need to think about this and fix it and maybe that takes professional help or maybe it takes just jumping into the water and taking a risk.  What is the downside....you have no dependents and nobody relying on you so other than delaying retirement there is no harm.


$_gone_amok

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #17 on: September 10, 2012, 12:01:48 PM »
remaofaes, this is just a wild idea, but have you ever considered moving abroad? 250K will go VERY FAR in some countries with great weather and close to the beach.

edit: typo
« Last Edit: September 10, 2012, 04:22:41 PM by $_gone_amok »

SJ

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2012, 08:05:02 AM »
I am sorry but someone who lives at home with their parents into their 40s voluntarily (and not to take care of them because they are disabled or something) while at the same time not exploring the world means there is something wrong. 

I've never understood that attitude.  What's wrong with living under the same roof with your parents, no matter your age?  You enjoy community, sharing of housing expenses and a ton of other expenses (like food, utilities, etc), enjoy shared meals with others, help each other out in a myriad of ways, and do good by the environment while you're at it (one house, one mower, one dishwasher, and on and on).  Sounds VERY Mustachian to me.  So remind me again why there's "something wrong" with this?

arebelspy

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #19 on: September 16, 2012, 08:12:05 AM »
Let's skip arguing that one.  I don't know that there's a way to do so without being insulting to the people involved.

I don't know that either one is particular Mustachian or anti-Mustachian.

Let's leave it at agreeing on: some people have different values than others.

This is one such case.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
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SJ

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #20 on: September 16, 2012, 08:23:24 AM »
Let's skip arguing that one.  I don't know that there's a way to do so without being insulting to the people involved.

I don't know that either one is particular Mustachian or anti-Mustachian.

Let's leave it at agreeing on: some people have different values than others.

This is one such case.

No forum rules are being broken here, so I'm not sure why this isn't an acceptable topic of discussion.  Mustachianism is all about values, so by your reasoning above most every discussion in these forums could possibly be insulting to the people involved.

arebelspy

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #21 on: September 16, 2012, 10:52:35 AM »
I'm not saying you can't discuss it.  Feel free.

The above post was merely my opinion that this discussion will be more harmful than beneficial.

Already tooq's post was vaguely an attack... If he is forced to defend that position because you want to argue against it, it will likely have to become more so.

I just, personally, don't see it going anywhere good.  I'm certainly not going to stop anyone from saying what they want though.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #22 on: September 16, 2012, 11:31:13 AM »
I'm not saying you can't discuss it.  Feel free.

The above post was merely my opinion that this discussion will be more harmful than beneficial.

Already tooq's post was vaguely an attack... If he is forced to defend that position because you want to argue against it, it will likely have to become more so.

I just, personally, don't see it going anywhere good.  I'm certainly not going to stop anyone from saying what they want though.

I'd prefer to see it become a new thread if people MUST discuss.  Otherwise it's inherently a judgement on OP.

I sense frustration that so many of the responses have been "psychology" responses but much of the OP was about feelings and such.  Come back with some numbers . . . what are the numbers you're looking at in Long Beach?  How much to buy what you want?  How much are those astronomical taxes?  Offer numbers, you'll get financial responses.  Offer feelings, you'll get touchy-feely responses.

The poster who recommended renting and feeling things out is a wise person.  You don't even have a baseline of your true monthly expenses until you do that.  I know you said you don't want to but frankly, most who are just out of their parents' homes, at whatever age, didn't just purchase a house.  Some, sure.  But most have to kind of feel things out first through something with less commitment.

My two cents.

tooqk4u22

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #23 on: September 16, 2012, 05:05:57 PM »
Let's skip arguing that one.  I don't know that there's a way to do so without being insulting to the people involved.

I don't know that either one is particular Mustachian or anti-Mustachian.

Let's leave it at agreeing on: some people have different values than others.

This is one such case.

No forum rules are being broken here, so I'm not sure why this isn't an acceptable topic of discussion.  Mustachianism is all about values, so by your reasoning above most every discussion in these forums could possibly be insulting to the people involved.

From the way you are looking at it it does indeed have MMM attributes.  While my post was vaguely an attack - arebelspy was probably being nice as many others would look at it as an outright attack - but I didn't mean it to be.  That said - I do think it is a problem for this person.  I don't necessarily think it is case of being a crazy person with some extreme psycological problem though.  Read the OP - he clearly seems to be a generally normal functioning individual other than living with parents at 40 (which BTW is quite normal in other parts of the world).  But much of his issue seems to be being unfilled, unsettled, lack of experiences - so I ask if a person has income and no real obligations, then I would think living with your parents until later in age then there would be NO REASON to not travel, explore, and experience.  It could be confidence, fear, lack of motivation - point is my implication that something is wrong didn't mean it was something major.  In fact the OP eluded to being overly calculating in one of his posts and that could be the problem - analysis paralysis.

remaofaes

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #24 on: September 17, 2012, 02:27:17 PM »
Wow, I must be coming off as a real "nut-job" here!
I don't have a hard time making decisions, I just am a calculated, thoughtful person, who's made the right choices in my life for the time, and now it's time for me to move on.
So, psychology aside, what do you guys think about the financial aspects of my decision?

You're not coming off as crazy--you're just very, very eager to make a number of very, very big changes in your life: moving out of your parents', moving to a new city/state/region, buying a home, quitting a full-time job, meeting more friends, finding a new romantic partner, etc. Any one of these would be a pretty big deal, and the idea of tackling several or all of them in one fell swoop is... okay, a little crazy. ;)

I think what we're (you're?) missing is an idea of the financial life you want to lead. Your lifestyle preferences are very clear, but what would it actually take to support them? How much do you make right now, how much do you spend, what do you spend it on, how much do you save, and where do you save it? You have lots of frugal hobbies/habits (gardening, line drying laundry, biking, etc.), plus, presumably, no housing costs, so I'm a little surprised that you've only saved $250K. Don't get me wrong: I don't have $250K in the bank, but I've also paid out $100K in rent over the past 10 years.

Also--your teachers retirement 401K: is that an actual 401K, or a pension plan? Are you vested? What would your benefits be if you left now? What would they look like with five or even eight more years of service? If you leave MA and start teaching full-time elsewhere, would it transfer over? You're not eligible for Social Security, right? If you leave teaching full-time altogether and only substitute teach or teach at home freelance, you'd continue not paying into SS/not being eligible for benefits, so are you comfortable/would you be able to support yourself entirely on your own income?

Thank you everybody for your responses & thoughts here! mustachecat: big thanks for your posts as you list a bunch of things that I do need to find the answers for.
To answer some questions people have asked: My current salary is around 59K. 11% goes to my teacher retirement. My folks are telling me that they might be able to loan me about 100k, so I don't have to worry about getting a mortgage and proving I have a job right away in another state. That would bring me to about 350K that I could pay in cash for a house. Still tough to find in Long Beach. The astronomical taxes I'm talking about are give or take 9k a year.
There's NO shame in my game. I've lived w/ my folks on my own choice. I don't really care what ppl in real life or on a message board think about that. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate every post and every thought here, but even w/ as much as I've written, it's impossible for people on the internet to really get another's life and why they make their decisions. I may not have lived a "fulfilling life" as I would have liked to this point, but I'm confident as a person and know I have a lot of great attributes including being smart, well liked, good looking, very fit, caring & compassionate, talented, funny, etc etc. So, living with my parents as SJ said, has been a "mustachian" choice that I've made. My parents aren't in the greatest of health and I'll ALWAYS treasure all my time w/ them.
Anyway, I spent some time back in Long Beach this weekend, and really do like it there. There's a house that I'm thinking about throwing out a verbal offer on even though they're looking for about 75k more than I've got. I'm wondering how much being a cash buyer who doesn't have to wait for a mortgage and sell a property will influence this seller who "supposedly" is motivated?
Anyway, sorry for my quick and not so thought-out post, but I've gotta run! Thnx again for those posting here!
« Last Edit: September 17, 2012, 02:29:06 PM by remaofaes »

totoro

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #25 on: September 17, 2012, 03:25:15 PM »
I hope one or more of my kids wants to keep living with or near us.  I bought a triplex in a mixed age attractive area and this was one of the strong motivators to do so.  If you have a good relationship with your parents it is a blessing.  I sure could have used the help when I had kids!  I'm excited at the idea that one day my grandkids might be able to grow up next door.  We'll see...

As for the financial choices, it would IMO, be good to buy a house with rental income if that is acceptable to you and in your budget as it will take off the pressure each month for expenses outside of housing and allow you the eclectic lifestyle you want with a bit of a buffer.  I don't know the area you are looking at so  I'm no help on the numbers part there.


travelbug

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Re: I NEED a new lyfe!
« Reply #26 on: September 19, 2012, 10:13:24 PM »
I too was wondering how you have only saved 250k while living with your parents for 15 years.
Not that 250k is a small amount of money, it's just not 50%+ of your income.
I would echo the thoughts of renting before buying. If you don't like the area, want to have a bigger place and like the communal lifestyle option to rent out rooms to like-minded people you may meet, if you choose to move somewhere warmer in a year or two.
You can. Without stress of having to be stuck somewhere to find a buyer for your home.

Good luck OP