OP here. There's some good advice above. Too much to quote, actually. My favorite takeaways that I'm not doing right now are:
1) Gratitude exercises. I may need to formalize this practice, such as making it a bedtime routine or while-eating-breakfast routine. I've tried giving myself pep talks before, but it never worked. Instead, I'll try focusing on one or two present or past-tense good things at a time, with no agenda other than to feel as good as I should about them in the present.
2) Lay off the future focus for a while and try to live more for the present, without falling into the consumerism trap of course. (I suspect many of us ended up on this board because we have a future focus/obsession.). If the FIRE plan is made, and deposits/investments automated, trust that it will take care of itself and move on with the present.
3) Become an early riser. I tend to stay up late, but for me 7.5 hours of sleep vs. 8 hours of sleep is a difference in mood/engagement/focus. So this is a good place to start. Also, if I could mentally engage in something before work (e.g. a book, a project) I might be less intellectually bored when I get there.
To clarify, it's not that I have a generally dour attitude or that I'm not enjoying life. It's that life is so good I don't want to spend most of it at work, not even at the perfect job. In terms of Maslow's hierarchy, I'm aiming for self-actualization (as opposed to asking if I need a different job). I'm the kid who can't wait for desert, not the kid bitching about his 4 star restaurant meal and easy life. This is not humblebragging; it's the mental challenge of being happy doing what you don't want to be doing. I think my experience shows contentment IS all in your head, and is not dependent upon getting the perfect job, etc.
When I say I have FU money, I mean still $600k away from FIRE. If the spouse and I quit now, our family's WR would be around 7%. There's a 55% historical chance of that lasting for 30 terrifying years at 100% stocks, which is too risky to accept.
https://www.money-zine.com/calculators/retirement-calculators/withdrawal-rate-calculator/
So, while my FU money provides some latitude for change and flexibility, it doesn't get me out of working. This isn't one of those case studies where the person realizes losing the boat payment and selling the beach condo would make them FI.
For the benefit of others who said they're in the same boat, here are a few things I've already tried that seemed incrementally helpful:
1) Delete Facebook. Go on a very strict social media diet. Enjoy an increase in happiness and improved mental focus after a couple weeks of withdrawal. Even stop reading this forum every couple of weeks.
2) Try to reduce 'news' and media consumption. I'm still struggling here. Internet addiction is awful.
3) Downgrade your smartphone to something harder and less pleasant to use. If your phone is frustrating, you will use it less and be more present in the real world. Bonus for cracked screens! This is like the trick of reducing snacking by putting a velcro strip on the refrigerator door. Yes, you're making an activity unnecessarily difficult, but what you'll do instead will be an improvement.
4) Take on small projects that are irrelevant to your larger life goals just so that you can get quick wins and self-esteem boosts. E.g. paint a room, fix a bicycle, write a short poem, etc. These projects help reduce the feeling like you're going nowhere, nothing ever changes, or that you're on a hamster wheel. In my case they're not enough, but they help. They at least force one to think in the present.
5) Talk to a counselor, especially if work-life balance issues are causing marital conflict. If you have insurance (yay America!) it costs very little. However, shop for a counselor carefully. It's not unreasonable to ask for a free 15 minute interview at the counselor's convenience or to at least answer a bunch of questions via email, because this might be a long-term relationship and there are a lot of questionable people in this industry. Probably everyone on earth needs a qualified counselor.
6) Always have one little thing to be excited about. This could be a book you're reading, a project, a 10k you're training for, the prospect of a promotion, a vacation, a romantic interest, a community activity, etc. When you find yourself without such a thing, the work, eat, clean, sleep, repeat cycle can be boring.
7) Leave the cell phone in your car when at work, whenever possible. This reduces the urge to look at social media or the news when you're supposed to be working, and having to unpleasantly tear yourself away.
Strategies I've been unable to make work include:
- Optimizing activities to make slightly more time for interests: This just led to spousal complaints and dissatisfaction. I became my own taskmaster, causing life to lose spontaneity and scheduling failures to multiply. Then the four-year-old disrupted all plans.
- Schedule rearrangement: Again, the 4 year old DGAF about my hopes and dreams for morning or evening time. Spouse was also unimpressed with the impacts on their plans.
- Motivational products: Books, seminars, podcasts, yada yada. The problem is most of these assume you already want to be your best at work, but that is not my underlying motivation.
- Being hard on yourself: Do not sit in your car before work yelling at yourself "WTF man! Why aren't you bringing your A game to work? Don't you know you better focus or you'll never achieve anything!? Get your shit together, you ungrateful scroatface!" Either you'll feel awful or you'll just start laughing at your imaginary inner drill sergeant as things get sillier and sillier.