Husband not Mustachian...help?

[micah_mae_]

So I have always been the frugal one, the planner, the one in charge of our finances. My husband is still immature with money, he is into instant gratification and saving is foreign to him.
One issue we had recently is our PS3, which we've had for over 5 years, died at the hands of our youngest. I shrugged. Finances are tight, we don't have money for another one. He wanted to go get a credit card to get a new one.
We're moving closer to his office and I'm trying to get him to ride a bike to work (2-3 miles) but he won't. He's given me every excuse from: I don't want to wake up earlier to "it's just too much to figure out".
I can't figure out how to get through to him.
We are nowhere near most people on this board, we are a single income military family with soon-to-be 3 boys. I stay home to home school my special needs child. So saving $500/mo is like, our max and really hard to do.

I've thought about saying "ok I'll budget enough money for gas for you to drive to work but any of it you don't use can go in the savings jar for a new ps3" but I feel like I'd sound too much like a mom and not a wife.

Any advice or anyone else been in this situation?

[plantingourpennies]

For some reason men seem to suffer from a lack of good role models in the PF department; instead we are supposed to look up to people who both spend and make a lot of money. If your husband is susceptable to peer pressure, this might go double...

Maybe "introduce" him to MMM, Nords or Jacob at ERE?

Don't get discouraged about seeing others on the board with big staches, just keep working on it and you can't loose =)

Best,
Mr. Pop

[Jamesqf]

We're moving closer to his office and I'm trying to get him to ride a bike to work (2-3 miles) but he won't. He's given me every excuse from: I don't want to wake up earlier to "it's just too much to figure out".
I can't figure out how to get through to him.

Have you tried telling him that you think buff guys in bike shorts are really sexy?

[amyable]

We are nowhere near most people on this board, we are a single income military family with soon-to-be 3 boys. I stay home to home school my special needs child. So saving $500/mo is like, our max and really hard to do.

As other posters have said, please do not compare yourself to most people on this board.  Things could always be better or worse.  You seem to be handling a tough situation well.

I've thought about saying "ok I'll budget enough money for gas for you to drive to work but any of it you don't use can go in the savings jar for a new ps3" but I feel like I'd sound too much like a mom and not a wife.

I think your instinct is right here.  I can be a little stubborn, and if my husband pitched the savings jar idea to me, I might feel like he was treating me like a child.

Here are a few ideas (ymmv):
-Find something mustachian he currently does, and praise him for it--be very obvious and specific in your praise, but not condescending.

-Tap into his future goals:  What is saving money going to do for him personally in the short-term, long-term, etc.?  Does he want to be able to pay for his children's college?

-Gently remind him of his goals when he wants to make an impulse buy

[micah_mae_]

For some reason men seem to suffer from a lack of good role models in the PF department; instead we are supposed to look up to people who both spend and make a lot of money. If your husband is susceptable to peer pressure, this might go double...

Maybe "introduce" him to MMM, Nords or Jacob at ERE?

Don't get discouraged about seeing others on the board with big staches, just keep working on it and you can't loose =)

Best,
Mr. Pop

Thanks for this :) Yes I think peer pressure has a lot to do with it. I offer to pack him lunches and stuff and he ends up going out with friends anyway, it's very annoying.
We're working on our baby stache, little by little though. I figure we're still doing better than most people doing nothing right?

We're moving closer to his office and I'm trying to get him to ride a bike to work (2-3 miles) but he won't. He's given me every excuse from: I don't want to wake up earlier to "it's just too much to figure out".
I can't figure out how to get through to him.

Have you tried telling him that you think buff guys in bike shorts are really sexy?

Lol thanks, maybe I'll have to point out a guys legs next time we see someone biking. ;)

We are nowhere near most people on this board, we are a single income military family with soon-to-be 3 boys. I stay home to home school my special needs child. So saving $500/mo is like, our max and really hard to do.

As other posters have said, please do not compare yourself to most people on this board.  Things could always be better or worse.  You seem to be handling a tough situation well.

I've thought about saying "ok I'll budget enough money for gas for you to drive to work but any of it you don't use can go in the savings jar for a new ps3" but I feel like I'd sound too much like a mom and not a wife.

I think your instinct is right here.  I can be a little stubborn, and if my husband pitched the savings jar idea to me, I might feel like he was treating me like a child.

Here are a few ideas (ymmv):
-Find something mustachian he currently does, and praise him for it--be very obvious and specific in your praise, but not condescending.

-Tap into his future goals:  What is saving money going to do for him personally in the short-term, long-term, etc.?  Does he want to be able to pay for his children's college?

-Gently remind him of his goals when he wants to make an impulse buy

Good advice, thank you!

[savingtofreedom]

Have you thought about trying to get him to understand the value of frugality long-term.  For example create a spreadsheet, presentation, or document that illustrates your future if you were frugal versus if you are spendthrift- detail when and how he may be able to retire (if ever).  He needs to get why every day decisions impact his future, your future and your childrens'.  I think a lot of people don't understand how today's purchases impact their future financial state.

Additionally financial stress can really wreak havoc on a marriage and I commend the way you are trying to get ahead of this now.

Not sure if he likes LeBron James but I love that article about how he bikes to his games - sent it to my husband and I think that helped get him on board to bike more. 

Good luck!!

[sheepstache]

I offer to pack him lunches and stuff and he ends up going out with friends anyway, it's very annoying.

Ha, welcome to my world. 

I hesitate to offer advice since I'm not a success story in this area myself yet.  But.  I think you need to straight up ask him what he thinks the best course of action is.  Go over budget numbers, make sure you're on the same page.  Then, talk about how to solve particular problems.  See if he recognizes that he needs help with motivation to bike.  See if he recognizes he has a problem with impulse control when it comes to the PS3.  Then ask, 'okay, how could we structure the budget to help you?  What could I do to support you?'  Ultimately he has to take ownership and responsibility.  Maybe he would quite like the idea of a savings jar.  You're the household expert on the budget so you can provide him with the best information and advice but there's a big difference between that and feeling like you're at fault when the budget numbers don't come out like they're supposed to.  It's not your job to come with a solution, it's his, but you can help. 

If a particular solution fails in the heat of the moment (e.g. maybe a waiting period for entertainment purchases or purchases over $100?), you can go back to the drawing board.  Right now, you want to make sure that you're dealing with a heat-of-the-moment problem and not a cold-light-of-day problem.  That is, you want to make sure that when you discuss budget goals with him that he's not just saying 'yeah yeah yeah' to make the discussion end or because he disagrees with you and doesn't want to argue or because he agrees with you but doesn't want to think about the implications for his behavior.  All this time you've been on him to bike maybe he secretly thinks it's silly because he hasn't gotten the 'big picture' of what a difference it would make to the finances.  Agree with Mr. Pop that getting him to read ER blogs might help if he hasn't seen the light yet.

If my advice sounds like, 'he's an adult so treat him like one' I don't mean to suggest that you're not doing so now :)  I just think it's a simple thing that's worth repeating.

[KGZotU]

There have been a lot of good suggestions wrt helping to change his behavior.

As you're making plans, don't neglect any anticipated military retirement pension or TSP savings. That may or may not be savings enough, but it is significant and it's a contribution he's making.

[FattyLumps]

I can relate as my wife is non-mustachian (though still pretty frugal) and it is a real challenge.

I think sheepstache had some really good advice. I would add that getting him to frame the issue as "What is best for my wife and kids?" I'm sure he is willing to make changes for the good of his family, the difficulty is finding a tactful way to show him this other perspective.

I often fail on the 'tactfulness' part, putting the wife in a bad mood which is not good for anyone. Sometimes she still comes around to my opinion, sometimes not.