Author Topic: how to share your cash stash with your SO  (Read 4929 times)

jsalazar92

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how to share your cash stash with your SO
« on: September 29, 2014, 08:18:51 AM »
Hello everyone,
i was just wandering how do you share your stash with your SO ?
I can think of a dozen things that could happen and me and my wife would have to split ways.. maybe its a very remote possibility..but anything could happen.

We are currently saving on her account since i work full time and she stays at home, its seems fair until now,  since if we were to part ways i still have my career and she can have the cash.
But as time goes by and savings grow, im not as sure as before.. do you share everything 50/50, am i being a selfish SOB ?




VirginiaBob

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2014, 08:23:47 AM »
So you are giving her all of your money, and asking if you are being selfish?

jsalazar92

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2014, 08:37:32 AM »
i kind of made her quit her job, so i feel more responsible for her well being if we were to part ways... this is highly hipotetical situation though i dont expect to leave or anything..

anyway im really interested on how you guys share your money

retired?

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2014, 08:46:42 AM »
Everything fully bundled.  Much easier if one of us dies.  If we split, it won't matter how it sits in accounts, the courts will decide how much she gets.

It is also more transparent.  I believe in diversification, hedging bets, and planning for alternatives in general, but it seems odd to plan for split.  Unless you put your odds of splitting at more than 10%, I would plan as though you won't split.

That said, while we do not do it, I understand the usefulness for separate accounts so each person can feel some independence, but I recommend all large accounts to be joint.

rmendpara

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2014, 08:58:07 AM »
It's a personal choice. Some couples have joint finances and others do not.

Given you are the source of income for the household, what exactly would be the point of having separate accounts? You would be funding all expenses anyway?

2ndTimer

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2014, 09:02:57 AM »
Everything is set up so we can access it equally. 

Terrestrial

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2014, 09:04:39 AM »
Everyone has a different take on this, I think to some extent it may depend how you were raised (how your parents handled money) and if they got divorced or not.  Here's my personal take:

When we got married neither of us had 'significant' assets, both of our sets of parents had a collaborative mindset, so we decided that everything we built together financially would be 'ours', not 'mine/yours'.  Both paychecks go into a joint account, investments are joint accounts to the extent possible.  We have separate 401k/IRAs but they are viewed as communal retirement assets.  We each have a small 'discressionary' fund for fun money but it's small...a couple thousand bucks each.

In my mind this is fair, i make 75% of the household income, but my wife contributes far more to other aspects of the household that aren't financial but are essential.  We have a simple written agreement that is not a 'pre-nup' persay but is something along those lines, that says if we were to divorce we will add up everything we have and chop it in half.  It's probably not legally enforceable but we are both smart people, I would hope if it came to that we could both realize it's better to chop things in half than to get bitter about it and let the lawyers take half off what we are fighting over.  I don't see it happening, but i guess nobody ever gets married intending to get divorced.

I don't think you are being unfair in your arrangement, if your wife quit her job to take care of the household or children, it makes sense.  Perhaps if you are set on having 'your/mine' type money arrangement you can work out what a fair 'wage' is for her staying home, that goes into her account, and then whatever is left over you can keep.

Spoom

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2014, 09:13:36 AM »
I'm an immigrant who came in to the US on a fiance visa, so USCIS was very insistent that we have combined finances in everything, and as a result we have all income going into a dual holder bank account.  Honestly, it makes it way simpler.  Obviously, it depends on how much you trust your partner and how far into the relationship you are with them.

401Ks and whatnot are currently a little more complicated, but we combine as the opportunity presents itself.

boarder42

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2014, 09:33:51 AM »
my wife and i are pretty balanced.  i make about 60-65 % of our household income.  unless you count my side hustles that very widely.  this year i could be close to 75% due to an increase in opportunities in my side hustle gig.  we came together with little ... we now have quite a bit for the avg american. ~300k in total assets.  that i think would be split equally if we seperated. 

retired?

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2014, 10:33:32 AM »
follow up.  The post title says SO, but within the post, the OP refers to wife.  To clarify, if significant other, but not married, I would keep the actual accounts fairly separate, while sharing as much as you like.

Mark31

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2014, 03:05:56 PM »
All our cash and other investments are in my partner's name, because she doesn't work and we don't have to pay tax on the income earnt. I can't speak to the law in other countries, but it doesn't matter who's name it is in, it's all considered in the event of a break-up.

MrsPete

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Re: how to share your cash stash with your SO
« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2014, 04:24:38 PM »
Everyone has a different take on this, I think to some extent it may depend how you were raised (how your parents handled money) and if they got divorced or not.  Here's my personal take:

When we got married neither of us had 'significant' assets, both of our sets of parents had a collaborative mindset, so we decided that everything we built together financially would be 'ours', not 'mine/yours'.  Both paychecks go into a joint account, investments are joint accounts to the extent possible.  We have separate 401k/IRAs but they are viewed as communal retirement assets.  We each have a small 'discressionary' fund for fun money but it's small...a couple thousand bucks each.

In my mind this is fair, i make 75% of the household income, but my wife contributes far more to other aspects of the household that aren't financial but are essential.  We have a simple written agreement that is not a 'pre-nup' persay but is something along those lines, that says if we were to divorce we will add up everything we have and chop it in half.  It's probably not legally enforceable but we are both smart people, I would hope if it came to that we could both realize it's better to chop things in half than to get bitter about it and let the lawyers take half off what we are fighting over.  I don't see it happening, but i guess nobody ever gets married intending to get divorced.

I don't think you are being unfair in your arrangement, if your wife quit her job to take care of the household or children, it makes sense.  Perhaps if you are set on having 'your/mine' type money arrangement you can work out what a fair 'wage' is for her staying home, that goes into her account, and then whatever is left over you can keep.
I didn't write this, but with only some small changes in the percentages,  I could have written it.  Also, we don't have a pre-nup of any type. 

Like you, when we married, we were pretty much at zero.  We bought a house with a mortgage days before the wedding, we both had college degrees and jobs, and we had $200 cash.  So everything we have today we earned together. 

We've always kept our money combined.  He earns more than I do, but I am better at stretching every single dollar and I have the better retirement plan.  In all honesty, it works out pretty close to equal. 

Splitting up would be entirely too expensive -- in terms of money and emotions.  I'd say put all your effort into staying together (and I know, you said hypothetical) rather than wasting time on "what ifs".  Worse come to worse, I'd say split everything 50-50.  You may've earned the money, but you agreed together that she'd "work" at home.