The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: vagon on May 07, 2015, 06:47:12 PM
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I'll kick it off:
"I make sure some machines run which allow small-time investors to gamble on buying tiny bits of companies"
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I fight against the march toward idiocy in Scott Walker's Wisconsin.
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I find typos, and reach the high shelves for my shorter coworkers.
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I ensure employees and pets don't die or get maimed while managing a pet store for the country's largest pet specialty retailer.
Hoping to change that though.
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I use literature to teach teenagers and young twenty-somethings to ask important questions, think beyond their own experiences, and express themselves more eloquently than they do through memes and emojis.
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I do F*** all.
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I put people back together.
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I fix stuff that other people can't fix and help those people learn so hopefully next time they won't have to ask me. :P
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I got hired because they were lacking in a particular expertise, and they just argue with me and tell me what to do.
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I write stuff to try to convince people to do things that are good for them.
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I give people the resources they need to help them become want they want to be when they grow up.
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I ask rich people for money so that poor people can have bicycles to get to work.
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I block up holes in a metaphorical guardrail while others aim NASCARS at them at full speed.
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I block up holes in a metaphorical guardrail while others aim NASCARS at them at full speed.
Haha nice, my favourite so far!
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I fix things after others have fixed them.
It would be easier if I got first crack at fixing things, but that's often deemed too inconvenient.
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I get people to talk to each other, or at least in the same room so they can filter it through me.
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I walk through the woods and help document what I find out there.
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I stare at a computer screen, type numbers on a keyboard and print paper.
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I write complicated documents with lots of words that help people protect their money.
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I tell people it's not nice to judge others, while judging them for judging others.
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I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
In a bizarre juxtaposition, I try to get people on bikes, but no one listens.
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I teach people stuff while researching better ways to teach stuff.
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What would you say...you do here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SoWNMNKNeM
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I save people time by automating their tedious tasks.
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I do research on data to build algorithms in order to stop people who think math is bullshit from doing things that lose us money.
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I design things to use less fuel, so clowns can justify spending more on them and using them more.
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I do glorified data entry.
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I help rural hospitals and small manufacturers get low-cost, affordable loans.
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I rewrite the same piece of software over and over again because the designers are like squirrels with ADHD on redbull.
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I stop internet traffic.
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I do research on data to build algorithms in order to stop people who think math is bullshit from doing things that lose us money.
^^^ Love it! We're in similar fields but I was going to say that I create (and recreate) Powerpoint decks trying to explain why "I think its cool and the sales rep paid for my vacation conference fees" is not justification for spending millions of dollars when MATH clearly shows its better to spend it elsewhere...or not at all.
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I watch movies on really expensive equipment to make sure they look good.
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I write really cool programs to identify fraudsters and other assorted snakes in the grass.
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I move books around all day, and try to convince other people to take them out of our building for a little vacation.
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I pull and organize large amounts of data into easy to understand summaries with pretty graphs for other departments and automate repetitive tasks.
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I make sure risk is recognized and being dealt with appropriately (which may be to do nothing at all).
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I figure out exactly why the airbag lamp on the dash lit up after the delearship fixes it and occasionally watch brand new cars crash in highly controlled environments.
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I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.
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I make sure risk is recognized and being dealt with appropriately (which may be to do nothing at all).
Ha, I do this too! But I do this with fish, and you probably don't.
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I do research on data to build algorithms in order to stop people who think math is bullshit from doing things that lose us money.
Hehe. Was trying to come to come up with one for my job -- this is pretty close. For me, I'd add I also build algorithms to make data look pretty, which is taken by sales people (who think math is bullshit) to sell and make the company money.
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I design things for surgeons for they can put broken bones back together
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I cut large pieces of wood into smaller pieces of wood to make them look pretty (and functional), then screw them to walls.
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I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
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I fill in boxes on the computer because the programmers can't figure out how to make them fill themselves in.
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I chemically remove the stain from "stainless steel", so nuclear workers can work on or near piping, with minimal radiation dose.
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I make devices that are monitoring your health talk to applications over the internetz
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This is my boss' interpretation of my job.
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I take the blame for "everything" that goes wrong, while herding cats to keep things from going seriously wrong, at the same time I make it look routine.
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I make garbage--what I am paid to create ends up in your recycling bin or the landfill.
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I invest in businesses, kind of like shark tank, but with much larger companies
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I bring fat laden s**t (Chinese Food) to fat people to increase their girth and reduce their financial well being.
--This will be changing soon.
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This is my boss' interpretation of my job.
HAH. Nice.
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Going against natural selection, one 911 call at a time.
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I open spreadsheets created by other people, shed a small tear at the ugliness, and turn them into documents that are actually formatted and convey actual information.
OK, that's not really my entire job, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
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This is my boss' interpretation of my job.
HAH. Nice.
If you ever wondered how you get phones, internet, cable television, email, and data storage/collaboration services into an organization of thousands of employees spread across multiple states - that's me, but for the military.
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This is my boss' interpretation of my job.
HAH. Nice.
If you ever wondered how you get phones, internet, cable television, email, and data storage/collaboration services into an organization of thousands of employees spread across multiple states - that's me, but for the military.
I be stringin up CAT 5, like spaghetti
"I need the internet, sir," said the LT
"just for my fantasy picks."
Like the S6. Like the S6
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I help our clients in fights over stacks of money by putting sophisticated and sometimes unique arguments into bite-sized chunks that other lawyers/judges can understand.
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I am helping the military become auditable, deadline is 2017. Yes, the US military fails their audit every year.
My preferred sentence: trying to coax an angry and depressed cat out from under a chair who is hissing and clawing at me. Oh the life of an auditor.
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I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.
I design concrete mixes to hit a certain weight/strength so the building that was made hopefully doesn't fall down after they fail to follow the lines on your paper :)
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I take pills out of a large bottle, put them in a smaller bottle, and give the small bottle to the consumer after making sure it won't harm them.
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I tell the people looking for all of the problems that they're doing a good job looking (or not), especially when they find bad problems, and I try to convince the people who can fix the problems to fix more of them.
I walk through the woods and help document what I find out there.
That sounds awesome! How do I do that?
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I try to satisfy unreasonable expectations with unrealistically little time and money, while pretending to like doing so.
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I enable companies to automate and orchestrate business critical applications from one centralized location while reducing cost and human error.
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I'm supposed to do what the politicians tell me to do. What I really am doing is telling the politicians what they should be telling me to do, so I can do what I really want to do.
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I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.
Similar. I'm the environmentally conscious alibi for my department.
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I get people to buy shit I would never buy myself.
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I determine the price at which we sell the crap we sell.
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Wipe a lot of butts, suction a lot of mouths, hang a lot of antibiotic drips, and generally work on a team that tries to keep very sick people alive and doing alive-person stuff.
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I spend other people's money to put the right clothes on the right people at the right time every night, so that hopefully other people will believe they are someone else and will have a life-changing experience, but mostly I just tell people they don't look fat and yes they have to wear it.
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https://xkcd.com/722/
(https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computer_problems.png)
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I initiate, run, and discontinue life support of all patient age populations.
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I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LMAO!
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I work on the machines that let our customers talk to other people over great distances, move bits from their computers to others, and let them watch stories on their idiot boxes, all delivered over a pair of wires or piece of glass.
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I teach people stuff, including: personal finance, beekeeping, and martial arts.
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I teach little people how to read.
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I answer questions and solve problems for people who answer questions and solve problems for others, and sometimes answer questions for--or solve the problems for--the others directly.
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Lead electrical engineer for one of the most bad-ass engineering projects in the country.
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I measure things, then try to use those measurements to predict the future.
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Over.
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I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LMAO!
The subject was to describe your job, not what you actually do. I'm sure quite a few of us qualify for this caveat.
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Good money for an easy job
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Air traffic controller in an medical environment.
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I make sure we don't run out of money.
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I take in large quantities of information, synthesize it and make decisions, provide education and advice, and navigate many obstacles to get work done.
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I illuminate not-so-young minds.
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i'm trying to figure out how to do the stay at home mom thing to 6 kids, while teaching 50 piano and violin students.
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When I was in the submarine force, my job was killing people and breaking things. Ideally we'd do that to other people and other things, not to ourselves, but it didn't always work out that way.
Over.
Well, yeah, that's exactly what my job is now!
I think that the phrase "doing pretty much whatever I want to do whenever" is not a job description. But it's a great way to describe a life...
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I make sure other people do their jobs right, so that drugs help people instead of hurting them.
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I make garbage--what I am paid to create ends up in your recycling bin or the landfill.
Lol - DH had this same job, he was printing boxes, for garbage bags!
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
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Some future doctors of America copy and try to comprehend (but mostly memorize) little pictures that I draw for a few months . . . and then it is time for another vacation.
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I facilitate the delivery of information to people so they can hopefully relay that information back to me in an intelligible manner and possibly apply said information to their current and future lives.
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Will describe rocks for food.
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I go to status meetings, dry-runs for those status meetings, and the preparation meetings for the dry-runs for those status meetings.
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When I was in the military, I pushed papers around a desk, wrote papers, and fixed other peoples papers.
As a civilian, I push papers around a desk, write papers, and fix other peoples papers.
It's supposed to be "engineering," but I never build a damned thing. But man do I keep the paper companies in business...
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when engineers set goals, I measure progress against those goals. When goals aren't met, we change the goals until we can say we met the goal.
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I play with physics in various yet interesting ways to supply the doctors with diagnostic medical information, while irradiating the patients as little as reasonably possible.
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I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.
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I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.
Sorry - two sentences used. I'll just pick the last one.
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
Motivational speaker?
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
Motivational speaker?
Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
Motivational speaker?
Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?
I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker. "You - Can - Do It!"
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
Motivational speaker?
Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?
I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker. "You - Can - Do It!"
Acting coach.
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I play around on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Google+ part of the day, then I make up stories to tell the public and/or the press that may or may not have a typo or a lie in it because no one ever proofreads my shit no matter how much I beg because I'm the company proofreader, though when I proofread the other stuff and make it so we don't sound like squirrels on meth, I get soundly ignored then blamed a year later because something was spelled wrong and sounded idiotic. I am also one of the reasons you have a drinking problem.
I assume the long run-on sentence from the professional proofreader was intentional irony. Well played, my friend. <tip of the top hat>
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I go to status meetings, dry-runs for those status meetings, and the preparation meetings for the dry-runs for those status meetings.
Boy do I not miss being a project manager.
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I help people run strong profitable businesses.
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
Motivational speaker?
Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?
I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker. "You - Can - Do It!"
Acting coach.
Coxswain?
Stroke - stroke - stroke....
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I ensure that the male pornography actors are fully ready to participate in their scene prior to the cameras rolling
Holy shit, Dibbels, you're a fluffer?!?!!
Or works at a clinic.
or sells Viagra.
Motivational speaker?
Cock ring rubber band (the more Mustachian option) manufacturer?
I was thinking make-up artist, but I like motivational speaker. "You - Can - Do It!"
Acting coach.
Coxswain?
Stroke - stroke - stroke....
I think they yell "Pull! Pull! Pull!"... nevermind.
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I make sure risk is recognized and being dealt with appropriately (which may be to do nothing at all).
I criticize folks for failing to properly recognize and deal appropriately with risks.
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I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
Hey, this what I am supposed to be doing! Good to see others out there!
Instead, lately, I increase young people's ability to stare at glass covered alloys that connect them to the other glass staring youngster next to them. (Shrugs)
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I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
Hey, this what I am supposed to be doing! Good to see others out there!
Instead, lately, I increase young people's ability to stare at glass covered alloys that connect them to the other glass staring youngster next to them. (Shrugs)
Yay for the people who make red lights green and green lights amber. No one else will cheer us on so we may as well cheer for ourselves.
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I try to keep people and cars from getting into wrecks, while helping people in cars get places faster and more conveniently.
Hey, this what I am supposed to be doing! Good to see others out there!
Instead, lately, I increase young people's ability to stare at glass covered alloys that connect them to the other glass staring youngster next to them. (Shrugs)
Yay for the people who make red lights green and green lights amber. No one else will cheer us on so we may as well cheer for ourselves.
The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
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The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
Wait, you're a teacher too?
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I stop people from hurting themselves or others and reintroduce reality, sometimes on a minute by minute basis.
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The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
Wait, you're a teacher too?
Nope, but anyone who has every drove a car can do signal timing apparently.
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I bang on a piece of plastic, trying to convince the very wealthy to buy overpriced garbage.
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The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
Wait, you're a teacher too?
Nope, but anyone who has every drove a car can do signal timing apparently.
I'm not saying I'm an expert, but when you're the only one sitting at a light for 2 minutes at 1 AM, it doesn't take an expert to know something went wrong.
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I sit on my ass and pass gas.
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Job #1 that is getting me to FI: I type invoices into the computer, print and mail checks, collect payments from customers, and do an ungodly amount of filing.
Job #2 that I like better: I shovel animal shit.
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The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
Wait, you're a teacher too?
Nope, but anyone who has every drove a car can do signal timing apparently.
I'm not saying I'm an expert, but when you're the only one sitting at a light for 2 minutes at 1 AM, it doesn't take an expert to know something went wrong.
Oh no - now look what we started ;)
Skunkfunk - you may be right. Call it in and see what answer you get. My bet is that the cycle length where you live is under 2 minutes long. I am pretty sure that the time you spend waiting is a clearance interval (time for the detector to sense you are there and not turning, and make sure it doesn't affect progression of upstream/downstream signals - usually about 15 - 30 seconds) plus amber and all-red (usually combined for 6-8 seconds depending on the size of the road) so in a worst case scenario, you are waiting for about 40 seconds which can feel like an eternity when there is no opposing traffic.
If it is longer than that, then there may be a broken vehicle detector. This time of year we have a lot of broken detectors out in the network since winter maintenance beats them up pretty bad. Our contractors will be out fixing them over the next month or so as the frost comes out of the ground.
On very rare occasion, I have seen bigger problems like lights miswired, sidestreet detection turned off, or controller malfunctions, but usually its just a cut detector wire (loop) that needs attention. But do call it in - I'm curious what the answer you get will be - and before you call it in, use a stopwatch and get a real time. FYI everyone says either 2 minutes or 5 minutes with the odd 10 minute wait reported. You fall into the highest percentile with a 2 minute wait time. We keep a scorecard.
Back to one line job descriptions
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I take requests for computer work from a pharma company and either do the work or get our support team to do it.
I work from home, so I can handle my kids school bus pickup/dropoff without having to pay for before- or after-care to accommodate a commute.
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The best part of my job is that everyone else is an expert at it!
Wait, you're a teacher too?
Or a comedian? Or a football coach? Or president?
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I try to make people feel better when they have to carry out mundane business while protecting them from the corporation they are supposed to trust.
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I do the most good that I can while stacking up the paychecks until I have enough saved up to do what I want with my life.
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I fight an epic battle against mother natures relentless bullshit while my hands are figuratively tied behind my back from corporate bullshit
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when engineers set goals, I measure progress against those goals. When goals aren't met, we change the goals until we can say we met the goal.
LOL! after all the other good ones, I don't know why this one made me laugh so much. Too true!!
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I convince clients to change their work processes instead of spending $1 - $100 Million in capital on expansions and upgrades.
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50% of my job could be replaced by a button attached to a flashy sign that says "We can't fix that here" installed in psychiatrists offices.
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I make logical evidence-based decisions that may assist the fact-trier.
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Referee to keep the troops in line and keep the construction machine churning.
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I specify and purchase large automated assembly lines to make billions of disposable medical devices cheaply and reliably to help people.
Or the more pessimistic version:
I automate jobs and have measurable goals to reduce headcount to achieve cost savings goals by x% YOY.
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I revive dead, badly jammed staplers, constantly repeat the phrase "You can't put that many pages in the three-hole punch," and occasionally help people find books.
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This could be done in 3 hours a day, not 8.
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I sit in front of 3 monitors, type some shit in emacs, project gets cancelled, rinse, repeat.
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I write policies that nobody reads and get blamed when they're audited for not following the policies because security is hard y'all.
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I write programs that make my coworker's job easier and I put stuff on our website for the public to use.
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I convince people to hire my people instead of other people.
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Never ending change and constantly remake new plans
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I discover and develop novel treatments for debilitating and fatal neurodegenerative diseases.
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I add and subtract numbers all day, then try to explain to others why numbers don't tell the whole story.
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I make sure that assholes don't take advantage of people who can't take care of themselves.
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I maintain and transport information between specified parties, with varying degrees of efficiency depending on who's interfering at any given moment.
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I learn things, help other people learn things, help other people help other people learn things, and try to keep everyone from doing irreparable damage to insanely valuable items in the process.
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Give kids a bunch of tests. In between testing sessions, drill kids with sample test questions. Do write-ups providing excuses for why kids are not responsible for how they do on the tests. Justify why I shouldn't be fired when kids get angry and blow off their tests. Meet after work with colleagues for group therapy sessions at the bar.
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Best description I have seen yet was on a tshirt:
I solve problems you don't know you have in ways you don't understand
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I run statistics and translate them into pretty strings of words that even lawyers can understand.
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I write words that try to make sure that my company will only pay money it intends to pay, but the words and intent will be interpreted years or decades from now, so mostly I try to predict the future.
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I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.
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I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.
And then they get misunderstood anyway, right? Sometimes I feel like we should be hiring 5th graders.
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I provide the help disabled kids need in a mainstream classroom to allow them to learn with their non-disabled peers.
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I design and test self propelled machinery for mechanically harvesting niche crops.
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I get paid to dress up pretty and talk to people.
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I find problems and inform the owners of the product about the risks so they can decide if/when to launch the product.
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I create, institute, and enforce policy designed to prevent accidental death in a marine environment.
My previous assignment: I interdicted people trafficking illegal substances, before the substances could cross the Mean High Water demarcation line.
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I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.
And then they get misunderstood anyway, right? Sometimes I feel like we should be hiring 5th graders.
It used to be 8th grade, but that is now considered too advanced at my company. I swear if I could figure out a way to make people read policies and follow them on a consistent basis, I could make millions through consulting.
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I make lines on paper so that somebody else can ignore it and go make a building.
Heh. Me too.
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I change Japanese characters into English words, and make them say what the writer or reader wants them to say (within reason, and depending on who's paying).
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I translate processes and policies from developer and business-speak into something a 5th grader could understand, make sure those policies and processes work in the real world, and document them.
And then they get misunderstood anyway, right? Sometimes I feel like we should be hiring 5th graders.
It used to be 8th grade, but that is now considered too advanced at my company. I swear if I could figure out a way to make people read policies and follow them on a consistent basis, I could make millions through consulting.
I write at 7th grade level.
Not because our people are idiots - they most certainly are not. Many of my audience has a masters or PhD.
These people are just bombarded with information. If I can get the message across at a 7th-grade level, they are much more likely to read/retain/respond to the information.
My one-liner: I translate concepts into easily understood instructions while simultaneously finding discrepancies between design and the outcome.
The software engineers call me the "bug-hunter", and that's not a very flattering nickname.
Ironically, neither of these are noted anywhere in my job description.
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I use a camera to stop time and record the best moments of people's lives so they can relive those moments forever and ever.
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I use a camera to stop time and record the best moments of people's lives so they can relive those moments forever and ever.
Oh man, that's excellent! What a great description. A+ Shipwreckgirl.
I must point out, though, that my job description is to keep your username from happening.
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Previous job: I facilitated the recreational capture, murder and dismemberment of several aquatic species.
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Naval Aviator, specifically Fighter Pilot.
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I keep patients safe and comfortable throughout their perioperative experience.
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Naval Aviator, specifically Fighter Pilot.
I hope "Fudge102" is not your call sign!
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I don't make cheese, I make cheese factories.
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People ask me if they should do something, and when I tell them they should not, they get mad at me and do it anyway.
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I help law students who want to help others.
Or, if you ask my sister, I'm a professional dream crusher.
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When it comes right down to it....I stare at a screen, type things on a keyboard, and occasionally talk to people.
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I make tiny fake parts for tiny fake cars and then throw all of my work straight in the trash because it wasn't faster.
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https://xkcd.com/722/
(https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/computer_problems.png)
Yup, that's pretty much the same for me, for my primary work duty. In a small business like my employer, though, I wear a *LOT* of hats. Let me see if I can come up with an apt description:
I make sure a bunch of computers talk to each other the right way so that people can save a ton of money by buying stuff used (http://www.bookoo.com).
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I am expected to ensure that 5th graders that read on a 3rd grade level pass high stakes math and reading tests with cryptic, convoluted questions that even educated adults have trouble with. (Also, most of these kids live in hovels and whoever takes care of them doesn't give a rat's ass about education.)
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I sit at a desk all day with no windows and stare at the computer screen looking for new insurance customers, making calls(basically cold calls) and try to get people to switch companies.
It's very, very boring mundane work. I have only been working here for 4 months and it's extremely boring and not challenging. The time goes by slowly and it's the same about every day. I'm in insurance sales. Prior to this, we were self employed but due to a life change(moving) we needed temp jobs for awhile. We expected to work for a year at least before the move, but things went quicker then planned and looks like we will be moving in only a couple months now. The job is easy and stress free mostly, so it's absolutely tolerable.. But I wouldn't want to do this forever.
Our self employed jobs are much better, we set our hours and keep busy. The day goes quick and it's a much more rewarding feel. Plus, my husband and I do it together which is great since we work very well together.
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I use a camera to stop time and record the best moments of people's lives so they can relive those moments forever and ever.
Oh man, that's excellent! What a great description. A+ Shipwreckgirl.
I must point out, though, that my job description is to keep your username from happening.
Haha - Good thing! I don't actually wreck the ships, I'm just fascinated with them after they get wrecked :)
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I cure cancer using photos and electrons.
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I work in a box, next to other boxes, inside a big box, pressing little boxes on a box in front of a box.
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I usually save babies lives, but if I can't save them I help their families and friends get as many smoochy sweet cuddles as possible before they die.
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Job #1. I go for a nice walk in parks and take a 4 legged creature with me.
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I play with poop.
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I fix up people's old bicycles and sometimes sell them bikes that they probably could buy for cheaper somewhere else.
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I spot typos.
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I grow small creatures, sometimes in tubes and sometimes I feed them and try and kill them in petri dishes: the ones that survive I grow again in tubes.
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When it comes right down to it....I stare at a screen, type things on a keyboard, and occasionally talk to people.
This. Sadly, this.
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I usually save babies lives, but if I can't save them I help their families and friends get as many smoochy sweet cuddles as possible before they die.
That is wonderful and sad at the same time. We experienced the wonderful part when someone like you saved our baby's life. She's in grade school now and incredible after a very rough start.
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I make sure large numbers of people are kept hydrated while being seated in uncomfortable chairs for hours in a flying tincan. *uses 2 fingers to point out the location of emergency exits*
It wasn't anywhere on my radar as a career possibility while I grew up, it's not what people expect it to be like but I love it and am so happy to have a job I enjoy. :)
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I figured that my response would have been taken, but I'm honored that likes of Dr. Doom and Spartana beat me to it. Because it bears repeating: Over.
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I play with poop.
Pretty much this. The funny part is that I like my job more than people would guess.
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I make quick software implementations of people's ideas so they can see that it really isn't a good idea.
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I persuade foreign governments to be nice to Americans who want to invest lots of money in their countries.
[My first post - had to get in on this]
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I calculate time and cost estimates so people can bitch that the project is too expensive and they need to meet an insane deadline even though they are submitting everything late; then, I manage the project to meet the impossible deadline within costs and know not to expect thanks.
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I do math.
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I used to take numbers from lists of numbers to compile new lists of numbers that supported conclusions management had already made.
Now I sleep a lot, eat when I want, and routinely cut my fingers. (learning stained glass).
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I calculate how big a fire can be and how much it costs to fix stuff so that it is not burnt any more.
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I see alot of full time investors... I hope you all are FIREd as well:)
I plot and scheme how India can take over the US one Web developer at a time and secondarily it is my job to keep our current web platform of 55 Windows 2003 Servers running until we are 100% moved off them.
It is a very tall order!
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I make chocolate and then I taste test chocolate and then I improve the process by which we make more chocolate so it tastes even better!
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I make chocolate and then I taste test chocolate and then I improve the process by which we make more chocolate so it tastes even better!
Swap? I'm pretty sure I'm already qualified.
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I make sure there's enough evidence that the person the police think committed the crime actually did it.
Alternatively: I help people who make bad decisions find temporary accommodations.
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months of bordem with moments of terror.
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I mislead and deceive people to achieve a greater good.
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I try to make sure the people asking for the work and the people doing the work all have the same understanding of what is meant by "the work."
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Finding and producing company historical material to outside counsel for legal defense.
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months of bordem with moments of terror.
That's how my grandfather described his time in the Pacific as a USMC officer in WWII. Except he was excellent at being the center of the party, so the months of boredom seemed to include a whole lot of fun and parties. Like playing football for PT instead of he prescribed marching.
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I try to make sure the people asking for the work and the people doing the work all have the same understanding of what is meant by "the work."
That is a very important job.
I point out people's mistakes and tell them how to fix them, diplomatically (usually).
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i walk about picking things up and putting them down
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I lead an industry study at a national war college that examines the Robotics and Autonomous Systems industries.
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I lead an industry study at a national war college that examines the Robotics and Autonomous Systems industries.
Hey, I would've stayed on active duty for that billet!
It's nice to see a project live on past the research.
https://archive.org/details/computersimulati00nord
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I close mines when they don't do a good job ;)
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I lead an industry study at a national war college that examines the Robotics and Autonomous Systems industries.
Hey, I would've stayed on active duty for that billet!
It's nice to see a project live on past the research.
https://archive.org/details/computersimulati00nord
It is a pretty sweet gig Nords! Just finished travel to Japan, Silicon Valley and LA to visit various robotic firms. 2 more years and then I'm out!
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months of bordem with moments of terror.
That's how my grandfather described this time in the Pacific as a USMC officer in WWII. Except he was excellent at being the center of the party, so the months of boredom seemed to include a whole lot of fun and parties. Like playing football for PT instead of he prescribed marching.
I don't talk about it on the internet because people look into that stuff now. Sort of paramilitary.
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I make rich people richer.
Someday it will be, I help people through Jesus.
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months of bordem with moments of terror.
That's how my grandfather described his time in the Pacific as a USMC officer in WWII. Except he was excellent at being the center of the party, so the months of boredom seemed to include a whole lot of fun and parties. Like playing football for PT instead of he prescribed marching.
I don't talk about it on the internet because people look into that stuff now. Sort of paramilitary.
I hope it all works out okay for you.
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I help build public transport
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I facilitate the transfer of vast sums of taxpayer money to solve problems that could have easily been prevented by even mediocre planning efforts in order to meet largely artificial product and timeline requirements.
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I write words. Sometimes the world are in an e-mail. Sometimes they're on a website. Sometimes they're on social media. Always words.
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I ensure adults make adult decisions when they call me because they are not behaving like adults.
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I stand ready to assist three very independent attorneys who need little assistance, so in the meantime I read e-books from the library and FIRE blogs on the internet.
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I crunch numbers all day and make my bosses richer.
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I fly people from A to B
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I shepherd a flock of computers.
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I look up people's bums
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I manipulate numbers up until my bosses tell me I told them the right $ number, regardless of truth - "WELL IF ALL THE STARS ALINE, SURE I GUESS" :(
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Most recent:
I look at the numbers and reorganize them and combine them, then arrange the combined numbers nicely, but only when it is not time to make sure numbers are transferred from you to the government based on your numbers for the year.
Past:
I convince parents to pay us money to rent them ways to make their children noisy in a new manner.
I correct images of your children and make sure you get the correct quantities and types of copies of those images.
I make plastic more hollow and regularly-shaped, sometimes in a clean-room environment.
I put back books you took away and judge your taste in them.
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Past:
I convince parents to pay us money to rent them ways to make their children noisy in a new manner.
I correct images of your children and make sure you get the correct quantities and types of copies of those images.
I make plastic more hollow and regularly-shaped, sometimes in a clean-room environment.
I put back books you took away and judge your taste in them.
Prof. Harold Hill, is that you!?
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I find out what people want, create those things, and give them back to the people so they can tell me they want something different now.
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I spend 10% of my time in constructive work and 90% of my time in mind-numbing meetings, bringing the inept and clueless "up to speed".
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Past:
I convince parents to pay us money to rent them ways to make their children noisy in a new manner.
Prof. Harold Hill, is that you!?
Why, yes it is! I worked for a store that rented musical instruments for the term of a school year. I filled in the blanks on contracts after discussing their options with parents.
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I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LOL! Well, you and I have the same job.
I suppose I also sell things at high prices that people could get for free if they thought about it for a minute. *FACE PALM*
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I advise and create contracts for people buying real estate, wills, prenups etc. and make sure the right person gets the inheritance.
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How effective are prenups?
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I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LOL! Well, you and I have the same job.
I suppose I also sell things at high prices that people could get for free if they thought about it for a minute. *FACE PALM*
What do you sell?
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How effective are prenups?
very effective, at least mine are ;)
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Hm...it varies.
But I'd say mostly that I play "calendar tetris".
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I take some chemicals, add some other chemicals, heat it all up, separate all the chemicals, and then sell it.
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I don't work, I own.
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I analyze and visualize data that's too big or complex for current enterprise tools.
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I give management data that they ask for, then try to help them figure out what data we have that can help answer their real questions.
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But I'd say mostly that I play "calendar tetris".
I'm going to get a lot of use out of that phrase...
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I sit at my desk and read MMM forums.
LOL! Well, you and I have the same job.
I suppose I also sell things at high prices that people could get for free if they thought about it for a minute. *FACE PALM*
What do you sell?
Books :)
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But I'd say mostly that I play "calendar tetris".
I'm going to get a lot of use out of that phrase...
I'm glad.
I do the same at home, what with what I call "summer camp tetris" for the big kid. And just general swim lesson/baseball too.
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How effective are prenups?
very effective, at least mine are ;)
Any advice for acquiring a effective one?
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I take some chemicals, add some other chemicals, heat it all up, separate all the chemicals, and then sell it.
Is a description of a meth lab?
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I take some chemicals, add some other chemicals, heat it all up, separate all the chemicals, and then sell it.
Is a description of a meth lab?
Haha I did spend 5 years in NM (woo breaking bad!) but its not nearly as fun as that. Its a description of a petrochemical plant :).
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I make fantasy worlds for elven mages, undead warriors and human rogues. ;-)
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How effective are prenups?
very effective, at least mine are ;)
Any advice for acquiring a effective one?
Be open about your assets before marriage and make a complete list that your partner also signs. Then agree with your future spouse about what assets and their substitutions will never in any way be divided between you two in case of a divorce (think: house of your grandparents, your mothers jewellery, stock portfolio of grandfather). Keep good records during marriage in case any asset is sold and replaced (think: sell house of grandparents to buy index funds etc.). Make a fair deal about alimony in advance. Always, always make sure you business assets can't be touched in case of divorce.
In essence, it's just to make sure you agree on a fair deal while you are (still) nice to each other. So that nobody has the chance to become overly nasty if things go wrong.
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I make fantasy worlds for elven mages, undead warriors and human rogues. ;-)
Blizzard?
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My last job before FI was: I drive a truck from point A to point B every day, which is the easy part, and the hard part is avoiding interference from needy, weird, psychotic managers.
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I see mothers through their pregnancy, help them deliver their baby, then make sure the baby is healthy and growing well for a few weeks after.
And paperwork. Lots of paperwork!
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I make chocolate and then I taste test chocolate and then I improve the process by which we make more chocolate so it tastes even better!
Swap? I'm pretty sure I'm already qualified.
I wouldn't necessarily want to leave that job.. But I certainly enjoy sharing chocolate :)