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Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: vagon on May 07, 2015, 06:47:12 PM

Title: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: vagon on May 07, 2015, 06:47:12 PM
I'll kick it off:

"I make sure some machines run which allow small-time investors to gamble on buying tiny bits of companies"
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kris on May 07, 2015, 06:55:15 PM
I fight against the march toward idiocy in Scott Walker's Wisconsin.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: HappierAtHome on May 07, 2015, 06:59:12 PM
I find typos, and reach the high shelves for my shorter coworkers.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: ChaseMcD on May 07, 2015, 06:59:52 PM
I ensure employees and pets don't die or get maimed while managing a pet store for the country's largest pet specialty retailer.

Hoping to change that though.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: midweststache on May 07, 2015, 07:10:42 PM
I use literature to teach teenagers and young twenty-somethings to ask important questions, think beyond their own experiences, and express themselves more eloquently than they do through memes and emojis.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kiwi Mustache on May 07, 2015, 08:14:10 PM
I do F*** all.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: MsPeacock on May 07, 2015, 08:15:53 PM
I put people back together.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: JLee on May 07, 2015, 08:56:16 PM
I fix stuff that other people can't fix and help those people learn so hopefully next time they won't have to ask me. :P
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: zurich78 on May 07, 2015, 09:01:14 PM
I got hired because they were lacking in a particular expertise, and they just argue with me and tell me what to do.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: etselec on May 07, 2015, 09:11:00 PM
I write stuff to try to convince people to do things that are good for them.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: lunahsol on May 07, 2015, 09:44:34 PM
I give people the resources they need to help them become want they want to be when they grow up.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: monstermonster on May 07, 2015, 10:26:41 PM
I ask rich people for money so that poor people can have bicycles to get to work.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: regulator on May 07, 2015, 10:40:57 PM
I block up holes in a metaphorical guardrail while others aim NASCARS at them at full speed.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: vagon on May 07, 2015, 10:41:48 PM
I block up holes in a metaphorical guardrail while others aim NASCARS at them at full speed.

Haha nice, my favourite so far!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: TheFixer on May 07, 2015, 10:55:30 PM
I fix things after others have fixed them.

It would be easier if I got first crack at fixing things, but that's often deemed too inconvenient.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mspym on May 07, 2015, 11:57:25 PM
I get people to talk to each other, or at least in the same room so they can filter it through me.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kriegsspiel on May 08, 2015, 03:40:36 AM
I walk through the woods and help document what I find out there.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Bjorn on May 08, 2015, 04:27:12 AM
I stare at a computer screen, type numbers on a keyboard and print paper.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Trifele on May 08, 2015, 05:57:31 AM
I write complicated documents with lots of words that help people protect their money.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Gray Matter on May 08, 2015, 06:18:51 AM
I tell people it's not nice to judge others, while judging them for judging others.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Le Poisson on May 08, 2015, 07:14:53 AM
I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.

In a bizarre juxtaposition, I try to get people on bikes, but no one listens.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Rural on May 08, 2015, 07:25:44 AM
I teach people stuff while researching better ways to teach stuff.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Schaefer Light on May 08, 2015, 07:33:15 AM
What would you say...you do here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SoWNMNKNeM
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: ShoulderThingThatGoesUp on May 08, 2015, 07:34:42 AM
I save people time by automating their tedious tasks.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: jba302 on May 08, 2015, 07:34:57 AM
I do research on data to build algorithms in order to stop people who think math is bullshit from doing things that lose us money.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: anks on May 08, 2015, 08:31:12 AM
I design things to use less fuel, so clowns can justify spending more on them and using them more.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: MandalayVA on May 08, 2015, 08:38:42 AM
I do glorified data entry.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: gillstone on May 08, 2015, 08:55:13 AM
I help rural hospitals and small manufacturers get low-cost, affordable loans.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: AmbitiousCanuck on May 08, 2015, 09:08:59 AM
I rewrite the same piece of software over and over again because the designers are like squirrels with ADHD on redbull.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Spork on May 08, 2015, 09:11:23 AM
I stop internet traffic.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Scubanewbie on May 08, 2015, 10:10:19 AM
I do research on data to build algorithms in order to stop people who think math is bullshit from doing things that lose us money.

^^^ Love it!  We're in similar fields but I was going to say that I create (and recreate) Powerpoint decks trying to explain why "I think its cool and the sales rep paid for my vacation conference fees" is not justification for spending millions of dollars when MATH clearly shows its better to spend it elsewhere...or not at all.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: surfhb on May 08, 2015, 10:36:19 AM
I watch movies on really expensive equipment to make sure they look good.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: darkadams00 on May 08, 2015, 10:51:29 AM
I write really cool programs to identify fraudsters and other assorted snakes in the grass.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: teen persuasion on May 08, 2015, 10:52:11 AM
I move books around all day, and try to convince other people to take them out of our building for a little vacation.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: katstache92 on May 08, 2015, 11:00:41 AM
I pull and organize large amounts of data into easy to understand summaries with pretty graphs for other departments and automate repetitive tasks.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mtn on May 08, 2015, 11:04:38 AM
I make sure risk is recognized and being dealt with appropriately (which may be to do nothing at all).
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Guava on May 08, 2015, 11:14:08 AM
I figure out exactly why the airbag lamp on the dash lit up after the delearship fixes it and occasionally watch brand new cars crash in highly controlled environments.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: skunkfunk on May 08, 2015, 11:15:19 AM
I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: SilveradoBojangles on May 08, 2015, 11:23:55 AM
I make sure risk is recognized and being dealt with appropriately (which may be to do nothing at all).

Ha, I do this too! But I do this with fish, and you probably don't.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: SwedishChef on May 08, 2015, 11:35:55 AM
I do research on data to build algorithms in order to stop people who think math is bullshit from doing things that lose us money.

Hehe. Was trying to come to come up with one for my job -- this is pretty close. For me, I'd add I also build algorithms to make data look pretty, which is taken by sales people (who think math is bullshit) to sell and make the company money.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: James! on May 08, 2015, 11:49:13 AM
I design things for surgeons for they can put broken bones back together
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: CabinetGuy on May 08, 2015, 12:48:56 PM
I cut large pieces of wood into smaller pieces of wood to make them look pretty (and functional), then screw them to walls.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: dycker1978 on May 08, 2015, 01:01:17 PM
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Gone Fishing on May 08, 2015, 01:07:22 PM
I fill in boxes on the computer because the programmers can't figure out how to make them fill themselves in.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: markbike528CBX on May 08, 2015, 01:12:58 PM
I chemically remove the stain from "stainless steel", so nuclear workers can work on or near piping, with minimal radiation dose.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: humbleMouse on May 08, 2015, 01:36:23 PM
I make devices that are monitoring your health talk to applications over the internetz
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Travis on May 08, 2015, 02:00:55 PM
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: CALL 911 on May 08, 2015, 02:26:23 PM
I take the blame for "everything" that goes wrong, while herding cats to keep things from going seriously wrong, at the same time I make it look routine.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: The Pigeon on May 08, 2015, 02:32:54 PM
I make garbage--what I am paid to create ends up in your recycling bin or the landfill.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: jwilliams0215 on May 08, 2015, 03:21:35 PM
I invest in businesses, kind of like shark tank, but with much larger companies
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Cole on May 08, 2015, 03:43:38 PM
I bring fat laden s**t (Chinese Food) to fat people to increase their girth and reduce their financial well being.

--This will be changing soon.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kriegsspiel on May 08, 2015, 04:38:13 PM
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.

HAH. Nice.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: SailAway on May 08, 2015, 04:51:28 PM
Going against natural selection, one 911 call at a time.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Cressida on May 08, 2015, 05:08:11 PM
I open spreadsheets created by other people, shed a small tear at the ugliness, and turn them into documents that are actually formatted and convey actual information.

OK, that's not really my entire job, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Travis on May 08, 2015, 06:27:13 PM
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.

HAH. Nice.

If you ever wondered how you get phones, internet, cable television, email, and data storage/collaboration services into an organization of thousands of employees spread across multiple states - that's me, but for the military. 
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kriegsspiel on May 08, 2015, 06:36:15 PM
This is my boss' interpretation of my job.

HAH. Nice.

If you ever wondered how you get phones, internet, cable television, email, and data storage/collaboration services into an organization of thousands of employees spread across multiple states - that's me, but for the military.

I be stringin up CAT 5, like spaghetti
"I need the internet, sir," said the LT
"just for my fantasy picks."
Like the S6. Like the S6
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: TN_Steve on May 08, 2015, 08:26:49 PM
I help our clients in fights over stacks of money by putting sophisticated and sometimes unique arguments into bite-sized chunks that other lawyers/judges can understand.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mozar on May 08, 2015, 08:35:00 PM
I am helping the military become auditable, deadline is 2017. Yes, the US military fails their audit every year.
My preferred sentence: trying to coax an angry and depressed cat out from under a chair who is hissing and clawing at me. Oh the life of an auditor.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: trailrated on May 08, 2015, 08:35:39 PM

I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.

I design concrete mixes to hit a certain weight/strength so the building that was made hopefully doesn't fall down after they fail to follow the lines on your paper :)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: frugal rph on May 08, 2015, 08:58:12 PM
I take pills out of a large bottle, put them in a smaller bottle, and give the small bottle to the consumer after making sure it won't harm them.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: dhc on May 08, 2015, 09:19:12 PM
I tell the people looking for all of the problems that they're doing a good job looking (or not), especially when they find bad problems, and I try to convince the people who can fix the problems to fix more of them.

I walk through the woods and help document what I find out there.

That sounds awesome! How do I do that?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: okits on May 09, 2015, 03:00:35 AM
I try to satisfy unreasonable expectations with unrealistically little time and money, while pretending to like doing so.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: 2Birds1Stone on May 09, 2015, 03:37:21 AM
I enable companies to automate and orchestrate business critical applications from one centralized location while reducing cost and human error.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: gaja on May 09, 2015, 03:39:55 AM
I'm supposed to do what the politicians tell me to do. What I really am doing is telling the politicians what they should be telling me to do, so I can do what I really want to do.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Oslo_gal on May 09, 2015, 04:41:20 AM
I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.

Similar. I'm the environmentally conscious alibi for my department.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Hey It's Me on May 09, 2015, 05:07:38 AM
I get people to buy shit I would never buy myself.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Suncoast on May 09, 2015, 05:32:59 AM
I determine the price at which we sell the crap we sell.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Bracken_Joy on May 09, 2015, 06:35:52 AM
Wipe a lot of butts, suction a lot of mouths, hang a lot of antibiotic drips, and generally work on a team that tries to keep very sick people alive and doing alive-person stuff.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: shelivesthedream on May 09, 2015, 07:19:34 AM
I spend other people's money to put the right clothes on the right people at the right time every night, so that hopefully other people will believe they are someone else and will have a life-changing experience, but mostly I just tell people they don't look fat and yes they have to wear it.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: ender on May 09, 2015, 07:43:16 AM
https://xkcd.com/722/

(https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computer_problems.png)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: panthalassa on May 09, 2015, 08:10:43 AM
I initiate, run, and discontinue life support of all patient age populations.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: 3Mer on May 09, 2015, 08:12:57 AM
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LMAO!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mr shankly on May 09, 2015, 08:24:33 AM
I work on the machines that let our customers talk to other people over great distances, move bits from their computers to others, and let them watch stories on their idiot boxes, all delivered over a pair of wires or piece of glass.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: cdttmm on May 09, 2015, 09:39:07 AM
I teach people stuff, including: personal finance, beekeeping, and martial arts.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: NV Teacher on May 09, 2015, 10:08:56 AM
I teach little people how to read.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: rubybeth on May 09, 2015, 10:13:45 AM
I answer questions and solve problems for people who answer questions and solve problems for others, and sometimes answer questions for--or solve the problems for--the others directly.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: big_owl on May 09, 2015, 11:13:21 AM
Lead electrical engineer for one of the most bad-ass engineering projects in the country.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: sol on May 09, 2015, 12:03:27 PM
I measure things, then try to use those measurements to predict the future.   
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Dr. Doom on May 09, 2015, 12:15:49 PM
Over.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Travis on May 09, 2015, 12:53:11 PM
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LMAO!

The subject was to describe your job, not what you actually do.  I'm sure quite a few of us qualify for this caveat.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Juliekay on May 09, 2015, 01:05:09 PM
Good money for an easy job
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: SingleMomDebt on May 09, 2015, 01:10:30 PM
Air traffic controller in an medical environment.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Calvawt on May 09, 2015, 01:24:23 PM
I make sure we don't run out of money.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: forummm on May 09, 2015, 02:08:05 PM
I take in large quantities of information, synthesize it and make decisions, provide education and advice, and navigate many obstacles to get work done.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Life in Balance on May 09, 2015, 02:25:57 PM
I illuminate not-so-young minds.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: trinnyfam on May 09, 2015, 02:29:28 PM
i'm trying to figure out how to do the stay at home mom thing to 6 kids, while teaching 50 piano and violin students.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Nords on May 09, 2015, 03:25:55 PM
When I was in the submarine force, my job was killing people and breaking things.  Ideally we'd do that to other people and other things, not to ourselves, but it didn't always work out that way.

Over.
Well, yeah, that's exactly what my job is now!

I think that the phrase "doing pretty much whatever I want to do whenever" is not a job description.  But it's a great way to describe a life...
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: grsing on May 09, 2015, 03:28:19 PM
I make sure other people do their jobs right, so that drugs help people instead of hurting them.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: teen persuasion on May 09, 2015, 06:29:44 PM
I make garbage--what I am paid to create ends up in your recycling bin or the landfill.

Lol - DH had this same job, he was printing boxes, for garbage bags! 
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Dibbels81 on May 09, 2015, 09:27:42 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Zamboni on May 09, 2015, 09:34:16 PM
Some future doctors of America copy and try to comprehend (but mostly memorize) little pictures that I draw for a few months . . . and then it is time for another vacation.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Knapptyme on May 09, 2015, 09:42:21 PM
I facilitate the delivery of information to people so they can hopefully relay that information back to me in an intelligible manner and possibly apply said information to their current and future lives.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: eostache on May 09, 2015, 10:34:54 PM
Will describe rocks for food.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: dividendman on May 09, 2015, 11:16:22 PM
I go to status meetings, dry-runs for those status meetings, and the preparation meetings for the dry-runs for those status meetings.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: libertarian4321 on May 10, 2015, 04:12:27 AM
When I was in the military, I pushed papers around a desk, wrote papers, and fixed other peoples papers.

As a civilian, I push papers around a desk, write papers, and fix other peoples papers.

It's supposed to be "engineering," but I never build a damned thing.  But man do I keep the paper companies in business...
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: BlueHouse on May 10, 2015, 05:32:12 AM
when engineers set goals, I measure progress against those goals. When goals aren't met, we change the goals until we can say we met the goal.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Hene40 on May 10, 2015, 05:58:45 AM
I play with physics in various yet interesting ways to supply the doctors with diagnostic medical information, while irradiating the patients as little as reasonably possible.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: AreaWoman on May 10, 2015, 07:10:04 PM
I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: G-dog on May 10, 2015, 07:17:26 PM
I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.

Sorry - two sentences used. I'll just pick the last one.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kris on May 10, 2015, 08:16:16 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: sol on May 10, 2015, 08:25:49 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!

Or works at a clinic.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Spork on May 10, 2015, 08:53:45 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!

Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: vagon on May 10, 2015, 08:57:33 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!

Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.

Motivational speaker?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: okits on May 10, 2015, 09:02:32 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!


Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.

Motivational speaker?

Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: sol on May 10, 2015, 09:03:25 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!


Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.

Motivational speaker?

Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?

I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker.  "You - Can - Do It!"
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: forummm on May 11, 2015, 10:46:04 AM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!


Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.

Motivational speaker?

Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?

I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker.  "You - Can - Do It!"

Acting coach.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: forummm on May 11, 2015, 10:47:16 AM
I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.

I assume the long run-on sentence from the professional proofreader was intentional irony. Well played, my friend. <tip of the top hat>
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: jba302 on May 11, 2015, 11:00:00 AM
I go to status meetings, dry-runs for those status meetings, and the preparation meetings for the dry-runs for those status meetings.

Boy do I not miss being a project manager.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: MarciaB on May 11, 2015, 11:04:36 AM
I help people run strong profitable businesses.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: G-dog on May 11, 2015, 06:28:49 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!


Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.

Motivational speaker?

Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?

I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker.  "You - Can - Do It!"

Acting coach.

Coxswain?
Stroke - stroke - stroke....
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: forummm on May 11, 2015, 08:03:44 PM
I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling

Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!


Or works at a clinic.

or sells Viagra.

Motivational speaker?

Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?

I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker.  "You - Can - Do It!"

Acting coach.

Coxswain?
Stroke - stroke - stroke....

I think they yell "Pull! Pull! Pull!"... nevermind.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: eliza on May 11, 2015, 08:16:16 PM
I make sure risk is recognized and being dealt with appropriately (which may be to do nothing at all).

I criticize folks for failing to properly recognize and deal appropriately with risks.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Middlesbrough on May 11, 2015, 08:17:33 PM
I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
Hey, this what I am supposed to be doing! Good to see others out there!

Instead, lately, I increase young people's ability to stare at glass covered alloys that connect them to the other glass staring youngster next to them. (Shrugs)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Le Poisson on May 11, 2015, 10:17:39 PM
I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
Hey, this what I am supposed to be doing! Good to see others out there!

Instead, lately, I increase young people's ability to stare at glass covered alloys that connect them to the other glass staring youngster next to them. (Shrugs)


Yay for the people who make red lights green and green lights amber. No one else will cheer us on so we may as well cheer for ourselves.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Middlesbrough on May 12, 2015, 05:55:28 PM
I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
Hey, this what I am supposed to be doing! Good to see others out there!

Instead, lately, I increase young people's ability to stare at glass covered alloys that connect them to the other glass staring youngster next to them. (Shrugs)


Yay for the people who make red lights green and green lights amber. No one else will cheer us on so we may as well cheer for ourselves.
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: NV Teacher on May 12, 2015, 08:45:12 PM
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!

Wait, you're a teacher too?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: GeneralJinjur on May 12, 2015, 08:57:34 PM
I stop people from hurting themselves or others and reintroduce reality, sometimes on a minute by minute basis.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Middlesbrough on May 12, 2015, 10:00:20 PM
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!

Wait, you're a teacher too?
Nope, but anyone who has every drove a car can do signal timing apparently.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: bacchi on May 12, 2015, 10:16:38 PM
I bang on a piece of plastic, trying to convince the very wealthy to buy overpriced garbage.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: skunkfunk on May 13, 2015, 07:28:57 AM
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!

Wait, you're a teacher too?
Nope, but anyone who has every drove a car can do signal timing apparently.

I'm not saying I'm an expert, but when you're the only one sitting at a light for 2 minutes at 1 AM, it doesn't take an expert to know something went wrong.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: James on May 13, 2015, 07:31:31 AM
I sit on my ass and pass gas.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Farmgirl on May 13, 2015, 08:30:31 AM
Job #1 that is getting me to FI:  I type invoices into the computer, print and mail checks, collect payments from customers, and do an ungodly amount of filing.

Job #2 that I like better:  I shovel animal shit.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Le Poisson on May 13, 2015, 08:31:01 AM
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!

Wait, you're a teacher too?
Nope, but anyone who has every drove a car can do signal timing apparently.

I'm not saying I'm an expert, but when you're the only one sitting at a light for 2 minutes at 1 AM, it doesn't take an expert to know something went wrong.
Oh no - now look what we started ;)

Skunkfunk - you may be right. Call it in and see what answer you get. My bet is that the cycle length where you live is under 2 minutes long. I am pretty sure that the time you spend waiting is a clearance interval (time for the detector to sense you are there and not turning, and make sure it doesn't affect progression of upstream/downstream signals - usually about 15 - 30 seconds) plus amber and all-red (usually combined for 6-8 seconds depending on the size of the road)  so in a worst case scenario, you are waiting for about 40 seconds which can feel like an eternity when there is no opposing traffic.

If it is longer than that, then there may be a broken vehicle detector. This time of year we have a lot of broken detectors out in the network since winter maintenance beats them up pretty bad. Our contractors will be out fixing them over the next month or so as the frost comes out of the ground.

On very rare occasion, I have seen bigger problems like lights miswired, sidestreet detection turned off, or controller malfunctions, but usually its just a cut detector wire (loop) that needs attention. But do call it in - I'm curious what the answer you get will be - and before you call it in, use a stopwatch and get a real time. FYI everyone says either 2 minutes or 5 minutes with the odd 10 minute wait reported.  You fall into the highest percentile with a 2 minute wait time. We keep a scorecard.

Back to one line job descriptions
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: hdatontodo on May 13, 2015, 08:46:05 AM
I take requests for computer work from a pharma company and either do the work or get our support team to do it.

I work from home, so I can handle my kids school bus pickup/dropoff without having to pay for before- or after-care to accommodate a commute.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: forummm on May 13, 2015, 05:18:16 PM
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!

Wait, you're a teacher too?

Or a comedian? Or a football coach? Or president?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: firewalker on May 13, 2015, 07:00:45 PM
I try to make people feel better when they have to carry out mundane business while protecting them from the corporation they are supposed to trust.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: forummm on May 13, 2015, 07:10:10 PM
I do the most good that I can while stacking up the paychecks until I have enough saved up to do what I want with my life.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: JAYSLOL on May 10, 2016, 07:26:52 PM
I fight an epic battle against mother natures relentless bullshit while my hands are figuratively tied behind my back from corporate bullshit
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Goldielocks on May 10, 2016, 07:49:45 PM
when engineers set goals, I measure progress against those goals. When goals aren't met, we change the goals until we can say we met the goal.

LOL!   after all the other good ones, I don't know why this one made me laugh so much.   Too true!!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Goldielocks on May 10, 2016, 07:55:18 PM
I convince clients to change their work processes instead of spending $1 - $100 Million in capital on expansions and upgrades.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: aperture on May 11, 2016, 06:50:00 AM
50% of my job could be replaced by a button attached to a flashy sign that says "We can't fix that here" installed in psychiatrists offices.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Ottawa on May 11, 2016, 06:52:56 AM
I make logical evidence-based decisions that may assist the fact-trier.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Fishindude on May 11, 2016, 06:57:17 AM
Referee to keep the troops in line and keep the construction machine churning.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Apocalyptica602 on May 11, 2016, 07:58:18 AM
I specify and purchase large automated assembly lines to make billions of disposable medical devices cheaply and reliably to help people.

Or the more pessimistic version:

I automate jobs and have measurable goals to reduce headcount to achieve cost savings goals by x% YOY.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: FIREdancer on May 11, 2016, 08:17:37 AM
I revive dead, badly jammed staplers, constantly repeat the phrase "You can't put that many pages in the three-hole punch," and occasionally help people find books.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Daisyedwards800 on May 11, 2016, 08:22:26 AM
This could be done in 3 hours a day, not 8.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: woodnut on May 11, 2016, 08:47:45 AM
I sit in front of 3 monitors, type some shit in emacs, project gets cancelled, rinse, repeat.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Inaya on May 11, 2016, 08:51:56 AM
I write policies that nobody reads and get blamed when they're audited for not following the policies because security is hard y'all.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: lil_miss_frugal on May 11, 2016, 08:54:46 AM
I write programs that make my coworker's job easier and I put stuff on our website for the public to use.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Lanthiriel on May 11, 2016, 09:03:16 AM
I convince people to hire my people instead of other people.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Dmy0013 on May 11, 2016, 09:03:34 AM
Never ending change and constantly remake new plans
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Laserjet3051 on May 11, 2016, 09:04:54 AM
I discover and develop novel treatments for debilitating and fatal neurodegenerative diseases.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Trudie on May 11, 2016, 09:12:47 AM
I add and subtract numbers all day, then try to explain to others why numbers don't tell the whole story.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: BFGirl on May 11, 2016, 09:45:10 AM
I make sure that assholes don't take advantage of people who can't take care of themselves.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: zephyr911 on May 11, 2016, 09:48:24 AM
I maintain and transport information between specified parties, with varying degrees of efficiency depending on who's interfering at any given moment.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Noodle on May 11, 2016, 10:12:32 AM
I learn things, help other people learn things, help other people help other people learn things, and try to keep everyone from doing irreparable damage to insanely valuable items in the process.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: MoneyCat on May 11, 2016, 10:55:46 AM
Give kids a bunch of tests. In between testing sessions, drill kids with sample test questions. Do write-ups providing excuses for why kids are not responsible for how they do on the tests. Justify why I shouldn't be fired when kids get angry and blow off their tests. Meet after work with colleagues for group therapy sessions at the bar.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Fastfwd on May 11, 2016, 10:57:30 AM
Best description I have seen yet was on a tshirt:
I solve problems you don't know you have in ways you don't understand
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: OmahaSteph on May 11, 2016, 11:33:15 AM
I run statistics and translate them into pretty strings of words that even lawyers can understand.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: merula on May 11, 2016, 12:45:06 PM
I write words that try to make sure that my company will only pay money it intends to pay, but the words and intent will be interpreted years or decades from now, so mostly I try to predict the future.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: justplucky on May 11, 2016, 12:47:39 PM
I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Inaya on May 11, 2016, 01:06:10 PM
I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.


And then they get misunderstood anyway, right? Sometimes I feel like we should be hiring 5th graders.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: CindyBS on May 11, 2016, 02:44:26 PM
I provide the help disabled kids need in a mainstream classroom to allow them to learn with their non-disabled peers.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: v8rx7guy on May 11, 2016, 02:59:20 PM
I design and test self propelled machinery for mechanically harvesting niche crops.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: ETBen on May 11, 2016, 03:04:03 PM
I get paid to dress up pretty and talk to people.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Tester on May 11, 2016, 03:06:26 PM
I find problems and inform the owners of the product about the risks so they can decide if/when to launch the product.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Sailor Sam on May 11, 2016, 03:28:15 PM
I create, institute, and enforce policy designed to prevent accidental death in a marine environment.

My previous assignment: I interdicted people trafficking illegal substances, before the substances could cross the Mean High Water demarcation line.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: justplucky on May 11, 2016, 04:18:48 PM
I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.


And then they get misunderstood anyway, right? Sometimes I feel like we should be hiring 5th graders.

It used to be 8th grade, but that is now considered too advanced at my company. I swear if I could figure out a way to make people read policies and follow them on a consistent basis, I could make millions through consulting.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: tardis on May 11, 2016, 06:12:00 PM
I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.

Heh.  Me too.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: yakamashii on May 11, 2016, 06:19:05 PM
I change Japanese characters into English words, and make them say what the writer or reader wants them to say (within reason, and depending on who's paying).
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Rezdent on May 11, 2016, 06:29:17 PM
I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.


And then they get misunderstood anyway, right? Sometimes I feel like we should be hiring 5th graders.

It used to be 8th grade, but that is now considered too advanced at my company. I swear if I could figure out a way to make people read policies and follow them on a consistent basis, I could make millions through consulting.
I write at 7th grade level.
Not because our people are idiots - they most certainly are not.  Many of my audience has a masters or PhD.
These people are just bombarded with information.  If I can get the message across at a 7th-grade level, they are much more likely to read/retain/respond to the information.

My one-liner: I translate concepts into easily understood instructions while simultaneously finding discrepancies between design and the outcome.

The software engineers call me the "bug-hunter", and that's not a very flattering nickname.

Ironically, neither of these are noted anywhere in my job description.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Shipwreckgirl on May 11, 2016, 06:42:35 PM
I use a camera to stop time and record the best moments of people's lives so they can relive those moments forever and ever.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Sailor Sam on May 11, 2016, 09:01:41 PM
I use a camera to stop time and record the best moments of people's lives so they can relive those moments forever and ever.

Oh man, that's excellent! What a great description. A+ Shipwreckgirl.

I must point out, though, that my job description is to keep your username from happening.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: JAYSLOL on May 11, 2016, 09:07:59 PM
Previous job:  I facilitated the recreational capture, murder and dismemberment of several aquatic species.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Fudge102 on May 11, 2016, 09:27:12 PM
Naval Aviator, specifically Fighter Pilot.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: PhysicianOnFIRE on May 11, 2016, 09:49:34 PM
I keep patients safe and comfortable throughout their perioperative experience.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Nords on May 11, 2016, 10:15:16 PM
Naval Aviator, specifically Fighter Pilot.
I hope "Fudge102" is not your call sign!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Taran Wanderer on May 11, 2016, 11:37:42 PM
I don't make cheese, I make cheese factories.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Le Dérisoire on May 12, 2016, 07:05:10 AM
People ask me if they should do something, and when I tell them they should not, they get mad at me and do it anyway.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: DCKatie09 on May 12, 2016, 07:08:53 AM
I help law students who want to help others.

Or, if you ask my sister, I'm a professional dream crusher.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Schaefer Light on May 12, 2016, 08:17:34 AM
When it comes right down to it....I stare at a screen, type things on a keyboard, and occasionally talk to people.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Chranstronaut on May 12, 2016, 08:37:53 AM
I make tiny fake parts for tiny fake cars and then throw all of my work straight in the trash because it wasn't faster.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: zolotiyeruki on May 12, 2016, 09:50:58 AM
https://xkcd.com/722/

(https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computer_problems.png)
Yup, that's pretty much the same for me, for my primary work duty.  In a small business like my employer, though, I wear a *LOT* of hats.  Let me see if I can come up with an apt description:

I make sure a bunch of computers talk to each other the right way so that people can save a ton of money by buying stuff used (http://www.bookoo.com).
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: esq on May 12, 2016, 11:44:29 AM
I am expected to ensure that 5th graders that read on a 3rd grade level pass high stakes math and reading tests with cryptic, convoluted questions that even educated adults have trouble with. (Also, most of these kids live in hovels and whoever takes care of them doesn't give a rat's ass about education.)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: icemodeled on May 12, 2016, 12:50:11 PM
I sit at a desk all day with no windows and stare at the computer screen looking for new insurance customers, making calls(basically cold calls) and try to get people to switch companies.

It's very, very boring mundane work. I have only been working here for 4 months and it's extremely boring and not challenging. The time goes by slowly and it's the same about every day. I'm in insurance sales. Prior to this, we were self employed but due to a life change(moving) we needed temp jobs for awhile. We expected to work for a year at least before the move, but things went quicker then planned and looks like we will be moving in only a couple months now. The job is easy and stress free mostly, so it's absolutely tolerable.. But I wouldn't want to do this forever.

Our self employed jobs are much better, we set our hours and keep busy. The day goes quick and it's a much more rewarding feel. Plus, my husband and I do it together which is great since we work very well together.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Shipwreckgirl on May 12, 2016, 02:53:06 PM
I use a camera to stop time and record the best moments of people's lives so they can relive those moments forever and ever.

Oh man, that's excellent! What a great description. A+ Shipwreckgirl.

I must point out, though, that my job description is to keep your username from happening.

Haha - Good thing!  I don't actually wreck the ships, I'm just fascinated with them after they get wrecked :)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: pdxbator on May 12, 2016, 04:18:23 PM
I cure cancer using photos and electrons.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: GuitarStv on May 12, 2016, 06:02:01 PM
I work in a box, next to other boxes, inside a big box, pressing little boxes on a box in front of a box.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Primm on May 12, 2016, 06:53:59 PM
I usually save babies lives, but if I can't save them I help their families and friends get as many smoochy sweet cuddles as possible before they die.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: ahoy on May 12, 2016, 07:59:31 PM
Job #1.  I go for a nice walk in parks and take a 4 legged creature with me.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: tthree on May 12, 2016, 08:11:33 PM
I play with poop.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: hollis on May 12, 2016, 08:50:19 PM
I fix up people's old bicycles and sometimes sell them bikes that they probably could buy for cheaper somewhere else.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: pachnik on May 12, 2016, 08:54:00 PM
I spot typos.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: monarda on May 12, 2016, 09:15:18 PM
I grow small creatures, sometimes in tubes and sometimes I feed them and try and kill them in petri dishes: the ones that survive I grow again in tubes.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Taran Wanderer on May 12, 2016, 09:56:04 PM
When it comes right down to it....I stare at a screen, type things on a keyboard, and occasionally talk to people.

This.  Sadly, this.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Taran Wanderer on May 12, 2016, 10:00:49 PM
I usually save babies lives, but if I can't save them I help their families and friends get as many smoochy sweet cuddles as possible before they die.

That is wonderful and sad at the same time.  We experienced the wonderful part when someone like you saved our baby's life.  She's in grade school now and incredible after a very rough start. 
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Kaybee on May 12, 2016, 10:23:57 PM
I make sure large numbers of people are kept hydrated while being seated in uncomfortable chairs for hours in a flying tincan. *uses 2 fingers to point out the location of emergency exits*

It wasn't anywhere on my radar as a career possibility while I grew up, it's not what people expect it to be like but I love it and am so happy to have a job I enjoy. :)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Dicey on May 13, 2016, 12:11:18 AM
I figured that my response would have been taken, but I'm honored that likes of Dr. Doom and Spartana beat me to it. Because it bears repeating: Over.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: MandyM on May 13, 2016, 07:09:11 AM
I play with poop.

Pretty much this. The funny part is that I like my job more than people would guess.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: 2Cent on May 13, 2016, 08:07:15 AM
I make quick software implementations of people's ideas so they can see that it really isn't a good idea.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Cellista on May 13, 2016, 08:10:33 AM
I persuade foreign governments to be nice to Americans who want to invest lots of money in their countries.

[My first post - had to get in on this]
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Basenji on May 13, 2016, 09:01:16 AM
I calculate time and cost estimates so people can bitch that the project is too expensive and they need to meet an insane deadline even though they are submitting everything late; then, I manage the project to meet the impossible deadline within costs and know not to expect thanks.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: I'm a red panda on May 13, 2016, 09:05:25 AM
I do math.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Shinplaster on May 13, 2016, 09:16:02 AM
I used to take numbers from lists of numbers to compile new lists of numbers that supported conclusions management had already made.

Now I sleep a lot, eat when I want, and routinely cut my fingers.  (learning stained glass).
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on May 13, 2016, 09:28:29 AM
I calculate how big a fire can be and how much it costs to fix stuff so that it is not burnt any more.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: zinethstache on May 13, 2016, 04:29:06 PM
I see alot of full time investors... I hope you all are FIREd as well:)

I plot and scheme how India can take over the US one Web developer at a time and secondarily it is my job to keep our current web platform of 55 Windows 2003 Servers running until we are 100% moved off them.

It is a very tall order!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: jmwagner5 on May 14, 2016, 01:35:28 AM
I make chocolate and then I taste test chocolate and then I improve the process by which we make more chocolate so it tastes even better! 
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Primm on May 14, 2016, 02:13:44 AM
I make chocolate and then I taste test chocolate and then I improve the process by which we make more chocolate so it tastes even better!

Swap? I'm pretty sure I'm already qualified.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: SmallTownDA on May 14, 2016, 02:30:32 AM
I make sure there's enough evidence that the person the police think committed the crime actually did it.

Alternatively: I help people who make bad decisions find temporary accommodations.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: PAstash on May 14, 2016, 03:18:36 AM
months of bordem with moments of terror.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Jaguar Paw on May 14, 2016, 11:26:25 AM
I mislead and deceive people to achieve a greater good.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: yourusernamehere on May 14, 2016, 11:29:02 AM
I try to make sure the people asking for the work and the people doing the work all have the same understanding of what is meant by "the work."
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: LaineyAZ on May 14, 2016, 09:20:13 PM
Finding and producing company historical material to outside counsel for legal defense.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Taran Wanderer on May 14, 2016, 10:17:33 PM
months of bordem with moments of terror.

That's how my grandfather described his time in the Pacific as a USMC officer in WWII.  Except he was excellent at being the center of the party, so the months of boredom seemed to include a whole lot of fun and parties. Like playing football for PT instead of he prescribed marching.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: NoraLenderbee on May 14, 2016, 11:46:23 PM
I try to make sure the people asking for the work and the people doing the work all have the same understanding of what is meant by "the work."

That is a very important job.

I point out people's mistakes and tell them how to fix them, diplomatically (usually).
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mohawkbrah on May 15, 2016, 01:55:05 AM
i walk about picking things up and putting them down
























Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: davisgang90 on May 15, 2016, 12:04:22 PM
I lead an industry study at a national war college that examines the Robotics and Autonomous Systems industries.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Nords on May 15, 2016, 12:11:05 PM
I lead an industry study at a national war college that examines the Robotics and Autonomous Systems industries.
Hey, I would've stayed on active duty for that billet!

It's nice to see a project live on past the research.
https://archive.org/details/computersimulati00nord
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: yyc-phil on May 15, 2016, 12:11:38 PM
I close mines when they don't do a good job ;)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: davisgang90 on May 15, 2016, 01:05:38 PM
I lead an industry study at a national war college that examines the Robotics and Autonomous Systems industries.
Hey, I would've stayed on active duty for that billet!

It's nice to see a project live on past the research.
https://archive.org/details/computersimulati00nord
It is a pretty sweet gig Nords!  Just finished travel to Japan, Silicon Valley and LA to visit various robotic firms.  2 more years and then I'm out!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: PAstash on May 15, 2016, 08:48:25 PM
months of bordem with moments of terror.

That's how my grandfather described this time in the Pacific as a USMC officer in WWII.  Except he was excellent at being the center of the party, so the months of boredom seemed to include a whole lot of fun and parties. Like playing football for PT instead of he prescribed marching.

I don't talk about it on the internet because people look into that stuff now. Sort of paramilitary.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Rustyfa on May 15, 2016, 09:40:29 PM
I make rich people richer.





Someday it will be, I help people through Jesus.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Taran Wanderer on May 16, 2016, 12:52:14 AM
months of bordem with moments of terror.

That's how my grandfather described his time in the Pacific as a USMC officer in WWII.  Except he was excellent at being the center of the party, so the months of boredom seemed to include a whole lot of fun and parties. Like playing football for PT instead of he prescribed marching.

I don't talk about it on the internet because people look into that stuff now. Sort of paramilitary.

I hope it all works out okay for you.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Mrs. S on May 16, 2016, 03:05:33 AM
I help build public transport
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: CrazyinVA on May 16, 2016, 07:22:55 PM
I facilitate the transfer of vast sums of taxpayer money to solve problems that could have easily been prevented by even mediocre planning efforts in order to meet largely artificial product and timeline requirements.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: TravelJunkyQC on May 17, 2016, 08:49:42 AM
I write words. Sometimes the world are in an e-mail. Sometimes they're on a website. Sometimes they're on social media. Always words.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: RichMoose on May 17, 2016, 11:23:35 AM
I ensure adults make adult decisions when they call me because they are not behaving like adults.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: seathink on May 18, 2016, 05:12:15 PM
I stand ready to assist three very independent attorneys who need little assistance, so in the meantime I read e-books from the library and FIRE blogs on the internet.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Prairie Gal on May 18, 2016, 08:59:45 PM
I crunch numbers all day and make my bosses richer.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: rdy4er on May 19, 2016, 05:57:00 AM
I fly people from A to B
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Samuel on May 19, 2016, 11:13:24 AM
I shepherd a flock of computers.

Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: frugledoc on May 20, 2016, 03:51:27 PM
I look up people's bums
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Roboturner on May 20, 2016, 04:07:36 PM
I manipulate numbers up until my bosses tell me I told them the right $ number, regardless of truth - "WELL IF ALL THE STARS ALINE, SURE I GUESS" :(
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: With This Herring on May 20, 2016, 06:10:44 PM
Most recent:
I look at the numbers and reorganize them and combine them, then arrange the combined numbers nicely, but only when it is not time to make sure numbers are transferred from you to the government based on your numbers for the year.

Past:
I convince parents to pay us money to rent them ways to make their children noisy in a new manner.
I correct images of your children and make sure you get the correct quantities and types of copies of those images.
I make plastic more hollow and regularly-shaped, sometimes in a clean-room environment.
I put back books you took away and judge your taste in them.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: zolotiyeruki on May 20, 2016, 08:36:23 PM
Past:
I convince parents to pay us money to rent them ways to make their children noisy in a new manner.
I correct images of your children and make sure you get the correct quantities and types of copies of those images.
I make plastic more hollow and regularly-shaped, sometimes in a clean-room environment.
I put back books you took away and judge your taste in them.
Prof. Harold Hill, is that you!?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: MonkeyJenga on May 21, 2016, 07:33:03 AM
I find out what people want, create those things, and give them back to the people so they can tell me they want something different now.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: albireo13 on May 21, 2016, 12:41:18 PM
I spend 10% of my time in constructive work and 90% of my time in mind-numbing meetings, bringing the inept and clueless "up to speed".
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: With This Herring on May 22, 2016, 07:48:12 AM
Past:
I convince parents to pay us money to rent them ways to make their children noisy in a new manner.
Prof. Harold Hill, is that you!?
Why, yes it is!  I worked for a store that rented musical instruments for the term of a school year.  I filled in the blanks on contracts after discussing their options with parents.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: lifejoy on May 22, 2016, 12:20:18 PM
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.

LOL! Well, you and I have the same job.

I suppose I also sell things at high prices that people could get for free if they thought about it for a minute. *FACE PALM*
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Verdandi on May 22, 2016, 02:00:36 PM
I advise and create contracts for people buying real estate, wills, prenups etc. and make sure the right person gets the inheritance.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: PAstash on May 22, 2016, 09:54:51 PM
How effective are prenups?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mtn on May 23, 2016, 08:57:14 AM
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.

LOL! Well, you and I have the same job.

I suppose I also sell things at high prices that people could get for free if they thought about it for a minute. *FACE PALM*

What do you sell?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Verdandi on May 23, 2016, 11:56:12 AM
How effective are prenups?

very effective, at least mine are ;)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mm1970 on May 23, 2016, 12:14:28 PM
Hm...it varies.

But I'd say mostly that I play "calendar tetris".
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: afuera on May 24, 2016, 09:03:28 AM
I take some chemicals, add some other chemicals, heat it all up, separate all the chemicals, and then sell it.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: jim555 on May 24, 2016, 09:49:53 AM
I don't work, I own.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: brute on May 24, 2016, 09:51:13 AM
I analyze and visualize data that's too big or complex for current enterprise tools.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: robartsd on May 24, 2016, 10:00:51 AM
I give management data that they ask for, then try to help them figure out what data we have that can help answer their real questions.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Nords on May 24, 2016, 11:59:18 AM
But I'd say mostly that I play "calendar tetris".
I'm going to get a lot of use out of that phrase...
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: lifejoy on May 24, 2016, 03:10:00 PM
I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.

LOL! Well, you and I have the same job.

I suppose I also sell things at high prices that people could get for free if they thought about it for a minute. *FACE PALM*

What do you sell?

Books :)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: mm1970 on May 24, 2016, 04:18:06 PM
But I'd say mostly that I play "calendar tetris".
I'm going to get a lot of use out of that phrase...
I'm glad.

I do the same at home, what with what I call "summer camp tetris" for the big kid.  And just general swim lesson/baseball too.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: PAstash on May 24, 2016, 09:28:25 PM
How effective are prenups?

very effective, at least mine are ;)

Any advice for acquiring a effective one?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Playing with Fire UK on May 25, 2016, 01:28:45 AM
I take some chemicals, add some other chemicals, heat it all up, separate all the chemicals, and then sell it.

Is a description of a meth lab?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: afuera on May 25, 2016, 08:02:51 AM
I take some chemicals, add some other chemicals, heat it all up, separate all the chemicals, and then sell it.

Is a description of a meth lab?
Haha I did spend 5 years in NM (woo breaking bad!) but its not nearly as fun as that. Its a description of a petrochemical plant :). 
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: LaserCat on June 11, 2016, 01:47:28 PM
I make fantasy worlds for elven mages, undead warriors and human rogues.  ;-)
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Verdandi on June 11, 2016, 02:10:01 PM
How effective are prenups?

very effective, at least mine are ;)

Any advice for acquiring a effective one?

Be open about your assets before marriage and make a complete list that your partner also signs. Then agree with your future spouse about what assets and their substitutions will never in any way be divided between you two in case of a divorce (think: house of your grandparents, your mothers jewellery, stock portfolio of grandfather). Keep good records during marriage in case any asset is sold and replaced (think: sell house of grandparents to buy index funds etc.). Make a fair deal about alimony in advance. Always, always make sure you business assets can't be touched in case of divorce.
In essence, it's just to make sure you agree on a fair deal while you are (still) nice to each other. So that nobody has the chance to become overly nasty if things go wrong.
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: zolotiyeruki on June 11, 2016, 04:46:45 PM
I make fantasy worlds for elven mages, undead warriors and human rogues.  ;-)
Blizzard?
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: slackmax on June 12, 2016, 12:53:34 PM
My last job before FI was:    I drive a truck from point A to point B every day, which is the easy part, and the hard part is avoiding interference from needy, weird, psychotic managers.           
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: Nangirl17 on June 13, 2016, 01:35:38 PM
I see mothers through their pregnancy, help them deliver their baby, then make sure the baby is healthy and growing well for a few weeks after.

And paperwork. Lots of paperwork!
Title: Re: How would you describe your job in one sentence?
Post by: jmwagner5 on July 04, 2016, 01:26:15 AM
I make chocolate and then I taste test chocolate and then I improve the process by which we make more chocolate so it tastes even better!

Swap? I'm pretty sure I'm already qualified.

I wouldn't necessarily want to leave that job.. But I certainly enjoy sharing chocolate :)