Wife has no mustache and doesn't even want one??

[saucebag]

My wife does not want a mustache and i quote "i don't want to be frugal, I want to buy stuff"....

Since I clearly cannot save 50% when I am dee-vorced, does anyone have any real world fix that they may have used to get their spouse to see the mustachian light??

Thanks, I of course will continue to search the forum at my company's expense, furthering my savings and free time! Thanks

[ender]

How did you tell her?

[swick]

ohhh boy...

It sounds like you went into that conversation unarmed!

There are quite a few topics on dealing with/converting the unwilling spouse just plug "Spouse" into the search bar and you will have a few days of reading.

I think the take home message from most of the threads  is to work together to come up with some goals you both want to work towards - sit down figure out the numbers and create a plan. It is easier not to spend when you have a concrete reasons instead of some nebulous idea like "being frugal" Oh and maybe taking baby steps will be in order, and showing you are willing to sacrifice too.

If you give us a bit more info about your situation, we could probably give you more specific advice if you want it.

Good luck!

[James]

Zip the lip and live mustachian for a few months. (to the best of your abilities)  Then post your experience for feedback and advice.


You will then have some real life experience with how your spouse reacts to mustachian ideas. Not from you talking about it, but from your example. Biking, eating right, spending less, there are a ton of things you can do by yourself first. If you need ideas please ask, but spending time reading these forums will answer that also. You will be buying yourself some street credibility, not just fancy pants talk.


If you are already being mustachian to the best of your abilities, then you can move into finding common goals that you can share with your spouse and work on together, but based on your post I'm assuming you aren't there yet?

[FunkyStickman]

If you are already being mustachian to the best of your abilities, then you can move into finding common goals that you can share with your spouse and work on together, but based on your post I'm assuming you aren't there yet?

Absolutely. Cooperation is vital, you won't be able to accomplish it on your own.

So the best thing to do is talk about long-term goals, and how to get there. Without long term goals, being frugal is just "being cheap" to most people. But being frugal in order to accomplish major goals is what we're all about, and if you explain it that way, it makes more sense.

Do what you can, do your research, and good luck!

[oldtoyota]

Good advice above. When you do discuss goals, you may need to approach it from the "what we'll have" perspective as opposed to the "what we'll have to give up" perspective. It can be quite a surprise, I bet, to people that they can live a rich and luxurious lifestyle on very little money.

[rollie]

I think the take home message from most of the threads  is to work together to come up with some goals you both want to work towards - sit down figure out the numbers and create a plan.

Good luck!

I agree with this. I never told my spouse to be frugal. I just told him that I can have him retired (leave his job if he wants to) in 8 years if he tries this plan. Then he listened. And we planned together, and then he got on board. Now he's the one who says--"Go to the movies? That will cost over $30!. Let's Redbox it."

Having a concrete goal is critical to getting a spouse on board with what essentially is a tough program in the beginning. Being frugal for frugal's sake is not good enough. If she does not work to earn, (only you do) then maybe it is worthwhile to say that you would appreciate the ability to retire and enjoy your time too in the near future. Spending time together while not worrying about work is a luxury too!

Now we have fun together figuring out more ways to save money :-)

Other goals have helped us as well, and could work in your situation giver your wife's personality. For example, we discussed the environment, creating waste, and the evils of accumulating plastic (which is toxic for all of us). It just so happens that if you are environmentally or socially focused, being frugal can be interpreted as simply being environmentally conscious, and sounds a heck of a lot better to everyone. It turns being a burden into being responsible for your world and environment. Definitely don't use the word frugal ever again around your spouse until she is converted. It is a bad word among many sets who like to buy stuff.

[steveo]

My wife says its all a scam. To some degree it is because I think that the maths behind early retirement are not set in stone.

In saying that my wife is pretty frugal so I just ignore her complaining.

[imustachemystash]

Try to lead by example first.  I was more inclined to support my husband's frugality when I noticed how much happier he was when he wasn't stressing about money.  Try to not bother her about it too much and try again later.  If it's hard not to talk about your excitement about your new lifestyle with her, come here and chat with us instead!

[cats]

I agree, you need to lead by example and work on identifying some shared goals.  I am totally on board with being frugal (heck, I'm the one who introduced my partner to MMM, not the other way around!), but it still gets my back up when my partner asks me why I spent so much money on X or appears to be phrasing frugality as things *I* should be doing (fyi, this is not a common occurrence at all) as opposed to things *we* are doing together for goals that *we* both want and will benefit from.  Figure out some stuff you can do on your own and start there.  Talk to your wife about what your shared long-term goals are, and see where a more MMM-style lifestyle can get you there.  Eventually, some of it will probably click, you just can't expect an overnight transformation (it probably took you a while to get to the point of being able to do this, even if you aren't consciously aware of it).

[lifejoy]

Leading by example has worked for me! My SO is now more Mustachian than me :)

Also, the goal of financial independence rather than early retirement is what worked for us as a motivator.

[Osprey]

Another idea is to sell it from an environmental and health point of view, letting go of the "money" talk for now until she is more receptive.

[Kira]

Have you guys talked about what you want your later life to be like? Does she have any hobbies other than buying stuff that she might like more time to pursue, or a different career?

Do you have kids that she would like to spend more time with?

What's important to her other than stuff?

[smedleyb]

The best things in life are always earned.  Transforming yourself, then allowing it to flow into your wife's universe, is a journey you will both make together.  There will more downs than ups to start, but when your financial life -- and quite possibly just life -- is at stake, failure just isn't an option.

FI is a marathon, not a sprint.