So then what is the utility in checking the balance?
If you aren't ready to make a change, what does seeing your balance actually do for you.
It's not rational. In some ways, some days, it makes me feel better about my situation. In some ways, some days, it doesn't. It's precisely the lack of utility in it that makes me feel kind of ashamed of the habit.
I'm asking you questions to try and get you to think deeper than this surface explanation.
Okay, you think it makes you feel better. Why? What is beneath that? Where does that motivation come from.
As long as you accept the superficial explanation of "I do it because it's reassuring", you won't be able to understand what's driving it.
There are two approaches to breaking an unwanted habit. First, just try to stop doing it by modifying the behaviour. Second, try to understand it. Usually changing a persistent habit requires both.
Don't be ashamed, virtually everyone deals with this type of behaviour. Yours is a lot more harmless than compulsive eating, alcohol and drug use, nail biting, cutting, hair pulling, teeth clenching, etc, etc.
Welcome to being human, we pick up compulsive self soothing habits as ways to cope with negative feelings. Don't feel embarrassed, just look at it as a warning signal that you are experiencing negative emotions that aren't being properly handled. Treat it like a trigger to care about what's going on with your mental health.
Something's up. You emotionally need something that you aren't getting.