Author Topic: How would you describe your job in one sentence?  (Read 63099 times)

Cole

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #50 on: May 08, 2015, 03:43:38 PM »
I bring fat laden s**t (Chinese Food) to fat people to increase their girth and reduce their financial well being.

--This will be changing soon.

Kriegsspiel

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #51 on: May 08, 2015, 04:38:13 PM »
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.

HAH. Nice.

SailAway

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #52 on: May 08, 2015, 04:51:28 PM »
Going against natural selection, one 911 call at a time.

Cressida

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #53 on: May 08, 2015, 05:08:11 PM »
I open spreadsheets created by other people, shed a small tear at the ugliness, and turn them into documents that are actually formatted and convey actual information.

OK, that's not really my entire job, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

Travis

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #54 on: May 08, 2015, 06:27:13 PM »
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.

HAH. Nice.

If you ever wondered how you get phones, internet, cable television, email, and data storage/collaboration services into an organization of thousands of employees spread across multiple states - that's me, but for the military. 

Kriegsspiel

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #55 on: May 08, 2015, 06:36:15 PM »
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.

HAH. Nice.

If you ever wondered how you get phones, internet, cable television, email, and data storage/collaboration services into an organization of thousands of employees spread across multiple states - that's me, but for the military.

I be stringin up CAT 5, like spaghetti
"I need the internet, sir," said the LT
"just for my fantasy picks."
Like the S6. Like the S6
« Last Edit: May 09, 2015, 06:17:48 AM by Kriegsspiel II »

TN_Steve

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #56 on: May 08, 2015, 08:26:49 PM »
I help our clients in fights over stacks of money by putting sophisticated and sometimes unique arguments into bite-sized chunks that other lawyers/judges can understand.

mozar

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #57 on: May 08, 2015, 08:35:00 PM »
I am helping the military become auditable, deadline is 2017. Yes, the US military fails their audit every year.
My preferred sentence: trying to coax an angry and depressed cat out from under a chair who is hissing and clawing at me. Oh the life of an auditor.

trailrated

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #58 on: May 08, 2015, 08:35:39 PM »

I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.

I design concrete mixes to hit a certain weight/strength so the building that was made hopefully doesn't fall down after they fail to follow the lines on your paper :)

frugal rph

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #59 on: May 08, 2015, 08:58:12 PM »
I take pills out of a large bottle, put them in a smaller bottle, and give the small bottle to the consumer after making sure it won't harm them.

dhc

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #60 on: May 08, 2015, 09:19:12 PM »
I tell the people looking for all of the problems that they're doing a good job looking (or not), especially when they find bad problems, and I try to convince the people who can fix the problems to fix more of them.

I walk through the woods and help document what I find out there.

That sounds awesome! How do I do that?

okits

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #61 on: May 09, 2015, 03:00:35 AM »
I try to satisfy unreasonable expectations with unrealistically little time and money, while pretending to like doing so.

2Birds1Stone

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #62 on: May 09, 2015, 03:37:21 AM »
I enable companies to automate and orchestrate business critical applications from one centralized location while reducing cost and human error.

gaja

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #63 on: May 09, 2015, 03:39:55 AM »
I'm supposed to do what the politicians tell me to do. What I really am doing is telling the politicians what they should be telling me to do, so I can do what I really want to do.

Oslo_gal

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #64 on: May 09, 2015, 04:41:20 AM »
I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.

Similar. I'm the environmentally conscious alibi for my department.

Hey It's Me

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #65 on: May 09, 2015, 05:07:38 AM »
I get people to buy shit I would never buy myself.

Suncoast

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #66 on: May 09, 2015, 05:32:59 AM »
I determine the price at which we sell the crap we sell.

Bracken_Joy

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #67 on: May 09, 2015, 06:35:52 AM »
Wipe a lot of butts, suction a lot of mouths, hang a lot of antibiotic drips, and generally work on a team that tries to keep very sick people alive and doing alive-person stuff.

shelivesthedream

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #68 on: May 09, 2015, 07:19:34 AM »
I spend other people's money to put the right clothes on the right people at the right time every night, so that hopefully other people will believe they are someone else and will have a life-changing experience, but mostly I just tell people they don't look fat and yes they have to wear it.

ender

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #69 on: May 09, 2015, 07:43:16 AM »

panthalassa

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #70 on: May 09, 2015, 08:10:43 AM »
I initiate, run, and discontinue life support of all patient age populations.

3Mer

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #71 on: May 09, 2015, 08:12:57 AM »
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LMAO!

mr shankly

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #72 on: May 09, 2015, 08:24:33 AM »
I work on the machines that let our customers talk to other people over great distances, move bits from their computers to others, and let them watch stories on their idiot boxes, all delivered over a pair of wires or piece of glass.

cdttmm

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #73 on: May 09, 2015, 09:39:07 AM »
I teach people stuff, including: personal finance, beekeeping, and martial arts.

NV Teacher

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #74 on: May 09, 2015, 10:08:56 AM »
I teach little people how to read.

rubybeth

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #75 on: May 09, 2015, 10:13:45 AM »
I answer questions and solve problems for people who answer questions and solve problems for others, and sometimes answer questions for--or solve the problems for--the others directly.

big_owl

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #76 on: May 09, 2015, 11:13:21 AM »
Lead electrical engineer for one of the most bad-ass engineering projects in the country.

sol

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #77 on: May 09, 2015, 12:03:27 PM »
I measure things, then try to use those measurements to predict the future.   

Dr. Doom

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #78 on: May 09, 2015, 12:15:49 PM »
Over.

Travis

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #79 on: May 09, 2015, 12:53:11 PM »
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LMAO!

The subject was to describe your job, not what you actually do.  I'm sure quite a few of us qualify for this caveat.

Juliekay

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #80 on: May 09, 2015, 01:05:09 PM »
Good money for an easy job

SingleMomDebt

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #81 on: May 09, 2015, 01:10:30 PM »
Air traffic controller in an medical environment.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2015, 09:30:07 PM by Chippewa »

Calvawt

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #82 on: May 09, 2015, 01:24:23 PM »
I make sure we don't run out of money.

forummm

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #83 on: May 09, 2015, 02:08:05 PM »
I take in large quantities of information, synthesize it and make decisions, provide education and advice, and navigate many obstacles to get work done.

Life in Balance

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #84 on: May 09, 2015, 02:25:57 PM »
I illuminate not-so-young minds.

trinnyfam

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #85 on: May 09, 2015, 02:29:28 PM »
i'm trying to figure out how to do the stay at home mom thing to 6 kids, while teaching 50 piano and violin students.

Nords

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #86 on: May 09, 2015, 03:25:55 PM »
When I was in the submarine force, my job was killing people and breaking things.  Ideally we'd do that to other people and other things, not to ourselves, but it didn't always work out that way.

Over.
Well, yeah, that's exactly what my job is now!

I think that the phrase "doing pretty much whatever I want to do whenever" is not a job description.  But it's a great way to describe a life...

grsing

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #87 on: May 09, 2015, 03:28:19 PM »
I make sure other people do their jobs right, so that drugs help people instead of hurting them.

teen persuasion

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #88 on: May 09, 2015, 06:29:44 PM »
I make garbage--what I am paid to create ends up in your recycling bin or the landfill.

Lol - DH had this same job, he was printing boxes, for garbage bags! 

Dibbels81

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #89 on: May 09, 2015, 09:27:42 PM »
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Zamboni

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #90 on: May 09, 2015, 09:34:16 PM »
Some future doctors of America copy and try to comprehend (but mostly memorize) little pictures that I draw for a few months . . . and then it is time for another vacation.

Knapptyme

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #91 on: May 09, 2015, 09:42:21 PM »
I facilitate the delivery of information to people so they can hopefully relay that information back to me in an intelligible manner and possibly apply said information to their current and future lives.

eostache

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #92 on: May 09, 2015, 10:34:54 PM »
Will describe rocks for food.

dividendman

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #93 on: May 09, 2015, 11:16:22 PM »
I go to status meetings, dry-runs for those status meetings, and the preparation meetings for the dry-runs for those status meetings.

libertarian4321

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #94 on: May 10, 2015, 04:12:27 AM »
When I was in the military, I pushed papers around a desk, wrote papers, and fixed other peoples papers.

As a civilian, I push papers around a desk, write papers, and fix other peoples papers.

It's supposed to be "engineering," but I never build a damned thing.  But man do I keep the paper companies in business...

BlueHouse

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #95 on: May 10, 2015, 05:32:12 AM »
when engineers set goals, I measure progress against those goals. When goals aren't met, we change the goals until we can say we met the goal.

Hene40

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #96 on: May 10, 2015, 05:58:45 AM »
I play with physics in various yet interesting ways to supply the doctors with diagnostic medical information, while irradiating the patients as little as reasonably possible.

AreaWoman

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #97 on: May 10, 2015, 07:10:04 PM »
I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.

G-dog

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #98 on: May 10, 2015, 07:17:26 PM »
I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.

Sorry - two sentences used. I'll just pick the last one.

Kris

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Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
« Reply #99 on: May 10, 2015, 08:16:16 PM »
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!